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Milton

Hitler v. Elmo v. Mero

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There seems to be a lot of confusing on the boards regarding what comprises a "hipster" versus and "emo kid" versus a "metrosexual." I feel that it is a public service to clear things up. (Mostly because I've been called all three on here and I find myself to be none of the three). Therefore, without further ado

 

The Hipster:

 

Definition: A hipster is one who is excessively aware of current trends in fashion, music and pop-culture. A hipster is someone "deemed cool by the cool."

 

Description:

The modern hipster is, in fact, so cool that things which would seem cool to the average person are passe in the eyes of the hipster. Whereas a regular person would find a busy nightclub with lots of women and potentially celebrities "cool," the hipster knows better. The hipster prefers to hang out in dive bars where he can talk to other hipsters about tatoos, industrial piercings and indie music. The hipster loves indie music, it is the hipster's passion in life. But note the hippest of the hipsters can listen to pop music to be ironic (see below). The average hipster, however, is too cool to listen to anything mainstream because mainstream culture is, in fact, "played out."

 

The average hipster is a psuedo intellectual, and very proud of his intellectual prowess. The average hipster is too cool to be concerned with things that are not intellectually satisfying. Thus, you can find hipsters debating philosophy, politics, or history with a noticably liberal slant. (Being a conservative is antiquated and no longer hip.) In general the hipster has had some level of education, but found the traditional education experience stifling and therefore quit or found a subject such as creative writing or fine arts less stifling. The hipster usually does not have a complete grasp of the subjects he discusses. Therefore, a hipster conversation would render itself quite similar to a philosphical debate among drug users. Oftentimes the hipster's conversation will devolve into a discussion of piercings and tattoos. While not intellectually satisfying, those things are so hip that they are suitable conversation.

 

The hipster is obsessed with fashion. The hipsters spends almost his entire income on clothing. Note the $300 Nike Dunks exhibited by the hipster. While the hipster pretends not to care about materialistic things such as fashion, he goes to great ends to keep up his appearance. Wearing the height of 1980's fashion achieves all of the hipsters ends. On the one hand it allows the hipster to be ironic and shows that the hipster considers modern fashion "mainstream." On the other it allows the hipster to appear "cool" among other hipsters, potentially attracting a mate. If asked about the fashion obssession a hipster will generally answer in one of two ways: 1) the hipster will indicate that it is "ironic," or; 2) the hipster will indicate that the fashionable clothing has artistic merit.

 

The hipster holds art and music in highest esteem. The hipster appreciates the irony and deeper meaning in art, however, when pushed the hipster is oftentimes unable to describe this deeper meaning with any degree of accuracy. The hipster is also deeply interested in music. Many hipsters are in bands. This allows the hipster to express his sense of angst and irony. In general the hipster is not motivated to achieve success with his band. The hipster could not, of course, sell out.

 

Finally, the hipster is completely infatuated with the idea of being "ironic." Seeing the irony of pop culture provides some level of status among the hipster community. Seeing the irony of the hipster movement will quickly place the hipster at the height of hipsterism. The more irony the better in the eyes of the hipster.

 

What to look for:

1) Vintage Nikes, preferably in bright colors or attention-getting patterns.

2) Bottle of cheap beer, generally Pabst Blue Ribbon or Red Stripe.

3) Dark colored hair with one or several obvious blond (or colorful) highlights.

4) Books by traditionally respected authors, especially Faulkner.

5) Vespa scooter, or b

icycle.

6) Guitar.

7) Mesh cap.

 

Examples:

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This kind of absolutely uninteresting bullshit is why I come to this forum only to be disappointed every fucking time.

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Milton..did you get that excerpt from the Hipster Handbook?..I think I remember my girl reading me something similar out of that book

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oh my fucking god...I think I might be a hipster...with a few exceptions though...but I need to go to the park first and smoke some of my homemade hash and then get some supper from either a rib joint or safeway...I'll be back later to detail why I think I might be a brokeback muthafucking hipster...oi vey

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The Emo Kid

 

Definition: Emo originally referenced a trend punk which was more emotional and harmonic than hardcore. However, it has come to define a sub-culture where sensitivity and open expression of emotion are seen as paramount values. An emo kid, then is a person who is part of this sub-culture and holds these values.

 

Description:

The emo kid detests societies traditional stereotypes of men as emotionless and macho. The emo kid takes pride in expressing his emotions, especially sadness and angst. The emo kid does not feel the need to hide these emotions commonly attributed to the fairer sex. Instead, the emo lifestyle revolves around expression of sadness, anger, and lonliness. But note, the emo kid would never express anger aggressively. Instead, the emo kid is inherently introspective. He would rather sit in his room and cry than confront the source of his anger directly.

 

Like the hipster, the emo kid recognizes the irony in modern culture. However, the emo kid recognizes a different, more depressing type of irony. Moreover, the emo kid, unlike the hipster, does not embrace irony, he detests irony and the effect it has had on him. The emo kid feels that society has given him a bad break in life. He feels that his interactions, especially with women, have been bad. This provides the sadness requisite of the emo lifestyle.

 

The emo kid has had one, or several, relationships with members of the opposite sex. These interactions provide the lifeblood of the emo culture. The emo lifestyle is cyclical in nature. The emo kid has a relationship which ends badly (at least from his perspective). Because he is necessarily introspective, the emo kid spends a great deal of time pondering what went wrong instead of finding another interpersonal relationship. Note, the emo kid does not understand that everyone has failed relationships. Instead the emo kid thinks that he has bad luck and this only happens to him. In any event, the emo kid becomes introspective and depressed. He writes songs about it, probably with an acoustic guitar. The emo kid expresses his emotions until he feels that he has adequately come to a resolution. The emo kid goes out in search of another significant other. Eventually he will find a woman who has similar values, and is comfortable with emo kids self expression. However, emo kid is so depressed about his past relationship that he ends up ruining his current relationship. This provides more ammunition for introspection, depression and self-pity. The cycle of life continues.

 

The emo kid, like the hipster, dislikes mainstream fashion. Instead the emo kid searches for clothing that expresses his inner-most sense of pain and angst. He prefers tight jeans, oftentimes fitted women's jeans. Because of the emo kid's depression he eats very little and is thus, usually skinny. However, some emo kids are overweight thus furthering their sense of being an outsider in mainstream culture. The average, skinny, emo kid can easily find jeans that are fitted for women as he is quite small in stature. The emo kid prefers black clothing (including jeans) because they express his sense of angst. Moreover, the emo kid disapproves of societies materialism and so does not wear name-brand clothing if possible. He prefers the, once inexpensive, Chuck Taylor's or Vans. Although the emo kid does not skateboard, he once did and so the Vans are appropriate attire.

 

The emo kid does not like to go out in public. The emo kid feels ostracized when forced to interact with others. The emo kid finds solice with other members of this sub-culture, however. Therefore he feels most comfortable at emo concerts. At these concerts emo music is played. It has come far from its punk roots and is now fully melodic with emotionally expressive lyrics. Songs are oftentimes punctuated with screaming and crying, an expression of the anger and sadness felt by the artist at his past relationships. One easily finds full concert halls of emo kids singing, screaming and crying along. After all the emo kid relates to the feelings expressed in the songs due to his own bad past relationships. These concerts become havens for masses of crying emo kids who have fully embraced their emotions and feel perfectly comfortable crying in the midst of a group of strangers.

 

What to look for:

1) Black girl jeans and black Chuck Taylors or Vans.

2) Dark colored hair. Usually without highlights.

3) Scarves.

4) Decisively low body weight.

5) Expressive tee-shirts, usually black.

6) Dashboard Confessional CD's.

7) White belts.

8) Thick plastic glasses.

 

Examples:

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Thousand Oaks MOBB!

Hahahah

I did get part of that from the hipster encyclopedia...

 

Also: Has anyone noticed how sexy the women are in this Daddy Yankee video. Middle Eastern chicks are still first, but Latins are coming close. Damn!

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To quote my man Ferris Bueller, quoting my man John Lennon:

 

"I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me."

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