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morton

everyday life tips and tricks

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This has probably been done before but what the heck. Post up tips and tricks for everyday life.

 

When you have used some eggs from the carton cut the carton down to save space in your fridge.

 

When frying eggs try putting a little bit of water in the pan and poach to finish rather than flipping.

 

Never ignore a brake problem on a car.

 

If you become unemployed try to get dislocated worker status.

 

Treat all illegal activities in a military manner, need to know basis.

 

Things like this, perhaps this is a fail? I dunno

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To be a dislocated worker means that you work in a industry that is on the decline. One of the most common in my part of the world is loggers.

 

If you get it the state will pay your schooling to get a job in a industry that is not in decline.

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hmmm im a freelance muralist, i dont think that job was ever on the up and up let alone the decline

 

sorry for the derailment broski

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http://www.wilma.org/wdclists/wdadetails.asp?area=000000&areaname=Washington%20State&qualify=Not%20in%20Demand&soccode=271019&soctitle=Artists%20and%20Related%20Workers,%20All%20Other

 

Decline in washington. So if you had 5 years of gainful employment as a artist and are now unable to find work you would be a dislocated worker and eligible for certain funds etc.

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Keep money saved up no matter what, never live check to check.

I know it sounds ridiculous but even if you ain't balling it is possible.

Do whatever it takes to live within your means, more income or less spending.

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Don't shit unless absolutely necessary...you can get rugged hemorrhoids..

throw salt in with loads of laundry so that colours don't fade...

put on your g-string backwards and call it a poop hammock...

if you can't sleep at night take a gravol...

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Don't smoke weed out of anything metal, roll that shit up or just use glass and ceramic.

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Put a little packet of gaz-x strips in your wallet. Girls don't like farts on dates.

 

Artificial sweetener kills ants. If you have an ant problem, sprinkle a pile in all of the corners near the problem.

 

Polish your leather shoes with banana peels.

 

Lock your door if you live with moms and a little sister. Never know when her 13 year old self will walk in on you while you're trying to waste babies.

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Mercer coming through with some good ones.

 

Work the same job for a few years, it will add credibility to your resume.

 

Keep the same bank for years and build credit because you never know. I like to use a small credit union more than a big bank because they know me which is worth more to me than the convenience of having branches everywhere.

 

Keep a blank check in your wallet.

 

Always lock your car from the outside with a key that way you will never lock yourself out.

 

Keep your keys and your wallet in the same place in your home that way you never have to look for them.

 

Keep a personal diary of your hours and tasks at work should anyone ever question your shit.

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Learn to tie your shoes like a Ranger, never will come undone

Exercise its good for you

Be honest, people will appreciate it

If something hurts, go to the doctor...its only going to get worse

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Never let police trick you into incriminating yourself, don't be combative/disrespectful but keep your mouth shut.

If fessing up or cooperation will help your situation your lawyer would let you know later.

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How does a ranger tie their shoes?

 

Hand sanitizer works to clean sneakers.

 

Hard to explain on the internet...but I maybe could make a youtube vid.

Also its not called a Ranger knot or anything just something I learned when i was a lowly private from my Ranger Platoon Sergeant. I even tie my shoes with this knot and my shoes never come undone....ever! Really works well when you are running so you dont have to stop and retie shoes

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You can trust your fiend with your car and your life.

Never trust them with your money or your wife.

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Liquor before beer, you're in for the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker.

 

Always keep a pocket knife and duct tape (or another strong tape) in your vehicle, in case of a hose blowout.

 

Also, keep a gallon of gas in a container in the trunk.

 

NEVER do more than on illegal activity at a time. ie, don't drive drunk and dirty, (actually, don't drive drunk...), don't paint while dirty, don't store graff stuff in your house if it is dirty, etc. The likelyhood of trouble is exponentiated when this happens.

 

Keep friends close and enemies closer. They'll never see it coming.

 

Racial slurs should never be used for any race other than your own, lest you expect a fight.

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You can use newspaper to clean windows.

 

Keep a first aid kit in your car along with a fire extinguisher and jumper cables.

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put magnolia blossoms in your bath.

or a bath that you draw for your bitch.

it leaves the skin dewy and smooth and smelling delicious.

 

uncooked rice and some soothing-smelling herbs in an old (clean) sock makes an excellent microwavable heating pad

 

fold drier sheets into your clothes to keep them smelling fresh

 

nail polish remover is great at getting paint off of things. it also removes small scratches on the face of your watch

 

cut up your old clothes for rags that are perfect for wiping up spilled beer, bong water, etc., then just throw them away instead of having to wash dishrags

 

when at the grocery store, shop on sale, motherfuckers

 

yesterday's stale bread is today's french toast

 

for real.

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