Alcoholism

[Swindle]

 

I had a bloody nose in the morning for two consecutive days last month. I looked up the symptoms and found out it's because my liver was lacking protein to create bludclawttts. It doesn't help that I have hepatitis B either. The page that listed the symptom was for cirrhosis of the liver. Cirrhosis of the liver. Fuck. I figured, it was okay to drink from time to time since I have medication to help with my hepatitis, but I obviously got a little too carefree. Ever since that scare, I decided to completely stop drinking. The switch in my head would turn on every time I see someone with a drink on TV. It made me think, "damn...that shit looks mighty fucking refreshing". It's only been a month, but I managed to not give a shit about it (alcohol) anymore. I had to have something like that to put me in line 100%. I've said it before and I'll say it again, anyone can do it. After all, it's mind over matter. Be thankful none of you have hepatitis B.

 

only saying this coz you said you take opiates sometimes, if you take a lot of oxycodone you can get nose bleed pretty frequently coz it thins the blood in your head. but you sound like you know what happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh and 2 weeks

 

[PITOFZOMBIES]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh and 2 weeks

 

 

Ditto

 

 

feeling pretty damn good. one of my best friends is pretty much going through the same shit... he's also two weeks sober after blowing 70 days to get trashed, eventually winding up in jail for a night. it helps a lot to have a close friend who's on the same page, even if he's not in the same city.

[yonis]

if you take a lot of oxycodone you can get nose bleed pretty frequently coz it thins the blood in your head.

 

i know you said can, but i was using for 2 years and i never got a nose bleed. if anything i'd get like my nostril all clogged up because of the bacteria from the bills...

[swif1]

only saying this coz you said you take opiates sometimes, if you take a lot of oxycodone you can get nose bleed pretty frequently coz it thins the blood in your head. but you sound like you know what happened. oh and 2 weeks

 

Yeah, I don't do that stuff often because I like to function for most of my work week haha. I'e never had bleeding from doing opiates though. Congratulations on two weeks!

 

 

 

i know you said can, but i was using for 2 years and i never got a nose bleed. if anything i'd get like my nostril all clogged up because of the bacteria from the bills...

 

The only time I had bloody snot was from cocaine.

 

I attended a wedding this past weekend. I didn't drink a lot but it was enough for me to feel a little groggy yesterday. I have no regrets though.

[shai]

I used to pack my sinuses with all kinds of weird crap, and the only thing that ever happened was my septum piercing getting infected after doing a batch of bad speed.

 

Now that I think back it was pretty fucking bad. Snorting drugs is dumb.

[fat ralphy]

i used to get nasal infections from sharing bills with my dirty ass buddies...

 

weird how things come about, i now have two prospective sponsees

[LUGR]

Ass buddies you say?

 

Congrats on the prospective sponsees.

[fat ralphy]

belated nh

 

we will see if it pans out

[forsit]

Relapsed recently. Blew 7+ months down the drain, but I don't give a shit about that. Going to a few meetings tonight. Trying to get on track. I felt like straight death this weekend after about a fifth, some white girl, and some of that black. Just over feeling like shit. I had fun though.

 

I just got complacent and stopped going to meetings. And although I didn't get into any legal trouble, I just feel like a douche bag when I drink. Knocked some kids teeth out then got a gun pulled on me on Friday night. Not worth it at all.

[IRON CHEF]

I JUST BLEW 8-YEARS SOBER.

 

I DRANK 4 TIMES IN THE LAST MONTH.

 

AND MOST OF YOU KNOW HOW I'VE PREACHED IN THIS THREAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.

 

I NEED TO GET MY MIND RIGHT OVER SOME SHIT THAT's GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

[fat ralphy]

damn fellas, thats heavy news....props for being man enough to admit it.

 

hope you guys start feeling better.

 

heard in a meeting yesterday..."you gonna keep getting what you give"

[sayWORD?]

hey homies...

 

update time:

 

so yea, i was feeling pretty powerless over alcohol about 6 months ago.

decided it was time to get my shit in order.

i wrote all about that low period in my life probably some 20 pages back, too lazy to search for it.

 

i tried to go cold turkey.

i failed, just didnt work for me.

tried goin to some meetings too.

again, not for me, but i do see alot of value in them, especially with how you meet others in your same predicament.

 

i began to assess what the reasons were for my heavy alcohol consumption.

at first i thought it was boredom and loneliness, as i had lost a few good relationships in recent years.

fucking bar whores is only cool on the temporary, eventually you want substance.

but then i realized that even when i am in healthy relationships with the opposite sex, i still drink.

so really, im not lonely, and any feelings related to that are strictly due to myself and my addictions pushing others away.

 

i then came to the very simple realization that i had lost the ability to enjoy myself or have any sort of fun without alcohol.

i believe addiction is somewhat of a routine learned behaviour, and after over ten years of hard drinking, i had never hung out with friends or done anything i enjoyed without the company of liquor.

i forgot how to.

i dont think ive painted anything since 2001 without being absolutely shitfaced.

 

so i decided to make an effort to keep myself busy and engage in activities that i enjoy without booze.

it worked.

somehow ive managed to go from an everyday blackout alcoholic, to getting that shit under control (i hope).

 

working out and working hard at my job really helps too.

i joined a mens hockey league, something i dont think i would have had the guts to do 6 months ago.

my alcoholism always made me feel insecure.

ive been promoted and have gotten three raises since may.

makes me sick thinkin about how much time ive wasted, but oh well.

live and learn, right?

 

i still drink, i cant front.

i watched the jon jones fight last saturday and had 3 beers.

that is unheard of for me.

having 3 beers is an experience i havent had in a long ass time.

it was refreshing as fuck.

 

ive been making an effort to limit myself.

i can now sit down with a room full of homies who are hammered and just smoke herb.

that shit always made me nervous as fuck, not drinkin when others are, but im actually doin it.

ive learned how to say "no thanks", its dope.

 

that jon jones fight was a big test for me.

i was 3 deep, and was gettin pressured by my peers and myself to sit down and drink another case.

but then i thought, if i leave now, i can drive my car home, go to bed at a decent hour, and not feel like shit the next morning on my one day off.

or i can sit here, polish off another 12 beers, and be at the same place, with the same people, doin the same shit, just more inebriated, with the temptation to drive home wasted.

 

i jetted.

im proud of myself.

 

thanks for listening 12oz.

 

good luck to all of you.

 

-sayword?

[_:MemphisOrDie:_]

Relapsed recently. Blew 7+ months down the drain, but I don't give a shit about that. Going to a few meetings tonight. Trying to get on track. I felt like straight death this weekend after about a fifth, some white girl, and some of that black. Just over feeling like shit. I had fun though.

 

I just got complacent and stopped going to meetings. And although I didn't get into any legal trouble, I just feel like a douche bag when I drink. Knocked some kids teeth out then got a gun pulled on me on Friday night. Not worth it at all.

 

I JUST BLEW 8-YEARS SOBER.

 

I DRANK 4 TIMES IN THE LAST MONTH.

 

AND MOST OF YOU KNOW HOW I'VE PREACHED IN THIS THREAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.

 

I NEED TO GET MY MIND RIGHT OVER SOME SHIT THAT's GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All that matters (imho) is that I made it through TODAY without using.

 

JUST FOR TODAY.

 

Im on my way to chair a meeting. Keep your head up guys.

 

Props have been issued to the guys with the weeks clean.

SayWord...... Good luck to you too sir.

[LUGR]

hey homies...

 

update time:

 

so yea, i was feeling pretty powerless over alcohol about 6 months ago.

decided it was time to get my shit in order.

i wrote all about that low period in my life probably some 20 pages back, too lazy to search for it.

 

i tried to go cold turkey.

i failed, just didnt work for me.

tried goin to some meetings too.

again, not for me, but i do see alot of value in them, especially with how you meet others in your same predicament.

 

i began to assess what the reasons were for my heavy alcohol consumption.

at first i thought it was boredom and loneliness, as i had lost a few good relationships in recent years.

fucking bar whores is only cool on the temporary, eventually you want substance.

but then i realized that even when i am in healthy relationships with the opposite sex, i still drink.

so really, im not lonely, and any feelings related to that are strictly due to myself and my addictions pushing others away.

 

i then came to the very simple realization that i had lost the ability to enjoy myself or have any sort of fun without alcohol.

i believe addiction is somewhat of a routine learned behaviour, and after over ten years of hard drinking, i had never hung out with friends or done anything i enjoyed without the company of liquor.

i forgot how to.

i dont think ive painted anything since 2001 without being absolutely shitfaced.

 

so i decided to make an effort to keep myself busy and engage in activities that i enjoy without booze.

it worked.

somehow ive managed to go from an everyday blackout alcoholic, to getting that shit under control (i hope).

 

working out and working hard at my job really helps too.

i joined a mens hockey league, something i dont think i would have had the guts to do 6 months ago.

my alcoholism always made me feel insecure.

ive been promoted and have gotten three raises since may.

makes me sick thinkin about how much time ive wasted, but oh well.

live and learn, right?

 

i still drink, i cant front.

i watched the jon jones fight last saturday and had 3 beers.

that is unheard of for me.

having 3 beers is an experience i havent had in a long ass time.

it was refreshing as fuck.

 

ive been making an effort to limit myself.

i can now sit down with a room full of homies who are hammered and just smoke herb.

that shit always made me nervous as fuck, not drinkin when others are, but im actually doin it.

ive learned how to say "no thanks", its dope.

 

that jon jones fight was a big test for me.

i was 3 deep, and was gettin pressured by my peers and myself to sit down and drink another case.

but then i thought, if i leave now, i can drive my car home, go to bed at a decent hour, and not feel like shit the next morning on my one day off.

or i can sit here, polish off another 12 beers, and be at the same place, with the same people, doin the same shit, just more inebriated, with the temptation to drive home wasted.

 

i jetted.

im proud of myself.

 

thanks for listening 12oz.

 

good luck to all of you.

 

-sayword?

sayword

[fat ralphy]

werd.

[RUSO]

I JUST BLEW 8-YEARS SOBER.

 

I DRANK 4 TIMES IN THE LAST MONTH.

 

AND MOST OF YOU KNOW HOW I'VE PREACHED IN THIS THREAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.

 

I NEED TO GET MY MIND RIGHT OVER SOME SHIT THAT's GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

 

8 yrs. is a long time. Aug. 30 I had a year sober after relapsing time and time again. Scares me to hear shit like that. I try to visit my best friends grave as a reminder as often as I can...

Good luck man, life is to fucking short...thats not how I wanna go out.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

truly one of the best threads on here... not just because of the advice on alcoholism and the like, but the fact that people can be so damn solid.

[Sleazeside Heights]

Yeah. The one thread where people can actually be supportive of each other.

 

Sayword, good job man. Being able to be self-aware is a quality many do not have.

[Lick'n'run]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqmH493JEpA

[crackalackin]

This is without a doubt the best thread I've ever seen on the oontz. I've been sober 70 days today, I got clean after my best friend (and a great writer) died of a heroin overdose with me. I was the one that found him, had to call the paramedics even though he was already gone, deal with all the questioning and news copters circling my house. After that I hit the quick detox and pulled a geographic essentially fleeing my hometown. There was a massive outpouring of support and love from the community for my friend and a lot directed towards me, seeing my experience as a horrible thing to go through. However I was also vilified by many, blamed by his parents and many who I used to call close friends, and had a detective sent after me. I'm in a different state now, I immediately started working the steps with an amazing sponsor and I'm proud to say the desire to use has truly left me. However I make sure not to become complacent, continue making meetings every day, and do all I can to carry on the memory of this beautiful soul who gave me this gift in exchange for his own life.

My name is (Crackalackin) and I'm an alcoholic.

[yonis]

i haven't used opiates in like a month.

 

the itch is on the way

[forsit]

I never had an opiate problem until I quit drinking. Just thought smoking h and pills wasn't that bad. but it's worse.

[AlwaysOverDoinn]

Yeah H all around i would say is worse than drinking...although both are no fuckin good

[LUGR]

Yeah, replacing booze with H is probably not the smartest choice you could make. Good luck getting back on that wagon.

[IRON CHEF]

[swif1]

Relapsed recently. Blew 7+ months down the drain, but I don't give a shit about that. Going to a few meetings tonight. Trying to get on track. I felt like straight death this weekend after about a fifth, some white girl, and some of that black. Just over feeling like shit. I had fun though.

 

That's the key. People who are going to drink heavily into the night has to know the consequences. Sure, it's okay to drink but do you really have to drink yourself into oblivion and wake up feeling disgusting? People have to think two steps ahead and not so much for the moment. Good to hear you had fun!

 

I JUST BLEW 8-YEARS SOBER.

I DRANK 4 TIMES IN THE LAST MONTH.

AND MOST OF YOU KNOW HOW I'VE PREACHED IN THIS THREAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.

I NEED TO GET MY MIND RIGHT OVER SOME SHIT THAT's GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Eight years is a long time and you should be proud of that amidst the relapse (if you want to call it that). Four drinks last month? That's it? That's four days in a 31-day month. That's not bad at all! Look on the bright side, you didn't drink everyday last month--just once a week.

 

...i now have two prospective sponsees

Congrats!

 

hey homies...

 

update time:

 

...

 

im proud of myself.

 

thanks for listening 12oz.

 

good luck to all of you.

 

-sayword?

 

Hats off to you, sayWORD?! Like I mentioned in earlier, weigh your options! I'm happy you were strong enough to make the right choice.

 

I thought I'd make it public that I prop'd all of you.

 

Forsit: Your head's straight. You value the following morning. If you feel you're prepared for what will happen in the morning then go hard like a boss for the night.

 

IRON CHEF: You got this shit on lock, nigga. Eight years is a long time. Even then, you didn't even do anything bad.

 

sayWORD?: Word, nigga!

 

Think two steps forward. If you have to take one step back, that's ok; just don't take two or more steps back. Feel like shit the next day or stop drinking for the night? Knowing I can't control my drinking, should I crack one open?

[shai]

Last night was so retarded...my friend ran into his ex at the bar around 1 am. The ex is now dating a biker. My friend buys a double margarita plus shots and beers for us and says "Shit might get real" or something like that. Proceeds to talk shit to her. I'm thinking I'm gonna get my ass kicked for trying to prevent him from getting stomped out. Finally got him away from the bar, he starts calling her and screaming at her on his cell repeatedly and disappearing on me and my other friend. We walk back to the neighborhood catching tags on everything and crash a party at our neighbor's house. After that, wind up drinking beers in the car till 5 am.

 

I'm only doing this because my good friends are in town...they live on a mountain and don't get to party like this much, so I'm being the good sport. Up till last night it had been smooth sailing but overall I'm just trying to have fun and take it in stride.

[fat ralphy]

 

Eight years is a long time and you should be proud of that amidst the relapse (if you want to call it that). Four drinks last month? That's it? That's four days in a 31-day month. That's not bad at all! Look on the bright side, you didn't drink everyday last month--just once a week.

 

 

 

 

 

swif ^^^

 

for a lot of folks, it only takes once.....most of us cannot control our drinking, i applaud you for being able to do so, but I know that for me control is not in the cards.

 

it only takes one night, it starts off as 4 beers....

[sayWORD?]

sorry to bump this thread, but im at my fuckin wits end.

 

im still fairly young (under 30), and ive been drinking hard since age 15. at first it was just sort of the weekend party, lets get shitfaced and experiment type of shit. but gradually shit changed. ive always been a marijuana connosieur, but i got caught up with mdma for a few years. then something happened, i began getting anxiety attacks, which were completely foreign to me. so i quit doin that shit, but i found i had insomnia like a motherfucker. in order to calm down and get drowsy i began drinking a feer beers before bed. nothing serious. this was 6 years ago.

 

i can probably count on one hand the amount of days i havent been drunk in the past 6 years. its depressing. ive lost two quality relationships because of it. the last one ended this month, when i showed up to study with the girl absolutely wasted and trying to play it off like i was sober. im disgusted with myself.

 

i have (had) some quality homies who have stood by me for years while they cleaned up their lives and i spiralled downhill. theyre getting fed up and basically told me if i dont sober up, theyre washing their hands of me.

 

when i think of all the stupid shit ive done due to alcohol i get sick to my stomach. ive nearly killed people/myself, crashed vehicles, gotten violent, had unsafe sex with chicks i normally wouldnt look twice at, caught charges, and completely alienated myself from basically everyone i care about, family included. even my lil sister wont even talk to me anymore.

 

even as im typing this i feel the stress mounting, and im craving liquor. i fucked up, instead of drinking socially, i have used alcohol as a coping mechanism any time life threw me a curve ball. i dont know how i let it get this bad. i have no real interest in any positive activities anymore, exercise, art, nothing. all i want to do is get blunted and drink my face off.

 

i dont really know why im typing 12oz an essay, im sure no one gives a shit. but the bottom line is, im considering rehab or AA almost immediately. i feel like if i dont i will be dead within the next 10 years.

 

anyways it feels good to write shit down. i woke up today, looked in the mirror, and realized i dont even recognize myself anymore. im gonna make a few calls about placement in a program as soon as i post this. i know this sounds cliche, but it straight up feels like today is the first day of the rest of my life.

 

im sure most of you didnt read this, i dont blame ya.

but if you did, thanks for listening.

if anyone has or needs any kind of support, im more than down to help in any way i can.

 

peace out homies,

 

sayWORD?

 

hey homies...

 

update time:

 

so yea, i was feeling pretty powerless over alcohol about 6 months ago.

decided it was time to get my shit in order.

i wrote all about that low period in my life probably some 20 pages back, too lazy to search for it.

 

i tried to go cold turkey.

i failed, just didnt work for me.

tried goin to some meetings too.

again, not for me, but i do see alot of value in them, especially with how you meet others in your same predicament.

 

i began to assess what the reasons were for my heavy alcohol consumption.

at first i thought it was boredom and loneliness, as i had lost a few good relationships in recent years.

fucking bar whores is only cool on the temporary, eventually you want substance.

but then i realized that even when i am in healthy relationships with the opposite sex, i still drink.

so really, im not lonely, and any feelings related to that are strictly due to myself and my addictions pushing others away.

 

i then came to the very simple realization that i had lost the ability to enjoy myself or have any sort of fun without alcohol.

i believe addiction is somewhat of a routine learned behaviour, and after over ten years of hard drinking, i had never hung out with friends or done anything i enjoyed without the company of liquor.

i forgot how to.

i dont think ive painted anything since 2001 without being absolutely shitfaced.

 

so i decided to make an effort to keep myself busy and engage in activities that i enjoy without booze.

it worked.

somehow ive managed to go from an everyday blackout alcoholic, to getting that shit under control (i hope).

 

working out and working hard at my job really helps too.

i joined a mens hockey league, something i dont think i would have had the guts to do 6 months ago.

my alcoholism always made me feel insecure.

ive been promoted and have gotten three raises since may.

makes me sick thinkin about how much time ive wasted, but oh well.

live and learn, right?

 

i still drink, i cant front.

i watched the jon jones fight last saturday and had 3 beers.

that is unheard of for me.

having 3 beers is an experience i havent had in a long ass time.

it was refreshing as fuck.

 

ive been making an effort to limit myself.

i can now sit down with a room full of homies who are hammered and just smoke herb.

that shit always made me nervous as fuck, not drinkin when others are, but im actually doin it.

ive learned how to say "no thanks", its dope.

 

that jon jones fight was a big test for me.

i was 3 deep, and was gettin pressured by my peers and myself to sit down and drink another case.

but then i thought, if i leave now, i can drive my car home, go to bed at a decent hour, and not feel like shit the next morning on my one day off.

or i can sit here, polish off another 12 beers, and be at the same place, with the same people, doin the same shit, just more inebriated, with the temptation to drive home wasted.

 

i jetted.

im proud of myself.

 

thanks for listening 12oz.

 

good luck to all of you.

 

-sayword?

 

just wanted to post these two posts of mine (roughly 6 months apart) next to each other.

wasnt gonna do it, but i said fuckit.

its not for another pat on the back (although i appreciate all the love and support) but rather as an inspiration for myself.

if someone else gets anything from this, word.

 

sorry to clog up this thread by bumping my own shit, but i like to remind myself how far ive came to encourage myself (and others) to keep on keepin on.

 

i would also like to say that although this is a faceless internet forum, i have gotten great inspiration and support from quite of few of you.

the alcoholism thread has given me a huge opportunity to be completely honest with myself and others, and also provides me with some therapy, as i find writing down my feelings, thoughts, and opinions a very positive outlet.

the information from others is great, but as someone said earlier, the compassion and support over a forum with so much shittalking is refreshing.

 

i know i have a very long way to go, and hearing things about 8 years sober and relapsing is very scary for me.

however, one day at a time, my friends.

 

thanks again for all the support br0s.

 

although some of the kind words of encouragement i have received may have seemed insignificant to the person writing them at the time, they have had a major role in my attempts to better myself.

 

fuckin awesome thread.

 

(and again sorry for the huge post).

[PITOFZOMBIES]

No need to apologize dude. i was writing a paragraph a day in here as a way to document my issues and to hear people's responses. i read everything everyone posts. it's a nice to be able to see the shit other people are going through and how they deal with it, versus just looking at yourself. it definitely adds a hell of a lot of perspective to this bullshit we all have in common.

 

I'm still feeling damn good. Riding my bike all over hell, eating a ton to fuel that. My focus at work is on point... i work with my hands doing detailed woodwork and the quality of the things i'm producing has increased exponentially. techniques are being thought out and used, and i'm feeling a lot more confident in my ability to become valuable at this company. It's a REALLY fucking good feeling... i honestly just want to work and be productive all the time. it's been so long since i've been motivated.