Realism Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I wish that I worked in a store with isles, then I could spend all my time on the beach 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I generally get in trouble for either not turning up or calling people out for being fucking idiots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughslast Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Saw this the other night Which reminded me of this as a teenager i also worked at mouse themed family restaurant which will remain nameless. i had the rad job of climbing in the mouse suit and dancing around like a fucking jackass for minimum wage. i used to get high as shit before going to work so it was almost bearable. one time i tripped over a kid in the mouse suit. the head fell off and the kid instantly started crying because he thought he had killed me. i used to rob the place blind and spent most of the day playing skee-ball and eating free pizza and cake. it still sucked. i got caught getting high one time by this manager that looked exactly like buzz lightyear. he made me think that i was gonna get fired and he was gonna call my p's to let them know. dude was picking up the phone to call my p's and then started laughing his ass off and said to invite him out to smoke next time or don't come in reeking like weed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushawn wuan Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 didnt get in trouble but i think its worth sharing. I work at an elementary supervising kids, translating, handling supplies, you name it. My buddy is the p.e. coach. I'm in the cafeteria for the 1st and Kinder kids' lunch. When those crazy kids get me tired I normally go to the front of the cafeteria which is also the auditorium equipped with a stage and I tell the kids through the microphone to get ready, quiet down, sit dow or whatever. There's this chick(let's say her name is Amber) that has been going to help coach with the kids in order to get units to graduate from college. So this day I'm at the front of the cafeteria , mic in hand giving the kids instructions. Coach walks in to where i'm at. We conversate and I'm talkin back and forth with him and the kids on the mic succesfully turning off the microphone when talking to him and back on when talking to the kids. I'm like "hey let's run a train on Amber" he's like "ok I call the pussy" then I slipped, turned the mic back on and said "ok I call her mouth" Coach immediately starts laughing , luckily the kids were wilding out and the other coworkers there were busy with them that noone but coach and I know what happened. cool-story bro! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FREE HOOVER Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Anyone ever have sex on the clock? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 I have. Technically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crime stoppers Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Had a tug once or twice. Boring day at work. I got a written warning for routinely signing for stock deliveries that weren't even for our company, the drivers just fucked up. I'm amazed I didn't get fired, I rocked up stoned as shit every morning and fucked up constantly. Lucky I was really good at selling beer, wine and spirits to snobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 I used to manage a chain skateboard shop around 2002 or so. We got 40% off clothing shoes etc. and 20% off hard goods. So we would always mark shit as damaged to get a bigger discount. Well I got busted because I sold myself some Osiris socks that were retardedly expensive. They were originally listed at $9.99 for a three pack but that was a mistake. It was 9.99 a pair and I took the new sticker off and scanned the old one. . I also marked a board down 40%. Someone at corporate caught it and endless to say I got fired. It's a good thing the night before I loaded a bag full of goodies. A few days later my boy who worked there let me come in and fill up a big as bag of stuff. We used to move all the racks to the side and play skate. Or in the hall behind the stores. Take items off the shelve pull the tags off and wear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 I also used to get into a snowboard bag and put it at the entrance on display. Scare the shit out of people coming in the store or walking by. Other than the thing that got me fired, I never got in trouble for any of that shit. Everyone that worked there was chill. Some were lames. Most didn't actually skateboard. But fuck it. Paid decent for that kinda job back then. It also allowed you to go to the distributors and buy personal shit from them, which was really cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
publicenemyno.3 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Anyone ever have sex on the clock? since i work from home, this happens pretty regularly. during a training session i had an episode of californication playing on my laptop. i usually mute my volume when i'm in gotomeeting but for some reason, it was accidentally turned on for a few seconds during a sex scene. a few of my coworkers noticed and so did my boss. i'm pretty sure she thought i was either jerking off or just watching porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 one time we were fitting a bathroom with this wee fat arsehole of a plumber... he just wanted to bash though the job, run his pipes everywhere and fuck off making his easy, and our work 10 times more difficult that what it should be... anyway the wee fat prick near enough gets stuck going down the hatch in the floor to do some pipe work... after he sucks his gut in to pass through the hole in the floor, i see the hatch cover sitting beside my foot... so i just kicked it back into place and screw it shut... the wee spherical cunt was goin off his fuckin' nut battering the floor with his hammer... saying shit like "when you let me oot o' here i'm gonna batter you with my hammer!" i just said "well you'll no be gettin' oot in a hurry then..." i let him oot after aboot 30 minutes, he wasn't happy... but he was a fuckin' dildo so i don't feel any remorse for it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 if he spoke like that i would have sealed him under the floor too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I dont even try to read his posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 i do. i think about 'so i married an axe murderer' and have a good laugh. even when he makes serious posts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Rolf's posts are awesome ENGLISH TRANSLATION One time we were fitting a bathroom with this little fat asshole of a plumber. He wanted to rush the job, run his pipes everywhere and leave, making his job easy and ours 10 times harder. Anyway, the little fat penis almost gets stuck going down the hatch in the floor to do some pipe work. After he sucked in his stomach to fit through, I saw the hatch cover near my foot, so I kicked it in place and screwed it shut. The little round vagina was going insane, hitting the hatch with his hammer. Saying shit like "when I get out of here, I am going to hit you with my hammer!" I just said "well, you won't be getting out soon then." I let him out after about 30 minutes he wasn't happy, but he was a synthetic plastic and/or rubber penis, so I feel no remorse. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Anyone ever have sex on the clock? I had sex on a clock, now she calls me Big Ben. Man goes into a clock shop and whips his dick out on the counter. The horrified woman behind the counter says "Sir, this is a clock shop, not a cock shop." The man says "I know, I want you to put 2 hands and a face on this!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 oh snap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
you can microwave bacon Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 this isnt the one i was thinking of, but damn. ive always wanted to steal a forklift from a construction site and just wreak havok in a metropolitan area. lifting cars on top of other cars. lifting cars on top of trees. lifting cars on top of buildings. is that even schnauzible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ms.seyer Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 they always point the finger at me and say that's the bad guy :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntflaps Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Some good stories in this thread, In my younger days I worked in a surf shop with a warehouse out the back, lit a spliff one day in the back of the warehouse and forgot to lift the roller door for ventilation. Staff came running out saying customers can smell it but I was too stoned to get up and open the door. Another retail job, a guy I knew at the time knew the manager I was working for and told me he was gay and had been caught in bed with another guy. I was out on the town one night and saw the managers girlfriend, told her that her man was a fag and had been caught with another guy in bed...Next day at work the manager said I'm going to make this job so shit for you if you don't quit . . . . Got another job this time as manager of a retail store but had a little meth habit at the time and would smoke out the back then serve customers. Would do lines with the truck driver before he went and did deliveries. Had another job in finance and this ATM that I had to restock I would 'borrow' notes for the weekend and pay back later on. Sorta got caught out but ended up with 2 warnings and quit. Working for vodafone told the manager everyone hated her and got fired. I got more, I've had lots of jobs..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntflaps Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I dont even try to read his posts Sounds like he is a Geordie, probably the coolest, nicest most friendliest people in the UK. Whey aye man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Rolf is from GLASGOW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntflaps Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 ^^ ohhhhhh, my bad, sorta close, Newcastle is near the boarder..Glaswegians are still good fun, you do need a translator for them sometimes, especially the taxi drivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Saw this the other night Which reminded me of this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Also throwing away product is the go to way to take it home, there is always a dead spot where a garbage can is no matter how many cameras are in the store. I had the racket worked out where I knew all the dudes at the sandwich shop next door. Since they worked in a sandwich shop, they were all musicians. One day they came in looking to buy some adapter plug for a guitar or something, and I was just like "Its on that wall. You can have it, just don't let me see you take it, because there's no cameras over there" - from that point on I would throw product away, take it past their back door, leave it in a cardboard box full of bricks they use to hold their rear door open, and then call them on the cell like "I got a shipment out back" - since they were open an hour later I would always go over there after we closed and kick it, eat a free sandwich, and wait for my manager to leave. Then they would let me go in back and sort out what I had left and get high, because it was a sandwich shop, and thats what everyone does in sandwich shops. Also I got one of the kids strung out on coke real bad and would bring over little ass bags when I was broke after my shift when he was trying to quit, like "I know you are tired man, you been working ALL DAY, I got this one lil 20 left" and he would be like "Aww, uhh, I gotta think about it..." then we would be smoking I would wave it in the air and smile and he would say "alright gimme that shit" - I was a straight up pusher, he was trying to quit and everything. My manager was happy about all the free sandwiches I got him tho, because he had been working there and paying 7$ for a sub for 3 years, then within a few weeks of hiring me, I saw him go over there and come back from dinner, and was like "Hold up man, did you actually BUY that sandwich? Let me take my break before yours tomorrow". I took his order, came back with a sandwich, he tried to pay me for it, and I was just like "nah, it's free, I know all them dudes, you get free fountain drinks now too" But yeah, throwing away product accidentally is the go to method, since if you get caught red handed you can just be like "Ummm, I accidetally dropped that in there" and you MIGHT not get fired... but if that shit is in your backpack or pockets its game over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Also I had a usually shitty sometimes cushy job at an audio / video rental house, but It payed absolute shit, and I was forced to work 6 days a week, Saturdays required. I got hired at 7$ an hour and got a .25 cent raise and pretty much was set on getting fired from that point on. Saturdays I would come in still drunk an hour or 3 late and pass out under my desk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 realism and cunty flaps are from chernobyl... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12packprophet Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Anyone ever have sex on the clock? Does dome count? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 years ago, when i worked at some shit chain restaurant... our manager decided to take a personal day. while we were getting raped during the dinner rush, this motherfucker had the audacity to called in for a delivery. i believe he ordered a "gourmet" pasta with wings. a few of the other cooks & i were annoyed to say at the least. the delivery man who spoke little english was scared for his job, but we assured him the fault would be on us - instead of cooking what he ordered, we just sent him a take-out container full of lettuce drowning in pickle juice nobody got in trouble, but he was not happy with any of us the next day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I had a somewhat high profile job for a little bit working for a specific government entity. Long story short, I was pulling my weight MORE than i should have been, and was actually working a position that generally paid 30+ an hour, but they were still only paying me 14 or something horrible to that extent. After they started treating me like the 'bench' guy, i taught all the retarded hoodrat employees how to bypass the firewall, or just straight taught them how to tether their cells so they could bypass the work internet. Needless to say they hated me after awhile when every cubicle had WSHH blasting ghetto fights everywhere. They couldn't prove it was me, and I HATED the boss at the time (you wouldn't get promoted unless you were a female minority, fact), so i called her a retarded fucking cunt that shoots out kids, 3 days later i got fired. Funny how long they take to fire you at government jobs. Rode a nice cushy unemployment check for over a year while fixing computers in my free time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.