El Vergudo Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 my boss at work say the dumbest shit when he's mad. one day i was on my lunch and he asked me what i was doing? and i told him i was on my lunch break. he was pissed and said "what da fuck!? you take a lunch break every fucking day!!" then he just stormed off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 black homeless guy walks into record store i was in and looks at some white kids that were dressed in fubu and shit like that and looks at them and says.. "everyone wants to be black.....until the cops come" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 I work for an STD clinic so I hear gems all fucking day.... "Im here cuz my shit be drippin" hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shai_hulud Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 my boss at work say the dumbest shit when he's mad. one day i was on my lunch and he asked me what i was doing? and i told him i was on my lunch break. he was pissed and said "what da fuck!? you take a lunch break every fucking day!!" then he just stormed off. I had a boss that tried to tell me that I had to eat while I was on the job. First thing I did was spit food on my monitor while I was dispatching. He got grossed out by this, but it's hard to eat and dispatch and answer phones. What can I say? Second thing I did was zoom up to meet him in front of the office on a track bike while eating a sandwich in traffic. He asked me if that was a good idea, and I said, no, I think it's downright retarded, but that's what the boss tells me to do. Then I rode off. You think he would get the hint, but NO. A month later, I silently handed him a bill for $3000 and a copy of the state labor code regarding mandatory lunch breaks for full-time employees, with the part about time and a half being paid for breaks not taken circled in red ink. I got my lunch breaks, a $500 "bonus," and a paid week off of work. I ended up quitting about a month later, though. Fuck that dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleeping Pills Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 i don't have a quote, but it was a conversation that was fucking retarded. my friends were having a conversation i wasn't a part of, and poultry was mentioned, and my one friend who is completely retarded asks what poultry is, and so everyone makes fun of him... so then he goes into a 'philosophical' discussion on how it's society's fault for him not knowing the meaning of poultry. it was ridiculously stupid. we argued with him and made him feel stupid. he took a philosophy class this semester, and now he thinks he knows everything. OH and the government is corrupt and it's society's fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 trees are like doorways to the soul if you hug them hard enough ...not sure if i imagined it or somebody in the same room said it....cause i was baked on lsd monday night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-TORN- Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I remember when I was like 14 I heard these two little sluts next to me going "I need to get laid." "I'm glad my period is gone." And shit. It was hilarious. Did you lay some pipe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-TORN- Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 These are a few select quotes from beezies in my psychopathology class. Usually when something rediculous or retarded is said i'll write it down next to my notes. "I had a friend who quit smoking!" "Does that mean you can develop HIV on your own?" "Will they get fat if the eating disorder goes away? "I have a friend who eats alot and isnt fat, is that normal?" "My friend went to the doctor and the doctor said he wasnt sick, but he really was!" "I read with a bookmark!" "Does the brain think on its own?" You mean THOSE bitches are gonna be tellin us how our brain works? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blood fart Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I think I am going to start taking a tape recorder with me when I go to house parties. To document the amazing things that I say. Because I never remember it. But from what I hear, people are still talking about things I said over 2 years ago. Last night I went to my BMX buddies house. So he could weed me up and fix my bike. His house is always full of people who know who I am. But I have no recollection of who they are. It makes me shrug my shoulders. They should be more exciting, then maybe I would remember them. My friend said, "Yeah, you pretty much have to eat shit straight from the toilet for M**** to remember you." It's pretty much true. Anyways. One time when I was at the dentist, two quintessential Texan dudes came in. Cowboy hats and massive belt buckles and all of that. Talking about hunting and things of the like. "Ain't nothing more inquisitive on God's green earth than a coon." Sure said a mouth-full there, buddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I thought this was funny till i read the rest of those. We were jumping off this Bridge into the james here in Rich city and some kids come up. Theyre trying to get their friend to jump: Random guy 1: Dude your in the fucking army, youll jump out of helicopters but you wont jump off some dinky ass bridge? Random Pussy: Yea well there isant sharp ass rocks in the air. Later some guy was like: fo real man that guys a bitch Random guy 1: Nah man, we dont say fo real anymore, we say Fo phoney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill E. Blanks Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 "Nigga dont do that, thats 5-10" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idontcareandimnotsorry Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 "Are we really going to smoke this?" "We have to." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-TORN- Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Random kid: You goin to the barbeque? Me: What barbeque? Random kid: The one with your nuts and my grill! Me: ... Random kid: Hahaha, ahahaha, ha... Wait Swear to God. That shit dropped my faith in humanity like you wouldn't believe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-TORN- Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 My faith in humanity before that incident: [lllllllllll-----] After: lllllllllll[---------] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rokstar Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 "This cold really chaps my ass." Some guy with kool mustache and jew fro in front of pizza hut smoking a cigar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRILLionare Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 dude one: bud are we smoking salvia? dude two: hell ya right out of their vaginas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihilist Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 if there was a boner police, then get me my lawyer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-TORN- Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 "This cold really chaps my ass." Some guy with kool mustache and jew fro in front of pizza hut smoking a cigar Jonah Hill? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stresssack Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 White guy: "Dude it's a known fact that your people have shitloads of babies." Mexican guy: "Nah man, we just can't afford abortions." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prismone Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 girl 1: I really wanna get a mazda cause everybody already got hondas. girl 2: You should cause those hondas are goin outta style everybody got them and they get stolen quick. side note: not overheard, but unintentionally seen. yesterday at some party with sweaty ass fat white trash girls grinding on any dick they can find. Out of the corner of my eye, I see some girl jacking her boy then wiping her hand on his cheek. now thats not white trash, thats white class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikickrocksyo Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 "Nigga dont do that, thats 5-10" Isn't that from Dave Chappelle? But once, a friend and I wanted to buy some liquor and we were both over age, but we didn't have ID's but the guy was being a dick and didn't wannt sell to us. So we see some older dude buyin cigarettes and we go outside and ask him if he can buy is liquor...he agrees. But then when he came out, he was talkin about how he was hood back in the days. "Nigga back in da hood, we just used to straight hit niggas wit hammers....like its hammer time" And another time. I overheard some guy talking about how he had pubic dandruff to his friend one day...and how then he asked if Head n Shoulders would fix it =/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farside616 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 "That bitches pussy blew up the elevator" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war terror Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 "are you gonna cream this or just leave it there" "shit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllTheWrongWords Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 "If there aint no body then there aint nobody dead" :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_bus Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~KRYLON2~ Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 the best way to get revenge on your enemy is to be more successful then him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_R_O_N Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 "bitches be stingy with the pussy at your school son!" (a good friend of mine, shits so true) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 "was he bleeding out his ass or what, lol" -some little kids in my friend's neighbor's yard "she had some candy cane tits" -young guys at the gas station Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a kid growin up Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Some rich preppy white girl got on the bus and started talking to her friend. shes like "Well I got like some community service and like my court date is in a couple days I don't want to go to jail it looks like scary and stuff." This girl is like the last person you would suspect to go to jail so me and my friend just start busting out laughing. Turns out she was selling weed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 haha obviously she doesn't know the laws of the street Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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