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Bojangles

I just sharted.

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Fuck.

 

 

First time that's happened since I was about 17.

 

Pretty rough.

 

I lifted my leg to fart and then sheer terror struck my face as I waddled to the bathroom for damage control.

 

No bueno.

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I blew out the back of my pants in HS trying to drop a loud mega ton bomb for lulz in class.

joke was on me.

better yet joke was all over my pants. teach me to wear sandstone khakis

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i shart all the time while i'm painting, always out-of-the-way freight spots or day spots... also after nights of drinking anything labeled "premium malt liquor beverage."

 

Storytime.

I go to take pics of this wall I did last year, took a long time and the day i finished it, twas too dark to return. so this fateful day i leave the house walking. i'm wearing white basketball shorts and suede sneakers.

 

the spot is probably 20 minutes from my house. about 15 minutes into the trip i feel "the bubble." yall know what i mean. I ignore it and force it back down in the hopes that i can contain it. by the time i get to the spot i got 30 pounds/square inch of pressure in my shorts, and it's not going anywhere.

 

i decide to squat it out, take pictures and leave. IN that order.

 

Bad idea.

 

As i squat, the moment i pull the shorts down a torrent of shit blows out. it felt awesome. then i looked down afterwards and realized, my shorts were around my ankles and i had straight deuced on my shorts... white shorts.

 

keep in mind i'm 20 minutes from home and nowhere close to anything.

 

oh wait, and in the act of standing up i twist my ankle and steam-press my left shoe into my own puddle of shit. Delicious. Now my shorts and shoes match.

 

I got the fucking picture.

 

I also walked home on the road, dripping shit. Threw away my shoes and shorts and underwear as soon as i got home. I never had a good explanation for what happened to the shoes when my friends asked me, strangely...

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in 8th grade i was at the supermarket with my girlfriend and i had a great shart while in the aisle. shit was ghetto. luckily it was a girl i was with for a while so i was already farting on her. i just told her what happened and explain what a shart is. ahaha good times.

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after a long night of cheap beer and the bathroom being occupied, i went outside to piss. being a busy street and not wanting to get bitched at by the owner of the house for pissing outside , i rush it and lo and behold, the back of my britches are warmer and wetter than they should have been.

shart.jpg

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Did it sound like a sumo wrestler ripping a phone book in half or a fat woman spitting ball bearings onto a kettle drum?

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I blew out the back of my pants in HS trying to drop a loud mega ton bomb for lulz in class.

joke was on me.

better yet joke was all over my pants. teach me to wear sandstone khakis

 

i did that once in high school same shit tan khakis.

luckily it was last period and i was in the bathroom at the time.

 

my boy shit himself at six flags once. he said in the bathroom using his towel to whip

himself and made me go buy him a pair of basketball shorts to wear. he lift his shit covered clothes

in the stall lol

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i shart all the time. I never had a good explanation for what happened to the shoes when my friends asked me, strangely...

 

first sentence=awesome

 

second sentence=why not just tell them you pooped yer pants, i mean you ARE telling all of us and we DO know who you are.

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When i got bit by a black widow i sharted so many times i basically just decided to spend the rest of the day alternating between the toilet and the shower...

 

my butt ended up being so raw from wiping that i walked bow legged.

 

 

/nh

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