vanfullofretards Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Doggie Day Care Center has immediate opening for full-time caretaker. Must have 24/7 availability and be willing to work weekends, overnights and all major holidays so our current employees don't have to be bothered. Job requires standing for long periods, alone, in a room full of dogs. Must be able to bend over frequently to clean up urine, poop and vomit. Heavy lifting required. Looking for candidates with little-to-no social life or self esteem that look like they'd fit in on our team. If you enjoy working like a dog at all hours of the day and night for close to minimum wage this is the job for you! Send your resume today!!! Hahahaha http://madison.craigslist.org/fbh/2041824465.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antix818 Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/spo/2090549671.html Why do I own a skateboard? - $20 (Dupont Circle) Maybe it was the 80s. Maybe I thought, "Hey, I could be just like Marty McFly!" Maybe I should have fucking thought for two seconds and realized what a stupid idea this stupid goddamned skateboard was before I got it. No, I don't have broken limbs, but I ought to. I've had this thing sitting around for God knows how long and the only thing I ever really did with it was ride it a few times, attempt some tricks and move some heavy furniture. Miraculously it, like myself, is in one piece. Lucky you. What kind of bearings does it have? I don't know. What brand is it? You're fucking kidding me. Are you punk? Your mom is punk. Look, this is the part where you have your own midlife crisis at 20-whatever and go, "Yeah, I can see myself doing that." And you know what? You'll get points for riding a skateboard and not one of these longboards the kids are all about. Say it's ironic if it makes you feel better, which I guess you'd need because you're probably also wearing skin-tight jeans in winter and those things *contract*. Cool design on the bottom. Red axles. Built-in street cred, as if you need it. Be the first kid on your block to split your head open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoopit Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nhm/1629950745.html My Porn Watching Pig Boyfriend ]-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-03-05, 1:18PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So you like watching these porn-sluts get pounded and creamed? OK, I get it, I kind of like some of that too. It's rather entertaining, if not slightly disturbing/fascinating to WATCH. But now you're getting all fucked up with me, and although I keep taking it from you, you're probably on the way out, and I'm trying to think of ways to get you back. Because, at the end of the day, the "new" hardcore is rather degrading, and there are too many limits being pushed. Here are a few of mine that keep getting tested: pretty sure its a repost but awsome non the less 1) If you don't stop slapping my tits and pinching my nipples that way, you won't ever see them again. I hope you like my parka, cause it's going to become my new lingerie. 2) Don't ever spit on my face again, I think I made that clear, sorry about the sore balls. 3) I used to feel proud that I could swallow, now I feel pretty gross after you dick whip me and make me eat it off your cock and fingers like it's punishment. I would do all that for you anyway, but when you hold my hair and call me names and make me, there's that line I was talking about. 4) Pussy to mouth is kind of freaky, I'm totally ok with that. Ass to mouth is something else altogether, stop even joking about it. If you should ever decide to "forge ahead" with that one and see how it goes, I'll bite your fucking dick off, I swear I will. If I don't manage that in the moment, I'll get you in your sleep. Thanks for listening sweetheart. By the way how did your coffee taste this morning? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Tit punching nippple slapper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Ass to mouth is something else altogether, stop even joking about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis and Clark Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 looking for a driver hi im looking for a safe and good driver. for more info cantact me via craigslist. 24/7 personal assistant Wanted, an unattached and sinngle young woman for an unusual live in position. Please be proficient in cooking and willing to commit to a live in situation. Generous pay and bonus oppertunity. Respond with a photo and brief resume, I will respond with details. *lol two of the funnier ones lately... showed them to a friend who doesnt have a job told her if they turn out to be sketchy i'll owe her one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webmaster Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 WIN FREE MONTHS OF 12OZ. VIP SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS!!!!! This contest will run all week until Friday - December 17, 2010 .. 6 p.m. EST Click on any advertiser(non-12oz. paint shop ad) check out what the advertiser has to offer and while you are there Take a screen grab on any page within the advertisers site and get 2 free weeks. Each screen grab has to be from a different advertiser per day, you can only submit 2 screen grab ads per day, giving you 1 free month a day you participate. Thats 4 months if you send in 2 submissions a day until Friday. Send me your screen grabs via Private message, we will update your account nightly. Please make sure you submit correctly, we will not reply back to submissions that are wrong. DON'T send us your old screen shots from previous contests. We have them saved and will reference back to avoid schemers. We also know what ads are running, some have ended and some new ones have been dropped into rotation.... Enjoy… This contest will run all week until Friday - December 17, 2010 .. 6 p.m. EST SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS!!!!!! WIN FREE MONTHS OF 12OZ. VIP STATUS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdoughnut69 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/roo/1629085335.htmlBest post I've read in a long time. Tears running down my face. "That's what EPIC sounds like!" $770 1 Bedroom in a 6Br, 3 story Bro Palace- America (Mt. Pleasant) WARNING: If you are not a complete Brohemouth, do not read this ad. The awesome of this house will make your face melt like Raiders of the Lost Ark. We've had this Temple to Broseidon under our control since W. went Ameri-bro and Mission Accomplished the shit out of Iraq and it has seen some of the greatest bros of the last decade pass through its hallowed halls: 2 direct descendants of the A-Team, they guy who came up with Under Armour's "We must protect this house" campaign, Nicholas Cage, and a surfer bro ( ) that made Keanu Reeves in Point Break look like Lionel Richie. After coming to America to learn the ways of the brah, our recent international brotege (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlWNg4k0MLY) has flown by the seat of his pants back Down Under, most likely to bang as many foreign chicks as possible. We're looking for a bro of epic broportions, talent and exploits to fill his spot in the brahacracy. About the house itself: • The house, as any true Brotel should, has its own brah-niker: Sparta, because what's more brah than being the most cock diesel fighters of all the ancient world? Slaying mad bitches that’s what, which were pretty sure the Spartans did too. if these guys were around today they'd wear Affliction Tees for sure bro • Kitchen equipped with multiple blenders for protein shakes • if you need to know more, then you’re no bro, and your face will start melting any minute now The bros in this house like to party hard and bang chicks even harder. If you hate China and Russia winning any Olympic medal and shed a bro-tear when Phelps won his 8th gold medal, join the club. However, only real Teddy Brosevelts know the true tragedy was that the IOC (also known as Vichy France) didn’t let Phelps compete in every event. Moving on, owning some container capable of holding more than 4 beers at once is an absolute requirement. Having recently banged a chick born in the 90's is a plus. If it was doggy and you didn't call her ever again…BRO-FIVE! If you think you're brah enough to enter the kingdom of brah, respond to this ad. Our response will either come in the form of an email or by means of bald eagle courier. RamBros love America. Brahsta La Vista. Best post I've read in a long time. Tears running down my face. "That's what EPIC sounds like!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuco Salamanca Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Best post I've read in a long time. Tears running down my face. "That's what EPIC sounds like!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanfullofretards Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 what is with the "purrr" and "wooof"? I don't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARD like WOE Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 cats welcome dogs welcome.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I WANT THAT HAM.... CAN YOU CHECK AND SEE IF ITS STILL AVAILABLE? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 ^Actually the ham has been given away...all that's left for you is pizza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Wowwwwwwww Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro. Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 i'm game for some pizzapits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
100%juice Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 pause Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boxcarrapist Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 $293 alberta arts district (18 /alberta) (map) Date: 2011-01-28, 3:36AM PST Reply to: hous-3pfje-2184414700@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] one and a half rooms in basement under faith oriented home, with high moral values. Felons and lumberjacks welcome. possibility of limited bathroom usage. must be comfortable around the transgender community. discount on rent with help in our vegan sausage meat packing production. the half room in basement is shared with my gerbil farm. must be open to swingers night on saturday About J Lockin: funtional male meat cutter in transgender transition. and not in recovery. Main manager of gerbil farm. About Annabell: Organic Farmer, 24, recently divorced looking for a gentleman (with stamina!) to help in garden About Katrina O: young dancer at downtown club, 23, enjoys tattoos and indie rock, and anal sex You? (503)896-8455 NE18th at alberta (google map) (yahoo map) * Location: 18 /alberta * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 2184414700 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 :lol: He forgot beer, you can't have pizza without beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdoughnut69 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Thinking about a baby - 26 (Northwest Indiana) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2011-01-26, 8:16PM CST Reply To This Post -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm thinking about having a baby. I've never wanted kids, but the maternal instinct is kicking in and my biological clock is ticking. What I am looking for: A sane, white male under the age of 33 that wants to have a child. I am not really looking for a relationship. I would like us to be friends, though. After all, we are going to raise a child together. About me: 26, sane, with a full time job. I am on the "alternative" side, with tattoos and some piercings, a punk girl, if you will. I'm educated without being educated. I have a zest for life. I was over 300 pounds about a year ago, now at around 235. I do not believe in god or organized religion. I am fairly modest and spend my time working, going to the gym, or relaxing at home. I smoke pot but rarely drink. I am about as close to being a vegetarian without being one. I am not looking for a random hook up. I am only looking for serious men that are looking to start a family. •Location: Northwest Indiana •it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 2182247710 OH, SHE'S DEF GOT HER SHIT TOGETHER-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplegrape Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 "Educated without being educated." LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/416363656.html Dear SEPTA Train Passengers, Hi there. You may have seen me: I'm the chick with the sketchbook that sometimes sits next to you, or near you, on the train to and from work every day. You may notice me wrestling my sketchbook out of my backpack, earnestly trying to get some work done on the bumpy ride into or out of the city. You may have even politely craned your neck to see what it was I was drawing. How you doin'. Because we live in a polite society populated by less than polite people, I'm going to share a few things with you, of which you may not already be aware. These items may or may not apply to other artists, under other circumstances, so I can't say for sure. You may find these insights helpful. Feel free to take notes, or print them out, but whatever course of action you decide to take, please do try to follow them from this point forward. 1. It's OK to talk to me. I'm a nice person, but I'm also pretty quiet. You're more than welcome to say hello to me, ask me if I'm a professional artist or art student (I'm not, but thank you for thinking I might be!) or comment on my work. I can even take criticism, as long as you're not being a jerk. If I don't continue the conversation, it's probably because I'm really shy, or because I'm trying to draw. 2. It's not OK to talk to me TOO MUCH. I have a 30 minute commute each way. In that we've already covered the "I'm not a professional artist or art student" portion of this post, you can assume that I do not spend the entirety of my day drawing. In fact, those precious 60 minutes of commute time are the only time that I have to actually get in some drawing, and improve my skills. I am usually happy to answer your polite questions, and even joke with you in a friendly manner, but it becomes very frustrating to me when your "talking" time infringes upon my sketching time. 3. Don't be offended if I don't make eye contact See #2. Sometimes, no matter how often I say, "I really only have enough time to draw on the train", people just can't take the hint, and launch into lengthy, detailed, often horrifyingly revealing conversations with me. As yet, I have not been able to find a polite way to excuse myself from these conversations, except to resume my drawing, and hope that they will not want to converse too much with the top of someone's head. 4. Do not ask too many questions about what I'm drawing. This often becomes embarrassing for both of us, and tiring for me. You don't know how many times I've heard, "Is that a guy? Are you drawing a guy? Is that someone you know? Is that your boyfriend? What is he holding? Is that a golf club? Is he a golfer? Are you drawing Tiger Woods? This one time, my Dad met Tiger Woods..." Please stop. If you want to know what I'm drawing, you can ask me once, and end it. If you want to know what I'm GOING to draw, just shut up and let me fucking finish it, or I will beat you with my sketchbook. I am a decent artist, so if you try to guess TWICE what I'm drawing, and get it wrong both times, you're either being an asshole, trying to embarrass me, or are a complete fucking moron, and I'm really regretting having chosen the seat next to you. 5. I am not holding a turd The lumpy gray thing that I have in one hand is called a Kneaded Eraser. When you buy it, it starts out like a 2" x 1" gray square, and you have to work it and knead it with your hands. It's much more gentle on paper than a hard rubber eraser, and when it gets dirty you just knead it until you get to a clean part. It is not a piece of turd. When I take it out, you don't have to gasp in horror and inch away from me like I'm going to rub gray feces all over you. 6. Do not take my polite replies to your questions as an invitation to convert me to any given religion. It's alarming how many conversations go like this: "You're a very good artist." "Thank you very much." "It's really a talent." "Thank you." "It's really a blessing to have that kind of talent." "Um. Yes." "Have you welcomed Jesus Christ into your heart for blessing you with such talent?" You know what religion I am? I'm the religion that doesn't discuss God with freaky people on the train who can't identify what conversations are inappropriate for complete strangers. I regularly attend the church of Please Leave Me The Fuck Alone Already, Lady. 7. I am not a babysitter I don't always draw from "real life", sometimes I draw illustrations and cartoons. Just because you see a cute, fuzzy animal emerging from my pad, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not use it as a way to distract your child from climbing all over you, the seats, and other passengers, like a shrieking primate. "Look Billy! Look what she's doing! Billy, get off that man's lap and come here -- see what she's doing? Isn't that pretty, Billy? Why don't you ask her what she's drawing? Maybe if you ask nicely she'll draw something for you. Just sit still and watch her for awhile so Mommy can sob quietly into her hands." As uncomfortable as it is for me to have to talk to people while I'm drawing, it's DOUBLY SO to have to do it while your little hellion is bouncing up and down on the seat next to me or -- worse yet -- sticking his face three inches away from the paper while I'm drawing. I am not a babysitter. I don't even like children. Seriously -- go Google the world "Childfree", and I promise that you'll never want your child anywhere near me, ever again. If you insist on using me as a ready-made distraction so you can get two minutes of not wanting to shoot yourself in the uterus, I'm going to turn the page and immediately start drawing the nastiest, most explicitly pornographic picture I can think of, all for your little snotmonkey's entertainment. 8. No, I'm not drawing Simba / Lady / Tramp / Nemo OR ANY OTHER CHARACTER. I know who you are. You're the guy who takes his kids to the zoo, points at the lion, and goes, "Look, honey, it's SIMBA AND NALA." This is going to come as a shock to you, but Disney is not the end-all be-all of all entertainment. Just because I'm drawing a lion does not mean that I'm drawing "The Lion King." Just because I'm drawing a dog does not mean it's "Lady and the Tramp." I am by no means a great artist, but I am GOOD, and certainly good enough to draw easily recognizable animals and figures (my biggest problem is anatomical perspective, not drawing things that are easily identifiable. I got that down quite awhile ago.) If I'm drawing a collie, or a poodle, or a whippet, it looks like a collie, a poodle or a whippet, it does not look like a cocker spaniel. Just because I'm drawing ANY BREED OF DOG does not mean I must be drawing "Lady." And if I tell you no, it's not "Lady", it's just a dog, it's not OK to pause for five seconds, and then ask, "...Is it Tramp?" It is also not OK to wait an additional five seconds and ask, "Can you draw me a picture of Lady and the Tramp?" I swear I will stab you in the face with my pencil. 9. I am neither a priest nor a psychiatrist. If you start talking to me, and insist on dragging it out into an entire, excrutiating conversation, please try to keep it topical. Please do not start telling me about your last ObGyn appointment, body hair problems that you have, or the condition of your last bowel movement. Seriously. I'm talking to you because I'm really trying to be nice, not because the grotesque details of your life actually fascinate me. I think that about covers it! I don't know if any of this will actually help any other artists out there, but it's certainly gone a long way towards help me not want to kill people anymore. Thank you, Philadelphia! 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toluene_causes_tumors Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 fat bitch needs a stabbin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BullshitTantrum Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 bitch who draws on the train like your that fucking busy, how much time did it take to write that? 3 pictures worth i bet. she prolly wants pizzapits. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro. Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 i hope she gets jacked for her precious sketchpad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 i dont draw on the train for some of the same reasons ... i feel that. but she is also whiny and moderately passive - aggressive... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~KRYLON2~ Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 what the fuck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Anybody who sees her MUST steal her book and scan it for all to see. By stealing it, I mean grab it out of her hands and punch her in the face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARD like WOE Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 injury if i see her im stealing her sketch book.. have you seen her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplegrape Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 What do you call people who pretend to be modest again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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