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Everything posted by redeyedanimal

  1. The new gig is keeping me on a much straighter path, I don't touch anything other than what is prescribed to me, at less than the prescribed dose, during the day. Within two months I should be completely off of this med, it served its purpose and I done with it now. At night, I've been having two glasses of wine and some herbage, but compared to where I was even a month ago, my mind is in a better place, which means my self medicating has also subsided. And my urge to drink has practically gone into remission. When I wake up in the morning, I ask my higher power (mom) to remove my desire to get drunk for that day. She always listened to me, and always protected me, and still does, Life is good right now, I haven't been this happy in a long time. Also, have I been around here so long that people actually know me? I still feel like a lurker, like my other account... Lol.
  2. Godammit. I'm one of those people that feels like I have to be the very best at what I do, and I just got a new job where I am back on the bottom of the hierarchy. It's awesome for learning things the way that they are actually supposed to be done, but it requires a total removal of my pride and ego, which is very difficult. That being said, I'm drinking a glass of wine right now, that I fermented and bottled myself, and may finish the be bottle if I don't fall asleep first. Triggers are a bitch, but I am starting to understand my character flaws which lead to my triggers. Fake it till you make it? It's fucking frustrating being determined to do something and it only lasts a couple days at best. Suggestions? I'm going to start going to meetings again, so anything else is welcome.
  3. I'm hopping on the wagon, went out on a fifth of tequila last night, didnt feel hung over at all today, just couldn't focus and shit yellow water. Turns out after a long time of excessive drinking, the pancreas starts to fuck up, as does the gall bladder. This is happening to me. My pancreas is no longer producing the chemicals that help my stomach digest foods, so I am also not a properly absorbing minerals, nutrients, or vitamins. I am making a doc apppointment to check my a1c levels and see if I have drank myself into a pre-diabetic state, it pretty fucking scary honestly. My liver enzymes last time were twice the high range, GGT levels over 150. The clean life is something I have never fully signed on to. I have always felt like alcohol and weed are "just part of who I am", I guess it's time to make a new personal identity. It's not easy to give up something you love, even when you know it's for the better. And, scarily enough, it's still hard to give up even though I have scientific proof that it is killing me. Wonk saggin.
  4. So yeah, these dudes definitely aren't going to let me take any pictures of anything at this sushi spot. Wicked fucking strict Japanese people. But it's good shit, none the less.
  5. Noce bnh! I'm about to start brewing a sweetwater 420 clone recipe, with the hops upped a bit. Might take pics, probably not though, my new phone is a bitch.
  6. Symbols, Don't eat the fish, it's all radiated. I'm looking forward to a report back, I've wanted to go for years. -red.
  7. "Even Hellen Keller knows life stinks."
  8. Thr fuck are those greens? Frisée? Awful big leaves...
  9. I just got a job as a sushi chef at the most traditional and highest ranked Japanese restaurant in my region. I will be the first white chef they have ever hired, they have been open over 15 years... WINNING!
  10. Must spread repz pro, Devin the dude is that dude.
  11. TDB, resolutions fail because people don't like the idea of never doing the things they enjoy, ever again. That is why alcoholics say they are staying sober today, and tomorrow they will deal with tomorrow. Also, the impression of negatives on the mind has a prolific effect. Saying "I'm not going to drink" affects your mind much differently than "I'm going to stay sober". Stay positive! And don't over think it like I tend to do....
  12. Yo, this time of year fuckin blows when you've lost a dozen people in a year. BUT: I am choosing to take care of myself so that I can be there for my family. There a people hurting worse than me, and it is my job to be able to be there to help support them. I am not saying I will be totally sober, but family is my number one priority, my drinking fucks that up. I'll do the best I can to be the strongest I can be. When I look outside myself, and I don't see what I want, sometimes I leave my mind alone and just get by.
  13. This. If I ever have to steal to eat again, I will. Not just for fun, shits dumb.
  14. Muss spred repz E-creds are as good as 6 years of having your life back, right? That's all I can offer. And thanks for being that real dude, my shits not straight but you've helped me several times.
  15. Lol, just keep them in cardboard boxes, makes cleanup easier. You'll hav at least one... Sorry bro. Put plastic underneath too, I didn't do that once but should have.
  16. Glass with screw tops too, not caps... Idk man, you may have a bottl burst and it might be a bitch to clean up.... Best wishes, I'm sure it'll be just fine.
  17. Actual friends, eh? Don't find those much in this type of living... Tapering off of klonopin, it helped when I needed it, now I don't need it anymore. Time to stop. Marijuana intake reduced to nights only, to help with sleep and because I enjoy it. Booze.... Still my weak spot, I can make it a couple days then I'm back off to the races. Fake it till you make it? Maybe... Or just go ahead and make the decision and take the right action. Im doing ok, not great, but better than last year at this time. Time for a meeting, first one in years. Everybody, head up, chin up, one blood.
  18. i see a lot of people wasting mad time in this place.
  19. Alcoholics creedo: Fuck it... time for some relaxation....
  20. This thread morphs the reality of the oontz. People drop the egos in this place. Anyways... My brother is pretty convinced he has cancer, says he has lumps showing up all over his body and shit, but really isn't happy in his situation so just maxed out his life insurance and death benefits with the company he works for. He has no intentions of fighting it at all, just waiting to die essentially. I'm not sure that my Dad will be able to handle that shit, at all. He is just starting to begin to get over losing his wife of 36 years, losing a son would probably make him drink until his heart stops.... again... but not call 911 this time. Life is a fuckin bitch right now. I am maintining at around 1.5 mg klonopin a day, and take effexor (which doesn't do shit but make my dick not stay up when it needs to, which is depressing. Counter-effective med.) I drink about 3-4 beers a day, or if I open a bottle of wine I finish it. I can feel myself slipping back into my old mindset, and I almost welcome it right now. More carefree, but still productive. Might even get the old cans back out one day soon and find a bridge to tuck underneath. It's been a long fuckin time since I felt that relaxed... WALL OFF TEXT. DID NOT READ. -red.
  21. So, been on Klonopin for a while (legally), had a few drinks after work last night, after taking 1.5 mg of klonopin throughout the day. By a few I mean, a small shot of moonshine, and two normal (5% abc) beers. On my way home, on a straight two lane country BFE road, I decided to see how fast my car would go. I do not drive a sports car, it is not a high end car at all, but it can definitely go at least 128 mph. I think it's time to reevaluate my situation a little bit, controlling anger means when I'm bored I have not a care in the world. Its hard to balance with the work I do....
  22. same shit different venue. There are fast food restaurants and fine dining restaurants, and a multitude in between. The same will be with food trucks, people make their own fuckin choice in the end. I think It's bullshit that there will be taco bell and kfc food trucks, but I'm certainly not surprised. Errybody hungry, errybody eatin, I would strongly encourage you all to support your local businesses rather than corporate entities. At least you know your money is going to hard working individuals instead of CEOs...
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