Alcoholism

[Fist 666]

Shit. RIP.

[!@#$%]

RIP pitofzombies

 

Don't know any details and wouldn't post them if I did. But he was a contributor to this thread and I figured you guys might care. I remember multiple times where he said this was the most important thread on the entire site so it felt right to post it here instead of making a thread.

 

Wish we chilled while I was in PDX Quincy.

 

 

always tragic when we lose an oontzer

i'm very sorry to hear this news

Rest In Power

[Inappropriate_Responder]

He was a mentor to many on this thread, including me. tragic .

 

stayup ya.

[massgraff]

Definitely.

 

Never knew what happened to pro. Stay strong bro. And everyone going through this!

[SMdoubleXL]

hey everyone I hope you all are staying strong and doing well. ive just been sittin sideline ...reading this thread every now and then but not signin in to speak; super focused on major events. I have remained n touch with several of you outside of here and appreciate it more than you know. Hearing of Quincy passing was a tough one. hearing all the comments and such related to it just reinforces the good, solid person I thought he was. rest in peace to him, sincerely.

 

I had reached out to another oontzer (anybody wanna peanut) to inform him of this horrible news because I know he would take in what Quincy had to say. it had been about a month since we exchanged texts and I found it odd that he was not responding after daily calls and or texts. I had to reach out to a friend of his back in NJ, only to be informed that CJ, (anybody wanna peanut) had passed last Wednesday. I know he had been to rehab several times and he had just finished rehab right before his death. I don't know the cause of his death but I am super bummed right now. we grew very very close and got some hang times in during one of my Pittsburgh visits. we connected like no other. I know he has a current gf and was getting his chef thing on, proud of his menu he was able to create and the dishes he would plate. I thought he was on a great path but also knew he would slip every now and then. I don't know if I'm posting this more to inform you or more to vent. hang in there everyone. the demons are strong

[CALIgula]

damn... RIP AWP

[Guest]

rip

[Fist 666]

Sigh.

 

Rest in Power.

[!@#$%]

wow. very sorry to hear that, SMdXL

thanks so much for sharing.

 

RIP AWP

 

after having a good year last year i've had a hard time lately.

the struggle definitely ebbs and flows

best wishes to all :heartpulse:

[xen]

POZ and anybody want a peanut are gone? That is harsh. Get that rest man.

 

I lost 2 solid homies to heroin last year. 1 had 3 years sober and 1 had just over a year. Neither one gave me any indication that the old demons had returned. i Don't know what, if anything, I could have done. Ya, the struggle is real.

 

I've been doing good for the last 16 months. Slipped a few times and got drunk but haven't spiraled back to a fifth of vodka a day. I hit a meeting here and there and it helps. My regular group counsilor left to greener pastures last week and one guy showed up drunk. I think he should have got the bum's rush and taken out back but what the hell. If you can't hold it together for 1 day (he can't) stay the fuck home and get drunk. Again, the struggle is real and some people are truly fighting this shit.

 

Enough of my ramblings. Stay strong and use your support network, whatever it is. I am genuinely bummed.

[breakfast menu]

awful to hear that we have lost both AWAP and POZ.

i wish i could summon more than a "fuck this disease, man" but i haven't got it.

 

POZ, in particular, said a lot of things i needed to hear in early sobriety. he was one of a few on here who convinced me that i didn't have to join a religious order to work a 12step program and stay sober. i had the idea it was possible, but reading/hearing people say it first-hand was more powerful.

 

knowing that has kept me in meetings and, by extension, kept me sober.

i've said this before (just months ago, on the occasion of another death), but will do so again. part of the promise of sobriety is that you never have to go it alone ever again - if you choose.

 

look at this thread of strangers mourning and/or counseling people they may have never even met if you need an example of this.

the part of longer-term sobriety that fucks me up on the regular is how eager people (total strangers) are to just see you get better. that's it. people just want to see you live and get a hold of this. and when you can't, those same people are some of the people most likely to help.

 

sobriety saves lives.

rest in peace to both of them.

[SMdoubleXL]

awful to hear that we have lost both AWAP and POZ.

i wish i could summon more than a "fuck this disease, man" but i haven't got it.

 

POZ, in particular, said a lot of things i needed to hear in early sobriety. he was one of a few on here who convinced me that i didn't have to join a religious order to work a 12step program and stay sober. i had the idea it was possible, but reading/hearing people say it first-hand was more powerful.

 

knowing that has kept me in meetings and, by extension, kept me sober.

i've said this before (just months ago, on the occasion of another death), but will do so again. part of the promise of sobriety is that you never have to go it alone ever again - if you choose.

 

look at this thread of strangers mourning and/or counseling people they may have never even met if you need an example of this.

the part of longer-term sobriety that fucks me up on the regular is how eager people (total strangers) are to just see you get better. that's it. people just want to see you live and get a hold of this. and when you can't, those same people are some of the people most likely to help.

 

sobriety saves lives.

rest in peace to both of them.

 

 

some good words spoke here .

 

I'm still in shock over both but really having a hard time with awp .I just hope that both of thm knew they were loved as they passed on. we all are worthy of being loved. Don't be afraid to reach out even if it keeps you alive and sober for just one more day. We all know how decisions we think about can change in just 1 day.

[Shittles..TasteTheAsshole]

The warmer sunnier weather is coming which for me always made me want to porch drink or just drink more outside in general and even the beer run to the store was easier and more enjoyable. Extra will power is required during these coming months. I find outdoor exercise, Biking, skating, walking all help to replace the cravings and you even get feel good feelings after a nice workout. Yall stay positive and good luck.

[breakfast menu]

i really really strongly relate to that; my worst drinking and the worst consequences always came as spring was turning to summer. my date is june 19th but i "hit my bottom" and stayed there just before memorial day.

 

even the way it smells outside on a late spring night is triggering.

 

exercise and keeping a fat schedule is key.

[xen]

This fucking group I go to is pissing me off. I have to go per court order but there are a few cats with solid advice and a few I know I could help but the way it is ran is just jacked. Every meeting is what struggles have you had, what triggers did you over come, what made you want to use? this fucking group made me want to use. focusing on the misery,? write down what made you miserable? bitch, i had a good week and am generally happy. where is the room for that?

 

I am going to speak up next week. thanks for reading my inner voice.

[breakfast menu]

weird format, i haven't heard of that before.

we have speaker meetings and big book meetings and the like. pretty straightforward.

[Ray Velcoro]

I swear to god if I could just smoke weed I'd drink never...basically social occasions like NFL games and birthdays.

I'm at the point in life where I'm so beat from work most days that drinking puts me to sleep, and I don't even enjoy it.

[!@#$%]

^ i quit drinking and went to weed about 10 years ago after i ended up in the hospital

it just opened up another dependency issue .. albeit a FAR less destructive one.

it did help me quit smoking

 

i've managed to cut way back on it, finally, in the past year.

still smoking every day though

[Ray Velcoro]

I'm off weed for about three months now after a five year stint, (other than a gram somewhere there in the middle)

 

During my college 'career' and subsequent years, I drank like a Russian. In the last year or so I have greatly reduced my amount of drinking

for all the typical reasons. Saturday night is a blast, then I want to die Sunday.

 

I don't know whether I can say I am dependent upon marijuana because I quit cold turkey, and stay off it for long durations of time.

But, I think about it, crave it, and have to fight myself(literally) to not smoke at times.

 

Not one to use others as a barometer, but most of my friends have a real problem with it. If you can't go a week without something

that is not food, oxygen, water or sleep, then yeah, you have an issue hombre.

 

I hope everyone is holding strong, substances are fire, our best friends, and worst enemies.

[breakfast menu]

friend arrested on a felony b&e (drunk; needed money to cop) a month ago - just wrapped his car around a tree last week. four days sober now. alive, somehow.

 

the longer you stay the wilder the old life seems.

[xen]

Weed was one of those things that I guess I just outgrew. When me and my wife first started dating, she made it known that running me around to get weed pissed her off. She didn't smoke so it was just wasting her life. I love her more than weed and didn't want to be a time murderer so I didn't ask and it just faded away. I not only don't miss it, i don't even like it. I just get anxious and can't see paying for that, I can get it for free. Then one by one the rest of the dope fell out of fashion until there was just alcohol and I consumed enough of that to more than replace the rest until it became an issue.

 

Hope everyone is doing well and staying strong. Keep on keeping on.

[where]

Been pretty sober off and on for a while, it's been easy because I've been putting a lot of energy into parenting and being stable in front of my daughter. Running really helps me to get through most of the day without drinking, I got into it recently and just did a half marathon a few weeks ago. Been cutting back on weed though I still smoke everyday and occasionally go full retard, quit butts a year ago keep feeling better and better. One of my few friends out here I talk to on a regular basis is going through all sorts of problems with drinking and being destructive and is living in Hull this isolated beach town, it's gotten to the point I had to say I won't drink with him cause he gets fall down and when Id go to bars with him he'd buy rounds 2 at a time non stop till we get into a fight with someone, back in January that happened in Chinatown, and I was too fucked up to drive, so in my blackout which I documented on snapchat I let him drive my car and he went over a median lol and popped a tire, some bullshit.

 

Still haven't gone to any meetings, just been taking things one day at a time you know, try to not look to far forward or too far back, and I've felt more urge to do art consistently since I stopped boozing like crazy. Real sad to hear about POZ and AWAP, man, everyone stay safe, keep fighting the good fight, and appreciate the time we have!

[~KRYLON2~]

One thing that has always kept me from going overboard with any vice in my life is i just think about other things i could buy or invest my time into that would give me more joy. I can go buy a 30 pack or use that money to get paint or records. I could go get stoned with my friends or go on a bike ride to the beach. I guess what I'm saying is one of the hardest lessons in life is learning how to enjoy it.

[!@#$%]

friend arrested on a felony b&e (drunk; needed money to cop) a month ago - just wrapped his car around a tree last week. four days sober now. alive, somehow.

 

the longer you stay the wilder the old life seems.

 

 

that's because once you get old, the risk taking parts of your brain aren't out of control from being underdeveloped anymore

you get older and become literally more capable of understanding risk and consequence

 

http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

 

the part of your brain that develops the latest is the prefrontal cortex

that part of the brain controls -

 

• Attention
  
• Complex planning
  
• Decision making
  
• Impulse control
  
• Logical thinking
  
• Organized thinking
  
• Personality development
  
• Risk management
  
• Short-term memory
  

[breakfast menu]

this is fair.

i'm old now.

[!@#$%]

i guess i should've said.. in your late twenties

and not 'when you get old'

 

at my age, late twenties seems young

[~KRYLON2~]

I don't do anything risky unless I'm getting money

[Guest]

im going to go for one month dry. i can do this, again. lol.

[!@#$%]

best wishes

[xen]

Well, I fucked up again, par for the course I guess. Dealing with some "Dude, call someone. Seriously"; type depression. It's just culmination of years of trying to do the right thing and what seems like constantly having the rug pulled out.

 

I am in the best place I been in my life. Everything good that I thought wasn't for me, a homeless, alcoholic, dope fiend that had every plan on being dead at 37 and lived life accordingly. Had fun doing it. Met my wife and, jesus fuck the trials and tribulations.

 

My hobo knowledge got us through, adapt and overcome became our mantra, figure it out, stupid was painted on the wall of the house we were buying. It wasn't fit for human habitation but we made a promise to our dogs that we were their forever home come hell or high water. We got both but kept those assholes.

 

We lived 2 years in this squat. I shouldn't call it that, every squat I had had indoor plumbing, but I digress. We bathed out of water jugs, hated Sunday because the gas station didn't open til 10 but I had to shit at 7. We made this place habitable.

Every bit ourselves, me and her. we figured it out. We had to use propane heat and almost died of carbon monoxide, you shit just goes on and on but we rarely fought. It was me and her against the world but you can only bright side it so long. I couldn't find a job for the felonies and I got fucked up and went for a drive, got a DUI

 

Fast forward 19 months. The crooked preacher we were buying it from had the house condemned for no water, still don't know why, I have a job making not folding money but breathing room, almost got the probation done and I get the phone call that 2 more friends were killed in a car crash.

Their 16 year old daughter that I remember when she was born was pulled out but there was't enough time save them and she watched her parents burn.

 

I kept it together for 2 days and got off work, drank a beer to their memory and my wife reminded me I have court. Went, paid them $500 upped my monthly amount by 5. Judge is happy and I leave. DA heads me off at the door and has me go take a piss test. Failed for alcohol and he files a PTR.

 

Shit's gonna crash for a beer. Overly pessimistc, worried for nothing? It'll be OK? This is the motherfucker that sentenced me to prison for 3 years (served 1) for 3 cans of paint and a pack of blank CDs. Been mad the whole time i didn't sit in prison this time like he wanted.

 

I haven't talked to my wife about how down I am. Trying the play it off, no big deal facade because she's going to see our son this weekend. I am probably going to get really fucked up and sleep until she comes back.

 

tl:dr fuck you i need to stay occupied and wall of text did it. you can only put so much weight on my spirit and miles on my soul.