mackfatsoe Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 DAMN so I struggle with the opiates, been clean for one year with a couple semi minor fuck ups. found out last night my girlfriends father was doing hella dope and just being a low bottom dope fiend for a lot of her childhood. he eventually spent all their money and got abusive and they left him, he got clean they came back and he had a massive stroke the next week. fucking crazy, not two weeks after them nursing this guy through horrible withdrawals, they find him laid out in the shower and they thought he had od'd, mom is an immigrant didnt want to call the cops, meanwhile dude can't speak because his brain isnt working. my girl said she was relieved because she thought he was going to finally die and stop dragging them down. i cant even begin to imagine. just a month ago I went to through the old neighborhood w a pocket full of cash, looking for familiar faces. everybody was dry. what a fucking loser. last night i had a dream i went to my first NA meeting, and i fought hella coyotes with my bare hands, and a dude blew himself up but i surivived and they had pizza after. haha. be well everybody. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I talked to a guy that works for me the other day. I knew he was having trouble. He was a EMT before and he knew he was having medical issues. He said that the issues he is having are worse then the people he helped that were having their own issues. I asked him if he is ready to do something about it, and he said no. I said what will it take for him to make that decision to get help and stick with it, he said that he can picture himself dying from drinking. I told him that is a decision everyone has to make on their own and no one can force it on them. I also told him that I will not enable him in anyway, but he can always call me and just bullshit 24hours a day. I know that sometimes a distraction will beat the urge and that talking to me about nonsense might be a help to him in the middle of the night. I do not think he ever talked to someone about it before, but he was ready to open up to me for some reason. I wasn't preachy or looking down on him in any way, and I think he recognized that. Not really much more that I could do for him, until he is ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 hey homies. havent commented on this thread for a while, but i have checked it almost daily since my last post. ive been working extremely hard as of late, 70 hour weeks. i have cut down the booze dramatically. i try to stay off it during the week, and saturday night is my night to go hard, since sunday is my only day off (sometimes not even). i dont know if i will ever be able to be a social drinker. im trying to be one. im trying because to be honest, never having another drink again terrifies me. i have to fight the urge to binge drink on saturday because i like to get with girls and girls dont like to get with me when im shitfaced. in my line of work, the amount of hours and bullshit piled into 6 short months make it real difficult to not have at least one night a week to unwind. i have yet to do something that i regret on my one night boozing so im gonna ride this wave and see what happens. hopefully ill just learn to find balance, something my life has lacked in past years. ive been pretty successful (i use the term lightly) in staying clean during the week. im not especially proud of myself because i attribute this to absolute physical exhaustion more than a concious effort to stay sober. in some ways it feels like im failing, but in some ways it feels like im taking some positive steps. im constantly reminded at work about my mistakes attributed to drinking, especially this winter when i caught that charge. it gets draining. it gets frustrating. im in a position of authority due to seniority and experience, yet young first year laborers have the one up on me, or so it sometimes feels like. trial in 6 weeks. trying to stay positive. regardless of what the outcome is, guilty or innocent, i have to deal with the result maturely. meaning, i cannot go out and get shitfaced to celebrate, and i cannot go out to get wasted to drown my sorrows if the worst happens. this is the soberest i have been since i was 16 years old. i feel like i have some control back in my life. i guess i should learn to give myself a pat on the back once in a blue moon. peace boys and girls. -sW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redeyedanimal Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 You don't have to think about never having a drink again, for most alcoholics that will never ever happen. Bur, if you don't drink today, you're doing better than most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 seems less of a physical dependance and more of this ongoing mental battle to me after this last month or so since i stopped drinking every day. the insomnia, shakes, and sweating seemed alot easier to deal with to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 It all gets a lot easier when you quit all together to be honest. Reading your last post where you talk about "needing one night to unwind" had me thinking that it is much more beneficial to the body and mind to have one solid day off without a hangover and a good nights sleep. Its a paradigm shift dog. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 i hear what youre saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 You don't have to think about never having a drink again, for most alcoholics that will never ever happen. Bur, if you don't drink today, you're doing better than most. While i see that you're trying to offer dude some support, the first part is not exactly the best point of view. It's definitely not one i took on when i began my sobriety... Speaking to nobody in particular here: Man up and face that you've let your alcohol consumption get out of hand, and that it will only get worse. It was manageable once, but it isn't anymore. To continue down that path expecting anything other than the shit it already brings you is just naive... downright ignorant. Alcohol is often a crutch for the socially inept. Learn how to deal with all those conversations without it and you'll start feeling pretty good about yourself. Not only because you learn how to communicate, but avoiding those poor decisions is a lot easier. Learn how to stand in that crowded bar without that cup full of courage. or come to the realization that those crowded bars might not be worth spending much time in to begin with. We've all got demons, and we've all got the potential to conquer them. Alcohol is a cheap shortcut that often worsens those demons in the long run. You get what you earn. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Keep your heads up guys. Super proud. I need a drink break. Alcoholism/addiction has a genetic disposition and I feel myself slipping again atm. Too much to deal with but it ain't gonna get dealt with if you keep getting blitzed. paint/sketching/art > booze. You know this. You know how you get when you're pissed. It's a slope man. You need to sort your head out or you're gonna break down again. Hold onto the good, keep drawing, DrawingBitch, it's waaay better for you than therapy, drinking and partying. 3 months sober, do this, you can do this shit TDB. Stop making excuses. Stop the fucking "After this party... after this event" bullshit and GET. IT. DONE. /endpeptalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anybody_wanna_peanut? Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 WORD^ sayword...not tryin to call you out.. but u admitted u had a problem months ago, stop fucking around and do something about it. it gets better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yardwanderer Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Hey now.. It's a big step just to quit drinking daily and realize you have the power to make it through 24 hours without giving in.. That is building willpower. Looks like you know what the next step is. Now you must take the plunge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yardwanderer Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Willpower is like a muscle so get your weight up!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 WORD^ sayword...not tryin to call you out.. but u admitted u had a problem months ago, stop fucking around and do something about it. it gets better you kinda did call me out broheem, but thats ok. i come on this thread for info, support (both receiving and giving nh), and to ask questions from people with experience. as ive stated a few times, writing things down is very therapeutic and helps put things into perspective for me. the alcoholism thread is a check-in for me, ive been posting on here for years. my posts are usually longer and i try to be upfront and honest as much as possible, both to give myself reality checks months later, and possibly shed some light to others who are battling shit. not sure where you are in your addiction, or to what youre having problems managing, but its quite obvious that youre scrolling through this thread for a reason. were all the same here, in some way, shape, or form. at least thats the way i look at things. i guess you do not realize how low of a point i was at only a few months prior, or how deeply i was entrenched in my alcoholism. i can understand that, its the internet and im not looking for your sympathy or condolences. im taking steps that i feel are in the right direction, i like to document them, and its moreso for me than anyone else. like i said, this is the most sober i have been in over ten years, i like to think im not just "fucking around". if my posts come off as aggravating to you, theres an ignore option for a reason. in the meantime, im going to keep doing what im doing, both in real life with tryna eliminate my liquor consumption, and with posting on this thread. good day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Sorry if i seemed angry in my post. Writing that shit down is as much for me as anyone. Understanding this shit is key. I think you're all doing honorable shit by even being active in here. Lugr, hope all's well dude... if you're out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 72hrs here. Keep it up gents (and ladies). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 KEEP THEM CHINS UP PEOPLES <3 #doingwell It's gonna be a tough night. Got a warehouse party at my yard tonight so major booze gonna be round, plus everything tense cos basically I hate them all and there was an argument... I need to get well blazey basically, and cane Red Bull #plan AWW FUCK MAN. Hopes someone has molly or something. Advice? I can't bail cos it'll make things tenser and we all have to take shifts on door/bar... maybe molly not a great idea as clean up tomorrow as well :/ ugh. (stuck there til Aug btw, as deposit's been taken as a month's notice - really don't wanna lose that month's rent) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Only you can decide what a months rent is worth. Is your sobriety worth a months rent? My opinion is that you should take a look at the environment you are living in and decide if you can handle it or not. If there is any hesitation in saying yes, then you can't handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I'm gonna see how I feel after my week off and away from here. At a pinch I can drop the cash and stay with a mate. I'm pretty sure my week off will confirm that I need to get the hell out of dodge. ASAfuckingP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 last weekend I came to the conclusion that I really can't ever drink again. It has been almost 6 years since my last drink, I have always thought that one day when I am older or once I do x y or z I can have a drink...... I was sitting there thinking about how I have not had a drink or a drug in my sons lifetime, I realized that I can never compromise that. Just like my childhood I am sure a few of you came up with a pops who was not there or was drinking/using/fighting/abusing you etc. I realized that I just can't drink and I am ok with that. Even though it has been 6 years I still get cravings, I still want to drink.....this is one of those fights that you have to take up on a daily basis, don't get complacent motherfuckers. Keep doing the right thing, pride is one helluva drug. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Hey guys, I got through the party, with no mates to support me (damn you terrible sketchy London friends) and not a drop of booze, without crying, punching anyeone or hiding in my room all night. Seriously, with the sickening anxiety I was feeling prior, I am amazed. It made me see a couple of things - someone said earlier in the thread that booze is a social crutch and I managed to have soome fun convos with other sober people. Even if it was mainly bitching about shit house and terrible hipsters. Def know I don't wanna stay, all I could think was "Holy crapballs, this is my fucking house." Just been out to check the post and the places is smelly and covered in broken glass and generally fucked. NO. I made a coupla new friends so that's good. I like warehouses. I just do not like 20 housemates. But atm I feel I can stay the last month (well, 3 weeks when I am back from my trip) and spend the time fidning the right place for me to live and settle for a year. Big ups to y'all xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Tdb we will have a relaxed week away from manicness you know you can call on me anytime it gets hectic. luckily I'm so skint I can't maintain constant drinking. just as well my finances are fucked otherwise I'd be fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 being skint's gonna be the case for me too in a couple of weeks... i got a bit of a scare from the doctor the other day... i went to get a range of blood tests done including one for my liver which he said came back a bit high... i told him how much i drink, and that it basically is every single night that i do have a couple beers. all he said was to calm it down, have no more than two a night, and have a few nights off. then come back for more tests in 6 weeks i'm sure this isn't gonna be too much of a problem for me... friday afternoons after work, i usually go to the local, speak to my mate and have aboot 6-8 pints before going to see my lass and then having another 4 or 5 tinnys. i managed to swerve the pub, and have 2 beers like the doc said with my meal, and no more afterwards. today i'd normally put on a few horses and watch the races in the pub, again over aboot 6 pints, then have my dinner, and head oot to the wee oors drinking with friends... i went to the pub for a few oors, but just had juice, now i'm just wanderin' aboot the hoose with a n/a beer, if no one's goin' oot tonight, i'll just stay in and have another night off it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redeyedanimal Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 that n/a shit never worked for me, i caught myself drinking them just as fast as I would drink a normal beer, for no reason at all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 No booze since Friday. I feel so much chiller. Like I can think. Being in a cool place helps too, so happy right now. I can actually think straight, it's heaven (Decy... maaan, you are so good for my headstate). Alcohol proper fucks up the way you think man (well, in my fam anyways). People don't realise just how much damage to your brain sustained drinking can do. Rolf, sorry to hear bout your scare man. Take it easy will ya? Look after yourself. redeye - yeah man, I stopped drinking for a long while couple of years back and missed it so much - got proper cravings for a cold pint on a hot day, that kinda thing. Used to drink n/a beer cos there really is not much choice when you go out but it gave me brutal stomach ache, fuck knows how they make that shit. Generally to the thread - it is nice to have this thread. It's worth a shit ton to actually be able to talk to some people who know how I feel. #thanks 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 that n/a shit never worked for me, i caught myself drinking them just as fast as I would drink a normal beer, for no reason at all... Shit man, i still pound whatever fluid i have in my hand. It's especially apparent when i'm having a conversation. It became kind of obvious why i'd end up so wasted at social gatherings. I'm not sure that ever goes away. The important part is to make sure it's not alcohol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolf Harris Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Shit man, i still pound whatever fluid i have in my hand. It's especially apparent when i'm having a conversation. It became kind of obvious why i'd end up so wasted at social gatherings. I'm not sure that ever goes away. The important part is to make sure it's not alcohol. i'm the exact same... i just down whatever cold liquid i have in my hand... i'm the same with food, i wolf everything down regardless of what it is... but because the n/a beers don't get me pissed, i tend to nurse them slightly longer... TDB- it's not too much of a scare, just alcohol levels in my blood were pretty high, i told my doctor why i started drinking at least ten tinnys every night, but now i'm in a much better place, eating well, exercising often and a lot happier, i've cut that down to about 4 a night, but it's still too much too often and i'm getting pretty sick of it to be honest. it's been the case for aboot 3 years or so now... i didn't do great last night, i had 4 pints in the pub instead of the two i said i would, but stopped at 11... normally by that point i'd have had well over 10 through the course of the day and would have carried on until i was fuckin' blootered then went home and drank more... i've had nothing today, and i'd normally be in the pub by now bevvying on until i'm either on the white telephone or the pub shuts... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redeyedanimal Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I also feel like drinking n/a is entertaining the idea of drinking, and for me that is the closest I can get to actually drinking. I'm not dry right now, btw. keep focused chamacos, it's no fuckin game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I'm not sure that ever goes away. Scary. I do this too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatDrawingBitch Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I got a wee bit drunk last night, I was in a great mood with someone special and I feel bad but good at the same time. Bad like, whoah, you made it two days you fuckwit, and good like, I had hella fun tbh and I never flip if I drink when I'm in a good mood. Ugh. Massive fail. I'm done beating myself up about it (been stewing and berating a bit all day) but it's given me much to think about, which I'm gonna do now, while drawing. Shout out to all of ya as always x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redeyedanimal Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Another trigger i knew I had that just resurfaced in a big, big way: unmet expectations. I had a new opportunity presented to me, but some of the details were omitted in the beginning of the talks. (The financial details, y'know, the important shit.) The expectations were set, but then when the details were presented, there was nearly no benefit in my taking the chance. I'm left to figure out how to make shit work out for everybody, especially me and the family, and how to barter and haggle with these people to make it worth my time. So now I recite the alcoholics creed: Fuck It. One, Two, Three chemicals, no more fit of rage, and certainlly no more driving for this guy tonight. But ogddammit... God.Dammit... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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