Al Green Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 yes yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 mams bro thats fucking priceless..... wow.....i can only hope that by some strange twist of fate, i get to go out with your family for one night of boozing...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telo Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 i dat least settle for on eof your family reunions or something. shit ill pay for myself and everything. just gimme a holler when the next one comes.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S@T@N Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 2) My brother gets pantsed in the middle of the entire place, and instead of pulling his pants back up, he hops onto the stage, grabs the mic from the vocalist, and screams "WE'RE GOING STREAAAAKIIIIIIING!!!!!" á la Old School. Dad hits him in the balls while still on stage, brother crumples into a heap. hahhahahhaahhahahahahhahahahh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devilush Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 yer dad's the fucking best mams! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 Originally posted by effyoo Seriously though, you need to start a tour company called "Drink With My Family". [productpitch]They could come and visit you on that beautiful island and pay for you and yours to have a night or two that they would remember forever. Well, actually, they probably wouldn't remember any of it, but.... the pictures would bring back the memories (which would be posted here of course).[/productpitch] ---------------><---------------- Originally posted by sneak lordy mams....i LOVE to go drinking with you and your family at least once before i die. Originally posted by mental invalid mams bro thats fucking priceless..... wow.....i can only hope that by some strange twist of fate, i get to go out with your family for one night of boozing...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 :lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol You guys should have your own reality show on the spanish channel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigOatser Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 jawesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 hahaha...pistol is on to something.......that shit would crush.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Okay, so this Friday I almost blew up my father's testicles. But before I get to that, a few precursor stories from Friday... It was my parents' anniversary (28 years), and instead of a nice dinner like most couples do, they went to Señor Frog's and invited a buttload of people. Señor Frog's is a new bar here in San Juan which is part of a franchise that originated in Cancún and whose sole purpose is to make you drink like a fucking maniac to make an ass of yourself so everybody can laugh at you. We started off with special waitress shots, which involve a complicated procedure: The waitress, who is endowed with fantastic hooters, places a shot of tequila in her cleavage, and buries your face in there until you suck the shot out. Then she grabs you by the ears and shakes your head around for a few seconds, after which she smacks you across the forehead. When your hands go up to deflect further cranial attacks, she twists the shit out of your nipples (regardless of gender). Then she makes you spin around a few times, and finally she bends you over and slaps your ass with a wooden paddle. Then someone gives her $5. It's pretty fucking awesome. Then we moved on to retard-o-games on stage. Me, my friend, and some other stranger went up for the free drinks. Our challenge: Take off our shoes and put on swimming flippers, slug back a shot of tequila, run all the way around the entire perimeter of the place, reach the stage again, chug a beer while taking off the flippers, bend over and spin 10 times with one finger touching the floor, straighten up, and chug another goddamn beer. Whoever finished it in the shortest time would win... more free drinks!! This is a great world we live in. So, I went first, almost fell on my face while trying to run with the goddamn flippers, did the whole shebang and sucked, got a 1:19 and felt like my internal organs were melting. My friend beat me and got a 1:13, then the last dude gets a 1:11, but the fucking asshole spilled half the beer down his face and chest because he couldn't chug properly. We called for disqualification, but the guy had a lot of friends in the crowd and they cheered hard, so it was a tie. Both my friend and the guy won a free drink of their choice in a half-yard glass (like 32 oz or so). I won a lovely case of nausea, and free introduction to drunkeness. The night carried on with more general drunken mayhem, and of course me, my brother, my dad, and my best friend getting into our usual stealth nut-busting battles. This is a simple game which involves subtly hitting (subtle hits hurt the worst, and they have the 10-second delay factor) each other in the balls when we're not looking (works best while talking to a lady), and usually leads up to an all-out balls-destroying kickfest that involves many more members. My female friend, who thought she could join in with no worries cause she has no testicles, tried her luck, and got punched in the tits. And then, midnight hit. October 11th, dad's 49th birthday, and time to get serious. We got the bastard on stage with some other people who shared birthdays, and heavily enjoyed watching him get a very special waitress shot in front of like 200 people, including my mom (remember, this is also their anniversary celebration). Then we went to the bar and ordered a full round of Death, a shot we made up on the spot (Kahlua, tequila, and 151, 1/3 each), finished our yards of Long Islands, figured out the who's-driving-who and decided to head home. Me and my friend took a detour around the neighborhood to fuck with people. We went to another friend's house, who was sleeping, and stacked a HUGE pile of old furniture that someone next door was throwing out, right in front of his house's entrance. I wonder how the fuck he got out today. Then we stole some Halloween lawn ornaments (the new craze are these fucking HUGE fabric pumpkin things, kind of like those japanese rice lamps that you can put lights into, but in the shape of a pumpkin) from random houses and moved them a couple of blocks down to a completely different house. In the end, a good portion of the neighborhood was ornament-less, while ONE house had a fucking ridiculous assembly on their front lawn. The last one we stole we almost got caught when the owners came out, which resulted in a hair-raising escape with me hanging from my friend's open passenger door at 30 mph, feet dragging. I completely trashed my only pair of good shoes. And then finally, home. My parents had just gone to bed, so we inhaled air duster (causes brain damage, but who cares, it makes your voice sound like Darth Vader and it's fucking cool) and stormed the castle. Mom was half naked, slipping into her pajamas, and ran screaming into the bathroom. Dad was just settling into bed, wearing his fucking atrocious bikini briefs, so I had my friend jump on the bed while I ran to my room to get some pull-string firecrackers. I grabbed like 8-9 of em and hurried back, to see if I could set them off near my dad's head. The bastard was smart though... he covered his head with his pillow and lifted his legs up defensively in a half-assed fetal position. This confounded me, I didn't know what to do with the firecrackers if he wasn't gonna hear them. And then the solution came to me. I wish it never had. I pulled the firecrackers right next to my father's nuts. Like, an inch or less. The resulting explosion was much, MUCH larger than I expected. Nine pull-string firecrackers are no fucking joke, I'm never ever using those in large numbers again cause someone's gonna get hurt. Dad's bloodcurling scream sparked in me two simultaneous, yet opposing emotions: uncontrollable, overwhelming laughter, and an infinite sadness and general fear for what would become of my life (my friend would later comment on his astonishment at seeing the bottom half of my face express the former, and the upper half the latter). The explosion had set some of my dad's inner thigh hairs on fire, and made a nasty red welt about 3 inches across. His balls were OK, but the thigh looked nasty. Even though I was still laughing like a maniac, I felt serious concern and ran to get him an ice pack. He was laughing it off, but clearly in intense pain... and he made it very clear that vengeance would be brutal, swift, and unexpected. Then me, my friend, and my little brother (who had been awakened by the explosion) played Halo till sunup. Quote my friend: "I've seen you do some fucked up things to your dad, but man, you went too far... you're going to die." Epilogue: Just a few minutes ago my dad came into my room and said "Look how far the burning has gone, motherfucker", and showed me his thigh. Shit looks pretty gnar, now it's purple. Seems like the burning wasn't that much, but the shrapnel impact was akin to a solid punch. Then he goes "And you thought my balls were OK, right?", and proceeds to show me his nuts (a fucking horrifying sight no matter what, and which I hope to one day be able to erase from my memory completely). Dude, the nuts look like a painful purple fucking mess. They look like they were hit with a fucking crowbar. I feel really, REALLY bad, and wish I'd never done such a thing. And now, I sleep restlessly in deep fear for my future, or more specifically, my testicles' impending lack of future. I am very seriously considering wearing a cup 24/7, but I'm sure even that won't be enough. The only good thing about this is that now, whenever people ask me what I got my dad for his birthday, I get to answer "I tried to make his balls explode", and I don't have to lie at all. Pray for me. And while you're at it, pray for my dad's full recovery. Have a good night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i11igul Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 seriously fucking funniest shit ive read in a long damn time, god damn i would be beaten on the spot for such reckless shinanigans, props on the story and the pyrotechnics:lol: :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 You and your dad's testicles are fucking PMB™ approved http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> ilikecheeseslutithink imgoingtoeatmyballskleekloo!!! http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> http://fattydave.homestead.com/files/DavePureSex_1_.jpg'> http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> Good story, Mams .. as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Originally posted by El Mamerro We started off with special waitress shots, which involve a complicated procedure: The waitress, who is endowed with fantastic hooters, places a shot of tequila in her cleavage, and buries your face in there until you suck the shot out. Then she grabs you by the ears and shakes your head around for a few seconds, after which she smacks you across the forehead. When your hands go up to deflect further cranial attacks, she twists the shit out of your nipples (regardless of gender). Then she makes you spin around a few times, and finally she bends you over and slaps your ass with a wooden paddle. Then someone gives her $5. It's pretty fucking awesome. that's called a hooker round these parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoink Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 holy god, best stories ever. you sir need a camera documenting your family, fuck the osbournes. and serious that is a pecker wrecker from hell. sleep carefully those come back to haunt you, my roomate got me back one year after I did it to him at a party...a whole year, waiting for an event grand enough to make me scream like a ten year old girl scout and hit the deck. there the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 HAHAHAHAHAhaha he hehe heh h eh, holy fucking shit mamerro.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effyoo Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Ha! And I thought the first story was good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUDONO? Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 My female friend, who thought she could join in with no worries cause she has no testicles, tried her luck, and got punched in the tits. funny ass shit!! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 tears mamerro...nothing but tears. holy shit thats funny...especially because my balls weren't damaged nor are they in any danger. Bump this thread when your dad gets his revenge...because we all know he will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiffer Jet Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 HAHA@! that;s thuglyfe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 hahahahaha...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldmilkcup Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 fucking BRILLIANT story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
type R Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 that has to be the funniest thing i've ever heard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telo Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 jesus christ... you better lock your doors.. bumpidy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrChupacabra Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 your family is the greatest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frate_Raper Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 No joke dude live in fear. I bagged my brother at a bar and then later on that night with a mini xfl football.For months i slept with my back to the door.......then he just got low down and hit me as hard as he could while i was standing on the stairs talking to my mom. I couldn't walk right for a week and peed blood! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest -MOE LESTER- Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 holy shit this is the funniest thread in the world i wish i had as much fun as you...my dads a square ass conservative nerd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 This thread needs to be sticky so everyone who comes to channal zero can ready it.I am now coughing uncontrolably do to laughing so damn hard.Please Mams tell us about when your pops gets you back..Oh by the way i believe your family has the Genius gene.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nekro Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 <=tears of laughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KING BLING Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Honestly man, you need to take these stories, put together a collection of the best and get them published. You write well, this shit is ridiculous, and your delivery refreshing...in any case it isn't every man who would admit to seeing his dads purple balls By the way, I bet its your MOM who comes after you after messing up her night...I say no more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.