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Poop Man Bob

Worst analogies written in a high school essay

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There's not that many, but they were funny enough to share:

 

 

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

-- Joseph Romm, Washington

 

 

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

 

 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

 

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

-- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

 

 

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

-- Roy Ashley, Washington

 

 

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

 

 

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

 

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake

-- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

 

 

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

-- Unknown

 

 

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

 

 

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

-- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

 

 

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

 

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington

 

 

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

-- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

 

 

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

-- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

 

 

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

 

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

-- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

 

 

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

 

 

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM

 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

 

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

-- Unknown

 

 

 

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The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

russel you are the man

this guy is destined for stand up

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hahaha this shit is funny

 

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington

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"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."

-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

:haha: :haha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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i wouldnt describe these as bad at all.... they were obviously intentional and far more interesting to read than "their love was like a rose"

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM

 

 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

.

 

 

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "

-The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

I'm on to him.....

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I released the bird claw like grip of his arm and

I pulled the gun back from his head much like

throwing trought back in a lake, but latter we'd

share trought I caught a week prior that matched

the date on our milkcarton.

"I have heard once share a story of dragon like

flies" said the man

 

I press the gun back to his head much the way

like his voice pressed my anger switch just like

he pressed my anger button moments before.

-me

notes jan'96

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Originally posted by bodice_ripper+Aug 6 2005, 05:57 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (bodice_ripper - Aug 6 2005, 05:57 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM

 

 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

-- Russell Beland, Springfield

 

.

 

 

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "

-The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

I'm on to him.....

[/b]

 

Beat me to it. At least he steals in good taste.

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I lazily opened my window that moring, the morning sun reminding me of my hangover much like dance n graff reminds me to shoot myself with water guns full of water except the water was crystal gyser and not tap water because that shit tastes gross, even though i wouldent be drinking it, but still.

 

--me

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I fail to see the humour in intentionally bad analogies. ?? It would be funny if they were handwritten scans of real students essays....

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Fuck, i found this test i had done in high school the other day where i had received the grade of 3 out of 20. I remember I aswered a 10 point worth question with something like

 

"The map reveals that Africa has the worst infrastructure for water distribution, which makes sense because this is what the map shows"

 

I always wonder how real those kind of quote compilations are anyway. And as it's been said I'm sure they're deliberately funny

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 12:49 PM

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

 

Representing Hoodbridge, baby. :shook:

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