theprotester Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 @NG: There's only a handful of crew on here that I wouldn't be worried about them turning to prescription treatment. Red is one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewGirl Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I consider xanax to be a harder drug than heroin, I understand how dangerous this drug is and how slippery the slope is to dependence and tolerance. I asked for help to ween myself off of a 1mg/day for a month habit, and i got the help I need. I also got an AA meetings sheet for the new area that I am going to be in. I'm finally ready to get back into the rooms and listen to some real advice, and offer some war stories and life experience stories. Time to get shit in order again. Well it sounds like your prepared with a plan and that your aware of the possible side effects, which is good. I'm sorry if I over stepped an bounds, but ever since I saw my sister almost die from that shit it scares the hell out of me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Well it sounds like your prepared with a plan and that your aware of the possible side effects, which is good. I'm sorry if I over stepped an bounds, but ever since I saw my sister almost die from that shit it scares the hell out of me. I don't think any boundaries are being overstepped by suggesting caution. Most pill addicts i knew were also alcoholics. I imagine it was alcohol that lead them to pills in the first place. I never had much issue with any other drugs while i was drinking, but i know to be very careful now, even in sobriety. Addictive personalities are addictive personalities. If we have some substance that 'improves' our life, we're going to use it, and knowing how most of us function, we'll eventually abuse it. Think about how we got to where we are with alcohol. It might not be an overnight addiction, but they're waters i'm not really anxious to dip my feet in. At the same time, though, if i break my arm and i'm prescribed pain meds, i'm not going refuse them. The line is a little fuzzier with all these anxiety/mental drugs, though. Red, I'm sorry it always seems that I'm undermining your posts. It's not my intention. I know you said you understand how serious Xanax is. I just wish the best for all of y'all, and advice and opinions are what we're here for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Damn right. This thread is about open discussion. No judgements, and no assumptions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redeyedanimal Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 POZ, I don't consider it undermining at all, only saying my own concerns out loud. My intention is to use these drugs to break my mental patterns and rearrange the chemical pathways in my brain, so that when I stop the drugs it makes more sense to be happy and sober than miserable and treating misery with a toxin. The longer you live in misery, the more the brain is structured to stay that way, and it sometimes takes chemical involvement to break those patterns. Without getting into too much detail, several family members have stated their concern that I am holding onto grief too tightly, especially after this period of time, and it's time to try something new that has better potential in the long run to be a healthy choice. I guess we'll just see if I fuck up or not, I don't know if I will either, but I envision my future clean of drugs and alcohol. That is my goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMF Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 couple of weeks ago i htought i was a person that could drink without going to meetings and be fine. i discovered last night that i need meetings. i drank abvout 2-4 4lokos a day for that 2 weeks and started doing xanax again. im gonna start the steps again and shit and maybe even finish them bitches. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought_Monster Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 The day by day shit is what gets me, I can go a few days without drinking, but beyond that I can't resist. Part of me wants to stop, but another part of me feels as though nothing will change. I have a few homies that quit, and they say their life is the same, but they are happier, and healthier. I have a hard time getting over the initial first stage of stopping. Life seems so slow when I'm sober, and I get bad anxiety. It's like if I don't get fucked up I'm going to do some stupid shit to feel that void. Although that's not to say I don't do stupid shit when I'm drunk; I fucked up every chance of a relationship I have ever had, caught charges, fought with friends, and lost friends due to this shit. Shit fucks with my head, but I'm making an effort to slow down, and it is working, just don't know if I'm strong enough to just quit. What up Fat Ralphy! Been a minute since we chilled, glad to hear you and your fam are doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 stay strong beer shits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 The day by day shit is what gets me, I can go a few days without drinking, but beyond that I can't resist. Part of me wants to stop, but another part of me feels as though nothing will change. I have a few homies that quit, and they say their life is the same, but they are happier, and healthier. I have a hard time getting over the initial first stage of stopping. Life seems so slow when I'm sober, and I get bad anxiety. It's like if I don't get fucked up I'm going to do some stupid shit to feel that void. Although that's not to say I don't do stupid shit when I'm drunk; I fucked up every chance of a relationship I have ever had, caught charges, fought with friends, and lost friends due to this shit. Shit fucks with my head, but I'm making an effort to slow down, and it is working, just don't know if I'm strong enough to just quit. I've found so far that sobriety isn't a magic wand that makes life better ... you gotta make those changes yourself. But sobriety stops you from sitting in neutral and makes you able to actually make those changes. Makes you into a more capable human. That's all i'm here for ... i'm not really capable of living normally otherwise. And don't feel like you're the exception in thinking "why would anything get better i might as well drink". I couldn't begin to get/stay sober until i ended up with a scar over my eye that i get to face in the mirror every day for the rest of my life... and realized that I could have lost my sight, gotten brain damage, or died the night I was hospitalized. Some people need a BIG FUCKING REMINDER, i'm one of them. What's cool about talking to others in recovery is that hopefully they can help catch you before you get your big fucking reminder. Without this scar I could probably fall back into old/shitty ways of thinking pretty easily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 When it gets bad enough, you'll know how to stop. Just hope that "bad enough" doesn't have the devastating consequences for you that it has for some. My breaking point was one of the most thorough blackouts i've gone through, coupled with an injury, as well as some of the worst withdrawals i could imagine... feeling your body barely stumbling through its normal functions was pretty intense. Those nightmares, the sweat, the smell, the hallucinations... and picking up the pieces. I told myself it was the last time... and it was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Yo ... to any of you still on the fence about cleaning up your act. Getting a job with a (short) criminal record and getting fired from your last job after 4 months of drinking way too much is very, very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PillowTalk Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 hey guys. i hope this helps people in the same boat, or ocean im on day 1 on benzo withdrawals. i hit dude up last night for shit and he got red flagged for his script. instant panic. somebackground on me.. been on a relapse for about 3 weeks. i have never been sober for more than 16 days plus. relapse started with vicodin which i could maintain, to xanax when the watsons werent there . had a good 2 years in the whole scene and then third year, i continued on opiates nd benzos off and on and i didnt say shit, and nobody knew. today i readmittted to myself that i am completely powerless over this drug. im havin the shakes, little hallucinations if i look at something for too long, absolutely NO sleep. but the worst is the mental feelings, having this feeling, a horrible, depressive, hopeless feeling.etc.... I would eat bars for anxiety but i would eat some more to forget I'm here, and not there. i fear to feel because i have felt, and thats why im here. feeling again i got a sponsor today. my first time ever asking out for one and dude is mad cool, we talked after a meeting. he said if you make it thru tonight without using then hes got me 110% you know, im going thru this because of drugs and because i am off of them due to not knowing where to scoop.i would give anything to stop this feeling. I get a msg from hookup 3 hrs ago, while typing this, saying he has both xanax and norcos. I have money and transportation. i want to be able to sleep. im writing this because I DONT have what it takes to do it on my own. i began typing this 5 hrs ago and if I didnt, I wouldnt have remained sober goodlooks injury, tdb, and everyone else 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Pillow, Dude sorry I didn't see this earlier PM me. Any time. The stuff about feeling I get 100%. I spent at least a decade running away from any real feelings I had - whole reason I still post in this thread. I get you, so if you need someone to chat to, you're more than welcome to get in touch. I speak way too much now about everything emotional and to do with my bg, totally mad open, cos I still haven't learned how to regulate - ha, as you can see on this forum a lot ;) I really hope you got through the night ok. The sponsor thing is awesome, not only just cos you have support but cos it is a step in the right direction. Let us know how you got on? Everyone - This thread is a support and a kind and awesome place. You guys rock. The self-knowledge and honesty is what will get all of us through our various shit. I hope you all are good? Thought - I keep saying I should stop drinking. Then I spend a lot of time drunk. Been a while since an unsolicited meltdown on my part - I did kick some trash out of my life recently which has helped. It is fucking difficult to overcome the habit and the culture though. Drink is so destructive and yet so prevalent and accepted. I hope you are doing ok today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU_TOO Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 A good friend of mine is kicking alcohol at the moment. Says he doesn't even miss it cuz it was just getting too hard on him. Hurt more than it 'healed' at this point in life. And he's also gonna have a kid, so just more incentive. He's also kicking weed, but plans to go back to it once he levels out. I'm mad proud of him and all the sober friends in my life.. I can see that at some point I'll need to join them... Respect for all you seeking a better life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shittles..TasteTheAsshole Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I'm on week 54 alcohol free and I've been having a lot of dreams where I fuck up and have a beer. In the dreams I remember feeling so guilty and stupid for relapsing. ^^^ I don't think I could have quit booze without weed and I've got it completely under control, just a couple bowls a day keeps me from goin nuts. Good luck to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 i REALLY need to start hitting groups. it's got to be the last option. something about methadone really makes my craving for cocaine uncontrollable. i've "beat" the dope, but this shit has got a hold on me that makes me feel hopeless. oh yeah - it's been quite a while; is it forboden to speak of addictions other than ackahaul in this thread? hope y'all have been on the right path Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shittles..TasteTheAsshole Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 oh yeah - it's been quite a while; is it forboden to speak of addictions other than ackahaul in this thread? No, It's all related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 beat my dui bruhz! so happy, my lawyer built such a strong case that they were forced to drop the charges before the trial date. lessons were definitely learned, expensive ones at that, but whatever. cant guarantee myself or anyone else that i will never have another drink, but i can surely say that i will never get behind the wheel after having even one beer. stay up homies. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 not been reporting in here much, but i've been doing pretty well... still not sticking to my no more than 2 a day rule, but i think cutting right down to that levels gonna have to be a gradual process... i've stopped my early afternoon drinking, only goin' to the pub for a couple at night, and not coming home afterwards to drink a 6 pack i've had in the frigde... through the week has been pretty dry, there's even been times when i've had cans o beer in the frigde and not touched them for a couple o' days.... which is totally fuckin' unheard of for me... had a wee trip doon to london to see pals, and even then, i seriously watched my drinking. just had pints at night and maybe 2 or 3 when i got back to their hoose. i'll certainly do my best to keep it up... and if i don't i'll be back here for a good telling off... I hope everyone else is ok and staying strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Big up da rolf! Can't prop you or I would but you're doin good son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fictionator Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Been on a pretty long binge until about three days ago, unemployed for a good while now also. Waking up at five in the afternoon going to bed at eight in the morning the past few days, sweating like a mad man. I'm hoping I will feel a bit better by the tenth when my brother gets married, going to do my best to get some running in as much as I can in the next couple of weeks. I don't ever recall feeling this bad or weak but I will once again start this process over again. Hope everyone is feeling alright, peace fellers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Good luck fictionator. You got someone who can keep an eye on you, keep you company and distract you, help you level out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fictionator Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 thanks, my brother is pretty good about it, keeping me busy while other shit is going on but everyone else i usually hang out with drinks regularly. I'm doing alright so far though, as long as i keep a little routine up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Sport is good if you're into it. Club sport. When I take time off from playing ball, it directly effects an increase in bad habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fictionator Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I'm getting back into running, it helps especially when I go out at night. It wears me out so I'm not thinking about boozing too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Stick with it, mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 nice to see all the new folks in this thread.... keep it up people, living the way you (we) have for so long......nothing changes. starting to train brazilian jiu jitsu, nice to finally feel like doing something good for my body. Since I quit drinking and drugs, I have been eating like shit. Found out someone I look up to caught HIV from slamming H.....seeing him have to deal with all of that has been a good reinforcement that the life out there isn't worth the consequences. stay up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I need to do a sport, considering learning climbing But nothing can really start til I've moved (it's not worth doing 5 weeks here then moving and starting over) Looking forward to it, 3 months sober when I move, no more booze :) Heads up y'all, very proud :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PillowTalk Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 thats realy dope TDB congrats. Unfortuantely from my last post even though I was down in the pits, I ended up relapsing. Whats eating me up, was when I was at my low, I got a sponsor and swore to myself I would follow everything he said. I did for the next 3 days, until one morning where I had to wake up early I took a vivanze, which is not prescribed to me. From then, this adderall made me anxious all day making me believe that the only way to get thru this was thru xanax. Every since then I have been taking xanax, kpin's , and yes the vicodin. Lied to my outpatient program, seeing fine due to the vivanze and when it comes night time I because so anxious I have to eat some sort of pill to calm me down. I honestly wish I smoked weed to help me threw all this. At least ween me off from these nonsense drugs but weed is just not my thing. It was in the past but now when i smoke a sweet, I'm blowed/lazy/ and paranoid as fuck, while on vicodin im feeling good and sociable and on xanax all my paranoia is gone, and my worrys from before aren't there. basically im trying to say is i need a helping hand and am ashamed that my dope as sponsor doesn't know im using behind his back. pretty fucked up if you ask me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 You might not want to hear this, but your sponsor knows. Guilt is ugly, but feeling it means you're moving towards the right place. Stay strong. If you can, remove yourself from temptation for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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