Toiletseat Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 . I thought he was going to buy a pack from the store. He came back with like 8 butts he found on the ground. I smoked them anyway like a p.o.s. hahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
50million Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 here is fred dursts number 3105950858 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyWay Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 better get it covered if he's not down. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgD9jvODQpE&feature=related Ha, that was funny as fuck, especially the Deutsche Punk Rockern Musik. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyWay Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 While Christmas shopping this season I would place all stuffed animals in positions that resembled sexual situations............I'm almost 30 Awesome, I live for this shit. Gotta spread more rep before bla bla bla. I'm quitting my job in 2 weeks, and today the head chef left to go home for a month. I made a super stainer mix and today in a quiet hour I went around the fridge removing big ass boxes and climbing into random spots and writing things like 'Head Chef XXXX sucks big fat curry cocks in hell', 'Tall atheltic closet homo chef seeking uncut young men for discreet good times, 0408 xxx xxx' and so on and so on. I take pleasure knowing that after I leave they'll be finding these stainers for months to come, and I know how to make a fukn good stainer. These shits'll be hard to buff. FYI I'm approaching 35 :) Never grow up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolling nowhere Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This week: Let a huge roll of thick paper probably 500ft fly down college hill (Brown area, as in the school, not niggers) right down the yellow line. It zig zagged smashing off curbs and made a huge mess, cars were getting all fucked up and these two biker douche bags had to come to a complete stop to figure out how they were going to ride over the shit. I stole the roll of paper from that show I took a dump at. Drove by occupy providence and my buddy threw rocks at the tents. Let my friend free hand a tattoo my thigh that looks like a black blob, about the size of a quarter. I thought being sober would prevent this kind of shit, but I've realized I'm just really immature. seems like when youre sober and have the ability to focus on being a bastard is when its at its best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BullshitTantrum Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 maybe its when your fucked up the bastard comes out on its. sometimes without your exact intent or purpose known, but when your sober your really really committed and focused on having the bastard come out for a reason. mongo only pawn in game of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 i read katy perry and russell brand can't handle marriage talk about turrible adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malin Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Today: Did some laundry in my apartment's laundry room. Did the usual washing, put them in the dryer and fell asleep on the couch for about an hour. Mind you, I hate leaving my clothes in the dryer after they are done because of wrinkles. Whatever. I fell asleep, woke up and remembered to go get them. When I went into the laundry room, I found my clothes to be still damp, on top of the dryer, and wrinkled to all hell. Whose ever clothes that were in the dryer had taken mine out, knowing damn well they weren't done. There were two other dryers that they could have used. So i open the door of their dryer and took a piss in to their drying laundry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 L O L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolling nowhere Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 if i get motivated i could tell some stories. some good stuff in here. a lot of tame stuff. i cant even imagine what kind of fucked up shit im doing tonight. well i can imagine but as usual ill go above and beyond my wildest dreams. sometimes you just have to choke out dudes girlfriends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyWay Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 This guy, he gets me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyEJeel4r1g This is something I would do if I had a bike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blankxpression. Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malin Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwriteforkicks Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i got black out drunk at a 7 year olds brithday party, puked all over her cake and shit. does it count now i'm legal to drink? dope thread.. I haven't laughed as hard at the internet in ages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Not adult, although it's got potential for terrible. Funny too, assuming that's what really happened, as opposed to getting sloppy and throwing up in the kitchen in front of everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 a few months back i was shithoused at a strip club of low caliber dames. i decided it would be funny to draw swastikas on the dollars i gave to the black and jew dancers, and on the rest of them i was writing shit like 'for baby formula' and 'for diapers.' i was using a kingsize so it wasn't very hard to see... the jew girl had hebrew text over her belly and sanskrit on her back so i was asking her what the fuck she was supposed to be; jew or punjab. this lasted for about 30 singles and 6 or so songs before i was escorted out. i wasn't even mad because they'd let me in w/o cover charge with my military ID. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eviltrailer77 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armand hammer Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I've been sleeping with a 28 year old married lesbian who teaches disabled children, I'm the victim of a terrible adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dowmagik Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 took a girl home from the bar couple years ago and photographed myself smoking speed in bed while she was cuddling me, asleep, oblivious to my shenanigans ive pretended to be a sex-crazed chick on plentyoffish and sent hella horny guys to an ex-roommates house. told them to be sure to just walk in, and if my boyfriend (described old roommate) gives them any trouble, to just tell him to fuck off i smelled tugboat timmy's penis one night after he fucked his gf and my nose accidentally touched his pee-pee. /nh my manager at work is preggo. i talked her into playing a prank on a coworker. when coworker went into the walk-in cooler, preggo lady stood outside the door and slammed the door shut when the chick tried to open it, then clutched her very preggo womb and started fake crying, told the chick she crushed her baby with the door knob. the girl flipped out and started dry heaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+plus+ Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsauceinthedickholewastaken Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 took a girl home from the bar couple years ago and photographed myself smoking speed in bed while she was cuddling me, asleep, oblivious to my shenanigans ive pretended to be a sex-crazed chick on plentyoffish and sent hella horny guys to an ex-roommates house. told them to be sure to just walk in, and if my boyfriend (described old roommate) gives them any trouble, to just tell him to fuck off i smelled tugboat timmy's penis one night after he fucked his gf and my nose accidentally touched his pee-pee. /nh my manager at work is preggo. i talked her into playing a prank on a coworker. when coworker went into the walk-in cooler, preggo lady stood outside the door and slammed the door shut when the chick tried to open it, then clutched her very preggo womb and started fake crying, told the chick she crushed her baby with the door knob. the girl flipped out and started dry heaving. ^Hero! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 dow and fist those are all superb... once a few years ago we used to throw things at cars (mainly taxis, because the dirvers are all fuckin' nuts) we would throw anything from eggs to coins and fruit... one of my mate's used to get picked up from his mum, and she would drive past, stick her head oot the window and shout grief, until we fuckin' pelted her car with a load of 1p and 2p coins... i decided the next day it'd be funnier to try and hit his mum in face with a banana, so i took the banyana squeezed it so it was all like mush an shit inside, then slit it from top to bottom with a pen so all the shit would ooze oot when it hit her... so we're walkin' along the main road that she drives doon, i keep an eye oot for her car, then i see it comin' with a slightly open window! I time it so fuckin' perfect that it hits the top of the door and the top of the glass and almost flys right into the car... the car pulls over at a space further up ahead and all we seen was the driver throwing loads o chunks o' banana oot the window whilst we're all laughing further back doon the road. later that night i come in from being oot with friends and my mum says; "sit doon! we've just had a call from your head teacher saying there's been reports of you throwing coins and fruit at cars! he wants to see you in his office first thing tomorrow ya wee arsehole..." so i turn up the next day only to hear that the car i hit with the banana wasn't my mate's mums car, it was some chinese man, who was wearing his best silk suit on his way to a business meeting... he phoned the school and went fuckin' mental saying he had to give a presentation with chunks of banana in his hair, his suit is in the dry cleaners, and that the inside of his car needed a full valet because of the mess... i was trying so hard not to pish my troosers all the way through the story... i admitted the coins business but said fuck all aboot the banana and got away with it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BELTOLEUM Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 This thread has me EL-OH-ELing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armand hammer Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I remember we used to take the mud from our bike wheels and wait at this huge roundabout for cars to stop and pelt them full of mud, anyway I saw this big ork troll looking White van driving gypo the one day with his window half open and as he pulled off I threw the most perfect projectile mud ball ever created straight through the window into his bald gypsy head, he rammed the cunt infrint if him all the cars stopped he got out looking like some Asian chick had shat on his face and started screaming at us. The guy in the car he rammed got out and the two started beating the shit out of each other and we just stood there crying wig laughter. Fucking scum area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 thats beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manute Bol Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 suk dikz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manute Bol Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 that wasn't worded right, but fuck it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 another time walkin' home from school in the winter, me and another boy picked up what must've been the bottom part o' a snowman... it was fairly heavy and it took two of us to carry this boulder of snow... certain buses here still have conductors that follow you to your seat when you get on then charge you your fare, whilst the bus is moving they normally stand and speak to the driver beside the front door o' the bus... anyway someone walking infront of us while we were carrying the huge snowball pushed a wee button on the side o' the bus that opens the doors from the ootside, my mate gave a nod towards the open bus door and we threw it at the conductor, i felt pretty bad because this boy was pretty old lookin' and the sheer size o the snowball took the boys legs right oot from underneath him... then we heard a pretty funny and loud thud as he battered his head off the floor... we all ran away in fuckin' fits of laughter and he came oot goin' mental and swearing his fuckin' head off at us. but it was pretty icey and i don't think he fancied almost breaking his neck for the second time in one day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i decided the next day it'd be funnier to try and hit his mum in face with a banana next day only to hear that the car i hit with the banana wasn't my mate's mums car, it was some chinese man, who was wearing his best silk suit on his way to a business meeting... he phoned the school and went fuckin' mental saying he had to give a presentation with chunks of banana in his hair These three parts. And dow orchestrating the freezer abortion. Win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armand hammer Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 that wasn't worded right, but fuck it. It's this bulhit auto correct shit on my iPod I only just noticed, this thing comes up with words I've never even heard of. But the lesbian tard commander said she will grab me a decent laptop from the zoo she works in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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