☠ THE CANCER THREAD - a.k.a. I'm Fucking Dying ☠

[diggity]

@-Rage-Whats the word Big Bird? 

[Steel Schnauzer]

Yeah doggie what’s cracking?

[fat ralphy]

On 5/5/2020 at 3:08 PM, ndv said:

yo @-Rage-. You seen this?

 

 

My friends son had treatment from Burzynski - in my opinion it did extend his life past the expectations of the doctors focused on traditional medicine. 
 

My best friend Dub passed away in March after battling cancer for about 3 years. Looking back on it, seems to me like those last three years really helped him develop relationships. He reconnected with his sister who he had a falling out with - we focused on enjoying each day and living in the moment, huge lesson for me.

 

I will echo the resounding theme here - fuck cancer. @rageI wish you peace and love - keep your head up because I know it gets tough. Therapy helped my friend cope, talking openly with me about his fears and stress helped.......people are there for you even if its just strangers on the internet.

 

Maybe we need a @ragephoto thread- share your work with us man. If you have the energy during downtime - 

[the.crooked]

I'm sorry to hear all this. As everyone else has already said in so many ways about the early aughts and the mark we've all left on each other, I can only agree.

A few years ago my uncle was diagnosed with acute myelocytic  leukemia. It was fast, relentless, and unforgiving. He was just about ready to receive a bone marrow transfer after forcing it into supposed remission through two very aggressive chemo rounds. He passed no later than 5 months from his initial diagnoses. It was incredibly hard to see him in the hospital: frail, scared, and more than anything just terrified to think about the fact that he wouldn't see his daughter graduate college as a D-1 Athlete, or see his youngest son off to his prom and college, or to watch his grandson grow up. It's fucking awful to think about and I still get irate at the whole situation. I am right now. 

It rocked my cousins, and me. I'm the oldest of the grandchildren on that side, and I always had a very different interaction/relationship with him than his children, mostly because my parents were divorced, and he took on a lot of those fatherly duties when my father couldn't be around. I cannot imagine how you feel, but I do know how your loved ones feel. 

All this to say that you should do literally whatever the fuck you want with your time. Your family, friends, and your partner will support you in any choice you make. Take care of the logistics like you said, and then just ball the fuck out. 

Best of luck to you, Rage. And as everyone has said, please please please let all of us know if there is anything we can do, and that extends to your partner as well.

[misteraven]

Let's not write him off. Cancer kills, but there's a lot of things that can kill and certainly a lot of people that have survived cancer.

 

I have faith in the exception to every rule and the belief that not everything exists as absolutes. 

 

Keep fighting, don't lose hope. Enjoy every moment, whether its today, next year or a lifetime.

[-Rage-]

Hey all. I'm still here.

 

The cancer is still very much present. I was feeling good during the summer thanks to the weather and keeping myself occupied around the house/yard. In the summer I was on oral chemo meds and they had zero side effects. Unfortunately, my most recent CT scan showed some new growth. With the recent downgrade in health I am back to intravenous meds and I forgot how much they knock you on your ass.

 

I wish I were an optimist, but there's no surviving this.

 

 

On 11/6/2020 at 11:31 AM, fat ralphy said:

Maybe we need a @ragephoto thread- share your work with us man. If you have the energy during downtime -

 

Nothing I've made recently is worthy of a standalone thread. Not being able to travel doesn't lend itself to being truly creative behind the camera.

I might post some stuff in the Photography Thread in a few weeks though.

 

 

On 11/6/2020 at 12:32 PM, the.crooked said:

All this to say that you should do literally whatever the fuck you want with your time.

 

I wish this were an option if COVID wasn't fucking shit up right now.

[itsallafarce]

Good to see you're still kicking @rage. The oontz is a weird place full of weird people. Been off for awhile though, cancer is a bitch. Over the years I've lost some good friends and have had some good friends lose parents and, my pops been dealing with stage 4 colon cancer for the last 7 years. It's a shitty fucking disease, which for some reason they can't figure out how to create a cure for it. Hopefully you make it longer than they predict. Cheers to you and some positive vibes as well. My pops gets transfusions bi-weekly and it sure does fuck him up. Just keep keeping on! It sucks that you gotta have your card stamped like that.

[fat ralphy]

@ragegood to see the check in - definitely post something in the photography thread if you find the time, be rad to see more of your work....new or old.

 

I charged up the SLR for the first time in a long time just this weekend. 

[Ko SprueOne]

@-Rage-Very good to hear from you. I don't know what else to say

[NightmareOnElmStreet]

 Bless up, big @rage and fuck covid! Go rip it up in the badlands or Yosemite. Make beautiful photos. Post here. Warmest vibes to you brother. 

[Steel Schnauzer]

Rage I’ll say a prayer for you this morning my brother keep on keeping on.

[WorldBench]

hey @rage, hope you're still kicking and doing good. I can imagine it is difficult to stay optimistic , but keep fighting that's all you can do.Said a prayer for you today and hope you're well. It's almost been a year since you posted this. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a Happy New Year.

[fat ralphy]

@-Rage-bumping the thread - hope you are giving Cancer hell.......update us if you get the chance to check in brother. 

[-Rage-]

Sup. Still kicking here.

 

Had a routine CT scan the other day, just waiting for results. I'm still on the IV chemo meds, but handling the side effects a little better.

I finally qualify to sign up for COVID vaccination with the comorbidites phase. It will be a relief to have an extra step of protection.

 

Besides all that I am waiting for warmer weather to get some shit done outside.

 

 

[One Man Banned]

Giving a bump and positive thoughts to what I believe to be the realest thread on 12oz.  This should be one of the most active threads but the realities it covers are too harsh for many to want to entertain for long.  I also want to recognize the risk you've taken in sharing openly.  We do have people who occasionally choose to act like aholes and while I hope this is a line they would not cross, it is the interwebz and those people have shown few boundaries.  Anyhow, nothing but good positive thoughts for you on my part.

 

Hoping some Oontzers got in touch w/ you privately but want to give mention to something that came up some months ago.  People were noting you weren't on here, and there was discussion between people being hopeful you're out living your best life vs the awkwardness of how would they know, and not wanting to initiate contact with people if it was going to be bad news.  I guess people were hoping no news is good news, but were also wanting to know how would they know or find out if... I imagine you have someone designated to let people know in the event you're not able to, but the people on here who know you might find some reassurance knowing someone would tell them if something happened.

 

[where]

@One Man Bannedyou wanna know if dude passed then ask him dont go in a round about way to diss people on this forum that is really wack youre piggybacking your bullshit on RAGE dont make this thread political, hope RAGE is doing good 

[One Man Banned]

4 hours ago, where said:

@One Man Bannedyou wanna know if dude passed then ask him dont go in a round about way to diss people on this forum that is really wack youre piggybacking your bullshit on RAGE dont make this thread political, hope RAGE is doing good 

Nothing political about it, it's a true statement from the heart and, unfortunately, does reflect the climate here at times.  The rest applies to what I saw others struggling with in wanting to know how he's doing.  That's why people reacted positively to the comments.  Don't foul his thread with your guilty conscience/shtick.  

[-Rage-]

On 2/20/2021 at 7:45 AM, One Man Banned said:

This should be one of the most active threads but the realities it covers are too harsh for many to want to entertain for long.

 

My initial hope for this thread was to start an overarching dialog about cancer and for people to share their experiences (personal, family, or friends). Unfortunately it seems to have devolved into me checking in every so often as proof of my being alive.

 

I came back to 12oz to reconnect with a lot of you guys because I remember how supportive/chill everyone was, despite never meeting most of you in person. Ironically, I share more on here than I do on Instagram or Facebook (because fuck those sites). When something inevitable does happen to me I am sure @jbrshmonsterwould be one of the first to know.

 

As a side, if any of you have any burning questions you wanted to ask me about cancer treatments, chemotherapy, etc... feel free to ask away.

[One Man Banned]

 

1 hour ago, -Rage- said:

My initial hope for this thread was to start an overarching dialog about cancer and for people to share their experiences (personal, family, or friends). Unfortunately it seems to have devolved into me checking in every so often as proof of my being alive.

 

As a side, if any of you have any burning questions you wanted to ask me about cancer treatments, chemotherapy, etc... feel free to ask away.

 

I felt/feel that on the dialog, and appreciate it.  I think I commented when this started that it runs in my family and I had a relative going through it when you started this thread, they have since passed.  Anyhow, I was already getting immersed in the topic and wanted to be in here more than I was but as I'm sure you know, there were a lot of painful realities to face.  I'll try to check in here more if people want to go that route.  

 

To everyone I'll suggest that there can be some initial sense of awkwardness in asking and discussing cancer, treatment, recovery, what's on your mind is probably on other's and you might as well ask.

 

I am curious what type of treatment you're getting, like I know there's chemo and that's sometimes combined with other treatments, like immunotherapy.

Do you know what caused your cancer?

In spite of the thread title, I hope we can consider this a recovery thread.

 

Unrelated, decent Tom Morello interview w/ Howard Stern the other day.

[-Rage-]

1 hour ago, One Man Banned said:

I am curious what type of treatment you're getting, like I know there's chemo and that's sometimes combined with other treatments, like immunotherapy.

Do you know what caused your cancer?

In spite of the thread title, I hope we can consider this a recovery thread.

 

Unrelated, decent Tom Morello interview w/ Howard Stern the other day.

 

As far as I know (and the attending Doctors) my condition began from acid reflux (GERD) and must have evolved into what is called Barret's esophagus. Essentially, stomach acid eroded the lowest part of the esophagus and cancerous cells grew around the lining. I had not clue this was happening. I rarely ever had heartburn. It wasn't until I had difficulty swallowing food/drink and some intense chest pain that I sought medical advice. At that point it was too late and the cancer had metastasized to other spots (stomach, liver, and lymph nodes). Stage 4 for esophageal adenocarcinoma means surgery and full recovery/remission is no longer possible. My only option was/is chemotherapy. Radiation and immunotherapy would not be effective.

 

My chemotherapy treatments initially began (Jan 2020) with a mix of three intravenous drugs called FOLFOX (Folinic acid, Fluorouracil, and Oxaliplatin) which I was on for 6 months. It was not fun, but those were able to shrink a lot of the growths. During the summer I was on Capcitabine which is an oral chemotherapy drug and had zero side effects. Unfortunately, the medication was not as effective and some spots had growth, so I was put back on intravenous drugs, this time a new drug that targets specific cancer growths (Trastuzumab). It seems to be helping so far, so I will continue on this path for now.

 

My oncologist gave me 1-2 years, but every person is different. 14 months since my diagnosis and I've been doing well. I am back to my original weight (I had lost 30+ lbs). For all I know I could be around another 5 years. Who knows.

 

I can say that in the 14 months of chemo I haven't vomited once. As long as I take the anti-nausea meds around when treatments are scheduled I can manage. I guess that's a plus. 🤷‍♂️

[Dark_Knight]

I’ve had my fair run ins with toxic medications and poor luck with health. When I was 11 I spent my year in the hospital bleeding out from severe crohns. Nothing they gave me worked and nothing would do anything to slow it down, so they put me on cyclosporine. Still unsure if it was the medication or if it was inevitable, but eventually it led to early stages of colorectal carcinoma. Colon was on the verge of exploding, so I had to get immediate surgery and have a total colectomy.

Had an ileostomy bag for 4 months and luckily was able to have a reconnective surgery so I could shit like a normal person again. I lost a lot of blood in my second surgery, so I was in icu for a good while getting transfusions all day everyday it seemed. To add to the fun, my epidural opened a hole in my spine and I started leaking spinal fluid to the point where I went numb (which was oddly relieving), but they stitched my spine shut, which was quite the opposite. Eventually I was let out of the hospital, but i had a hard time being able to control my bowels so I would barely go to school. Being 12-13 and involuntarily shitting yourself does wonders for your self esteem and popularity. 
 

Luckily, over time, I got everything under control, and was able to project a somewhat normal adolescence for awhile. Still had my issues but I could keep them private. Partied like a normal young idiot. All the good stuff.

 

I would need to be admitted about once a year, for about 5 or so days. But able to avoid any serious complications, until fall 2019.

 

Ended up becoming septic from ignoring an intestinal infection called ‘cdiff’ for too long. Spent a good month in the hospital, but luckily recovered enough to handle it from home. They put me on vedolizumad and infliximab. Both iv immunosuppressive drugs. They made me puke and have severe fatigue and migraines. It was miserable. Shortly after I got severely ill. Respiratory. (I self diagnosed that with covid before we knew of covid, but I’ve never confirmed with an antibody test). Admitted to the hospital again. Diagnosed with cdiff, pneumonia and a gram positive blood infection. Put me on my ass from nye to mid January. 
 

I struggled all year last year while my body was shutting down on me. My surgeon was urging the removal of my entire digestive tract, since it had no defense against infections. I refused (would rather die than live with a bag again). So they suggested I start chemo in hopes that it would help. A Hail Mary. 
 

I ended up denying that option as well and dived deep into holistic healing, and diet. Learned how to meditate and get myself into a deep state of relaxation at any time. Started eating a very strict diet, and forced myself to start working out again and ignore the fatigue. It really sucked bad, but eventually it started working. For the last few months I’ve been in complete remission and feeling healthier than I have in a long long time. Without covid forcing me into a year long layoff, And giving me time to figure out how to fix myself, I don’t know if I would be alive right now. So shout out to covid.

Sorry if this is fragmented and hard to read. I just started typing as it came to me and didn’t proofread. 

 

TL;DNR : Getting jacked (and tan) saved my life.

 

[Dark_Knight]

Only reason I share is because Trastuzumab was one of the chemos they wanted to put me on, along with methotrexate. @-Rage-its good to hear there’s minimal side effects that you’re feeling from it. Gives me hope that I don’t need to fear it if my path leads me that way again. Our situations are pretty different, but I’m always around to talk or help in any way I can. Positivity does more for the body than it will ever be given credit for.

 

[KILZ FILLZ]

Found out last week my mother has cancer. 
still processing. 

[One Man Banned]

True re: positive thinking.  There's so much modern mediciine does not understand about such things, or even illness in general.  I'm not going to say you can just wish away cancer or any illness, but I have seen and heard and done some crazy stuff with positive thinking as it relates to health and healing and have to say some of it works.  Super props to both of you for keeping yourselves going.

 

One of my relatives was already at stage 4 when they were diagnosed, and I think they were told they could expect to die within a year.  They took an experimental drug route.  Most of the people who did supposedly died soon after, but my relative lived for another 4-5 years.

 

Doctors can be kind of fucked up.  I know which people in my family have had certain cancers, plus I may have had a lot of exposure to aerosol, and have tried to express concern with doctors that maybe they could check me in those areas or something just to know.  But it's almost like you have to have something wrong with you first before they'll try to be preventative smh.

 

@KILZ FILLZ very sorry to hear that.  It is a lot to process, it leads to a lot of conversations, it's a journey, hopefully one that can still have a good outcome.

[where]

1 hour ago, KILZ FILLZ said:

Found out last week my mother has cancer. 
still processing. 

Keep your head up man, my condolences 

[where]

Yo I wanted to come back to say I shouldn’t of said my condolences cause your mom is still here, peace to everyone in this thread it’s honestly a sad thread lot of good humanity in this bitch tho

[-Rage-]

On 2/25/2021 at 11:27 PM, Dark_Knight said:

I struggled all year last year while my body was shutting down on me.

 

God damn dude that sounds like a brutal roller coaster ride of health issues. Glad you're doing better!

 

I will say that I was in really good spirits last summer even when on the oral chemo meds. I think being outside and getting shit done around the house/yard helps keep the mind and body occupied and active. I usually love winter and snow, but this year the cold and (in)voluntary lockdown has tested my mental health.

 

22 hours ago, KILZ FILLZ said:

Found out last week my mother has cancer. 
still processing. 

 

PM me if you want to chat on the side. No pressure.

 

 

[!@#$%]

i thought i'd never ever everrrr post on this site again but yeah. this is important.

and i'll admit that for awhile i was just one of those jerks that was looking for updates about your condition, rage, after my hubs told me.

i'm glad to hear you're hanging in there. i wish you the best and we're pulling for you.

 

my mom was pretty sick my entire life with a form of cancer that's also not exactly a cancer - it's not treated with chemo, basically.

but it did make her really sick and in a lot of pain and also inspired me to go into biomedical research,

bringing me to my other point -- if people have questions about the biology of cancer/what it is and why it's so hard to cure -- ask away

 

also i read dark-knights post. that sounds like the total annihilation of the gut and its microbiome,

and from what we're learning about that, wow . how awful. i'm not surprised and glad to hear a strict diet is helping.

 

good luck to everyone out there struggling with health issues.

 

[the.crooked]

Found out this morning that a close family friend has lung cancer.

Supposedly caught early, but hoping to hear more soon.

Love to everyone here.

[NightmareOnElmStreet]

On 2/25/2021 at 11:27 PM, Dark_Knight said:

 

I ended up denying that option as well and dived deep into holistic healing, and diet. Learned how to meditate and get myself into a deep state of relaxation at any time. Started eating a very strict diet, and forced myself to start working out again and ignore the fatigue. It really sucked bad, but eventually it started working. For the last few months I’ve been in complete remission and feeling healthier than I have in a long long time. Without covid forcing me into a year long layoff, And giving me time to figure out how to fix myself, I don’t know if I would be alive right now. So shout out to covid.

Sorry if this is fragmented and hard to read. I just started typing as it came to me and didn’t proofread. 

 

TL;DNR : Getting jacked (and tan) saved my life.

 

Wow man. That is some serious shit to walk away from. I tried finding a stupid gif to convey my holy shitness but i gave up. Better to just say it i reckon. Good on you for fucking that stuff right in the ass with good ol fashioned will power and determination. Yous guys are inspirationals. For real.