Craigslist

[stoopit]

yeah I kind of with I didn't read that. fuckin freaks.

[john_gacy]

True fucking weirdo. I mean, who wears an orange track suit?

[twinky the kid]

http://perth.craigslist.com.au/m4m/1572151924.html

 

this actually fkn scared me a bit.

 

"

I have this fetish, and well, it's kinda weird. I like young guys, about 18-25, to come over to my place for some fun. Ideally they would be dressed in an orange tracksuit but that's not essential. What I like to do is strip down, slow and sensual (you'd remain fully clothed) and open a few bags of regular party balloons. I will provide the balloons.

 

Can come to you, but would prefer to do it at home as it's a hassle bringing all the balloons in the car, I'd need a suitcase or something.

 

It will be your responsibility to blow up as many balloons as you can, though I will be there to assist if you get out of breath at any stage. This will continue until my bedroom is literally filled with bright and bouncy balloons.

 

I will then sit down on my rocking chair, bedside, and request that you come closer to me. You will pick up a balloon and hold it close to my ear (can be left or right, preferably left). As I masturbate my penis, you will pick up the large needle from my bedside locker and pop the balloon in my ear. (The first balloon must always be red and the last blue, aside from that you may pop them in whatever order you like.)

 

The popping of balloons in my ear will continue to become more and more arousing to me until eventually I will come close to reaching a climax and stop. (I don't feel I deserve to reach orgasm so I have trained myself not to)

 

After that, you will read me a short story from my childhood book of fairytales. Preferably something classic such as Cinderella or Snow White. I would love to drift off into a slumber feeling like the prettiest princess in all the land. You will be required to read to me until I am fast asleep. Don't worry, it won't take very long as I always sleep extremely soundly after partaking in a balloon service.

 

- Cuddy "

 

if paid enough, i would totally do this.

 

jus sayin.

[Guest 50million]

vomit

[Richard Pryor]

"After that, you will read me a short story from my childhood book of fairytales. Preferably something classic such as Cinderella or Snow White. I would love to drift off into a slumber feeling like the prettiest princess in all the land."

 

this makes me shudder

[Bad Medicine]

[Bad Medicine]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/true-life-i-have-a-balloon-popping-fetish/

[SoneCACA]

if paid enough, i would totally do this.

 

jus sayin.

 

have you forgotten the "as i masturbate my penis" part?!?!

 

i think anyone can do anything IF PAID ENOUGH, but for real, you just don't say you would do it if paid enough when it comes to 53 year olds masturbating their penises while having you pop baloons dressed in an orange track suit. You can definitely think it, but you never actually say it.

 

 

 

 

just sayin'.

[twinky the kid]

no i would, as long as the whole deal doesnt involve me touching his wee wee or jizz.

[Edward Orenthal Norton]

come on twink get some self respect man.

[SoneCACA]

no i would, as long as the whole deal doesnt involve me touching his wee wee or jizz.

 

touching or not, when you're within reach of a naked retiree jerking off and you're OK with it, something's wrong.

 

Just out of curiosity, what would be your price?

 

 

back in the days there was this guy in my city that advertised he would pay you 75$ if you spat on him for 45 minutes to an hour, and have him lick your shoes.

[Chubbs]

I'm with twinky. it's all a matter of perception, and it's only homo if you perceive it to be. u_insecure.jpg

[Richard Pryor]

seriously you would be comfortable standing next to some senior citizen fapping while you pop balloons in his ear? imagine the smell.

[PurpleKushy]

I was in line at the DQ on 6th getting mother's usual order of 3 hot dogs and onion rings. I was looking down at my Gameboy, not paying attention to the line when I felt the warm breeze hit my legs. I looked up from my Pokemon battle and there you were. 5'2, about 315 lbs. You had the remnants of your first two DQ orders stuck in your teeth, which were so gnarled, I could see them from the back.

 

You were polishing off a Dilly Bar when the methane cloud rose to my nostrils, curling my nose hairs. It was an aroma that could only be produced by a goddess. As I felched it, I detected a hit of salmon as well as delicate notes of chili. Subtle overtones of movie theater style butter pop corn were soon overpowered by the second wave, which brought a strong scent and taste of corned beef and cabbage. (Mmmmmmm...)

 

I could see the gas bubble trying to escape from your neoprene-esque tights, most of which were so far up your crack, I debated momentarily whether they were actually two pairs of pants, each housing one of your delightful cankles. The outline of your swollen, probably irritated pachyderm knuckle made me picture a furry cantaloupe split perfectly down the middle, complete with crateresque dimples. This image only further infuriated my raging erection. I struggled to contain my three inches until I eventually prematurely ejaculated. It might have been embarrassing had I not been wearing pajamas with the feet in them under my value brand khakis.

 

I know you will probably never read this, as I heard you commenting to the store clerk that you could not read, and proceeded to order by pointing at pictures and grunting. But I had to share my story.

 

I hope to see you again some day. And if by some chance someone reads this to you, please do not shave, I really liked your mustache.

 

from here: http://dontevenreply.com/all.php

 

Tree Removal Barter

Posted at: 2010-01-22 02:20:47

Original ad:

i need a grille not the cole kind but the gas kind. i will barter my skill as a landscaper in turn for a good grille if u need any kind of landscape work

 

 

From me to josh *******:

 

I assure you that this grill is real. By cutting down the tree, you are earning the grill and it will not be stolen. Also, if seeing a naked woman isn't your thing, you could probably catch the husband changing in the bathroom as well. I won't be watching, but I'm not one to judge your lifestyle.

 

Mike

 

From josh ******* to Me:

 

ur the fagot u dick sucking fuck fag cock sucker!! eat a fuckin dick u piece of shitt!!!

 

 

Bahahaha, can't believe I've never peeped this thread.

[SoneCACA]

I'm with twinky. it's all a matter of perception, and it's only homo if you perceive it to be. u_insecure.jpg

 

disagreed. Its also a matter of being comfortable. its Not because you're not a homo that you necessarely feel alright standing next to and old naked fart with fucked up fetishes.

 

are you a necrophiliac? assuming you're not like the majority of us, do you for that matter feel okay next to a naked dead body?

 

are you a scatophiliac? assuming you,re not like the majority of us, do you feel okay when you put your head a foot away from a pile of shit??

 

Your argument is not valid if it applies to only one situation. You only tryin' to find good reasons for why you would be okay with this situation, since you in denial of your possible homo envies.

 

psychology is a hell of a thing, i can flip this right back at you and disapprove any of your bullshit theories anytime, if you want to argue and lose that is...

 

u_homo.jpg

[Chubbs]

 

are you a necrophiliac? assuming you're not like the majority of us, do you for that matter feel okay next to a naked dead body?

 

are you a scatophiliac? assuming you,re not like the majority of us, do you feel okay when you put your head a foot away from a pile of shit??

 

 

So if one was comfortable with being next to a dead body, he is a necrophiliac? Morticians, nurses, doctors, people who attend their family members funerals....all necrophiliacs?

 

Ever taken a shit and looked down at your creation? You're a scatophiliac, hate to break it to you.

 

YOUR argument is invalid sir. Those titles you mentioned are just that..words given meaning. Lest you forget language is only a series of noises used to communicate with other beings..no true meaning is contained within the word. I could call you a faggot based off personal observation, but what IS a faggot? nothing. u_confused.jpg

[SoneCACA]

i never said morticians, nurses, doctors etc were necrophiliac.....and there is a VERY BIG gap between looking down at your shit and eating it...

 

all i'm saying is that its not because you feel discomfort in a certain situation that you are insecure about the particular elements in that situation. Can't you simply dislike standing next to a naked dead body, or is that a fact you don't understand?

 

can't you simply feel disgusted and uncomfortable next to a 60 year old naked grandpa, or is that a situation you want to call normal and that should be accepted by the majority of us, simply to try and blame it on insecurity?

 

PLEASE. shut up.

[Feed Yer Ego]

jack b. nimble = negapropped for being such a prude ass mormon faggot

 

 

i'm more suspicious of someone who WOULDN'T give an old guy a rough handy in a morgue full of bodies, shit and balloons for 26 bux and a 40oz of king cobra

[SoneCACA]

be my guest if you wanna be the guy who's down with eating poop, realizing ggrandpa's fetishes and so on....in the end i couldn't care less....but don't try to make that shit sound "cool" you fuckin tool.

 

you're useless you fuckin teenager.

[person]

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1574231130.html

 

Cheetos fingers - w4m - 21 (Raleigh)

 

Oh, god, I saw you eating a bag of cheetos, the powdery and greasy residue caked to your fingertips. I just started fantasying about wearing a white catsuit while you smeared those delicate cheesy fingers down my body..

 

Mmm.. and when you got a few flecks of cheese on the frames of your glasses as you pushed them up the bridge of your nose, I felt myself get moist. Please tell me you saw me..

 

 

 

-----

 

 

hahahaha

[john_gacy]

If only she has cheeto feet it would be a match made in heaven.

[tucksoe]

A Little Help

Posted at: 2010-02-04 18:53:23

Original ad:

I need someone who owns or has access to a pipe camera to inspect a sewer drain that runs from my house to a creek behind my house.. I constantly have to snake out the drain and need to see what is causing the clog. The pipe is about 50 feet long. Thanks!!

From Me to **********@************.org:

 

Hello,

 

Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?

 

Mike

 

From Ben ****** to Me:

 

Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?

 

From Me to Ben ******:

 

Ben,

 

I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.

 

Mike

 

From Ben ****** to Me:

 

You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.

 

From Me to Ben ******:

 

Ben,

 

I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.

 

Mike

 

From Ben ****** to Me:

 

No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS

 

From Me to Ben ******:

 

Ben,

 

First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.

 

Mike

 

From Ben ****** to Me:

 

I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!

 

From Me to Ben ******:

 

Ben,

 

I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.

 

Mike

 

From Ben ****** to Me:

 

Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!

[Ian Stuart]

Goat Milking Experience wanted (KC)

 

Date: 2010-01-28, 1:37PM CST

Reply to: sale-68vz9-1575040766@craigslist.org

 

I am in need of actual goat milking experience. I need to learn how to milk goats, but have NO goats.(parents had goats, I never learned to milk) I will come to your location in order to learn this skill, and TRADE you labor.

I will do basic labor, but also have these skills: MIG welding, metal fabrication, Interior/Exterior painting, basic carpentry, drywall, some framing, basic remodeling, Art History knowledge (18th-19th century) I prefer to come out once a week for a few weeks.

 

Tools I own: Mig welder, paint sprayers, ladders, paint hand-tools, chop saw, skill saws, drills, small bandsaw, electric hand-planer, metal cut-off saw, table saw, oxy-acetylene set-up, various hand-tools for construction/remodeling, etc...

 

I have good references.

 

call 913 406 8076

 

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/grd/1575040766.html

[mountain dew]

Hey it's me, the random guy you followed home like some sort of drunken puppy dog.

 

First of all, thank you for not stealing my stuff while I was asleep. I woke up this morning and you were gone, but you left your North Face vest. Email me with your name and we'll figure out a way to get it back to you.

 

I'm also curious as to why both pockets are filled with beer bottle caps. Are you going to glue them to a table top, or do you just hoard things?

 

And I'm still kind of mad at you for preventing us both from going home with that girl we were making out with. I mean, that shit was in the bag til your drunk ass ruined it. sigh. Anyway, I'm giving your vest away to the shortest girl I know if you don't find this and message me.

 

Good luck!

 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ahn/1533106287.html

[fishsticks]

[rolling nowhere]

I got bored and emailed people on craigslist...

a little thing from the other day.

 

hey sup, you sound normal .. thats really unusual for craigslist lol .. so whats good? ok so one thing i sort of forgot to mention in my ad is im married, but its no worries hes away on business for the month, and hes a total computer geek anyway. im just with him for his money, honestly. looking for some fun on the side :-)

 

anyways, it's 5:06 am right now and im at Gs and Zs coffee shop on almeda road and theyre kicking me out i been here so long, so i gotta bounce in like 5 mins

 

anyways ill be staying with friends in museum district tonight, theres pics on my blog so gimme a shout if you wanna chill .. bring some bud and we can get baked together haha

 

xoxo, Georgine

 

 

less than 12 hours later i got this before i even read the first one.

 

 

hey!! check this out, my HUBBY found your email .. arghh .. he even flew back here! so we REALLY had it out this time, he hit me in the face and i called the cops!! so he's actually in jail right now lol, and out of the picture for at least a few days .. we should meet up RIGHT NOW!!!

 

i'm at near Discovery Green right now playin on the net, call me ASAP or just come over here!!

 

 

yeah!

fun!

[mn1_fuckos]

hahahaha

[alphadog]

just found this.....

 

**Ebolmpic Games**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 2010-01-22, 4:16PM CST

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Ebolympic Games

 

 

Opening Ceremonies

The Torching of the Olympic City

Gang Colors Parade

 

Track and Field

Rob, Shoot & Run

9MM Pistol Toss

Molitov Cocktail Throw

Barbed Wire Roll

Chain Link Fence Climb

White Peoplechase

Monkey Bar Race

 

100 Yard Dog Dash (100 Yard Dash While Being Chased By Police Dog)

200 Yard Trash Can Hurdles

500 Yard Stolen Car Battery Run

1000 Meter Courtroom Relay - (Team of 4 Defendants

race from courtroom to courtroom, passing the murder

weapon to one another without being caught by District

Attorney)

1500 Meter Television Set Relay

1 Mile Richard Pryor Burning Ether Run

5 Mile High Speed Automobile Chase

 

Bitch Slapping - (Winner determined by number of bruises

inflicted on white woman in three 1 minute rounds)

 

Ebo-Marathon (26 Mile Long Distance Run While Evading

Blood Hounds)

Ebo-Decathlon (Timed competition, consisting of the

following 10 Events)

* Rob Liquor Store

* Guzzle 1 Fifth of Fortified Wine

* Drink 6-Pack of Old English 800

* Steal 1 BMW

* Commit 1 Car Jacking

* Have Sex With Prostitute

* Pimp Girlfriend to Family Member

* Complete 1 Drug Deal

* Remove Serial #s From 1 Stolen Gun

* 1 Additional Felony of Choice

 

Swimming

10 Meter Dumpster Dive

100 Yard Free Style Handcuff Swim

Synchronized Underwater Blackarena

 

Winter Events

Ebo-Biathlon (Drive-by & Shoot)

All Other Winter Events Canceled (Considered too Cold)

 

Miscellaneous Events

Graffiti Wall Painting

Name Your Father (Canceled, Considered too Difficult)

Lying To Police (Canceled, Considered too Easy)

Welfare Fraud (Canceled, Considered a Lifestyle, Not an Event)

 

Closing Ceremonies

Grand Finale Firearms Display & Gang War Shoot Out

 

 

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

 

 

 

PostingID: 1565721660

 

not really whats going on in here but it was on the craigslist. :lol:

[belmonts]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[mountain dew]

Looking for a light skinned man to get me pregnant this coming weekend or early next week. You will need light brown blonde or red hair. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for months now and my doctor says I'm fine so it must be him--it would kill him not to have kids. Be drug and disease free. I figure we can try a couple of times while I'm visiting this week and hopefully I will be pregnant for my flight back home. Send a couple of pictures of yourself, especially want nude pics--can't do this if I'm not attracted to you. And tell me a bit about yourself.

 

Location: Bentonville

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1485069882

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You were the woman who rear ended my car on Patton Ave at 2am last night. You were in a red Camry and I was in the blue Neon. You said you didn't have insurance and "really couldn't afford this right now". We pulled our cars into the empty K-Mart parking lot and began to discuss the best way to handle this situation. While we were talking I couldn't help but notice your low cut shirt and you caught me looking, gave me a smile, and we both agreed to settle this matter "like adults". That was truly one of the best blowjobs I've ever had. I wish I knew your name!

 

Location: Patton Ave.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1467447449