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Worst analogies written in a high school essay

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Aug 6, 2005.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Worst analogies written in a high school essay

    Discussion started by Poop Man Bob - Aug 6, 2005

    There's not that many, but they were funny enough to share:


    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    -- Joseph Romm, Washington


    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
    -- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station


    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    -- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring


    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
    -- Roy Ashley, Washington


    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
    -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge


    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
    -- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills


    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
    -- Unknown


    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
    -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase


    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
    -- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring


    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
    -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington


    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
    -- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.


    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
    -- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.


    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
    -- Russell Beland, Springfield


    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
    -- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria


    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
    -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge


    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
     
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  2. sarcasm

    sarcasm 12oz Elite Member

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    sarcasm - Replied Aug 6, 2005

     
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  3. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

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    GLIK$ - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    -- Russell Beland, Springfield

    Has shit on lock.
     
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  4. JohnnyHorton

    JohnnyHorton 12oz Senior Member

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    JohnnyHorton - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    russel you are the man
    this guy is destined for stand up
     
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  5. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo 12oz Veteran Member

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    ClueTwo - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    My roommates are probably wondering why I'm laughing like an idiot..
     
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  6. Fondles

    Fondles 12oz Veteran Member

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    Fondles - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    hahaha this shit is funny

    "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
    -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington
     
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  7. GEEB

    GEEB 12oz Senior Member

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    GEEB - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
    -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
    :haha: :haha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
     
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  8. dumy

    dumy 12oz Veteran Member

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    dumy - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    PMB..you just made me smile..
     
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  9. ElectricitySucks

    ElectricitySucks 12oz Veteran Member

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    ElectricitySucks - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    this is the kind of english i like to read.
     
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  10. Vanity

    Vanity 12oz Veteran Member

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    Vanity - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    i wouldnt describe these as bad at all.... they were obviously intentional and far more interesting to read than "their love was like a rose"
     
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  11. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper 12oz Elite Member

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    bodice_ripper - Replied Aug 6, 2005


    "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "
    -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    I'm on to him.....
     
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  12. deterrent

    deterrent 12oz Veteran Member

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    deterrent - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    I released the bird claw like grip of his arm and
    I pulled the gun back from his head much like
    throwing trought back in a lake, but latter we'd
    share trought I caught a week prior that matched
    the date on our milkcarton.
    "I have heard once share a story of dragon like
    flies" said the man

    I press the gun back to his head much the way
    like his voice pressed my anger switch just like
    he pressed my anger button moments before.
    -me
    notes jan'96
     
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  13. Bellbeefer

    Bellbeefer 12oz Senior Member

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    Bellbeefer - Replied Aug 6, 2005

    i've been told i'm pretty bad at analogies......i hope not this bad.
     
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  14. Krakatau

    Krakatau 12oz Member

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    Krakatau - Replied Aug 7, 2005


    "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "
    -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    I'm on to him.....
    [post=4064180]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Beat me to it. At least he steals in good taste.
     
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  15. riddimz

    riddimz 12oz Member

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    riddimz - Replied Aug 7, 2005

    a lot of them are shockingly good i think
     
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