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beardo

you - have / have not

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thought I'd bring this rather interesting basis of a conversation I had yesterday to you crazy oontz kids. the gist is coming up with things you have done that your average person has not, and things your every day person has done, but you haven not.

 

example:

 

I have -

been instructed on how to drive a locomotive

exchanged community service for jail time

 

 

I nave not-

eaten lobster

drank a cup of coffee

 

 

I'm sure this one will turn out a lot of interesting results. holla.

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I have-

 

learned how to repair and build bikes (mostly)

built my own computer before age 10

 

 

I have not-

 

been to the west coast, yet.

finished painting a piece.

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Never drank a cup of coffe??? WTF? I dont do coffee either, but IDK how that hasnt happened to you.

 

 

 

HAVE:

 

Crawled around my house for a full week because nonstop gunfire for 8 days (thank God we had enough food).

Hit over 70 females, easily. Lost count. Still clean, *knock on wood*

 

HAVENT:

 

Gotten popped *knock on wood again*

Gone to the West Coast at all

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I have

 

met an international drugs smuggler

broken a tree with my head

 

I haven't

 

learnt how to drive a car (I am 31!!!) or a motorbike for that matter hence the breaking of a tree

kept in touch with pretty much every person I have ever met

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I have

Landed myself in a wonderful career and life I could never have imagined

 

I have not

Even started yet!

 

 

 

Got married either..., doing that next year.

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also, you don't have to put just one or two. impress us. or shame yourself, you know, whatever. here's your shot :lol:

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Have;

stolen someones own weapon and beat their skull in

called Sage Francis a faggot and threw a bottle at him

drove a bulldozer

 

Have not;

attended a metal show

owned wallet

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i have:

been cubbin with weeman

burnt off part of my hair and eyebrows tryin to blow fire..

gotten a 3rd degree burn

had a great life

eaten cow tongue.

been arrested

 

havent:

done drugs further than weed and pain killers

left the US

drank coffee

thrown up in as long as i can remember..

gotten in an accident

ever had gin or rum

 

more when i can think of them..

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I have:

Smashed over 35 girls by the time I was 18. Still clean.

Given myself a tattoo with an exacto knife.

 

I haven't:

Gotten arrested for graffiti...yet?

Gone a year without seriously injuring myself.

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Have:

 

- been to 46/50 states including Montreal, Vancouver, and Monterrey Mexico and various cities in the various states and swam in the Atlantic, Pacific, and Gulf of Mexico..

- been in a altercation involving 25+ members of a rather large and well known gang armed with bats, pipes, knives ect.. against 4 friends and myself outside of the old Hotel California (from the Eagles song) and made it out alive. as suggested to Harvey Wallbanger to do while in LA..

- been in 3 totalled cars, not insurance deemed totalled, i mean completely totalled, and walked away all 3 unscathed except for a single bruise.

- have had my skull fractured from ear to ear, if you run your hand down the top of my head right where my ears would line up it dips down and back up like a ditch on the side of a road

- jumped on a train that was passing by doing 30+

 

HAVE NOT:

- eaten lobster

- given up my beliefs or living how i want

- taken out a loan

- owned a credit card

- made some sort of 10 year plan or worried all that much about where i'll end up

- been to a hip hop/rap show

- had the crap kicked outta me or been what i would consider beat up

- ever voted

- ever let anything go to my head on a serious level, im pretty humble

 

edit:

- ever met anyone, or know of anyone who i could say hates me

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I have

Visited the Ghost city of Pripyat out side Chernobyl

painted in 29 cities worldwide.

slept under the midnight sun in Akureyri in Iceland

I have worked in mail order porn business

 

I have not

ever been promoted within a company I have have always had to change companies to move up

had a threesome

achieved anything particularly impressive

ever managed to close it with my sister's friend Alice despite trying for about 15 years now. come close but never quite done it

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Have

 

worked 96 hours in a six day period

smoked 4 blunts with Snoop Dogg and the Pimp Don Juan (both total assholes), then played them in basketball

been to more than 40 of the states in the US

been paid to lather soap onto a naked italian fashion model

spoken in front of a packed auditorium of several hundred people

taught Dave Chappelle to ollie on a skateboard, then had a chin-up contest with him (he won)

constructed a corn field and a zen garden with a waterfall in the center of Times Square (each lasted for less than 12 hours)

eaten kangaroo

succesfully hidden from the cops in a dumpster

been published in a magazine

attended more than 35 weddings

 

Have Not

 

eaten lobster

seen any of the Godfather movies

tried any "hard" drugs

had a one night stand

ridden a motorcycle

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Have

Had a girl in Amsterdam stick a Sharpie up her pussy & draw on my chest...

 

Haven't

Ever taken drugs...

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HAVE:

Masturbated on an airplane (more than once)

Masturbated while driving (more than once)

Masturbated on train (more than once)

Masturbated on boat (more than once)

Masturbated at work (more than once)

Masturbated in a public bathroom (more than once)

Masturbated in a church (more than once)

Masturbated in school (more than once)

Masturbated while other people were asleep in the room (only GFs .. /NH)

Masturbated in a pool (more than once)

Masturbated in a hot tub (more than once)

Masturbated in a porn booth (more than once)

Masturbated in a library (more than once)

 

 

HAVE NOT:

Posted on bombing science

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have

smoked dip and forgot who i was

 

haven't

held a job for over a year

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have:

 

thrown pennies and nickels off the roof of the world trade center

 

have not:

 

owned a car that wasnt constantly breaking

ever been fired from a job, not counting getting laid off

ever gave a fuck about the godfather or scarface

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I have:

-taken E,with shrooms,coke, and drank a handle of rum on a the T to boston, a few hours after being in boston went catatonic grinding my teeth,and woke up covered in blood with directions on a napkin on how to get to the nearest statioin.

-been to Canada 19 times.ay!

 

 

I have not:

-told the trueth to any girl i've fucked by saying "this is my first time, i've saved it for someone special"

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I HAVE:

 

-opened a champagne bottle with a sabre

-created a flammable cocktail which set the bar on fire

-broken my jaw and then had it pop back into place after being punched in the grill

 

I HAVE NOT:

 

-learned how to rollerblade

-tasted Malibu rum

-tasted sangria

 

although I make sangria 4 times a week for work, and made countless drinks with Malibu..

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