SystemFailure Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Actually, at the second job I ever had when I was a sophomore in high school, the manager had accidentally hired this semi retarded incompetent bitch as an assistant manager, but after calling up her former employers and asking them what was up with her they found out she was the older sister of a well known civil lawyer, and had been known to sue employers for firing her. It then became part of my job duties to make her life a living hell and force her to either quit or violate policy, for an asshole by nature teenager like me it was a dream come true. First step was to take away any authority she had over me. Since I only worked after school (closing shift) they only scheduled her opening shift. They then instituted a rule that opening shift assistant managers did not have ANY authority over closing shift employees. There was a natural overlap in shifts as the closing shift guys came in after school one by one, while the daytime shifts were leaving, so she would be the last to leave since she was the highest rank of the daytime shift. This left a couple hour overlap where she was still there ending her shift, and I was just arriving. She would try and boss me around, I would straight up tell her do it yourself (I couldn't get too abusive or it would constitute a hostile work environment and I would HAVE to be fired or they would face lawsuit; I was made aware of this before taking the mission on). I would ask her dumb questions while she was trying to do her closing duties, start rattling off random numbers while she was counting her registers to throw her math off (she was semi retarded, so it took her forever and she would flip out over this), sing really loud off key and annoying songs, crack jokes at her, and in general be a dick to her as long as it wasnt directly offensive. Sometimes I would tell her WHEN I was taking my break, she would tell me "this needs to be done" and I would tell her "Uhhh, no, you aren't my boss, do it yourself" and just walk out. She even tried to fire me, and I refused to leave, she flipped out, called the manager, the manager flipped out on her for trying to fire an employee she had no authority over, and she got so frustrated she walked out without finishing her till count or clocking out. That was enough to safely fire her, since it was clearly walking out on her duties and making a scene. Mission accomplished! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i eat babies Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Not me but one of my pals got fired for having sex with a co-worker in the employee toilets during his lunch break. He was 19, she was a 36 year old polish woman. He got fired from his next job at a bar for getting hammered drunk and attacking the bouncer and his shift manager.. It's funny because whilst those stories make him sound like a scumbag he's actually a really nice, chilled guy.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griteeth Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I worked at a family owned pizza place in highschool which was not bad at all..had an older delivery driver (senior i was a junior) who had a fake and would get bottles or a case while he was out on deliveries, we robbed the place blind in food and drinks(they've since put up many cameras) and the night time manager was a cool fucking dude. anyways the family was selling this location to another family in the area and i went to school with their son and daughter, the dad was a faggot and he requested a personal 1 on 1 meeting with all staff to see who he wanted to keep or let go. I was already on my way out and my meeting was scheduled the morning after my birthday so I showed up still hammered drunk, threw some food in the oven and passed out in the dining room. the cool night supervisor was there, he woke me up and got me out of there, I came in the next day to cover there ass after a scheduling fuckup and never got put on the schedule again. fuck it, they still make really good pizza and i still grab a pie when im back home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 worked at a supermarket for a few years beside school, had to clean the shop with a cleaning machine every single time i used to urinate in the thing and clean the store with my piss, and everytime it was more funnier 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bourgeoisie Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 My first ever job (I was like 15) was at the local Wendy's... the boss was a dirty old perv who only hired young girls and still lived with his mum (he was over 40). His mum called the store every day, I answered the phone once and said: "AHMED, SOME GUY IS ON THE PHONE FOR YOU" he looked surprised... after the phone call he said: "That was my mother" Oh how I laughed. Fired. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McLovin Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 worked at a pizza place i served some chicken alfredo spaghetti +tomato+mushrooms+ 3 different kinds of cheeses for an employee's free meal once. Something that wasn't on the menu. I have made it for myself a few times. My boss was mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brickos Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 This should be easy... Friday lunch - 4 pints in the hour at the pub. Fight with female work college over wrap music on the stero back at work. She threatens' to smash a pint glass over my head (we'd stolen some glasses the week before). I dare her, she does, blood, smashed glass everywhere. She threatens a second glass, same deal, blood, glass... Third glass I'd had enough... So I choked the bitch out. We both got fired the following Wednesday. The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toluene_causes_tumors Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 not smiling enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HUSK Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I use to go into the bathroom, and lay down this book shelf thing, and sleep on it. ( this is a 1 person bathroom) I use to do this frequently and take naps. Every hour or 2 i'd go into the bathroom and be in there for 45 min to a hour. The boss caught on, and actually use to always look to see where i was, and would come stand next to the bathroom door and listen, to maybe try to hear if i was talking on the phone or whatever. If i was just in there reading a magazine bullshitting, i could always hear him trying to sneak up to the door. I would fake vomit make fart noises with my arm pit and fill cups of water then pour them out as if it was me pissing or having diarrhea. One day I knew he was outside the bathroom door, and asked if i could help him? his response was i gotta get going on my work. Unfortunately for me one day shortly after i fell asleep in the bathroom and he happen to have to just try and open the door instead of knocking the door busted open only to find me laying down on the wooden book case shelf on the bathroom floor sleeping. After that i got a disciplinary action, and he was the type of prick that if you made him look dumb or talked back, he would have you doing the dumbest shit possible, only to make you pissed off more.So of course everyone else in the warehouse saw what happened and was laughing, I was laughing too. He didn't find that funny..He always got mad if you didn't take him seriously. No one did, and it was funny just to see how big of a baby he would get. I forever hate that big bird frosted tip wearing mother fucker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crime stoppers Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 i got threatened with being fired if i didnt smile more. i explained to my bosses that i dont smile much and that not having a smile doesnt mean im unhappy, its just my face. my former bar supervisor, on his first day of a new job, was coming down off a bender and too fucked up to go to work. so he got his mate to cut his arm with a box cutter so he could get out of work and keep getting on it. he was fired shortly afterward for his drug habit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 If i was just in there reading a magazine bullshitting, i could always hear him trying to sneak up to the door. I would fake vomit make fart noises with my arm pit and fill cups of water then pour them out as if it was me pissing or having diarrhea. Stuff like this will forever appeal to my sense of humor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I am in fact laughing too. The kind of humor which I'm second hand embarrassed by, will never do myself but will always laugh witnessing others or hearing about it MAXXX POINTSS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 u guys r the same person i sware Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 lol me 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyWay Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I got in to work today with too little sleep and a pretty bad hangover. Stupid Asian waitress repeatedly fucks up everything imaginable and comes out the back, asks whats up etc etc etc and then says 'OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD' in the most annoying high pitch squeal. After about the 10th time I charged at her, rugby styles, she screamed. I picked her up at the waist and carried her out of the kitchen back onto the floor, she was squealing the whole time. Boss did not appreciate this and cracked it at me. I told him to either fire me or shut the fuck up. He did neither, just kept bitching at me Loooooooooooooooooong day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 There was this old cock bastard at one of my old job sites; who when walked up a hill I swear to christ would fall over backwards. Fucking duck footed bastard . . . Anyway there was a 5 gallon pail of this stuff called "Blue-Skin". It's more or less a rubberized compound that is liquid and then drys with a nother "skin" for waterproofing window openings and doors. So I am about 70 feet off the ground on a balcony, and there is a pail sitting on the deck with no railing. I saunter over to the ledge and push the pail off. Below is a mountain side and a large brick retaining wall to the road below with the next row of houses. The pail hits the ground and starts to trickle out and then pour out of this pale. The blue shit starts to waterfall down the brick retaining wall and makes a fucking huuuuuge blue puddle above and below. Ol rocket rob gets the task to pick this fucking rubberized rock hard shit off the retaining wall by hand. I would say the wall was about 12 feet high and had a 5 foot wide blue hardened water fall down it. I laughed my ass off when they made him clean it off, i think he was there for 2 days going at it peeling this shit off. Actual place but the unit was wayyyyyy higher in the air LOL: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdoughnut69 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I used to work for this bi-polar psychopath doing commercial sheet metal. This fuck had two personalities: raging asshole or apologetic abusive boyfriend(I always felt like the woman in an abusive relationship). Anyway, I usually got great ideas after a daily screaming episode. Once I took his truck to Burger King, ordered a chicken sandwich with extra onions, and then got out and wedged the sandwich in the springs of the rear seat. I'd always tell him he smelled like shit. He did. Sometimes I'd let the air out of one of his tires and he'd come in and tell me one of his ex's was slashing his tires, again. Like I was impressed. When I knew he'd be outta town, I'd illegally park his truck, let it get a few tickets, then put it back. When he came in screaming (business as usual) I'd say Parking Enforcement had it out for him. My last week of work, he was facing a huge deadline and a $10,000 a day penalty. I left the office, went to the job site, and personally moved about 5 tons of loose scrap metal from the roof to the ground floor (8 floors with 1 pulley). Because of my 16 hour days, the job was completed on time. I'm not joking that as I stepped of the scaffold the last day the errand boy for our company was standing there with a box of my personal stuff from my desk and handed me his phone. This fuck had the audacity to try and tell me I wasn't working hard enough. I seriously realized how clinically crazy he was and actually felt better I was no longer working at the mental hospital anymore. It's the little things in life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I had that same boss once...during one of his magnanimous phases he hinted that I could be a partner in the company. Looking back I probably should have pursued it but I probably would have been fired long before that ever happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanfullofretards Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 worked at a pizza place i served some chicken alfredo spaghetti +tomato+mushrooms+ 3 different kinds of cheeses for an employee's free meal once. Something that wasn't on the menu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I had that same boss once...during one of his magnanimous phases he hinted that I could be a partner in the company. Looking back I probably should have pursued it but I probably would have been fired long before that ever happened. i worked for a dude screenprinting, he actuallly had the most established and successful business in town (in the small complex of storage unit like buildings he was at, there was 8 other screenprinting shops to put it into prospective) and on my first day gave me the key to the shop and dipped out 3 hours early and told me to lock up. and he would always go on about how if i stuck around for a year or so i could take over the business cus hes getting old. and now im REALLY suspicious of employers who "like" their employees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 He touched you, didn't he? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 It was my first legal support job...he constantly berated me for not knowing what I was doing, then I'd tell him "Well, you trained me." He made something like 2-3 million a year but he was totally stressed out from the responsibility and having to work 12+ plus days. It didn't make the idea of buying into that lifestyle very appealing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grove rat Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 i see my bosses maybe once every 2 weeks, sometimes a few months will go by before i see them. so it's hard to get in trouble when i basically work alone 90% of the time and i keep the plant running Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HUSK Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 i always got a laugh when i would take the porn mags in the mens bathroom, and put elmers glue in some of the pages so when the next person was in the bathroom flipping through them, the pages would stick so it they;d bug out like someone jerked it onto the mag. Funny shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I'm the fucking boss, I don't get in trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Knocked down 75,000 worth of merchandise the first day I showed up sober (1. Was a heavy machinery operator 2. This was after working there for 7 months or so. The only reason I was still there was because I got my trainer weed.). I had 2 foot long dreads. They knew I was stoned all the time anyways. Long story Short, I drove a 10 ton, three story tall machine to move Pallets of goods which was wire guided. After awhile driving the machines at a reasonable rate of speed sucked, so I'd gun it every time, but this particular time the wire disengaged, sending the ass end, where all the weight is, into a central support for an entire shelving unit that went 6 stories up. So they file the report. Check me out. And the corporate guy who checks all large scale accidents deemed that a drug test wasn't needed. I laughed a mighty laugh seeing as licking my hair at the time would make you trip for a week. I got fired anyways because they said the doctor I went to for a bronchitis treatment a few weeks later was an obgyn. job or not, I've never had that not so fresh feeling ever again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 What's the difference? Any doctor could diagnose bronchitis and prescribe you the right antibiotics. You should demand reparations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 yeah... is there a surveillance video gif of this happeneing floating around? cus i think ive seen it edit: was it a bunch of glass bottles or something you were moving? cus then ive definitely seen it and it was funny as fuck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grove rat Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 damn i wish i could be wasted at work 12hr shift today but since everyone is off for presidents day it will be quite all day. getting paid double time is not bad either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
living proof Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Working as a waiter at reasonably expensive italian restaurant. Bring some rich dude out his pizza, he calls me over 5 minutes later and said he found a nail in it (hammering nail) from the wood in the pizza oven. Dude is fucking angry. My smart ass 17 year old response, "you didn't ask for no nails, only no tomato" He loses his shit, nearly chokes me with stereotypically huge italian gold jewelery Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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