Hall of Fame

After years and years of j/o'ing for free on the internet and one or two whiny feminist podcasts later I decided it was time to "pay for some porn." I went on down to a well known site called "Blacked.com" and saw a ad for a 2 dollar trial run. I took the bait and immediately cancelled the subscription after my 3 allotted video downloads. The deal was 2 dollars for 3 days and 3 video downloads or some shit. After which I cancelled thinking all would be good in the neighborhood and what not. A few days later my banks sending me notifications of insufficient funds charges (I didn't have a whole lot in there, fuck y'all) and the next thing I know I'm looking at what appears to be several 30 dollar charges from 3rd party sites and a few for 10 dollars. So 3 insufficient funds and a bunch of other shit later I contact my bank and make a fraudulent activity complaint. They kindly took away 2 of the charges and called my subscriptions "the rental sites" instead of porn. Lol. I had to contact the prawns to resolve the other issues and of course they told me to kick rocks and blah blah you didn't read the fine print. Fuck you. This is why niggas don't pay for porn. I took the L on the chin and feel hella dumb about it.

Was working out of a studio in Berlin where all the coders sat at the equivalent of a meeting room table. so like 3 or 4 down one side and the same on the other. Computer LCD displays are back to back so if you sit up straight, you can peak over and see the dude right in your face on the other side of it. At the time, we'd use AIM (messenger to communicate amongst ourselves) because people were focused on coding and it could sometimes be pin drop quiet except for the sound of typing keyboards. Anyhow, my stomach had trouble adjusting to the richness if German food and all the extra beer drinking, Turkish food, Vietnamese good etc they had out there would come back to tax you after every meal. So I'm trying my best to let these farts out a little at a time cause they fuckin reaked. After a while I couldn't keep throttling them out or risk actually making them audible instead of the quiet sneak attack I was unleashing. Granted most of them were chain smoking so it took a while to truly pollute the office, but it was very well under way. Then I let this huge quite one go that I believed was going to be the tipping point. I was so freakin embarrassed that I went to text my wife a summary of my gastro issues but hadnt noticed that the guy right in front of me sent a message, which in those days brought that conversation to the front. So instead of texting my wife, I explained to him explicit detail how I was fouling up the room to all new levels and how my stomach was in the mix and I might have to slide home and drop real bombs. Dude was a very stiff (German) coder dude, super straight laced and genuinely had no idea how to respond, so he was just like, 'ummm, ok'. When I realized the mistake I made, I was freakin horrified and did the Fred Flintstone where he shrinks down to like 6" tall. I literally compressed myself into a little ball and maintained my display as a shield from absolute humiliation and waited as long as I could for dude to get up and walk away, all the while continuing to unleash hell and getting increasingly panicked that I'd never make it all the way home before having to drop load. Oh man, I still cringe thinking about it.

Congrats on the hitchins bro! Kick every day square in the nuts if you're up for it! @lord_casekFuck Mero! (j/p) But ferreal though. That motherfucker has the nerve to mention Reddit every now and again on the show but not a one damn 12oz s/o in 3 seasons.

I found some DAO photoshops I did on an old HD of mine.

One that still fucks me up when I’m alone with my thoughts after multiple decades : Went to high school with a girl named Kristy who was very unattractive. Unfortunately she gained the nickname Krusty instead of Kristy People would say it behind her back and keep it from her but she knew about kristy was the best friend of a chick I was trying to fuck. The three of us hung out. Kristy, me and the girl I was trying to bone. We would hang after school and get high etc. I liked her and she was cool. she wasn’t my friend but I was probably her friend. one time I was talking w someone in a hall at school and caller her krusty, I looked to my side and she was there talking w someone else. We locked eyes and I knew she heard me teenagers are cunts. I was a shit and I regret it but accept it

Sat in a local pub 12 hours after dropping acid on a Sunday my mate's were laughing at me tripping balls and basically getting slowly drunk on top of the drugs.. I couldn't stop giggling then one friend started spinning a pool ball on the table, me mesmerised he then slapped it hard across the room which I found hysterical and shat my pants. Realising what i'd done i quickly headed for the bathroom whipped off my boxers and bunged em down behind the toilet all while giggling and having paranoia waves. Went back in the bar thinking i'd got away with it but wearing light Khaki pants everyone had seen the stain 😄.

So I wanted a cheap lunch one day and got sauerkraut and mustard dogs from a street vendor, forgetting I was running late that morning and didn't shit before work. I was supposed to look into one of those rooftop water tanks for the fire system in Manhattan, and felt these really sharp pains in my stomach. I hadn't realized it but the gas from the sauerkraut was now blocked by a giant overdue turd, and had no escape. Anyway it fucking hurt bad, like getting stabbed with a hot poker internally. I was literally hunching over in pain, found the building super he even noticed like "you OK" and said "do you have a bathroom". He takes me to the basement/garden level, there was a bar there and he points me to the fucking bathroom. I go in and there isn't a single fucking toilet, all urinals. I was like fuck it, grabbed some napkins and started to look for alternatives. Anyway, I saw the super again luckily and he takes me to the ladies room in the same bar that I couldn't find earlier because it's a single toilet, in a very small room in the middle of the floor. Mind you it's morning and the bar is closed. Anyway, I go in, sit down, and had trouble forcing the dried overdue turd out of my ass at first, eventually just pulled out a silver krink marker and hit a nice little hand while waiting on this tortoise to de-shell. Finally, the turd is begrudgingly making it's way out, and I'm trying my hardest not to clench up and break the motherfucker in half so I'll have to use half a roll of toilet paper to clean my asshole. That's when I hear pair of high heels making their way across the floor towards me, must be a bar tender or something there early. Then as the steps stop just outside the door the handle jiggles, and my massive turd finally makes a splash. Behind it was a mixture of gas, and some more shit, and because of the massive amount of gas pressure it started loudly blasting out. A rapid sputter of loud fart, followed by splashes, super fucking loud. Courtesy flushed, and waited for the bitch to walk away which she never did. Eventually I said fuck it, and was worried about the fresh krink smell but figured she'd be holding her breath. When I came out it still smelled like strong krink but she must have tiptoed away after hearing that disaster. I never went back to that bar, it was the one in that building in Soho where Center and Lafeyette merge together near Spring, right next to that dope Taco spot facing the park. Anyway, I wonder if she suffers from PTSD after hearing that shit. Literally the loudest shit I've ever taken. I still felt like shit afterwards and went home early that day.

Garden edition

I'll spend some more time on 12oz than I have in the past two or three years. I'd like to continue the laughs we've all shared, the homo dungeons we've been forced to look at, and the ridiculous PopGunWar "I went to jail for smashing & grabbing at a Gavincci store" (or whatever the fuck). You're all good people....except for Mero who forgot us. Ashy elbow havin' ass muffucka.

When you just there for the sauce

Frozen mom pussy is mighty cold!