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"Surprise Me" -- YEA I WILL.

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Channel 0,

 

I have an inquiry concerning a lady friend of mine.

She gets back from a month off next weekend and suggested that i might get laid when she comes back. Cool story faggot.

 

But the catch is .. she told me she wanted me to "Surprise" her. That shit is irritating, tell me what the fuck you want, else i'm guaranteed to fuck it up. So instead of playing Carmen Sandiego with her i want to ensure that she'll never, ever want me to surprise her ever again. At your disposal I have the following resources:

 

- $30

 

- halloween mask

 

- hydrogen peroxide

 

- Timberland boots

 

- camouflage bandana

 

- binder clips

 

- orange juice

 

- duct tape

 

- a plastic vuvuzela

 

- an ace bandage that only mildly smells like my foot

 

- a fog machine

 

- 48 standard legal-sized envelopes

 

- black hooded sweatshirt

 

- a can of waterproof shoe spray; look at the top of it.

4050057181055-2T.jpg

 

Discuss.

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sorry, had to do that

 

I think she might mean surprise her like this

 

burglar-in-ski-mask.jpg?w=200&h=300

 

on some weird fetish type of shit

 

or, you could buy here a Real Doll

or have the surprise be that you have been cheating on her?

 

2cents.gif

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Duct tape her up and waterboard her while you wear a halloween mask. When you're done, gag her with foot bandage and go spend $30 on drugs. Consume drugs. Sleep. Consume orange juice in the morning. Untie her and tell her to make you breakfast or get the fuck out.

 

 

Edit: You should also take pictures and send them out to 48 random addresses in the envelopes. And post them here, naturally.

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was some type of funnel and gluteus maximus urinatus shrouded by a fog mechanism mentioned yet?

 

 

cus she is practically begging for it br0

 

 

 

 

hide camera, film, share link

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Beforehand, you will need to do two things: have a friend take several pictures of you looking like you got beat the fuck up, and soak your bandage in hydrogen peroxide. You will need to use the 30 dollars to get some nice prints made of the photos.

 

Wear the mask, hoody, and Timberland boots. Use the camouflage bandana as a loincloth.

 

Turn on the fog machine and get some real heavy fog going. When she arrives, tell her the door is open, come on in.

 

She will be heavily disoriented by the fog when she comes inside. Leap out of the fumes shrieking and blowing the vuvuzela. Use the peroxide soaked bandage like you would use chloroform-- she will probably pass out from the fumes. Once she is passed out, bind her with duct tape. Use the clips to affix the photos your friend took of you to the envelopes, and arrange them so that when she comes to, they will be right in front of her.

 

When she wakes up, she will be terrified, having thought that the mask wearing nut that just attacked her brutally assaulted you earlier in the day, and by sheer bad luck she was the first person to come visit since. She will get more and more upset, because you will be sitting in front of her in the mask drinking the orange juice. When she is about to reach her breaking point, remove the mask and you'll both have a good laugh about you tricked her.

 

That's not the surprise though, the surprise will be you stopping the ensuing sex to spray all your shoes with that waterproof stuff.

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have someone she doesnt know ring her doorbell.

have him grab her mouth so she cant scream. blindfold and tie a rag around her mouth. handcuff her hands and feet.

 

throw her in the back of a van.

 

drive her far away and make sure you do lots of u turns.

 

bring her somewhere remote. un-blindfold her and proceed to fuck the shit out of her.

 

 

it happened to my friend from her girlfriend on her birthday. she said she loved it!

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- a plastic vuvuzela

 

- a fog machine

 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUN I COULD HAVE WITH THESE TWO THINGS?

 

You lack imagination and initiative.

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Gently place the vuvuzella in her but, drink the OJ then urinate into vuvuzella.

 

She'll love it

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by surprise her why dont you secretly videotape said surprise encounter and donate it to an ex girl pron site. Smash out with a 12oz stickered hockey mask. She should be pretty surprised

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fuck both her parents and tell the girl her dad gives better head than her mom.

 

^^THIS^^ and then pee in the vuvuzela in her butt + fog machine for

 

ambience.

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