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Dear ________,


suca

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear women and or knowledgable men,

 

is there any way to get a girl to not want to see me anymore without making her hate me and want revenge.... she is becoming too clingy and needy and i cant deal with it, but she has so much shit on me, so i cant just be a dick,

please help if you could

 

-tux

 

dear tux,

i was gonna say be super clingy and call her non stop but i think

she would that that. that's one sure way for me to not wanna see

a guy.

be shitty in bed?

<3 ssn

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear mud,

actually i would just clean and organize your place.

<3 ssn

 

dear marco,

anything is negotiable

but my house is a NO shoes home.

very asian and feel free

to use my rice cooker.

<3 ssn

 

dear cali,

umm you didnt put the magazines

back with exactly 2 inches between them.

<3 ssn

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear T,

 

You were the realest kid i knew at this godforsaken new jersey shithole of a college, and my only true friend. I hope home treats you better than the people here. i wish you could stay, but sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. I found a pamphlet with these words on it over the weekend and it's proven surprisingly relevant this week.

 

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."

 

Serenity please.

 

-Inj.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear dentist,

 

I want to fucking punch you in the grill. I went in to get a chipped filling filled,

but now you say I got 4 fucking cavities. As a religious flosser and brusher I don't know

why that happens. I wish you offered nitrous oxide, but no, you got mad at me for

having peepholes in my teefs. You got mad issues, I'm getting the other 3 filled, and

maybe a crown, and I'm finding a different dentist. Thanks for refusing to fully numb

the gums before the procedure. Asshole. I thought that my insurance was paying you

to do a good job.

 

Drillnfill needs a new dentist oner,

seyzerr

 

ps: All that drilling sucks, and I still got a headache 2 days later. :(

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear DMV,

EHHHH HEEEEM. So…I drive up to your wonderfully bland uninteresting

building this morning at 10 am. Guess what miracle I stumble upon…an empty

DMV! ZOMG. WTF. JUMP FOR JOY. Those things come to mind.

Than the smarter part of me self gets to remembering all the

other gawd awful visits I have had to your unpleasant facility.

The beautiful emptiness I witnessed before me had to be a lie.

And it was.

CLOSED EVERY FIRST SECOND AND THIRD FRIDAY. FFFFF UUUUU DMV.

Why are you so miserable. Why do you make people unhappy and smell funny?!!

Anyways I didnt come to complain...but to ask a favor.

*Deep breath

I know how much we both hate each other-but-I would really

appreciate it if you did me a solid and had my ID on file.

For. I don’t have the time to wait 7-10 business days for a replacement ID.

I promise if you do this for me I will be nicer about visiting you.

I will treat my visits as a sacred patriotic enlightening experience

and I may even bring the unhelpful lady at the front desk a flower or something.

(Maybe I wont do that. But. I will def consider it

sometimes…maybe a cigarette might be more

appropriate-she looks like she smokes…or like she needs a cigarette.)

Yours truly (…against my will)- Chiquita fish.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear banana.

 

they won't have it on file. i don't even know what that means. its taken me 2 weeks to get it the last 3 times i've gotten a new id or license.

 

t

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Marco,

I've never played scattergories...but for some reason

I already had the idea that I was going to be hanging

out with your little brother. And I am totally cool with that-no creepy.

Actually. I've found out that to teenagers...I am not very interesting.

They usually go to yawnsville when I start talking and start smoking pot.

At least thats what my sister does now.

So maybe I should bring pictionary or something.

Teenagers like pictionary right?

Scrabble?

<3 B.fish

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