BullshitTantrum Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 every time this thread gets bumped i'm eating lunch. i still read but mannn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DSD666 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 I am eating lunch right now, and aint slept since last night when I wrote the last story. stomach feels great right about now. swordfish on some other shit congrats and good luck on the kickin. my best friend in the world/bombing partner has been off it for a few years now, and my other crew mate whom I am with almost daily is rocking a near 12 year habit right now. pops had a 32 year habit, and I grew up in dopehouses. I aint ever had to do the shit, I had reminders daily not to, but I have seen how hard that shit is on cats. stay up dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 :lol: @ cannahmontayna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 FUUUUUUU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 dammm i love these shit stories hahah i got one. ill keep it short. my now ex girlfriend and i used to fuck alot before we actually started dating. and a couple times when we would fuck, just at the beginning of our fucking, she shit when i fucked her. i would be railing her out hard, not even in the ass. when we would change positions, on two occasions, i noticed that she pooped a little. both times it happened we were drunk and we would just wash off and it wouldnt be a big deal, we would just laugh it off. eh. fuckd the shit outta her. literally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken McFucketts Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 man doodoo & pumping aint a good look for me. I'd freak the fuck out if a bitch would shoot a duce on my sheets/dick/carpet/floor whatever. That being said I applaud all of you who have these great stories to tell. All I have is getting jacked off by a fat bitch on the dance floor of this grimey ass club. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 damn. sorry boutcha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 man doodoo & pumping aint a good look for me. I'd freak the fuck out if a bitch would shoot a duce on my sheets/dick/carpet/floor whatever. That being said I applaud all of you who have these great stories to tell. All I have is getting jacked off by a fat bitch on the dance floor of this grimey ass club. come hang with me..we can make stories for days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken McFucketts Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 come hang with me..we can make stories for days. ey, you got a date! I'll bring the restraints & paddles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webmaster Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 WIN FREE MONTHS OF 12OZ. VIP SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS!!!!! This contest will run all week until Friday - April 22nd, 2011 .. 6 p.m. EST Click on any T Mobile Banner ad ***you see throughout 12ozProphet. Once on the T Mobile site, Check out the new Nokia Astound. Take a screen grab of the Phone and get Two Free weeks of VIP..*** Click any other 2 advertisers ads ***screen grab within the advertisers site and send along with the T Mobile ad and get a month of VIP!!!*** Thats a full month for submitting 3 screen grabs letting us know you've visited their site.*** Then***Send us your screen grab via Private message, we will update accounts once a day so please be patient while we update your account. Make sure you submit correctly, we will not reply back to submissions that are wrong. Show our advertisers love and check out what they have to offer... It only takes a few minutes anytime your on***12ozprophet.com***to click an ad and check out their goods. This contest will run all week until Friday - April 22nd, 2011 .. 6 p.m. EST SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS!!!!!! WIN FREE MONTHS OF 12OZ. VIP STATUS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gat Bush Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 i call it "chocolate mousse." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
what it iz Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Shit had me rolling, anyway im gonna tell y’all the story of the time I thought I fucked a bitch to death. I was living in the Ventura/Oxnard area at the time, and me and the homies would head up to Santa Barbara on Wednesday nights for collage night on State St, the bars would have drink specials and the rich dumb collage girls from UCSB would be out in droves. This particular Wednesday was dead as fuck. Turns out it was spring break and most of the collage kids had bounced to Cancun or some such rich kid shit. So it’s only us and a few sad old drunks playing video poker ya know, so we decide to make it a hard drinkn night. Well about 2 hours in to it a gaggle of chicks showed up and I remember that, but I started “time traveling” right about then. You know waking up in the future? So everything that happened after that is second hand info… One of the homie starts talking to em and finds out that they are up from Ventura too, didn’t get the spring break memo either, so they come over and start drinking w/ us. Blah, blah, blah, I hit it off with this short little blondie named Kim. She was super shy and me being the drunken outgoing train wreck that I am, she thinks I’m funny. I woke up with her number in my pocket. So I call her and we go on a few dates, the standard coffee-movie- dinner progression. About 4 dates in I’m starting to get the hold out vibe, well I start hinting around and 5th date she invites me in and it’s on, we start getting down and she is the stiffest, deadest fuck I have ever had. Well I’m not gonna stand for that, and I pull out all the tricks. She starts getting to it, well, I’m thinking she is really in to it. I back off and tell her to roll over so I can hit it from the back, well she is still grunting and twitching. I’m starting to get weirded out, I try calling her name, shaking her, no response. So I flip the light on, and this bitch is foaming at the mouth and her eyes are rolled back in her head. I freeze up, the only time I had ever seen shit like that before was some junkie OD’ing. So I’m fucking freaking out, trying to get the fuck out of there. I’m going all CSI trying to wipe up DNA and shit, all that is going through my head is this bitch is OD’ing and the cops are gonna pin this shit on me and I didn’t even give anything to her. So I flee in to the night, and head to the crib to wait it out. Well her roommate shows up at like 5:30 the next morning on my porch pounding on my door and screaming at the top of her lungs. “You piece of shit she could have died, you coward, you just left her there!” and of course the standard mother fuckers and fuck yous for good measure. Well turns out Kim was epileptic, and the sex had brought on the seizure. She had to go to the hospital, almost bit her tongue off and shit. Needless to say, I never talked to her again. TLDNR? Cliff notes: Met a bitch at a bar while black out drunk, go on a few dates, end up smashing, she starts having a seizure, I don’t know she is epileptic or whats happening so I panic and bounce. Bitch almost bites her tongue off, and somehow I get the blame for it all Wow.... you're a dick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
what it iz Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 i got a phone line chat story too DSD funny you bring that up my dude, well lets get into it. One night im just chillin, watching some old school dragonball Z smoking a bowl of some chronic just chillin, well i get super bored, its about 1 am, and i have nothing to do, tons of chronic, a flask full of that kickin chicken, nobody to kick it with nothing, everybody was either sleep, at work, already out doing something, well a commercial for one of those phone chat lines comes on, if im not wrong i remember it being "Live Links" phone chat or something like that, said try it free, so im like word, well lets see what this hype is all about and see if i can find some shortys to fuck with, so they give you like 30 free minutes to hear girls adds send em messages and connect live with bitches that live in the same city you live in, or cities near by, well im skipping through the adds (hella old bitches looking for love, and casual disscussions and whatnot well fuck all that) i come across this add, a bitch wanting a guy or two to come over and get bossed up, sounds like shes in her thirties, but sounds sexy though, and even better the bitch said she was residing in Westwood. hell yeah, same hood as me, well she says serious replies only, so i send her a message and say "hey serious reply here, bored horny as hell looking to get sucked up, heres my number 513 bla bla bla hit me up, well like 2 minutes go by and i get a phone call, and its that bitch. So i answer we start talking and stuff, i ask were she stays and she tells me such and such street, so im like cool, only like two blocks from me, bitch tells me shes slim, 31, long brown hair, pretty smile, c cup titties, and i describe myself and whatnot and shes like cool, (im only 19 at the time just thought id toss that in) well i ask her if she smokes weed she says hell yeah, so i start picking a few lil nice size nugs out my stash, and i tell her ill head over shortly give her a ring when im on her street. now Cincinnati is fucked up, not like Detroit but we have a fare shares of robberies, murders and whatnot, so im no dumb nigga, i never get caught slippin so im starting to think..hmmm like what if this bitch is setting me up, what if i get there walk in, and boom theres to masked men beating me down till i give up the goods, so i start thinking to myself, should i bring my burner? then again its late out, and in westwood, cops creep the streets like no other at this time, then i think well fuck it i pack it alot why not now when your meeting up with some chick you never met up with, and then im thinking, well what if you go to smash ol girl, and you have to take the burner off your waist and lay it on the night stand, whats old lady gonna think? gonna scare the bitch, so im having this war with my self on what choice ima make, finally im like fuck it man just leave it here, this bitch sounds legit. since its like two blocks away, i just walk, it feels good out. i get on her street give her a ring, she comes out on the porch, turns out her bitch lives directly across the street from one of my crew mates, im like hmmm..this is ironic. well bitch was 31, and looked 21! omg, fine broad, top notch milf, im thinking to myself, damn gotta fuck with these chat line numbers more often. well we go inside, and right away i notice family photos hanging up, bitch has 2 young kids, and a husband, looked like a pretty swolle dude not the guy you wanted to fuck with or get on his bad size, and i ask her bout the pictures, said her kids are at the grandmas for the night, hubby is at work, so im like ehh cool, but at the same time having images of this big ass nigga coming in the door and beating me down, but i just say fuck it, we sit down on the couch and i ask if she wants to smoke, so i roll up a nice little stoagie, me and her sit there watching tv for a sec puffing this L just talking bout random shit, well i throw the roach in a ash tray, and no lie this chick looks at me and flat out says "well you want your cock sucked or what hun" just hearing a sexy lady tell me straight forward like that gave me a hard on in like 3.5 seconds, so i say hell yeah, i stand up unbuckle the belt slide down the levis and she starts bossin me up. Yo you ever stand there getting head while a girl is toppin you off and your getting tired of holding your shirt up so you just take it off? well thats what i did, i took off the polo and threw it on the floor, (yes another night wearing polo, im a lo fanatic) im just standing there getting bossed up, and i hear the keys hit the door, im like fuck, instantly im thinking oh shit, macho man randy savage is here to beat my ass fuck!, i go to pull up my pants the door opens up and he sees me, i look at him, No lie, homeboy has the Sheriff uniform on, (dude is a C.O downtown at county) i thought dude was gonna pull his strap and tell me to freeze and shit, i run for the kitchen hoping theres a back door, there isnt, i go to climb through this window, this fucking window is tiny as fuck, and as im trying to squeeze through, frank the deputy is grabbing onto my leg, i start kicking as wild as i can i break loose and fall to the ground outside, i jump up, i only have one of my shoes, im shirtless, belt is still unbuckled i grab ahold of my pants and run like the wind, i cut through this back yard, and i come out on a main street were this school is, i run into the playground of this school and duck down by this bush to catch my breath, smoking heavy amounts of weed and ciggs is not a good thing when it comes to having to run for your life, im weezing, feels like my chest is tight, got that lump in my throat no homo, just sitting there like fuck, i see a pick up truck pull of her street im like fuck thats him, i crawl under the bush, and lay there, shirtless, bush is all prickling me and shit, im pissed, breathing hard, my fucking polo is in ol girls crib, and one of my sneakers, im just over all pissed about the whole thing, i lay there for about an hour, dude is circling the blocks looking for me, finally i get up and creep back to the crib. a few days later im over my homies crib, sitting on his porch drinking a couple 40s and theres a uhaul truck out in front of this bitches crib, hubby was packing shit, and i was just cracking up, i told my homie the story, and we just sat there getting weak at the whole thing, to this day i pray if i go to county again, the guy booking me in is not this dude, that would really suck. <www.12ozprophet.com> You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CannahMontana again. 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AlwaysOverDoinn Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 not really shameful so much as it was akward, but here it goes... one night a while back (i was 15-16) me and a bunch of the homies n some bitches are all gettin drunk/high/xannied out in this huge park we all lived near. i had been fuckin wit this petite little puerto rican chick (about 5'2 with a nice little cheerleader body). now the kids i was with had been known to get rowdy late at night, which usually always resulted in blue and whites/DTs rollin up on us in the park. so i decide to take ol' girl away from the crowd to try and get good. she starts givin me tops on a bench about 15 yards away from everyone, but of course some of the prudes had to sneak up and try to catch a glimpse. so i take her to this remote part of the park a little bit further away. i see this pirate ship thing for the lil kids to play on, and take her in the lower part of the ship. i take the pants/panties off and go for gold. at that point we were both hammered drunk and whatnot and were really gettin into it. fast forward about ten minutes and i see some of my boys runnin out of the park, i didnt think any thing of it since i was hittin the mean back stroke. another couple minutes go by, im boutta pop my top, and i look over and see about 4 DTs just watchin us, in the dark like 8-9 feet away. i tried to finish up quick, but she finally sees them, she screams, i pull out and wound up busting all over her shirt. these sick fucks just turn around and start runnin to chase some of the other kids and wound up leaving us to get outta there with the quickness...long story short i had never been so creeped out in my life. i mean one of these pigs was like a lumberjack lookin motherfucker, red flannel, chester mustache and all...to this day i never ever doubt wat the NYPD is REALLY capable of doing (basically watching "live kiddy pronz"). :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eviltrailer77 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Wow.... you're a dick. I ware it like a badge of honor thank you very much! But really, why should I go to prison because this bitch that I had know for less than a month can't handle her drugs? Or so it appeared to me at the time. I'm not trying to start a back forth here I'm just saying fuck that, ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 ^Interesting way to look at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 me and a bunch of the homies n some bitches are all gettin drunk/high/xannied out in this huge park we all lived near. i see this pirate ship thing for the lil kids This wouldn't happen to be Marine Park field and the playground behind the junior high would it. I've banged girls out in that park and playground too. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysOverDoinn Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Lol indeedd my friendd. great memoriess of intoxicated teenie boppin in there...and behind U park/the snake park :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 haha yupp u park and gerritsen park also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysOverDoinn Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 oh man, dont get me started with the creek! also had some strange experiences in back of there (before it started always getting set on fire lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zer0187 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 wildest and realest thread ever i got some stories but ima have to post them later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
what it iz Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 I ware it like a badge of honor thank you very much! But really, why should I go to prison because this bitch that I had know for less than a month can't handle her drugs? Or so it appeared to me at the time. I'm not trying to start a back forth here I'm just saying fuck that, ya know? Even if you had gave her drugs they would still have to prove that you gave them to her. And if she was ODing, then I'm sure she's got enough dirt in her crib/history to show that it had nothing to do with you. I would have automatically assumed the bitch was having a seizure and called for a fucking ambulance. The fact that the first thing that popped into your head was "how the fuck do I cover my tracks" while leaving the bitch for dead makes you a much more rare form of asshole than I. And I'm a fucking asshole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DSD666 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 quick one from high school. I met this bitch amanda, she was a cheerleader. first and lsat cheerleader I ever got with in my long career of slaying fat girls and skanks. she had just started smoking weed, and I ended up smoking her out through a homie, and for whatever reason kicked it off with her. so I end up one day at her crib, and were fucking around, and I go down on her. best pussy I ever had in my face. shaved, which at the time, 98 or so, never had, and it was one of those magical baby caves that didnt smell, like anything. not even pussy. Ive only had this one other time. but pretty amazing none the less. its pretty awesome when pussy dont even smell like pussy. so I went down on her for a long time. when I came up to fuck, I busted in less than 15 seconds. i got all mad ashamed but she was cool since i just ate her out forever. so we smoked a couple squares, and I was ready to go again. same result. maybe lasted 1 minute. when youre a teenager you know you can be real self concieous about this kinda shit. she ended up being real cool about it, and a couple days later she invited me to the crib, so I beat off real quick, went over her house, and had a smash marathon on her. apperently she had never been fucked like that, and fell in love real quick. fast foward to a month or so later after steady smashing, and I met another girl, and dropped amanda. she got real pissed at deeply hated me. problem is in that month or so she chilled with all my people and made mutual friends. so one night were all on mushrooms and she is staring me down creeping me out, and without any warning, she kicks me balls deep foot massage. ever been kicked in the balls on mushrooms? well I am sure you can imagine. not a pleasant feeling. the shit seemed to magnify the pain 1000 times. so a little time later, were all at my homie jasons house (rip) and this bitch is sitting in one of those broken in old school love seats. the kind when you sit in it you just get swallowed up. so I get up, crack open a fresh beer, and pour it all over her. she is so drunk and sunk in the chair she cant immediately get up and I get the whole beer on her. when she finally does get up in a rage, the bitch takes a full wild ass hook kinda swing punch at me you can see from a mile away, and I step out of the way, and the momentum brings this bitch crashing down to the concrete, (we were in the garage) face first and she breaks her nose. she is bleeding everywhere crying, and everyone that didnt see what happened is staring at me like I am the worst motherfucker to ever walk the face of the earth. a good friend of mine to this day, whom I havent seen since my high school days, but still talk to on fb, ended up dating her later that year. somewhere in between him and I, she caught the herp, and gave it to my nigga. he ended up staying with her for years cause he has herpes from her. not shameful, but was pretty cool she broke her nose, and I dropped her before I got the famous herpes. couple more to go, and I end thread on the gnarliest one yet... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinachfuckstick Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 damn... i created a screenname just to post in this thread.... obvious I'm not getting any strange tonight.... but here's a few of mine, longwinded and beer enhanced as they may be... So I turn 18, and decide to ditch my min wage fast food job for this fucking call center bullshit.... first day of training they have us stand against two walls and give us numbers for which training class we're in and shit... I see this gorgeous-beautiful-porn-star-status-big-boobs-mexican chick on the opposite wall checking me out and smiling at me and shit. She must just like my dead kennedys shirt or some shit so i smile back and yada yada yada. She ends up getting the opposite class from me but starts hanging out with my friend/roommate mikey who ends up in her training class. She tells him she thinks I'm really cute and wants me to take her on a date and shit which blows me away since I'm a fucking loser with no fashion since and mediocre looks... So I start talking to her (i have no idea wtf to say) and we go back to our place to drink and socialize and shit. we eventually end up in her car listening to music and I start to fingerbang her and play with her dd tits and shit.... not less than a minute later the fucking cops are banging on the window saying they have repports of two people fucking in a car. We admit to making out and fooling around but didn't have sex, but wanted to, in the car. Turns out the person that called us in was my roommate mikey who really just wanted to fuck ME and was pissed off that I was getting it on with someone other than him (nohomo). I ended up being with that chick for 5 years off and on and had 2 kids with her... and haven't talked to "mikey" since that night At one of the points me and that chick were split I was getting myspace-poon from a couple local chicks. One was this chick name hailey. She was a blonde, from the rich part of town with a great body and big tits. I used to go pick her up, bring her back to my apartment ( far away from "mikey") and raw dog the fuck out of this bitch and I mean she was good with ANYTHING. Then she'd make me a decent dinner, stay the night and let me pull the same shit in the morning. It was awesome for the couple weeks it lasted then one day i brought her over, we started fucking and I only had on this light gray Volcom shirt with nothing else while I was going to town. I was drunk as fuck and had to piss so I went in the bathroom to piss and saw my shirt was covered in blood all the way up to my nips. So stupid and drunk I walk back out with the same shirt on and for some reason tell her "don't be embarassed about anything with me.... I'm not the asshole kinda guy etc. etc." she looks right at the bloodstain on my shirt, says "ok", then turns around and points her ass at me.... I didn't hear from her after that night. So I meet this gorgeous chick at a job I was doing.... prolly 110 lbs, large c cup, named shana... So HOT!!!!! She invites me back to her place to drink and hang out. We get there beer in hand and some broke ass guy friend of hers is hanging out there cuz his parents kicked him out of their house. That's cool, I had him a beer and chat a bit before she invites me to her room to look at all her art and stuff... So she shows me a scrapbook of drawings and photos of her fam and then just starts making out with me.... her shirt and bra come off and I'm on top of her about to fucking pound it when this fucking dipshit in the other room comes flying in and sucker punches me in the back of the head while I'm half fucking naked on top of his completely naked friend... half inserted (yaknowhatimean) so I flip the fuck out and go to swing at this jerkoff but she stands up right in the way so if I hit him I'll prolly hit her first. he throws this weird drunk fit and I drag him outside and hit him two or three time hen go back in. his friend shows up a few mins later at prolly 120 lbs wet and tells me that's his friend's chick he's been hitting on for weeks. I tell him to fuck off but they barge in and the friend hits me in the face. Naked chick goes for the phone for 911 and I barely hold them off until I get hit in the side of the head. She starts screaming and they leave, 911 wasn't called and we end up finishing our fuck sesh. I also fucked a chick with the herps but didn;t get it. I'll tell that one later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 <www.12ozprophet.com> You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CannahMontana again. huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Turns out the person that called us in was my roommate mikey who really just wanted to fuck ME and was pissed off that I was getting it on with someone other than him (nohomo). What the fuck? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Damn I still have a good amount of stories for this thread but I was hoping more people would share their own personal shit. If theres no new shit in her by tonight ill hook this thread up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 ^^do it up. more people need to contribute then me you and dsd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Turns out the person that called us in was my roommate mikey who really just wanted to fuck ME and was pissed off that I was getting it on with someone other than him (nohomo). What the fuck? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I ware it like a badge of honor thank you very much! But really, why should I go to prison because this bitch that I had know for less than a month can't handle her drugs? Or so it appeared to me at the time. I'm not trying to start a back forth here I'm just saying fuck that, ya know? i'm on your side. its not like she told you she had epilepsy, which totally wouldnt have been a big deal. and its not like her friends told you, they waited until something bad happened then went crazy on you for it. sweet friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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