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Guest imported_El Mamerro

My dad fucking wins the prize. Every day.

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

So, pretty much any time I go out drinking with my family, majorly fun times are expected, but last night was fucking special.

 

1) Dad, taking advantage of the fact that mom pussied out and didn't come, lays the ultraMACKdown on some old lady at the bar, who was on the nuts like whoa. She inserted her tongue in his ear and even attempted to smuggle him into the ladies' bathroom. After she left the place a complete drunken mess, dad turns to us and says "Old friend. I fucked the shit out of that woman before any of you were even born". Standing ovation.

 

2) My brother gets pantsed in the middle of the entire place, and instead of pulling his pants back up, he hops onto the stage, grabs the mic from the vocalist, and screams "WE'RE GOING STREAAAAKIIIIIIING!!!!!" á la Old School. Dad hits him in the balls while still on stage, brother crumples into a heap.

 

3) Dad goes up to a complete stranger and asks "Wow, you look Hindu. Are you Hindu?" and begins singing that weird Indian song that has the Knight Rider theme in it (I think it's by Panjabi MC or something of the sort). The guy, baffled, walks away slowly.

 

4) Dad disappears for the rest of the night. We continue drinking.

 

 

 

The Grand Finale

 

Just five minutes ago, mom came to me and asks me if dad drank a lot last night. Of course he fucking did, why does she even ask? Well..

 


  • Apparently, mom got up in the middle of the night when she heard strange noises in the room. She turns on the light and finds dad urinating all over the electric fan, which was set on "High" and which was spraying the piss back all over him. Mom goes into a hysterical screaming fit, which apparently dazes dad enough to make him turn away from the fan to piss all over the floor instead. Mom continues to scream and throw things at him until he gets the hint and tries to walk to the bathroom, but instead slips on the puddle and falls on his face, taking the fan down with him. So there he was, my father, on the floor, naked, covered in his own urine, with a fan still set on "High" blowing piss all over the place. And there I was, still at the bar drinking, completely missing out on this incredibly awesome event. Dad has absolutely no recollection of the event. He still got up at 7 AM to go to work, which involves precision dental work.

 

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Let's hear it for Chaúl AlVarez, a true legend in the annals of Fatherhood Heroes.

 

 

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All my dad ever did was throw out my comic book collection. Wow, if I had a dad like that i wouldn't have to own a t.v. anymore. You must be proud.

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the thought of your mom screaming at him while he's peeing into an electric fan had me in tears. I can imagine the confusion as he tries to make the yelling stop while still urinating all over the place...HELLICOPTER!

 

 

 

what a family. I wanna be adopted....

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HAllllAA FUCKKKINN LEEwwyaahh!!! THIS shit had me rolling around on my very dirty carpet laughing my balls off... this is the shit id like to read.. hats off to your dad.. a true all american idol.. a tredndsetter.. something for all you people to look up to... wait. how old are you?

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Holy shit mamerro...I was laughing so hard everyone else in my area came over to my desk to find out what I was laughing at.

 

still wiping the tearz away.

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Guest im not witty

unlike the rest of you assholes, im not supposed to be reading things like this (fucking amazing as they may be) on the internet. so i had to control the tsunami of laughter building up inside of me and keep pretending that im doing real work. not easy let me tell you.

 

my dad doesnt even drink, can i get some kind of dad refund/exchange program in the works here? c'mon ballpark some figures with me..

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Guest


  • like father like son.
    I think the best part is your dad sacking your bro on stage.

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that story is awesome. pissing into a fan on hi! that had me laughing.

 

punching your bro in the balls? whats up with that? yikes

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Guest imported_Tesseract

Bigups

 

..and people watch the osbournes...tsk, tsk, tsk

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Guest sneak

lordy mams....i LOVE to go drinking with you and your family at least once before i die.

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Guest uncle-boy

:lol:

 

cheers to your pops mamerro, i need to party with your family one of these days.

 

(related story) the other night i got extremely fucking drunk, which is nothing new. but then next day i realized i had drenched my computer with some type of liquid. now i couldnt find the last half of my new caslte that i was drinking when i passed out. so i figure it was either new castle, or piss. it didnt really smell like piss so i assumed it was the beer. 2 days later i find the new caslte tucked beind my bed. which leaves only one conclusion ---> i actually pissed on my computer, woooo! :krunk:

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i almost choked trying not to laugh cuz of all the goobers around me studying...

Dad hits him in the balls while still on stage, brother crumples into a heap.

 

wow... good times...

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once, i slept over at my girlfriend (now ex)'s house. after only about 3 tall boys, i went to sleep. in the morning i woke up and she had some cleaning shit out on the floor. so i'm like 'what did you do, make a mess?' she says, 'you dont remember?'

then she tells me that i walked over to her drawers in the middle of the night, opened up the top drawer, and pissed all over the contents. embarassing like whoa.

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Originally posted by SteveAustin

Holy shit mamerro...I was laughing so hard everyone else in my area came over to my desk to find out what I was laughing at.

 

still wiping the tearz away.

 

Holy testicle tuesday,

me too, except at home, my roomate, girlfriend and her sister are all wonderin why the fuck im crying right now.

 

brafuckingvo

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i know many alcoholic family trees just like yours..they usually have the best family get togthers cuz normal familys are anal retentive..drunks just kick it an drink

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Holy fucking robot schlongs!

 

This post made me go through so many emotions...Joy, pain, agony, extacy (well not really).

 

Seriously though, you need to start a tour company called "Drink With My Family".

 

[productpitch]They could come and visit you on that beautiful island and pay for you and yours to have a night or two that they would remember forever. Well, actually, they probably wouldn't remember any of it, but.... the pictures would bring back the memories (which would be posted here of course).[/productpitch]

 

To sum it up: holy.fuck.that.was.funny.

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