fat ralphy Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 there is a lab less than a mile from my house.....the people i see in the neighborhood who are strung out on that shit look like walking dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 how do you get started on heroin. I've never done it, but after a while you just want to get a different type of high. For me, it was mixing. Sometimes you just want to enhance the high. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSO Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 how do you get started on heroin. is someone like here, you should try this cool stuff called heroin and you're like, "heroin, the stuff i was warned all my life about? no, it couldnt be that they must mean something else, sure ill try some of your magic pixie dust" I've gotten to know so many people in the rooms that stick needles in there arms that you would never suspect..it blows me away. One dude told me he started shooting meth to avoid meth mouth, it's sad. as long as your above ground you have a chance. **most of those people are clean today... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Can't really speak for Sword but I always figured those people you never would have thought would be shooting up start with opiate based pain pills and move it on up from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 swindle thats kind of an unfair question dont you think? from a young age we are taught all these falsehoods about drugs. i never believed all drug users were devil worshipping zombies that looked like meth addicts and crackheads... something they drill into your head from the jump. i grew up with people who for a good time were seemingly unaffected by their habits. or folks that you would never suspect because for the most part held down jobs, homes, relationships. i can tell you for one that ninety-nine out of a hundred people that see me in the street (provided i am not dopesick and wearing raggedy clothes cause i just dont give a fuck) would never look at me and say "yep, that man is a junkie and uses heroin intravenously". even you wouldnt be able to tell. we all have this misconception about what an addict is supposed to look like, but unless you pulled up my sleeves to see some swelling, redness scarring on a few veins in my arm youd never know. as far as what makes us start using? like ralphy said, multiple things: pain, family, peer pressure, mental illness, just the struggle of everyday life in general. for me, i had friends who used heroin, and they appeared normal, held down jobs.. etc. i read alot, and many of the dangers associated with drug use are generally avoidable. i had used it every once in a while when i was younger, maybe four or five times when i was sixteen. it wasnt until about two years ago (25 now) that i really started using heavily, developing a habit. and even had i believed the garbage were all told to, i love the high to damn much to give a fuck. theres nothing like it, the rush is amazing. all your cares, worries and troubles seemingly disappear, although only temporarily, which may be a reason why users continue. last summer, before my fiance and i got clean, we had talked about what heroin meant to us. we decided that heroin was like being in an abusive relationship. you love it so much, that no matter how many times you leave you keep coming back. its one of the better analogies about addiction that i have held very close to me. i have to realize that if i stay with this chemical, ultimately i will lose everything and eventually die. it turns out the relationship i have with my currently incarcerated fiance is more important, and after all, dope sent her to prison. its time to move on.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 The Mexicans that sell downtown could tell, those fools could spot you out if you were strutting down the street in a three piece suite with 6 months clean time. They got the eye. As far as how you get started, that is pretty darn simple. Once an addict discovers that their headspace can be altered they are generally fascinated to learn of more and other powerful ways of doing so and that road leads to many places. As far as where that desire to get high comes from I honestly think it is hard wired. From the first time I got high I was really really interested in maintaining and finding new ways to get high. Anyway, I got like 12 years without sticking needles in my arm and am coming up on 2 years of complete abstinence from all mind altering substances. I would like to re-assure everyone that first off clean time and sobriety is possible and second that there is more than one road to get there. 12 step programs have their place and I got a lot of love for NA in particular but have myself worked my own program and am still clean and doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 congrats morton. glad to hear youre holding it down proper! -sword Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i never believed all drug users were bad, just that the junkies that lived across the road and around the corner kept trying to borrow money from us and were constantly being locked up/fighting and i never really wanted to be like them. i wasnt trying to make fun of you or anything just making light of a serious situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i understand. but i also dont fight, or steal money from people, EVER. i always have found a legitimate, non-violent/hurtful hustle, not to mention supporting my habit through my career in health care. i simply would like to dispell the idea that all addicts steal from people, stick folks up, commit crimes etc.. id rather be sick than have to gaffle some old lady or do some other foul shit on the block. but sometimes i am amazed at the creative endeavors i employ to earn capital when im sick. most times i can usually gather up at least ten or twenty daily without breaking into my neighbors house while hes at church. i even still have nice things. the only thing i partially regret is selling tons of fly clothing and sneakers. i used to collect nikes and have probably sold about thirty pairs in the last two years. that and selling two hundred dollar sweaters and jackets for thirty or fourty bucks a pop. then again, ive grown out of the whole fashion thing. im straight with some nice jeans and a white tee. but im getting off topic here. everyone be safe and stay strong this week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 that and selling two hundred dollar sweaters and jackets for thirty or fourty bucks a pop. ive had to do this recently with 2 pairs of brand new shoes and a vintage hilfiger jacket just because i couldnt get anything close to what they are worth :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 lately i have been having a difficult time accepting that the choices i made and lifestyle i lived for over a decade....still have an affect on my life. ie. had i played my cards right i would have a career and be more financially secure. i am grateful for my sobriety and i am proud that i make the right choices, but it is hard to do the right thing and still have to struggle. one day it will all come together, that is all i can hold on to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 It may be difficult for you to accept your past decisions, but try not to dwell on it. It may lead to depression, in my opinion. Just smile and look forward to the future. If I played my cards right, I would have gotten my bachelor's degree five years ago. All that money is gone. I fucked up and I was being a careless fool. I'll never get over it, but it's a lesson learned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xen Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 the rush is amazing. all your cares, worries and troubles seemingly disappear, although only temporarily, which may be a reason why users continue. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 swordfish, as usual I feel you. You would never know by looking at me that I'm an addict, even now currently in the middle of a pretty serious opiate binge. I have a almost full time job that keeps me with plenty of cash on hand for highs. I am even saving a little bit each month, if you can fucking believe that. I have never done dirt to get high, but I sell the shit sometimes to friends and make profit on that. Which honestly I feel pretty shit about. These are my homies, they would fight for me no questions but I'm trying to make an easy five off them? it's fucked up but in the moment I always side with the high. I don't see any kind of rock bottom but what's maybe scarier is I can see how I could maintain this addiction and keep it relatively secret for fucking YEARS. but every month it gets more expensive. and more impossible to quit. it's extra fucked because the stress of knowing I have this major issue that I eventually have to deal with gives me anxiety and is another reason to keep using, and using more. I have no answers, or even questions, just sharing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 ^keep your head up brother. soon enough you will at least discover a starting point. for some people, thats simply the want quit. even this step is difficult to achieve. none of this is easy for any of us, and if you say its easy or are one of those "just stop doing it" type motherfuckers then id just as quickly call you a liar and tell you that youve never really struggled with 'true' addiction. and i definitely feel you on the selling personal items to close friends tip. even though i always initiate the sale, and its appreciated only in the sense that i no longer have to be sick for at least a few hours, its kind of fucked up that your closest peoples know youre struggling and take (maybe sometimes unknowingly) advantage of that. in the last month alone ive sold my homie wax that he could easily flip on ebay for double, triple and quadruple the price. this nigga took a willie hutch "self portrait" original press lp off my hands for ten dollars last week. i dropped a hundred on that just last year. tons of rare soul and jazz 45's that i spent half a lifetime acquiring. rare hip hop wax that ive had since a youngen. kinda hurts to see my guy rockin a two hundred dollar jibberish jacket that i sold him for enough dope to keep me good for six to eight hours... ya know? but its all part of the game. everyday im less and less a material person, 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Cus, if you dont want to use anymore you dont have to. Even if you want to use, you dont have to. Try an NA meeting dude, even if it is just once....sounds like you have a good chance to quit while you are ahead. POZ sounds like you are building in the right direction, hope you are doing good bruh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 wait POZ is in this thread? that nigga guzzles hurricane and king cobra like its going out of style (wait, it did go out of style in 1997)! real talk tho homie if youre reading this & on the road to recovery hats off to you! stay away from that hawaaian ice too my satanic brother! 666 til the world blow, -sworduales Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcs Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 lately i have been having a difficult time accepting that the choices i made and lifestyle i lived for over a decade....still have an affect on my life. ie. had i played my cards right i would have a career and be more financially secure. i am grateful for my sobriety and i am proud that i make the right choices, but it is hard to do the right thing and still have to struggle. one day it will all come together, that is all i can hold on to. couldnt have said it better myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 ... and i was doing so well. major relapse, today is my first attempt at not drinking. every second is painful, i honestly considered killing myself a day or two ago. i know that sounds emo and gay but it's true. i dont know what to do. what the fuck is it in me that keeps allowing myself to get into these situations? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I have been reading about binging, stopping and relapsing and read that with each time you start and stop it magnifies the withdrawal symptoms the next time around. Can anybody speak on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i can say that things have definitely gotten worse since i began my attempts at sobriety. i definitely feel worse now than i did when i was kicking before. it could be in my head though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 ^I am not so sure about that being in your head? Would like to hear what some more experienced people have to say about it? Also, I don't recommend the cold turkey method. If possible try to bring your drink intake down daily. I know that is not possible for everyone, or even me sometimes. But it def. helps ease the pain if you can manage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yonis Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i agree with everything jeff said. one/two yeras ago i was 18/19 and i was paying my rent on time, eating when i waanted everyday, went out, had clothes, stacked cash, all while beinga total oxyhead and getting fucked up everday. i was also workign and going to school while getting fucked up on oxys everyday. the last time i stole shit was when i was 14 years old from the school locker room and that was only for weed. i wouldnt say it was never a problem, but it could have been a lot worse being so young and completely on my own with no supervision until i had enough 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forsit Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 True addicts always say "It could be worse" instead of "It could be better". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 ^I am not so sure about that being in your head? Would like to hear what some more experienced people have to say about it? Also, I don't recommend the cold turkey method. If possible try to bring your drink intake down daily. I know that is not possible for everyone, or even me sometimes. But it def. helps ease the pain if you can manage. i feel like the reducing-your-intake-of-alcohol thing just leads to more drinking. one beer may as well be a million for us alcoholics. i dont know. i guess if it works for others. it definitely toned down the the withdrawal before, but not enough to make it worth it. it's all or nothing with me i think, i cant just have ONE beer.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdoughnut69 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 swordfish, as usual I feel you. You would never know by looking at me that I'm an addict, even now currently in the middle of a pretty serious opiate binge. I have a almost full time job that keeps me with plenty of cash on hand for highs. I am even saving a little bit each month, if you can fucking believe that. I have never done dirt to get high, but I sell the shit sometimes to friends and make profit on that. Which honestly I feel pretty shit about. These are my homies, they would fight for me no questions but I'm trying to make an easy five off them? it's fucked up but in the moment I always side with the high. I don't see any kind of rock bottom but what's maybe scarier is I can see how I could maintain this addiction and keep it relatively secret for fucking YEARS. but every month it gets more expensive. and more impossible to quit. it's extra fucked because the stress of knowing I have this major issue that I eventually have to deal with gives me anxiety and is another reason to keep using, and using more. I have no answers, or even questions, just sharing I had a 14 year relationship with the opiates. I was the same hidden story that most users have. When I was younger, I swore I'd never let anything become an integral part of my existence, but it happened. And over time I spent a ridiculous amount of money I wish now I could have back. I got to a point of disgust over the money, and(in my situation), the availability of those shitty, evil pills. Going thru withdrawls every other week. Maybe that helped me get to the point that I was done having them be any part of my life. For me, I was ready to quit. I didn't go in any programs or treatment- not even subs- but that's just how it worked out for me. I'm almost a year clean..., but I'm personally ashamed at the control those pills had over me for soo many years and have zero interest in ever taking them again. Even if I had 5th degree burns on my body, I'd suffer before ever taking one again. As far as getting thru it, I worked out as often as possible, to the point of absolute exhaustion. Helped me keep my energy level up, which is a major side effect from those fuckin pills. Working out also kept my outlook positive. I feel, and have for quite a while now, normal, and happy. My .02cents and good luck to everyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 there are a lot of folks in here speaking on "you know, i was/am an addict and I am not out stealing or I have a job and I do ok...." Most of you guys are in your early and mid twenties, shit doesnt get like that overnight. if you are a real junkie, it will eventually take you those places 9 times out of 10. for all you cats struggling....you should try AA or NA, get a sponsor right away. You hear someone say they used similarly to you, or you hear somebody speaking and you want to have the things they have achieved, ask them to sponsor you. i know there are so many folks who want to bag on a 12 step program, I ask this "how do they know". I havent had a drink in 4 years, I just had a year completely sober off everything (pills, dank, yola) .......I could not have done it without a program. Its a fucking hour a day....thats it, one hour can save you from so much misery and keep you on track. 3 meetings a week is pretty solid. Thats only 3 hrs of your precious time....what else is so important. I have over a year, yesterday I went to 2 meetings. I got a sponsee with 2 weeks acting like he is too busy. You only get what you give into it. A dude said it like this: "If you knew that some guy was going to rob your house, what would you do?" You would be ready for that shit, you would take action to protect your shit. Keep it up folks, we only got one life to live. /endteamsoberrant 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Haha I've never heard of yola, but I had a feeling I know what it is and was correct after I checked the definition. We call it yoda 'round these parts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I got to a point of disgust over the money,. seriously, when I start to think about what Im spending yearly, it just fucks me up. I start thinking like that and I get to envying old men with chronic arthritis and wheelchair homebodies with terminal cancer. fucking retarded. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 ONE BEER IS A KNOWN TROJAN-HORSE. THERE ARE 10 OR SO HIDING INSIDE THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO ADMIT TO SEEING. AND TO BE MORE PATHETIC THAN DUDE ON THE CASTLE WALL WHO WAS DEFEATED BECAUSE HE DID NOT KNOW. WE KNOW THIS RIGHT OFF THE BAT, AND STILL ALLOW DEFEAT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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