Syre Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Name Your Father (Canceled, Considered too Difficult) Lying To Police (Canceled, Considered too Easy) Welfare Fraud (Canceled, Considered a Lifestyle, Not an Event) :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocd_head Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 craigslist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hvak19 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 To the guy behind me on the bus - w4m (McMaster) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-02-05, 6:51PM EST Reply To This Post -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You were the old and extremely creepy man on the bus from McMaster going to York. I sat in front of you and was unable to drown out your hick drawl with my music, so I was forced to listen to you take advantage of an older Russian woman's misfortune of sitting next to you by hitting on her for the duration of the whole bus ride. She didn't seem like she spoke much english/understood a word you said, or maybe was just ignoring your descriptions of your 'inventions' that will make you famous one day. I just wanted to say thanks, Creepy Dickhead, for showing immigrants (because I heard that part of the conversation too, dumbass loud talker) that older Canadian men are desperate and strange. I wanted to warn her about you, but luckily I didn't need to: she refused to give you her number and switched seats. Rock on, Russian Lady. Location: McMaster it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1587970643 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Suspicious Carpet Buyer Posted at: 2010-02-27 00:13:38 Original ad: I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast From Me to ***********@*************.org: Hey, Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need. Thanks, Mike From *********@comcast.net to Me: yeah I just need one how much do you want for it From Me to *********@comcast.net: I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that. Mike From *********@comcast.net to Me: what? I dont need any of that just the rug From Me to *********@comcast.net: Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem. Mike From *********@comcast.net to Me: my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff From Me to *********@comcast.net: Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them. I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you. Mike From *********@comcast.net to Me: i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast From Me to *********@comcast.net: Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up. You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100. You should act soon before it is too late! Mike From *********@comcast.net to Me: is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makineasykills Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Hahaha...priceless. Dead hooker cleanup package FTW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltyone Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Hahaha...priceless. Dead hooker cleanup package FTW. of course your the first to make a comment on the dead hooker package....good show... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IllSkillet Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I just read 3 pages of the stories from craigslist...that shit is genius, I was in tears........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piggy back Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Dead hooker package!! Hahahaha Fucking good shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mountain dew Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2niwTu/www.9kik.com/2010/02/craigslist-dont-try-to-fight-it.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Bamboo Bikes http://kansascity.craigslist.org/bik/1632863875.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneekatoke Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 I got bored and emailed people on craigslist... a little thing from the other day. hey sup, you sound normal .. thats really unusual for craigslist lol .. so whats good? ok so one thing i sort of forgot to mention in my ad is im married, but its no worries hes away on business for the month, and hes a total computer geek anyway. im just with him for his money, honestly. looking for some fun on the side :-) anyways, it's 5:06 am right now and im at Gs and Zs coffee shop on almeda road and theyre kicking me out i been here so long, so i gotta bounce in like 5 mins anyways ill be staying with friends in museum district tonight, theres pics on my blog so gimme a shout if you wanna chill .. bring some bud and we can get baked together haha xoxo, Georgine less than 12 hours later i got this before i even read the first one. hey!! check this out, my HUBBY found your email .. arghh .. he even flew back here! so we REALLY had it out this time, he hit me in the face and i called the cops!! so he's actually in jail right now lol, and out of the picture for at least a few days .. we should meet up RIGHT NOW!!! i'm at near Discovery Green right now playin on the net, call me ASAP or just come over here!! yeah! fun! Yo man she dont have a computer, is named georgina, and is hangin around on almeda and by DG? you prolly dont want to hook up with her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 someones selling the batmobile on craigslist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Lenny's Acid Trip Posted at: 2010-03-09 10:46:33 Original ad: Do not Use Lenny the Mechanic: He has an ad on here for car repairs and I asked him to fix my blown head gasket. He showed up to my house, broke a bunch of parts and left. He has been avoiding me ever since. DO NOT USE THIS GUY. Lenny, if you are reading this, you owe me an explanation. From Me to ***************@***********.org: Hey, My apologies for bailing on your car. I know I have been hard to contact; I lost my phone and had to get a new e-mail address. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make it up to you. Lenny From **********@gmail.com to Me: You could start by explaining yourself... From Me to **********@gmail.com: Well, I was pretty baked when I showed up, and I had just eaten a bag of shrooms and taken three hits of acid. I thought I would be able to fix your car before the shrooms and acid kicked in, but I was wrong. While I was disconnecting the sensors, I started tripping pretty hard. At one point it looked like the intake manifold was laughing at me. I freaked out and bashed it with a socket wrench, and then ran back to my car and got the hell out of there. I'm not sure what happened after that. The next thing I remember is waking up naked in a church confessional booth two days later. When I got back to my house, the State Police were there and told me they found my car abandoned in a car wash about 50 miles away. Needless to say, it has been a crazy weekend for me. That is why I was unable to fix your car. From **********@gmail.com to Me: Uh...not sure what to take from all that. You deemed it a good idea to take drugs before working on my car because...why? From Me to **********@gmail.com: Honestly I forgot I had to work on your car. I remembered after I took the shrooms and acid. Once I get my car back from the police, I should be able to come over and finish working on your car. Oh by the way, sorry about the dump I took on your lawn. I was too embarrassed to go inside and ask to use the bathroom because it would have been obvious that I was tripping. From **********@gmail.com to Me: Unbelievable. I don't want you to do any more work on my car. I do want you to pay for the damage you did to my car. If you don't, I will take you to small claims court. From Me to **********@gmail.com: Whoa man, why are you being such a dick? Not cool. If anything, you should be paying me. I seriously fucked up my hand when I hit your intake manifold with the wrench. It feels like I fractured it. I don't have any health insurance, and seeing as I got injured under your employment, I think you are obligated to pay for my medical bills. From **********@gmail.com to Me: Not a chance in hell. I think all those drugs you took fried your brain - you're fucked in the head if you think any of this is acceptable. If you don't pay the damages, we are going to have a problem. From Me to **********@gmail.com: I have another eighth of shrooms I can give you...will that cover it? From Me to **********@gmail.com: I'll take that as a yes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compton red Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/roo/1629085335.html $770 1 Bedroom in a 6Br, 3 story Bro Palace- America (Mt. Pleasant) WARNING: If you are not a complete Brohemouth, do not read this ad. The awesome of this house will make your face melt like Raiders of the Lost Ark. We've had this Temple to Broseidon under our control since W. went Ameri-bro and Mission Accomplished the shit out of Iraq and it has seen some of the greatest bros of the last decade pass through its hallowed halls: 2 direct descendants of the A-Team, they guy who came up with Under Armour's "We must protect this house" campaign, Nicholas Cage, and a surfer bro ( ) that made Keanu Reeves in Point Break look like Lionel Richie. After coming to America to learn the ways of the brah, our recent international brotege (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlWNg4k0MLY) has flown by the seat of his pants back Down Under, most likely to bang as many foreign chicks as possible. We're looking for a bro of epic broportions, talent and exploits to fill his spot in the brahacracy. About the house itself: • The house, as any true Brotel should, has its own brah-niker: Sparta, because what's more brah than being the most cock diesel fighters of all the ancient world? Slaying mad bitches that’s what, which were pretty sure the Spartans did too. if these guys were around today they'd wear Affliction Tees for sure bro • Kitchen equipped with multiple blenders for protein shakes • if you need to know more, then you’re no bro, and your face will start melting any minute now The bros in this house like to party hard and bang chicks even harder. If you hate China and Russia winning any Olympic medal and shed a bro-tear when Phelps won his 8th gold medal, join the club. However, only real Teddy Brosevelts know the true tragedy was that the IOC (also known as Vichy France) didn’t let Phelps compete in every event. Moving on, owning some container capable of holding more than 4 beers at once is an absolute requirement. Having recently banged a chick born in the 90's is a plus. If it was doggy and you didn't call her ever again…BRO-FIVE! If you think you're brah enough to enter the kingdom of brah, respond to this ad. Our response will either come in the form of an email or by means of bald eagle courier. RamBros love America. Brahsta La Vista. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__ __ __ __ Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 hahaha my friend was lookin for work and came across this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drue_Down Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 ^^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 found this while searching for a Monte Carlo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brickos Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I'll take two... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis and Clark Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 http://maine.craigslist.org/art/1689335269.html - Collars 4 Shirts If you are a shirt crafter this is a great deal for YOU! I have about 300 polyester/cotton blend (50/50) collars that can easily be sewn into any t-shirt or sweatshirt to create a beautiful new shirt design. We use to finish off shirts with either transfers, embroidered patches, or nailhead and studd designs. Health issues forced me to close my shirt business last year however just came across this box of collars. ALL collars were made in the USA by a mill down south that I had contracted for making collars for us. Good colors and designs. If you buy ALL will sell for $1.00. By the dozen only will be $18 a dozen. Get busy NOW for next fall and winters craft shows! ..really a great deal, i can turn all of those tee shirts i had into multicolor collar'd not teeshirts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 looking for admin clerk - 34 (batam) Date: 2010-04-05, 1:39PM WIT Reply To This Post just set up a company ther looking for lesbian girl to work as admin but must know computer knowledge. the reason this type of lady are more creative interested email me at justyou35atgmail.com i m singaporean will rent a house and highly pay Location: batam it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1676723882 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARD like WOE Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 jerksinyourarea.com check it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SawBucks Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 NASTY ASS WHITE BITCHES EVERYWHERE (Lincoln Park) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-04-15, 2:08PM CDT Reply to: comm-fej2a-1693778486@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These smelly pale feet white bitches walks around thinking their all that. I told Earl to leave them alone but he didn't listen. Now he's going back and forth from the clinic because some scummy ass white bitch gave him AIDS. White bitches are extremely filthy, and they do not care to have protected sex. They will fuck anything even their own dogs. LEAVE THESE NASTY WHITE BITCHES ALONE !!! •Location: Lincoln Park •it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1693778486 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 chinese speak wanted to help find chinatown apartment under 1000 (chinatown) Date: 2010-04-09, 11:30PM PDT Reply to: gigs-5mnaf-1685096518@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I am looking for someone to help me find an apartment in Chinatown. I am looking for something clean with hardwood floors, not too loud, and under 1000. There is no need to write to tell me you want the job. Just send apartment postings- if I view it, I'll pay you 25$, if I take it, 75$. Thanks! * Location: chinatown * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests * Compensation: no pay PostingID: 1685096518 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 http://dontevenreply.com/all.php Hot Tub Repairman Posted at: 2010-05-05 10:11:15 Original ad: We are in need of someone who can fix our hot tub. If you know what you are doing, it is probably a fairly easy fix. The hot tub is about 11 years old and has a cracked pipe and a broken pipe. Also, some of the jets are not working (may be related to the pipe). We will pay for the parts. Please respond with an estimate for the cost of labor. From Me to ********@**********.org: Hello, I am a certified hot tub repair technician and would be happy to help fix your hot tub. Please let me know if you are still looking for someone. Thanks, Mike From Ellen ****** to Me: Mike, How much will you charge to fix it? Ellen From Me to Ellen ******: Helen, It seems like a simple fix, but it will be time consuming. I could charge you money, but I am more interested in barter, if you are willing to hear me out. Mike From Ellen ****** to Me: Mike, What are you looking to barter? ELLEN From Me to Ellen ******: Helen, All I want in return for fixing your hot tub is to let me use it occasionally when I am on a date. I find it much easier to get chicks from the bar to come back to my place if I tell them I have a hot tub. The problem is, I live in a basement apartment and do not have a hot tub. Hot tubs are great for getting chicks drunk; something about drinking in a hot tub makes them get completely shitfaced without even knowing it. I don't know the science behind it, but it is a proven fact that bitches get more drunk in a hot tub. Before you know it, these chicks are passed out drunk and ready to fuck. Don't worry, I won't need to use your house or anything when I get my fuck on; I usually just bang them in the back of my truck and drop them off at a McDonalds. So basically, in return for fixing your hot tub, all I ask is that you let me use it for 2-3 hours about four or five times a week. Please let me know if this sounds fair to you. Mike From Ellen ****** to Me: Absolutely not. Are you joking? ELLEN From Me to Ellen ******: Helen, Why not? I promise I won't pee in the hot tub. If I accidentally do, I promise I will add extra chlorine to balance out the urine levels. I won't shit in your hot tub either. If I have to take a shit, I'll do it in your bushes. Shit makes for great fertilizer. Please help me out here. I can't use the old hot tub I used to go to because I was informed that I would be arrested if I stepped foot on that property again. I assure you I will have your hot tub running like new once I fix it. Mike From Ellen ****** to Me: The concern of you pissing in my hot tub didnt even cross my mind, but I'm just going to add that to the list of reasons why I am against this. Most importantly - I will not let some creep bring women back to my house to rape them in my hot tub! From Me to Ellen ******: Whoa there, who said anything about rape? This is purely consensual. From Ellen ****** to Me: You said you wait until they pass out to have sex with them! From Me to Ellen ******: In the state of Pennsylvania, the law states that if you can get the girl back to a hot tub, it is considered to be sexual consent. Look Helen, I'm just trying to fix your hot tub. Not get a lecture on ethics. Do you want your hot tub fixed or not? Mike From Ellen ****** to Me: Not by you, you creep! and my name is ELLEN not Helen, you fuck! From Me to Ellen ******: My apologies, Ellen. I assumed you had made a typo when writing out your name. Now how about answering my question? From Ellen ****** to Me: Go fuck yourself, loser. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alphadog Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 awsome, I'd seen how her name was constantly* miss spelled. lol. I was just wondering when someone would update this thread, good job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcs Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 10$ to take some mystery supplement and stick your arm in a box full of mosquitos for 5 minutes. http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/etc/1881581904.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freakeenyc Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 cruel and unusual punishment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 this thread......always delivering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Yes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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