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Alcoholism


Step8

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Bombing and alcohol go and to hand like cheetos with weed. Every since I started with graffiti, I started to heavily drink, I did that for a while and being in Portugal, I was drinking a lot of wine through the days. Nowadays I have a huge stomach problem that fucks my everyday life, I can't even drink a bottle of red wine without throwing up and feeling like my stomach is on flames, I get random stomach aches and shit. shit's not cool. But yeah alcohol is addicting, I try not to drink on my everyday and it's been easy, but everytime I start drinking even if its in a social way, I can't seem to stop drinking or stop having thirst.

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Stay up, Inj.

 

I have to be honest, I am only just now accepting the loneliness and turning it positively into just being myself again. Actually paying attention to the advantages of not having someone else's expectations on my shoulders as well as my own. Finally cleaning it up properly, because it's finally only me left to do it for.

 

That has seemed to be just enough to stop me fucking up of late.

 

The lady and I are actually taking a bit of time to do this for each other, to see if we are the major sources of each other's stress. We still love each other but we drive each other batshit crazy at the same time.

 

I'm excited to be able to devote myself to my craft again, have an opportunity to open a spot of my own if I make the rights moves and keep my game up with these people. I feel as though I have lost all passion for all things, and need some time to make me who I am and who I should be.

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My posts on this topic are not meant to be attacks, but to point out what I perceive to be a failure of logic caused primarily by being in the mist of active addiction.

 

Blind support does not often actually help.

 

called it how he saw it, and he was right.

 

I am looking into inpatient treatment now. My brain is my biggest enemy, it can change itself from moment to moment, and without help I will not be able to get out of this fog.

 

It's really fucking scary, and I'm not ashamed to say that I am scared to make a change like this in my life. But, for this addict, it's either I ask for help or off myself like a coward. I'd rather man up and ask for help. I like to think there is strength in asking for help when feeling weak.

 

This lifestyle sucks. If you are just starting to drink, and wonder if you have abnormal drinking patterns, STOP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE, whatever you have to do.

 

Thanks to everyone here for reading my bullshit throughout the years and showing me my own fucked logic. Hopefully my posts after I come home will seem more positive, and focused.

 

*edit - the possibility of being able to open my own business made me realize that, in this mind state and with these habits, I will absolutely fail. I need a clear mind….

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*edit - the possibility of being able to open my own business made me realize that, in this mind state and with these habits, I will absolutely fail. I need a clear mind….

 

Landing a really fucking rad gig is what got me to reprioritize and get my shit straightened out.

Hopefully it does the same for you.

And there's no two ways about it: Had i continued drinking, i'd just as well have chucked it all down the drain.

All the best on your endeavor.

 

 

 

----

 

 

Still at it here. 3 years and some change. Thankful for every day, even the shitty ones.

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  • 1 month later...

Had a lot of trouble sleeping the first week+ but everything's cool now. Feels good! Dating without getting drinks has been a bit weird but I'm getting the hang of it. This is the longest I've gone without a drink since probably middle school. Was at a Super Bowl party yesterday and just stuck w water, came home to a house party and just went to sleep.

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Out of all the "friendships" that I lost when I basically stopped partying, there is only one dude who I really care for. We still are friends but we are super distant because he is so into his alcoholism, I love the dude but I just can't be around to cosign him fucking off his life.

 

Went out to Denver for his wedding last year, dude was so shit faced the bride was in tears....family coming up to me and asking me to cut him off at the bar. I ended up calling him out on it and I think it hurt him to hear me say that he needs to address how alcohol is fucking up his relationship life etc.

 

I do agree with you POZ, anyone worth giving a fuck about is going to support you if you are trying to improve yourself.

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that's sad^

 

I recently quit smoking tumblewhedds and now i habitually drink anything i can lately. i used to scarcely drink. same exact shit for me.

 

"this is a stupid fucking problem to have But, it is a problem nonetheless"

 

 

^ imaginary props if you know that movie quote

 

Replacement addictions are a real thing......

 

If you are an addict I would bet your consumption of alcohol accelerates or you end up transferring the addiction to something else or relapsing w/ smoke. Try and go for a period of time without any mood/brain altering chemicals aka completely sober and see how that works for you.

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I was actually thinking about that one the drive home from the gym tonight... This is the longest I've ever been totally sober since I was probably like 11 or 12. (Started smoking weed really young.) that's nuts. I guess it isn't actually though because I still drink coffee everyday. :/

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