Guest MR BOJANGLES Posted December 17, 2001 Share Posted December 17, 2001 I wiped my ass with some rough ass paper towels this morning that made me walk funny all morning...DAMN CHAFING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jam On It Posted December 17, 2001 Share Posted December 17, 2001 Cottonthicker neveer had the ass wiping crisis ei:acorns,seashells... but pops got thee only wig wams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Morris Posted December 17, 2001 Share Posted December 17, 2001 when I was in middle school once I was pooping and there was no TP so i had to wipe with notebook paper, that was bad... I have used magazines and news papers before and had the ink come off on my ass..that shit sucks. Baby wipes can be fun, since my sister and my nephew live with me we have mad amounts of baby wipes nd a baby whipe warmer. swiffer...it gets dust off pretty good. I wiped with someone elses shirt while they were passed out in the bathroom while I was pooping. p.s. girls do poop...I went into the bathroom after a girl once and I have never been so over powered by a stench, nor have i had a shit that could rival that brown cloud of death that came out of her ass....I can only imagine if she had been vegan...the paint have peeled off the walls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teister Posted December 17, 2001 Share Posted December 17, 2001 Dry leaves in the woods in the winter. Thats the hardest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alkaline Posted December 17, 2001 Share Posted December 17, 2001 1. Wet leaves ... I was on a bouldering trip with some friends in Arkansas. We were in the middle of the woods, and the squirts crept up on me. It was freezing cold, but I had to go so bad that I dropped my pants right there. I was squatting against this rock for about ten minutes. By the time I finished, my ass was frozen. Then it hit me ... I had forgotten the TP. I reached over and grabbed some leaves off the ground and started wiping. Cold wet leaves are the last thing you want on your ass. 2. There was a time when I was about 10 or 11. I was over at a friend’s house, and I had to poo. I did my business, and realized that there was no TP in the bathroom. I didn't know what to do, so I just pulled up my pants, flushed the toilet, and told my friend that I had to go home. I rode my bike home (about three miles away) with underwear full of shit. It was quite possibly the most uncomfortable situation I had ever been in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 Originally posted by Zack Morris p.s. girls do poop...I went into the bathroom after a girl once and I have never been so over powered by a stench, nor have i had a shit that could rival that brown cloud of death that came out of her ass....I can only imagine if she had been vegan...the paint have peeled off the walls HahAHHAhHahahaHAHa now what's vegan?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taco bell bomber Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 a clock radio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Rage- Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 Droppin' the Cosby's off at the pool? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE DEVIL! Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 A "Do Not Hump" sign that I peeled off of a train. Now I keep a baggie with wadded up TP in my Paintin' pack. PS- I stuck the used sign to a SHITTY Swatch hollow when I was done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chizm Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 Originally posted by Zack Morris p.s. girls do poop...I went into the bathroom after a girl once and I have never been so over powered by a stench, nor have i had a shit that could rival that brown cloud of death that came out of her ass....I can only imagine if she had been vegan...the paint have peeled off the walls well, she must have been one of those non-bulemic bitches. those girls who eat and fart and digest ALL the time. ewwwww! sooo gross! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*die* Posted December 21, 2001 Share Posted December 21, 2001 Originally posted by chizm well, she must have been one of those non-bulemic bitches. those girls who eat and fart and digest ALL the time. ewwwww! sooo gross! :lol: hahaha i just saw the sienfeld where george was with the supermodel and was like "i think she's refunding" and barged in the bathroom. as for the worst thing youve ever had to wipe your ass with... i would have to say a sinlge ply twenty dollar bill, cuase i'm used to at least 3ply fiftys, cuase i be bling blinign foo HOLLA HOLLA NIGGA WHUT!� Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 I'm watching Seinfeld right now and to stay on topic....i guess my boxers... ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh White Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 My hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 I was at a drum and bass party out at warm water cove a few years back. i dropped acid and all of a sudden i had to shit real badso i ran out into the cuts and dropped a #2 with only theclosest thing at hand to wipe my ass with....an old paper shopping bag that was slightly moist with condensation all over. it felt to me like wiping your ass with the moldering skin of some long dead undersea monster i tell yah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 one night while out painting we were walking to a spot when it just hit....real bad....ran behind a powerbox on the tracks and shat. i had to sacrifice my favorite button up dress shirt to my ass that night....it was very sad. very. (i actually considered going back the other day to try to get the shirt and wash it.....and its been 4 months.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Green Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 t shirts, underwear, paper bag, plastic bag, rock, grass, leaves, pine needles, pine cones (one direction only)... ive used it all. aint fun. thats why i always carry a grip of napkins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
space base Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 I just use my sock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 sandpaper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneeightyone Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 T-shirts, socks, underwear, tampons. I know this is a little off topic but i just remember about this. One day i got reallly drunk at a friends house, i go to take the morning after shit and his toilet is in one of the corners of the bathroom where the wall is about 3 feet from the toilet, well i sit down and my head hits the toilet paper roll feeder thing, and i get knocked out...i lay on the floor with a piece of shit on my leg for about an hour, nobody cared enough to open the door and see what was wrong, but thinking about it i would never want someone to see me, with a piece of shit on my leg, after being on the floor for an hour.:o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 your mother's face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frate_Raper Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 socks...both of em. underwear labels of cans hard pack snow:( any one remeber my shitting outside post?"holy shit steve i think i'm gunna shit my pants" was the qoute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 plastic wrap sock a homie of mine told me he used pages froma book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubbeRBand Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Yeah, I've done all the out of TP in the house routine. One time my neighbors next door heard me yelling about being out of TP and they brought some over, so nice. Yeah and another time, i took a nice big crap next to a Ryze piece, middle of the day. That was somewhat pleasant, there were some buttery smooth leaves, and of a nice size too. Very accomadating. I sorta hoped a train would pass by, but no dice. yeah, and my butt's constantly rubbin' up against my undies, mmmm mmm good, tire tracks and Campbells Soup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Green Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 one eighty ones story takes the fucking cake for me so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 one time a had to tak ea MONSTER shit and i had no tp so i was like fuck it im taking a shit and told my girl at teh time to drive up to the 7-11 and steal some form the bathroom.. so by the time she go tback i was ready fo rthe tp.:king: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiseguy Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 coffee percolator filter papers- seriously... resourcefuloner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE DEVIL! Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 C'mon now, Coffee filters are the norm. The ol' standby if you will. I've lived in so many apartments where coffee filters were more abundant than tp. It almost makes no sense, in a funny way, that you'll go to the store for coffee filters, but forget to buy TP. It's when the coffee filters run out and you have to get really resourceful, like the PHONEBOOK. It's really funny, sitting on the can, flipping through the pages, trying to decide who, and on what page is least important. I can't even begin to tell you how many phonebooks I've had that were missing the X-Z section, The Lawyer's section of the yellow pages, the Upholster's-vaccum section......anything deemed less important than wiping your ass at that very moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadawhat Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 my carpet. i took a cue from dogs and cats and just scooted right across that bad boy on my ass, pulling myself foward with my arms. the carpets brown so it was all good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snk509 Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 my friends towel at a party..:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One_in_Ten Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 I remember one time before karate class. I was chillin waiting for the Ymca (where the class was), to open. Swinging on swings, sliding on slides, it was all good. Until I realized i Had jumpers at the gate the the green light had been given with out my consent (sp). Fuck. So as I'm ass clench-walking around looking for a spot, when you need cover there generally is NO cover around. By the time I find some one opening the Y doors I’ve had three renegade jumpers. With hot pants I ran to the rest room to find no TP, WTF? So I soil the unsoiled portion of the draws cleaning the ass. Then in my next brainiac moment I try to flush the evidence, which clogs the toilet and starts it overflowing. Knowing i cant do karate all commando-ed up and shit, what if my fat ass splits the pants and reveals the nuts and dirty ass to classmates. Karate knowledge would not solve that problem. So I sprint out of the building and walk the 5 miles home. And never return to Karate class... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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