Classified Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I hooked up with this chick a few months back...... I was drunk as fuck walking across a bridge off to a 24 hour bar , friends were scattered.....at this point I was strutting on my ones. and clock this blonde thing marching towards me ....I said something.....oi , we just met!! ...next thing I know she's al keen to come to the bar (where she just came from) had a few drinks.....she got looks. she was a muscly girl....that could be mistaken for a man maybe? well.....I had to ask some girl mates of mine , what they thought, if it was a bloke or not.....anyways.....they thought it was a chick....however I was still sceptical., I asked her if she was born a man?! 3 times....she couldn't understand the question.......the third time she was like " fuck you , you think im a man?" I said nooooooooo and promptly reconfigured my question to a statement saying ....'' no , I said I was born a man!" .....anyways.....took a deep breathe of my cigarette and made out with her .........turns out she was am amiga....not an amigo. she hammer threw my dick in darling harbour for a bit....if you don't know darling harbour......google it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bed framed Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Is that a shameful story or awesome? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 she hammer threw my dick in darling harbour for a bit....if you don't know darling harbour......google it. Immediately after seeing that video of her swinging that ball and chain thing, my first question before even reading what you typed was gonna be about her hand-job game. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I was fooling around with my ex after he got off work(he worked in a kitchen) and he starts fingering me, as soon as the fingers go in my vag gets hot and it burns, it keeps getting hotter and I figure he must have snuck some kind of warm lube in there or something. Im actually getting into it so I don't say anything. He slides his dick in and my vag is still on fire but I don't even care, after maybe one minute hes all like wtf is it just me or is it really hot!? So turns out he had been cutting peppers at work and the fuck didn't wash his hands. duh. He pulls out. Nobody jizzed. the end. my sex life sucks You sound like a champ. My wife bitches if my nails are too long. And here you are taking a pepper mace fingerbanging like it's nothing. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You sound like a champ. My wife bitches if my nails are too long. And here you are taking a pepper mace fingerbanging like it's nothing. :lol: :spin2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbie blowjob Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I hooked up with this chick a few months back...... I was drunk as fuck walking across a bridge off to a 24 hour bar , friends were scattered.....at this point I was strutting on my ones. and clock this blonde thing marching towards me ....I said something.....oi , we just met!! ...next thing I know she's al keen to come to the bar (where she just came from) had a few drinks.....she got looks. she was a muscly girl....that could be mistaken for a man maybe? well.....I had to ask some girl mates of mine , what they thought, if it was a bloke or not.....anyways.....they thought it was a chick....however I was still sceptical., I asked her if she was born a man?! 3 times....she couldn't understand the question.......the third time she was like " fuck you , you think im a man?" I said nooooooooo and promptly reconfigured my question to a statement saying ....'' no , I said I was born a man!" .....anyways.....took a deep breathe of my cigarette and made out with her .........turns out she was am amiga....not an amigo. she hammer threw my dick in darling harbour for a bit....if you don't know darling harbour......google it. too bad she didnt has a dick, at least you would've got an handjob out from it tranny trouble on 12 oz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classified Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Is that a shameful story or awesome? a little from column a , a little from column b.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igetupinyourcityalot Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I got one My girlfriend when I was 17 had really strict parents. Like they'd creep around corners and shit to listen in on conversation. Anyway, so one day we're upstairs and start hooking up and I think to myself "dude, there's no fucking way I'm getting my dick wet on a tuesday at 430 pm" So I suggest we go to starbucks just to get out of the house. I get this dank ass vanilla bean frappacino. I'm driving us back to her crib just slurping the fuck outta this frappe and she starts rubbing my thighs n shit. We pull over to this parking lot by some tennis courts ( she stays in a pretty well-off part of town) And i proceed to get the sloppiest, most satisfying head to this day. I tell her I'm about to jizz and she stops, tells me to finish myself, then leave the car to go take a piss. So i shamefully choke my monster into whats left of my now vanilla jizz frappacino. We pull back up to her crib and I'm walking to the front door when this ingorant bitch says she forgot her phone in my car. I give her my keys and go inside. So i'm sitting on the couch watching tv and this bitch comes inside with an empty cup. The cup that frappacino was in. I ask what she did with it. That bitch drank it. I never told her but holy shit I nearly bit a hole through my lip trying not to laugh 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 I once fucked this bitch on acid and it made me feel good and weird at same time I bent her over and started talking into her stretched slit I swore my voice was echoing in her vagina. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misteraven Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Some gold up in here... last bump of the night, but this ones worth bringing back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 (edited) Not really that crazy as it was funny to me, but i brought this girl i had just met back to my hotel room, and on the way she says “so you know i can be really loud, like REALLY loud.” I was just like “ya ok, whatever.” She wasn’t fucking kidding. My room was directly across from the bar/restaurant and when we walked out the entire late night occupancy stared and one dude even gave a small clap. Hilarious to me, she was mortified, haha. Edited July 23, 2019 by abrasivesaint 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 More recently.. fucking my current girlfriend a few months back, i look down and my knee had somehow called her ex-husband (technically husband, they’re getting divorced.) Not sure if he picked up or what because i hung up the phone as soon as i saw it calling and threw it, haha. Told her and she said she never heard anything so she thinks i caught it before he could have answered/left a voicemail.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 getting a blowjob off an old girlfriend in her chaotic middle aged single lady living room. ( live laugh love photo frames and lots of awful stuff in boxes after her marriage breakup and subsequent loss of house) She's sitting on the couch blowing me. I'm standing savouring the whole scenario and a noise catches my attention . Look to my right and at the end of the couch was her ratty miniature poodle growling at me. This mildly disconcerting considering if it lunged it would probably end up in the same situation as it's owner with my dong in it's mouth but I'm not gonna smile. I spent most of the trying not to laugh or make any sudden moves that might set it off. bonus pic of the dog below. 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Many moons ago I was riding the greyhound bus with my girlfriend at the time. She was trying to sleep and had her head in my lap. She starts rubbing on my dick over the pants style. Next thing I know she unzips my pants and starts blowing. I was nervous as fuck as it was a pretty full bus. As I’m about to bust so pulls off of it and I blast all in her here. She freaks out asking where it went haha. I told her and she had to make the walk of shame to the restroom on the back of the bus. This is one is kinda long, so I’ll try to shorten it. My girlfriend and I had just broke up and I was out of town working and met a girl and had a one night stand. Well a few weeks later the ex and I started talking again, not back together mind you. I was going to see the queers play with a friend and a girl I was trying to smashola one night. We were at the show and the one night stand starts blowing my phone up. I keep hitting decline. Next she sends me a text with a picture of a positive pregnancy test. I showed it to my friend and we have an oh fuck moment, then I put my phone away cuz that wasn’t gonna stop me from having a good time! Show ends and ol girl and I make out before she leaves. My friend and I walk outside and into this taco spot next door. Literally 30 seconds after making out with this girl my ex walks in (my friend kept saying he had a feeling she was gonna pop up. I didn’t think so as she lived like 30 miles away). I end up driving her suv back to my place and on the way my phone starts ringing and I thought she said “sonny is calling you” so I pick my phone up and it’s the girl from the show, fuck. I play it off and I know she didn’t buy it. Next morning we are in bed and she starts blowing me and my phone starts ringing and she finds it under the blanket and hands it to me and says who is Allison. I just said I don’t wanna deal with that right now. Now she’s onto me. I finally tell her that it’s a girl I fucked before her and I started dating and that she is pregnant. She starts freaking out and walks outside the house. Obviously I didn’t think my story over too well as she figured out that the kid would’ve been born already if it was before we started dating. Paid half for the girl to get an abortion after she was trying to keep it and move to where I live, no thanks. That relationship did not work out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 2 hours ago, Schnitzel said: getting a blowjob off an old girlfriend in her chaotic middle aged single lady living room. ( live laugh love photo frames and lots of awful stuff in boxes after her marriage breakup and subsequent loss of house) She's sitting on the couch blowing me. I'm standing savouring the whole scenario and a noise catches my attention . Look to my right and at the end of the couch was her ratty miniature poodle growling at me. This mildly disconcerting considering if it lunged it would probably end up in the same situation as it's owner with my dong in it's mouth but I'm not gonna smile. I spent most of the trying not to laugh or make any sudden moves that might set it off. bonus pic of the dog below. I’ve had my dog walk up behind me and lick my balls while my girl was giving me head. It was fucking weird. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 3 hours ago, abrasivesaint said: I’ve had my dog walk up behind me and lick my balls while my girl was giving me head. It was fucking weird. awkward! ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misteraven Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Almost as bad as when they just sit there and watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Dogs need loving too. For real, I am willing to believe that there are many girls that experimented sexually with their dogs before. A dog that licks your ass while your getting head, probably is licking her when no one is around. Just sayin.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum OPiss Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 9 minutes ago, CILONE/SK said: Dogs need loving too. For real, I am willing to believe that there are many girls that experimented sexually with their dogs before. A dog that licks your ass while your getting head, probably is licking her when no one is around. Just sayin.... One Hunnid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I remember a story of some Florida chick’s boyfriend handing over videos to cops because she was rubbing one out while their dogs ate her out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misteraven Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Sounds like Florida. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 Yo. That dog picture tied me in. Hahaha. Fuck. Speaking of dogs...... my dude and I tried a position the other day that we titled “two stuck dogs” and no-I’m not talking about a yoga position 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 20 minutes ago, SMdoubleXL said: Yo. That dog picture tied me in. Hahaha. Fuck. Speaking of dogs...... my dude and I tried a position the other day that we titled “two stuck dogs” and no-I’m not talking about a yoga position Pics or it didn’t happen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 5 minutes ago, CILONE/SK said: Pics or it didn’t happen. Yo that shit was difficult as it was. I couldn’t imagine trying to get an angle however I told him next time we are setting up the tripod. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Just now, SMdoubleXL said: Yo that shit was difficult as it was. I couldn’t imagine trying to get an angle however I told him next time we are setting up the tripod. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 This One time I stuck my thunb in my girls butt then a couple minutes later I was regretting it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 About six years ago I was stimulated and fucking this Brazilian Broad In doggy. We were in the shower and her mother thought it would be funny to sneak up on her daughter as she walks into the bathroom I blow a geyser load While yelling loud like a woman Poor lady had to walk in on me hollowing out her daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercer Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Used to Smash this hot little Rican chick from Brooklyn I think down by Ave J or something. Anyway the problem was I was in Queens, and she lived in BK, couldn't afford to uber her back and forth, too lazy to drive at night so my cheap ass got in the habit of picking her up, and smashing in the back of my work car because she lived with her dad. Anyway, one day I end up working in her neighborhood, and got done mad early so hit her up for an extended lunch smash (no lunch). As usual pull up, text "here", pretend like we're going someplace while I find nice quiet spot to pull over. Hop out and take all the shit out the hatch, and throw it in the driver's passenger's seat up front so there's no tools/bullshit in the way to clip my balls on in the hatch. So she comes back there with me and I'm smashing. All of a sudden I feel like blasting ass. I let one rip, and thank god it was silent kept going didn't skip a beat. All of a sudden the whole car was fucking done, holy shit it was bad, fucking toxic. One of the nastiest farts in my lifetime released in a small enclosed space that was already sweaty. Anyway it was awkward as fuck, so I went extra hard to bust before I had to take in another breath. I gotta admit I did breath a couple of times, but tried not to make eye contact with shorty. Once I finished I got out and thought I was dying. She got dressed slowly, and got out all slow pretending it wasn't rotten. Takes a real lady to hold it together like that. It was so awkward after that I just ended dropping her off as soon as possible, didn't say a word, and sadly never hit her up again. We still follow each other on IG, she's got one of those thirst trap accounts. We'll like each others pics every once in a while, but haven't really spoken since that fart. True story, also she was also my first real squirter, another insane story in itself. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Velcoro Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 I'm going to write a book on my sexcapades one day, but I will litter this thread with a few bits. This is my most recent. So over the summer a nineteen year old Indian-American girl reached out to me on a fetish dating site. My first read was skepticism, but I entertained it out of curiosity. We corresponded and eventually decided to meet. As with most women, I allowed her to set the time & place to feel at ease. The day rolls around, and low and behold, she can't. No big deal, we'll reschedule. We do.....and same thing happens but this time I arrived to the destination and waited before she informed me she couldn't make it. I give everyone a mulligan, but I don't strike out either and I'm not hard up for it. Instead of going off on her, I simply delete her number and keep it moving. Earlier in the year I had met a college student from a university about an hour away from me on Tinder. Crazy thing is, she was at least 10 miles outside of my maximum range, yet somehow we had connected. K is a gorgeous Arab girl from a smaller country in the Middle East, who happens to be bisexual. We eventually met in person, hit it off, and she would become my number one over the course of the year. Due to distance and the general busyness of life, we are only able to see each other a day or two a week and agreed to have a sincere but open relationship as long as we are both truthful about others. A few months back, I get a text from a random number saying it's P, the Indian-American girl. My initial reaction was apathy. I forgive but I don't forget and I wanted to teach her a lesson about ghosting people. I agree to meet with her, but she lives thirty minutes away, so I told her to come to me. Thing is, I was cozy at a coffee shop and had no intention of being at HQ when she arrived. An hour goes by, and she finally shoots me a text that she is at my house. I continue to write and throw back coffee, ignoring her texts. The messages finally dry up, and a considerable amount of time has passed, so I head home. When I arrive, an unfamiliar Lexus SUV is parked right out front with the engine running. Inside, I notice a gorgeous girl....who happens to be P. I thought about it for all of sixty seconds, finally inviting her in. We made small talk, and before I know it our clothes are nowhere to be found and we're getting busy. Afterwards we pick up conversation, allowing our heartbeats to deescalate and our breathing to return to normal. I start to pick details about her, and come to find out she goes to the same university as K. I marvel out loud how crazy the odds are, exclaiming that said university has been good to me. P presses me to explain, which I do in redacted detail.......come to find out that not only does she know K, but she is also bisexual and had matched with K but they never pursued meeting up. To skip frivolous details, I played matchmaker and convinced K to meet P. They would go on to have their own thing, I wouldn't seen P again, but K and I would and still do see each other. So a few weeks ago, K in forms me that she had seen P and that I had come up in conversation. Turns out P wanted another round with ya boy, but K insisted she wanted to be there as well. Last week I made my way down to K's, she and I had some one on one(non-sexual) time, drank wine and eagerly awaited that knock at the door. Two glasses in, it came, and in came P. We waited as long as we could(thirty mins maybe) before heading upstairs to have the hottest threesome of my life to date. In the words of P, ''I have never seen anyone cum like that''. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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