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Dear ________,


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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear small black children in the house at the end of the road,

 

if you wait for the mailman to come and open my mailbox half way so when it rains all the water gets directed towards my mail one more god damned time, im staying home all day with a 12 guage loaded with rice waiting for your punk ass to show up.

you think im kidding.

 

sincerely,

your neighbor who had to cook his mail in the oven.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear BlackBoatShoes,

 

How the fuck can you have lived in or grown up in RI and not know what an Awful Awful is man? Has Newport Creamery falling off that bad in the region that young bucks don't know what's up? If so, I will have to return to the motherland and bust some heads with the power of Krom's mighty fists!

 

--Earl

 

 

Dear Krom,

 

Please help me get my life back together, this shit is getting depressing. And now I find out a Rhode Islander doesn't know what an Awful Awful is? It's a damn shame.

 

But for real, I'm in a shitty place, do that whole footprints thing man and we both shall destroy the Four Winds together.

 

--Earl

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear earl,

i know about newport creamery.

but like i said i dont eat ice cream... when i was a kid ya. newport creamery was the spot... but now im not that into ice cream anymore.

and i've never had an awful awful. hear people talk about it before, but never have been motivated enough to go and try one.

-boat

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear SSN,

 

That awful awful looks yummy. I want another one.

-seysey

 

Dear brother,

 

Why did you make my godson's first birthday party on my birthday?

I'm gonna be in L.A enjoying the sun and rollercoasters, but now I

feel slightly bad because I won't be there for him. Please change your

mind and reschedule it pleeeease.

-Little sister

 

Dear anyone,

 

I suck big time at comforting people when it comes to death or dying

people. My boyfriend's grandpa has lung cancer and he only has a

few days left to live. I don't know what to do or say to him, and he's

really sad and hasn't been talking much. I just be quiet and leave him

in silence, but I don't know how to comfort him. It makes me feel bad for

him when I see him sad. Help?

-seyer

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear seyer,

that shit is always tough.

just be there for him, and do some stuff to get it off his mind.

-boat

 

 

dear sookiller,

WHAT THE FUCK.

NO ONE TOLD ME IT WAS A DELICIOUS PILE OF FRIES AND A BURGER.

FUCK ALL OF YOU, I THOUGHT IT WAS ICE CREAM HENCE WHY I'VE STAYED AWAY FROM IT.

GOD DAMNIT.

SOMEONE COME GET LIKE 20 AWFUL AWFULS WITH ME SOMETIME.

-lilchacha

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

dear earl,

might i suggest smoke weed and disregard everyone?

 

I wish I could, but I need to find a job and can't risk the piss test.

 

 

 

Dear Boatshoes,

 

All I'm saying is the Awful Awful is a Newport Creamery staple and has been for as long as I can remember --30 years. I just figured you'd know what one is by now.

 

Eat a Weiner!

Earl

 

PS: You know the kind I'm talking about, the one WITH meatsauce, not the one that shoots man sauce.

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Re: Dear ________, - no homo

 

Dear Boatshoes,

 

The Ghost of Roger Williams isn't pissed at you about the Awful Awful. We both don't care about that and it's understandable that you may have never heard of it or had one. We're cool with that.

 

But the Ghost of Roger Williams said this, and I quote:

 

"Did that little bastard really say he hates weiners of any kind? Are you serious? And he lives in MY state, in MY city? Jesus Christ. I fucking died so you all could have weiners with meat sauce, onions, mustard, and celery salt. I DIED LIKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FOR THAT SHIT! And this little pecker is going to piss on my grave?"

 

So I recommend you go out for drinks with Swamp, and then have him take you to Smith St. or Olneyville after you're done. Either that or the Ghost of Roger Williams is going to put a hatchet in your ass.

 

--Earl

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