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Worst analogies written in a high school essay

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Aug 6, 2005.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    There's not that many, but they were funny enough to share:


    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    -- Joseph Romm, Washington


    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
    -- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station


    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    -- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring


    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
    -- Roy Ashley, Washington


    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
    -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge


    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/[email protected] but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/[email protected] by mistake
    -- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills


    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
    -- Unknown


    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
    -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase


    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
    -- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring


    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
    -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington


    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
    -- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.


    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
    -- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.


    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
    -- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria


    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
    -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge


    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
     
  2. sarcasm

    sarcasm Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Messages: 3,352 Likes Received: 35
     
  3. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield

    Has shit on lock.
     
  4. JohnnyHorton

    JohnnyHorton Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2002 Messages: 2,201 Likes Received: 0
    russel you are the man
    this guy is destined for stand up
     
  5. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 30, 2001 Messages: 9,016 Likes Received: 117
    My roommates are probably wondering why I'm laughing like an idiot..
     
  6. Fondles

    Fondles Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 31, 2001 Messages: 7,858 Likes Received: 24
    hahaha this shit is funny

    "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
    -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington
     
  7. GEEB

    GEEB Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 6, 2004 Messages: 1,803 Likes Received: 43
    "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
    -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
    :haha: :haha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
     
  8. dumy

    dumy Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 5,056 Likes Received: 0
    PMB..you just made me smile..
     
  9. ElectricitySucks

    ElectricitySucks Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 13, 2001 Messages: 6,395 Likes Received: 24
    this is the kind of english i like to read.
     
  10. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
    i wouldnt describe these as bad at all.... they were obviously intentional and far more interesting to read than "their love was like a rose"
     
  11. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25

    "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "
    -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    I'm on to him.....
     
  12. deterrent

    deterrent Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 20, 2004 Messages: 5,181 Likes Received: 43
    I released the bird claw like grip of his arm and
    I pulled the gun back from his head much like
    throwing trought back in a lake, but latter we'd
    share trought I caught a week prior that matched
    the date on our milkcarton.
    "I have heard once share a story of dragon like
    flies" said the man

    I press the gun back to his head much the way
    like his voice pressed my anger switch just like
    he pressed my anger button moments before.
    -me
    notes jan'96
     
  13. Bellbeefer

    Bellbeefer Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 30, 2002 Messages: 1,265 Likes Received: 17
    i've been told i'm pretty bad at analogies......i hope not this bad.
     
  14. Krakatau

    Krakatau Member

    Joined: May 5, 2005 Messages: 549 Likes Received: 0

    "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "
    -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    I'm on to him.....
    [post=4064180]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Beat me to it. At least he steals in good taste.
     
  15. riddimz

    riddimz Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2003 Messages: 265 Likes Received: 0
    a lot of them are shockingly good i think
     
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