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Bonfires burning bright

Pumpkin faces in the night

I remember halloween

 

Dead cats hanging from poles

Little dead are out in droves

I remember halloween

 

Brown leafed vertigo

Where skeletal life is known

I remember halloween

 

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember halloween

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

 

Candy apples and razor blades

Little dead are soon in graves

I remember halloween

 

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

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CALGARY, AB—Local resident Jeffrey Knutson, 34, was all set to commit suicide this week, until he learned of Lindsay Lohan’s deal to pose nude for Playboy.

 

“I had the pills on the table,” said Knutson. “I was literally doing the final edits on my suicide note in Google Docs.”

 

According to Knutson, confirmation of Lohan’s photo shoot appeared in his RSS feed while he was proofreading what was supposed to be his last email ever. He was looking for synonyms on thesaurus.com when the news broke.

 

“There’s been rumours about her doing this for a long time,” said Knutson. “But when her mom confirmed it on TMZ, I knew it was for real. I just couldn’t miss it.”

 

Knutson, a Business Operations Analyst for the city of Calgary, said he has been planning to kill himself every three or four months for at least the last five years.

 

“Initially, I thought last Sunday would be the perfect day to end it. I’d been on my fourth failed Internet date in a month, and it seemed like a good day to throw in the towel. But then I heard the news about Lindsay, and I realized I probably won’t be able to see these pictures if I’m not alive.”

 

The last time Knutson came this close to committing suicide, he had to postpone the event in order to watch the finals of American Idol, which, he said afterward, was worth it.

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Bonfires burning bright

Pumpkin faces in the night

I remember halloween

 

Dead cats hanging from poles

Little dead are out in droves

I remember halloween

 

Brown leafed vertigo

Where skeletal life is known

I remember halloween

 

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember halloween

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

 

Candy apples and razor blades

Little dead are soon in graves

I remember halloween

 

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

 

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

 

 

i'll probably catch shit for this, but i think the AFI cover of this on the all hallow's EP is better than the original.

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The Super Rideable Rubber Band Robot Automaton

 

DzzMbCgpomE.jpgThis refreshingly mechanical hand-made robot automaton can be hand-cranked to close its fists, drop its chest plate and unleash a hellfire of rubber bands onto its victims.

As exciting as all this devastation may sound, the video clip is ultimately more amusing than frightening, as a man cranks cranks cranks cranks cranks and the automaton moves forward a tiny bit. Then the man cranks cranks cranks some more and the automaton very slowly reveals its arsenal of wooden Gatling guns.

Sadly, flash compression has spoiled any hope of appreciating the slow-mo rubber band bullet porn as you can't make out the slim bands in the pixel murk. So instead, you'll have to fill in the "pew pew pews" mentally—in other words, it's business as usual.

 

 

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