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Everything posted by redeyedanimal

  1. AAAAaaaaannnnnd it's gone… I think. :thumbsdown:
  2. Damn. It's like a resurrection in this thread. That's, strangely, exciting. As was said in another thread, "i don't write my made up name on things that aren't mine anymore" but I got some good laughs on this site. I still go back to the OH Shit thread sometimes, still makes me laugh like a child. What's good everybody!
  3. called it how he saw it, and he was right. I am looking into inpatient treatment now. My brain is my biggest enemy, it can change itself from moment to moment, and without help I will not be able to get out of this fog. It's really fucking scary, and I'm not ashamed to say that I am scared to make a change like this in my life. But, for this addict, it's either I ask for help or off myself like a coward. I'd rather man up and ask for help. I like to think there is strength in asking for help when feeling weak. This lifestyle sucks. If you are just starting to drink, and wonder if you have abnormal drinking patterns, STOP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE, whatever you have to do. Thanks to everyone here for reading my bullshit throughout the years and showing me my own fucked logic. Hopefully my posts after I come home will seem more positive, and focused. *edit - the possibility of being able to open my own business made me realize that, in this mind state and with these habits, I will absolutely fail. I need a clear mind….
  4. The lady and I are actually taking a bit of time to do this for each other, to see if we are the major sources of each other's stress. We still love each other but we drive each other batshit crazy at the same time. I'm excited to be able to devote myself to my craft again, have an opportunity to open a spot of my own if I make the rights moves and keep my game up with these people. I feel as though I have lost all passion for all things, and need some time to make me who I am and who I should be.
  5. Looks like he used a curry spice blend. I've had a couple that were surprisingly good, from an asian market.
  6. Still trying to be honest with myself. I apologize to everyone I exploded towards in my drunken stupor, especially you POZ. Fuck benzos. I had no idea...
  7. That's a really cool idea, bro.
  8. Everytime I post in here, POZ is the first fucker to respond with something halfway calling me out, but never actually with the balls to come out and say shit. That pisses me off, which makes me want to drink, which will take me back into a shitty place in my life. FUCK YOU POZ. I will not return, this thread is no longer a healthy place for me to be, and neither is this site. Most everyone else, best wishes. Again, FUCK you POZ. Grow some fucking balls, then proceed to suck on your own balls to keep that diarrhea from coming out your mouth. Deuces /yesmad. /notdrinking, you don't win.
  9. I hear some of the truck stops in Europe, especially Italy, are really nice. Real food, real hospitality, they value their truck drivers more than Americans do.
  10. ^correct for AA, I don't know about NA though, only been to a handful of NA meetings a few years ago. Been to hundreds of AA meetings, the ones I went to tried very hard not to use the word GOD because some people (like myself) immediately stop listening after they hear that word. Higher power is more broad, more easily relatable, and more easily changed. It can be anything. Haven't been here for a while because i've been drunk. Today is day three without. Again. Hope y'all are being smarter than me. And never forget, wonk saggin.
  11. I'm GLAD this thread has slowed down. THere is a lot less cirle-jerking faggotry and more real shit, less hype more work. maybe one day I'll post another pic...
  12. Dear oontz, I have changed my attention to sites that further my knowledge of things that can make me money. Maybe when I am not broke again I will have time to revisit you,p but for now, peace out. Red
  13. I bet if you decide weed isn't for you, you won't have any withdrawal effects. Just saying.
  14. My old Kung-fu instructor (tuhan of Western Hemisphere) instructs most of the veterans in his classes to drink catnip tea, cup after cup, until they fall asleep. When I was on probation and was being forced to stay clean, I did this pretty often and it worked for me. It seems odd, but it did work for me. Also, I was on antidepressants for a while recently after my mom passed, and quit because of the side effects as well. My doc switched me to Wellbutrin, and I don't take it every day, but it helps a lot for me. It's not one of those drugs you have to ween off of, you can quit cold turkey anytime without side effects (as far as I know), and it doesn't keep me stuck in that middle ground of not being happy or sad, just neutral. I actually feel good, and it helps me to keep focused on the good things in my life.
  15. What are thes!?! One of my coworkers brought them to work, and I Loved them, but she couldn't explain to me what they were... Hard to manage with language differences, but good people are good people.
  16. For me, if I decide I want something, I am going to find it. It is something that I got very good at in my years of using. Today I appreciate the freedom that I enjoy, and I hope to keep myself out of my own way, because most often I am the root of my own problems.
  17. This is hands down the least respectful thing I have ever read from you on this thread. Truth. Clear your head up fucker, your turning into an asshole again.
  18. I think they will need pretty tight securit based in DMXs crews reputation. If he gets up with some of his old crew members, dude might end up back in jail for conspiracy to murder. Stop, drop, shut em down open up shop. Ruff Ryders.
  19. That cake is going to turn to shit just like the game did... Looks cool though.
  20. Again, I second protestor. The thing about anti"depressants" is that they make you stay in the middle ground, emotionally. That means you can never get too sad, but on hue he other hand you can never really get happy either, it makes you. Kind of zombie like. If your life has gotten to the point that sadness has totally overcome you, they can help. But don't expect to be able to feel ecstatic about anything, including sex or birthdays or holidays or anything important, on antidepressants.
  21. The antidepressants they put me on a while ago had this side effect, I quit cold turkey, my doc was surprised I didn't have big withdrawal problems. Can't even successfully fap, fucking depressing. Roxie's are not an antidepressant, they are an opiate, right? The old me was happier for reasons other than drinking less, those things faded the more I drank. Now, the more I focus on the things that make me happy, the less I drink. THIS PLAN IS NOT EFFECTIVE FOR EVERYONE. This should be a disclaimer at the end of everyone's post in this thread, what works for one is a pipe dream for another, no puns intended. Gotta say though, over a week without blazing none I can't sleep for shit. That is going to change ASAP. Must....have.....tweeds....
  22. Yeah, I like to say what I think when I think imon here. It's obvious that I am one of the pickles, even to me. I use this thread as a sort of a journal, so if you read me ranting, it is what I am thinking, unfiltered and unedited. Take it as an insight into the mind of an addict. Even when I ask for suggestions, I rarely listen to them. When I make changes in my life, it is because I have decided I have to, not because som faceless name responded to my rant online. My real conversations are with my therapist, family, and support system. This is where I post all my fucked up thoughts. Yes, my pancreas is reacting to alcohol, but it is not permanently damaged. No, I am not prediabetic. These were only things that I created in my own head. Sickness. So yes, use me as a scapegoat. And if anyone reading this is unsure if you are a pickle, if you think like me, you probably have the allergy.
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