where is the clitoris?

[IOU]

Check her asshole.

[abcs]

wait.... what??????? you cant be serious. Is this tease?

[Tails0nE]

how am i supposed to know. they dont tell you in sex ed class.

im not about to ask my friends. i dont want to ask her (ive told her ive been laid)

and i might as well ask anonymously on the internet.

 

thanks for the one (hopefully) truthfull response.

 

 

im 20 years old.

 

[Lew Blum]

i was sure this was gonna have something to do with that one episode of the office. HATEBREEDERS= Dwight Shrute.

[I never said I was cool.]

Girls only have orgasms when you punch them in the stomach while you're going down on them... Use your hand above your head like a hammer, works every time.

[Dinoporn]

I REALLY hope your kidding, but if not hit that shit like a champ and she won't ever now your a virgin.

 

Believe or not you DON"T have to go down on a chick every time you have sex. You don't need to sweat over knowing were the clitoris is.I myself am not a fan of eating pussy. I ate some bad pussy a while back and got sick and felt like shit for weeks. If you don't go down on her she will most likely still go down on you. If not kick that bitch to the curb.

[*PROTOCOL*]

I REALLY hope your kidding, but if not hit that shit like a champ and she won't ever now your a virgin.

 

Believe or not you DON"T have to go down on a chick every time you have sex. You don't need to sweat over knowing were the clitoris is.I myself am not a fan of eating pussy. I ate some bad pussy a while back and got sick and felt like shit for weeks. If you don't go down on her she will most likely still go down on you. If not kick that bitch to the curb.

 

Haha wtf? You got pussy poisoning?

[IOU]

Don't take advice from Dinoporn.. Look what happened to them for not knowing where the clit is.

[francis buxton]

.........

[Dinoporn]

Haha wtf? You got pussy poisoning?

 

Yeah, went to the doctor and had to explained how I got sick from eating out this chick. I didn't get any std's or some shit, which only raises more questions.

 

the worst part was waking up next day though and I was hungover, had to meet this girls mom sick as a dog. Then hit it again before i got on a 3 hour flight back home. She was fine though and pussy was tight. Worth it? maybe not.

[Dinoporn]

Don't take advice from Dinoporn.. Look what happened to them for not knowing where the clit is.

 

Maybe this truley was my downfall.

[HatoriHanzo]

Dude they taught me where this shit was in 6th grade? What they are they teaching people these days?

[Realism]

How to not get laid until they're 20, apparently.

[KINGSHITOFFUCKMOUNTAIN]

[Vulcan5]

watch a porno you fuckin idiot

 

they will show you

[BLU]

[fexo]

How To Eat A Pussy

 

Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out.

 

When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made.

 

Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs.

 

Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn't it? There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I've seen and tasted plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in bushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman's unique qualities and tell her what makes her special. Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.

 

Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

 

Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of it's own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry and that hurts. But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled. Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.

 

Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit. Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands.

 

Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently. Tongue-fuck her. This feels define. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it's covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up to the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience it's presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.

 

Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!' There's a reason for that, most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.

 

But back to your pussy eating session...There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your cunt-licking talents. Before, during or after. She'll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.

 

Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing. She'll let you know what to do. If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. You may have one who's nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm. Your woman might turn flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you'll be a more sensitive lover.

 

When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now. If you play your cards right, you'll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm.

 

The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come, make her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts, pinch her nipples. Keep making love to her quietly until she's come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex. Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

[shai]

the seemingly clitless vagina is a strange thing to behold.

 

 

 

when i doubt just rub your hands over the whole area as if you are wiping off a foggy window

 

 

"Wax on, wax off"

[IOU]

Should you ever find this clit.. Yell at it. A lot.

[morton]

The real simple answer is to ask the owner of the clitorus.

 

 

the vice guide to eating pussy

 

For women never having received good oral sex, and every man in existance that is bad at it. (Perhaps your girlfriend wouldn't mind giving you a blow job if you didn't lick her vagina like a dog with peanut butter stuck to the roof of it's mouth.)

 

May the learning process begin:

 

BE DOWN

Don't go down unless you're down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don't want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven.

 

DON'T SAY HI TO DRY

A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that's needed to get the honey dripping.

 

Once you're sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There's nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she's really begging for it before you get under the covers.

 

Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws.

 

Important: Don't play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78% of a woman's pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

 

SUBMARINE MISSION FOR YOU, BABY

Once she's lathered up, it's time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don't touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you're going away on vacation.

 

Though it's very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

 

Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don't get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That's something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it's all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

 

When you're just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don't spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that's the actual cunt.

 

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you're doing it right, she'll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she's been holding her breath for three days.

 

Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you're having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all knows that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin' crawdaddies.

 

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

 

PARTING THE RED SEAS

Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what cavities are to dental hygiene. You're never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PIL album That What is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

 

(PS. Pubes are gross. Man or woman, it's just fucking gross. Do your partner a favor and be gone with the bush.)

 

THE GRAND ENTRANCE

Do your first lick super slow. It's good to groan and moan too. It shows you're digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these "St. Bernard licks" before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it's real sensitive she'll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you're probably in for an easy ride. If there's no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you're in for a thirty-minute session of tongue-tendinitis.

 

ROCK THE BOAT

 

Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you're getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who's boss.

 

After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He's surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you're giving the pee hole the seeing to of its life. Think of the clit like a tumor in a pile of ear lobes. When you push down on the area he's the only one that can't be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.

 

Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

 

IDENTIFYING THE CLIT TYPE

After the slow licks it's time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy a serious going over and ones that don't. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away.

 

Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that doesn't really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it ease and "Oh my God" means bring it on.

 

CLITS THAT NEED A SERIOUS GOING OVER

These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he's on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He's not going to tell you shit because he's a clit and he has no idea what you're talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it's too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it's a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

 

As you're closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You're almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

 

Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Mic Mac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

 

Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn't over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she's multi-orgasmic you'll have to keep going until you've done the whole routine another four or five times. If you're not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down to pull you off.

 

CLITS THAT DON'T

Some clits don't want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you're getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here pal, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn't cum, you're going to be in a foul mood, so if it's too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.

 

THE CONCLUSION

Once you're done (totally finished) she's going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don't move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.

 

And remember that any ford taurus is only a three letters with a magic marker from becoming a ford clitaurus.

[earl broclo ESQ]

Should you ever find this clit.. Yell at it. A lot.

 

 

Yes! Yell at it in a Phil Donahue voice.

[Cymatics]

Should you ever find this clit.. Yell at it. A lot.

 

[MitchThe$nitch]

its that hole righ there bra.

 

 

 

happy fucking, don't get her knocked up.

[fastZeetec302]

 

chef, wheres the clitoris?

[IOU]

How the fuck are you going to refer to the clit as "HE?"

[D0WN]

[KM4RT]

Create a Clit Tunnel.

[freakeenyc]

Don't take advice from Dinoporn.. Look what happened to them for not knowing where the clit is.

 

lol its like eating a pufferfish...if its cooked the incorrect way..u die.

[MomentIsNow]

ive never been layed and my girlfriend wants to do it. ive seen anatomy pictures

of the vagina and my girlfriends pussy doesnt seem to have one. where do i look?

 

go Detroit Lions. the best football team ever.

 

im 20 years old.

 

20 YEAR OLD VIRGIN LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[boxcarrapist]

Maybe his girlfriends pussy "doesnt seem to have one" because his girlfriends "pussy" looks just like his.

 

This made me chuckle..