PillowTalk

lemme rephrase, im leaning against a pillow listening to relvis presley while working in a foreign country, missing texas maneeee

Re: random thoughts that lucky bastard could pull off a ton of metaphors in reference to the ocean. His house is really neat though.

Re: random thoughts pablo neruda really did have a love for the sea

2 cups of coffee, and 3 xannies , and "trying" to make a landing page for a failing company and i don't even work today

theprotestor - your probably right, and you even suggesting that he know makes me feel such a guilt that it's unbearable. My sponsor came from nothing, heroin addict, slept behind a dumpster, did whatever drug he could have his hand on. Now he's clean and for god's sake has the ability to help others in need. If he can do it, I DEFINATELY can do it. But I'm not. I have to meet up with him by at least 3:30. ooontz, im scared, scared because I let him down and the other sponsee. Scared because I'm just gonna be another one of those folks on their knee's coming down from withdrawals, asking for help/asking him to be my sponsor, working it for three days, and once I over come the physical aspects, I let my mentality say I'm fine and go back to using in secret. Keepitrails - I did take it from what I will and thank you, it made me change perspective on the nature around me. All this time I believed that society was about human beings, but what you quoted from Edward Abbey I believe, explains that society is the world around us, humans are just a part of it. It's the actual nature thats the real society. Not to sound like an AA freak but one acronym I took from god is the Great.Out.Doors. I tried to make that work for me for a "higher power" but I couldn't. I'm still working on it. There is a whole world out there, and when suffering from drugs/depression, it blinds you from actually seeing the beauty that was there all along. Thank you for those words KIR. unbreakable - best advice is to get outside of your box, whether it be a local event in town, or an AA meeting. Once you tell them your new, yada yada, after the meeting, people WILL come up to you and give you their number and tell you to call them at any time. I know from personal experience. I didn't hit them up because I was flawed into just keeping shit to myself, but you have to step out of your comfortable zone. After a while things will be easier, IF AND ONLY IF, you put the work towards it. Solitary confinement/keeping things in my mind will only corrupt me. I swear. If I don't vocalize it and share it, i'll continue to use. I'm about to meet up with my sponsor, I'm scared as fuck right now

thats realy dope TDB congrats. Unfortuantely from my last post even though I was down in the pits, I ended up relapsing. Whats eating me up, was when I was at my low, I got a sponsor and swore to myself I would follow everything he said. I did for the next 3 days, until one morning where I had to wake up early I took a vivanze, which is not prescribed to me. From then, this adderall made me anxious all day making me believe that the only way to get thru this was thru xanax. Every since then I have been taking xanax, kpin's , and yes the vicodin. Lied to my outpatient program, seeing fine due to the vivanze and when it comes night time I because so anxious I have to eat some sort of pill to calm me down. I honestly wish I smoked weed to help me threw all this. At least ween me off from these nonsense drugs but weed is just not my thing. It was in the past but now when i smoke a sweet, I'm blowed/lazy/ and paranoid as fuck, while on vicodin im feeling good and sociable and on xanax all my paranoia is gone, and my worrys from before aren't there. basically im trying to say is i need a helping hand and am ashamed that my dope as sponsor doesn't know im using behind his back. pretty fucked up if you ask me

hey guys. i hope this helps people in the same boat, or ocean im on day 1 on benzo withdrawals. i hit dude up last night for shit and he got red flagged for his script. instant panic. somebackground on me.. been on a relapse for about 3 weeks. i have never been sober for more than 16 days plus. relapse started with vicodin which i could maintain, to xanax when the watsons werent there . had a good 2 years in the whole scene and then third year, i continued on opiates nd benzos off and on and i didnt say shit, and nobody knew. today i readmittted to myself that i am completely powerless over this drug. im havin the shakes, little hallucinations if i look at something for too long, absolutely NO sleep. but the worst is the mental feelings, having this feeling, a horrible, depressive, hopeless feeling.etc.... I would eat bars for anxiety but i would eat some more to forget I'm here, and not there. i fear to feel because i have felt, and thats why im here. feeling again i got a sponsor today. my first time ever asking out for one and dude is mad cool, we talked after a meeting. he said if you make it thru tonight without using then hes got me 110% you know, im going thru this because of drugs and because i am off of them due to not knowing where to scoop.i would give anything to stop this feeling. I get a msg from hookup 3 hrs ago, while typing this, saying he has both xanax and norcos. I have money and transportation. i want to be able to sleep. im writing this because I DONT have what it takes to do it on my own. i began typing this 5 hrs ago and if I didnt, I wouldnt have remained sober goodlooks injury, tdb, and everyone else