Classified Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 my ex gf was going to town on my nuts ,my loaded gun pointing right at my face ...i was laying down...forgot about the trigger being pulled and shot all over my mouth..... i was like '''aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh , fuu berb , gehda turl gehda turl'' (aaaaaaarrrrghhhh fuck babe , get a towel , get a towel) i gave myself a speech impediment, 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 did she laugh? haha did she get you a towel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 oh yeah..it doesnt end there. i forgot... a year later, my nieces boyfriend was pokin around CL or autotrader or somethin to buy a car. they were over quite late one night, said he was waiting for the seller to call so they can meet to look at the car. I mentioned that it was rather late to be meeting for this kind of business. (like 11pm) he was going to meet this guy at the gym. The car was a lincoln of some sort. i took a shot in the dark and asked if the guy's name was Matthew, he asked how I knew. haha i wouldnt tell him. so he bought the car within a few days. Upon inspection, we opened the trunk and there was the strangest assortment of goods that looked to be purchased at home depot. screws, duct tape, boards, pvc piping, rope, etc, etc...and a few pron dvds. My niece's boyfriend was like wtf? i laughed. haha i couldnt tell him what all that shit was for. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classified Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 yeah she cracked the fuck up . and yeah she got me a towel, it was all pretty funny really. another one that springs to mind... same girl, i was on the p13 , anyone that knows that london bus knows , its a facking shit bus. single decker ,slow and miserable... she was giving my a blow job out of hole in my jeans that i ripped jumping a fence at the back of the bus ..... a 10 year old girl in front of us and than some turkish motherfuck on the otherside.....anyways....after a few minutes i clocked that the turkish guy had his arms crossed and in his right hand was his iphone , looking as if it was pointing straight at us ,,,,i stopped her with haste....i swear this dude was filming us. maybe i'll find out one day.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ms.seyer Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 *hesitantly lurks* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 labia for the win Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 I got the HJ/BJ combo one day and finished ... sprinkler style. In her eye and mine. Not a bad day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 sooooooo The other day we went to the movies and upon leaving the casino, who do I see? the fucking guy that my stories on this page are about. I forgot how short he is hahah We make eye contact and I can tell he recognized me. maybe not specifically but know I was familiar to him. We walk past him and a few steps after I look back over my shoulder at him to see if he was looking and he was..at the same time one of the guys we were with tapped my ass (to get my attention) ha I look back one more time and he has a smirk on his face and was shankin his head. nothing exciting, but just felt like sharing. Vegas is so small 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 shanking his head? sounds messy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Maker Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I enjoyed your story SM. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 shanking his head? sounds messy. we WERE into some kinky shit tho haha I enjoyed your story SM. thank you . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Maker Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 My local bartender and I have had sex once. She gives me head all the time and its amazing. She likes it very rough. I force her to take every inch as she gags, spit running down my cock. She fucking loves it as she comes up for air smiling as tears run down her face. Then I slap her on the face (hard) and commander her to open her mouth. I spit in it and force her back down to continue the face fucking. As I cum she has my dick as far down her throat as possible. It feels so fucking good. She says my cum taste like Aquafina. She's a nice girl. She calls me star gazer and I call her moon light. I drink for free. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bed framed Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 cool story. gay nicknames Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Pics or GTFO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Type of dude who leaves comments on porn tube sites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Maker Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 No. Just tried tell the story in a provocative way. I could have just said. I face fuck this bartender all time. She gives me free beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 It's sad that SM torched a book of her sexual exploits. Did enjoy the read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I face fuck this bartender all time. She gives me free beer. Now that is a story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Good story SM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inappropriate_Responder Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 No. Just tried tell the story in a provocative way. I could have just said. I face fuck this bartender all time. She gives me free beer. I have the weirdest boner right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Maker Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 :thumbsup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 It sucks having a girlfriend....nothing sexually crazy happens to me anymore now that im a one woman cunt..... Someone else in here has got to have some stories, ive told 75% of my good ones in here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aLBERThOFFMAN Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Ehhhh this thread got bumped finally. It sucks having a girlfriend....nothing sexually crazy happens to me anymore now that im a one woman cunt..... Someone else in here has got to have some stories, ive told 75% of my good ones in here... Gotta make the best of having a chick that you can conveniently smash whenever you want. I try and one up myself every time me and my girl go at it, then laugh at her afterwards at how fucked up she got from it. Them vinegar strokes. I've told pretty much all my good stories on here already but I'ma bump this for the sake of encouraging motherfuckers to do the same. Last weekend I got shitfaced with her family and I passed out on her bed near the end of the night. She came down, saw me and tried to surprise me/ wake me up with a blowjob. I was so fucked and am a really heavy sleeper, I didn't wake up for 10 minutes then she gave up. I woke up an hour later and she showed me a picture she took of me laying there passed out with my dick out because she knew I wouldn't believe her :lol:. She's pretty cool I guess. Tl;dr I passed out drunk, got mouth-raped by my girlfriend and didn't even know it. Pics for proof. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 you don't have to post those Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aLBERThOFFMAN Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Hahah, fuck the police. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cc937 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I was fooling around with my ex after he got off work(he worked in a kitchen) and he starts fingering me, as soon as the fingers go in my vag gets hot and it burns, it keeps getting hotter and I figure he must have snuck some kind of warm lube in there or something. Im actually getting into it so I don't say anything. He slides his dick in and my vag is still on fire but I don't even care, after maybe one minute hes all like wtf is it just me or is it really hot!? So turns out he had been cutting peppers at work and the fuck didn't wash his hands. duh. He pulls out. Nobody jizzed. the end. my sex life sucks 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 10/10 first post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 That is no first post. That is a new name. Great post either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cc937 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Actually, that was my first post. I just joined! Still figuring things out, more stories to come though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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