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offensive jokes..


graffsurgeon

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what's the difference between Dr.Dazzle and Michael Jackson?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not going there.

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how long should one cook a baby in the microwave?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

as long as you cooked the last one

 

what should do when you see a baby about to be run over by a train?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nothing.

how do you quiet a crying baby?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

suffocate it

when's the best time to play with your kids?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

after you kill them.

driving a new car off the lot is to paying for it afterwords as going to the funeral of your neighbor's toddler is to:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

luring her into your van.

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Guest willy.wonka

why dont sharks eat black people? cause they think its whale poop...

 

how do you get 8 black guys to stop raping a white woman?... throw them a basketball

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ok i heard this a while ago...no offense by the way

 

when a white baby dies and goes to heaven what do you call it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

when a black baby dies and goes to heaven what do u call it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a bat........im not prejudice,so dont take offense

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  • 2 weeks later...

its long but youll love it.

 

this dude told a friend at work he was going to vegas.

his friend immediatley tells him "hey, if you win good money, you gott do yourself a favor, find yourself the first burly ass hooker you can. they are a bit pricey but they work hard for it. i promise, you wont regret it."

 

so with that in mind, dude goes to vagas and wins thousands at the tables. with a pocket full of cash and tanked off of free drinks, our friend leaves the casino and heads out into the night. immediatley spotting a big ole prostitute, he takes her to his hotel.

 

laying on the bed he says, "how much for a handjob?" she responds "thatll be $1000" shocked he says "1G?! no way a handjobs worth a G".

"come here" she replies motioning to the window. he complies. she asks him " see that rolls royce?"

"yeah, what about it?" says he

"im so good, i paid for it by giving handjobs"

"damn" he says and shells out the $1000 bucks.

 

the handjob he recieved was THE shit. the best hes ever had, better than even he could do. when it was done, out of breath, he asks her:

"so, um...how much for a blow job?"

"$5000" she replies.

"$5000!? no fucking way!"

"come here" she says calmly, motioning towards the window.

"see that apartment complex? yes, that one" pointing to a huge building next to the casino, "i bought that from the money ive gotten from giving blowjobs. im that good."

"jesus christ" he says...

 

thinking it over, he thinks about all the money he just won and decides fuck it. he pays the hooker 5 Gs. the dome he got is unparraled to anything hes ever ever had. THE best head ever....

 

spent and nearly broke, the question arises in his head, he asks

"um...im kinda broke now and all but...i was wondering...how much for the whole thing, yknow, like, whatever i want?"

without batting an eye she says "$25000."

"what the fuck!? $25000!?! thats insane!" he exclaims.

"not really, come here" once again pointing out the window,

"you see the casino? the one where you won all your money at?" shes says

"holy shit!! thats yours?!" he cried

the prostitute tells him:

"if i had a pussy i'd own it."

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  • 3 weeks later...
Originally posted by Old Growth@Feb 23 2005, 01:16 AM

What do you get when you slash a baby with a razor?

 

An erection.

I didn't know there would be many variations of that joke. The one I heard was:

 

What do you get when you smash a baby's face in with a hammer?

 

edit: And that Terry Schaivo one above is just gruesome.

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how many bowling balls can Julia roberts fit up her cunt?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just the one.

 

 

 

 

 

What do you do when you wake up and see the tv floating out he window?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

shoot the dirty nigga.

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  • 4 weeks later...

mjchan.jpg 

 

A woman was upset over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for

over 5 years.  She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so

she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex

therapist, Dr. Chang.

 

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."    

The woman did as she was told."Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside

of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.  Dr. Chang then said, "OK,

now craw reery, reery fass back to me."As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. 

"Your probrem vewy bad.  You haf Ed Zachary Disease.  Worse case I ever see.  Dat why

you not haf sex or dates."

 

The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look

Ed Zachary like your ass."

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^^Ha.

 

How many serial killers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Just one. :confused:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But it takes him a really long time because he has to dismember it and masterbate on its remains.

(offensive when used as an ice-breaker)

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Originally posted by serpent of the light@Feb 9 2002, 01:49 AM

perhaps this one will cross the line, its the only joke i've ever been offended at. its quite awful, be warned.

 

how are a homosexual and a tumbleweed alike?

 

 

they just blow around until they end up stuck on a fencepost in wyoming.

 

:biglaugh: hahahahahahaahahaha...this nigga snapped!

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Guest westy
Originally posted by PalestineOne@Apr 25 2004, 05:37 AM

how do u drive a jew crazy?

put him in a round room and tell him theres a dollar in the corner

 

Hey thats not funny, my grandfather died in the holocaust

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He fell off a guard tower.

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