man talk

[tipsycripsy420]

No joke, I do this all the time. Alotta times, if I know someone's waitin for me outside the bathroom, i'll let the water run for like 10 seconds to make them think I washed my hands...

 

hahaha

i cant believe that i do this sometimes

this is the definition of being fucking lazy

[Overtime]

i woke up bit back and had to pee like crazy, but i had a boner, shit wouldnt go down, so i tried to ark it in, aimed straight up and it was like over my head and splashing in, SPLASH SPLASH, shit was sloppy, so i just arked it into the tub

[blood fart]

now that is what is up I like to tell bums that ask for money for booze to start taking jemkin.

 

I've been giving bums money a lot lately.

Probably because I am just so stoked on life that I am being nice to everyone.

I make them tell me they aren't going to be buying food with it before I hand it over.

They have to promise to buy cheap beer and sit in a bush and drink it.

 

I was telling shai last night how one time I was drinking vodka with some bums.

One bum was annoying me to the max.

I told him it would be in his best interest to walk away.

And never look back.

He didn't heed my warnings.

So I took his guitar from him and proceeded to beat him up with his own guitar.

 

I took my vodka and went to drink with younger bums in an alley.

The police rolled up.

I sweet talked my way into them letting us just walk away if we cleaned up our mess.

 

We walked away.

Then a hobo started grabbing up on a female friend of mine.

So I beat him up.

He bled from the face area.

And ran into on-coming traffic to escape me.

I followed him into traffic.

And bing'ed on his head more.

He ran into a sandwich shop and asked them for help.

They told him to get out and called the cops.

The same cops from the alley showed up.

And laughed at me causing a ruckus.

I told them,

"I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, it's never okay for a hobo to lay hands on a female."

They agreed and arrested the hobo.

And told me to stay out of trouble and try not to beat up any more hobos.

 

I think it was the fact that I was wearing a fancy Armani cashmere sweater and glasses that made me look smart.

They took my word as truth.

That, or they just didn't want to have to do the paperwork involved with arresting me.

 

 

GIRL TALK.

[Edward Orenthal Norton]

blood farts reminds me of sara silverman...but cooler.

[dirtydoses]

i woke up bit back and had to pee like crazy, but i had a boner, shit wouldnt go down, so i tried to ark it in, aimed straight up and it was like over my head and splashing in, SPLASH SPLASH, shit was sloppy, so i just arked it into the tub

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[c-walk]

damn bood fart... you're ruthless

[Dawood]

bloodfart....pics?

[twinky the kid]

i masturbate when i stay at anybodys house.

 

 

hella jerk man talk oner.

[Overtime]

i jerk off on shit in hotels like crazy

[lord_casek]

bloodfarts stories sometimes make me horny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

for more metal.

[Bruce_1nR]

DAMN CASEK!

 

Took the 1000th post....

 

 

BF, you're killing this thread with your girltalk...toe cutter would be ashamed.

[Overtime]

farting is my favorite past time, its great, discreet, and can ruin a shopping experience for people around. Invisible terrible smell field

[hatetown]

i have a habit of taking shits in urinals because i find it funny

[Tha Unibomber]

I've been giving bums money a lot lately.

Probably because I am just so stoked on life that I am being nice to everyone.

I make them tell me they aren't going to be buying food with it before I hand it over.

They have to promise to buy cheap beer and sit in a bush and drink it.

 

I was telling shai last night how one time I was drinking vodka with some bums.

One bum was annoying me to the max.

I told him it would be in his best interest to walk away.

And never look back.

He didn't heed my warnings.

So I took his guitar from him and proceeded to beat him up with his own guitar.

 

I took my vodka and went to drink with younger bums in an alley.

The police rolled up.

I sweet talked my way into them letting us just walk away if we cleaned up our mess.

 

We walked away.

Then a hobo started grabbing up on a female friend of mine.

So I beat him up.

He bled from the face area.

And ran into on-coming traffic to escape me.

I followed him into traffic.

And bing'ed on his head more.

He ran into a sandwich shop and asked them for help.

They told him to get out and called the cops.

The same cops from the alley showed up.

And laughed at me causing a ruckus.

I told them,

"I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, it's never okay for a hobo to lay hands on a female."

They agreed and arrested the hobo.

And told me to stay out of trouble and try not to beat up any more hobos.

 

I think it was the fact that I was wearing a fancy Armani cashmere sweater and glasses that made me look smart.

They took my word as truth.

That, or they just didn't want to have to do the paperwork involved with arresting me.

 

 

GIRL TALK.

 

props are gonna be coming out your ass for this, I would crush some fucking bum that touched any lady around me I would make him wish he had money for insurance... his next sign would read " Need money because my face looks like Tila Tequila"

[c-walk]

and you sir get props for this... tila tequila looks like a fucking alien. but i'd still probably hate fuck her

[lord_casek]

tila looks like an alien garbage dump hit her in the face.

[Overtime]

for sure, men in black 4, rath of tequilla

[lord_casek]

i have a habit of taking shits in urinals because i find it funny

 

 

seriously? you could be "the mad shitter" that used to frequent a local college town bar i went to.

 

that would be crazy.

 

 

so today i had to go to wal-mart for a few minutes. when i finished i had to piss.

as i am walking in to the bathroom, an employee with a few teeth says to me, "the bathroom is closed" as some guy (customer) is walking out. i look at her, look back at the door, shove my way past, and proceed to enter the bathroom.

 

i was thinking "if i pull my pants half-way off, is that like a save where they have to let me piss?" and then i thought "no, fuck them, this is wal-mart in hicksville U.S.motherfucking.A, and i'm unstoppable, 12oz says so"

so, i piss.

on my way out, i wash my hands and what do i see in the mirror? some scratch tag that says "BAL" or "BEL" or some shit. it's crap. straight outta mark ecko's "getting off"

i laugh to myself, as i have no more urine left, and decide it would be worth it to save some for it later. not that the person who scratched such horrible scribery would see or smell it, but just for the simple fact that if i do come across said young buck, i could say (without lying) "i saw your tag and i pissed all over it"

[Guest shai_hulud]

Ah, yes...The Urinal Deuce.

 

I've done some disgusting things in men's rooms. The worst thing I may have done was going into a bathroom in a bar, and noticing that someone decided to put the seat down...and lay a log on top of the seat. Not the ring, THE SEAT.

 

My three boilermakers decided to join the party at this point. I barfed all over the log and then realized I hadn't peed yet. So, I peed on the log/barf combo. It looked pretty burly. I decided to call it "The Triple Threat", or something.

 

I left the bar right after that. I haven't been back since.

[Overtime]

dude, mad gross

[c-walk]

thats one hell of a combo... i'd be afraid to get splashbacks on my shoes or somethin... besides i dont think i could handle peeing on someone elses shit

[dosoner]

ever wake up with curst around your mouth from the night before and your breathe smells like malt liquor and you wake up at 9 am and you put the same clothes back on and leave the house only to repeat this cycle?

 

every day dude. somehow i manage to work and get paid while doing so.

[blood fart]

DAMN CASEK!

 

Took the 1000th post....

 

 

BF, you're killing this thread with your girltalk...toe cutter would be ashamed.

 

I can talk my girl talk anywhere I want.

 

A bar I used to frequent had a horse trough full of ice as a urinal in the dude's bathroom.

I could never resist the urge.

So I would pee in the iced down trough.

 

Every time a dude would see me doing this he would buy me a whiskey with a beer chaser.

Endless cycle.

 

I once vomited while sitting at this bar.

 

I also once vomited on a girl's head because she didn't listen to me when I told her to get the fuk out of my way.

She wanted to sass me and try to say she didn't have to do shit.

Her salty talk got her a face full of pizza and whiskey vomit.

She didn't think she was hot shit after that.

 

GIRL TALK.

[hatetown]

Ah, yes...The Urinal Deuce.

 

I've done some disgusting things in men's rooms. The worst thing I may have done was going into a bathroom in a bar, and noticing that someone decided to put the seat down...and lay a log on top of the seat. Not the ring, THE SEAT.

 

My three boilermakers decided to join the party at this point. I barfed all over the log and then realized I hadn't peed yet. So, I peed on the log/barf combo. It looked pretty burly. I decided to call it "The Triple Threat", or something.

 

I left the bar right after that. I haven't been back since.

 

 

when i was in elementary, i took a shit, then used tp to smear it on the walls.

 

 

like, covered the entire stall door.

 

those were simple times...

[gasfacevictm]

my boy caught a little turdball in his hands once in middle school and went into the hallway between class and threw it through the crowd. somebody got rocked.

[IrishCarBombs]

i just made some girl leave school and come bring me a bagel with bacon and cream cheese.

 

/mantalk

[Bruce_1nR]

Sometimes, when I go into the bathroom, and someone has taken a floater....

 

I purposely piss directly on said shit, in an attempt to sink it and prove that I am better.

 

 

Man Talk.

[Mercer]

I try to cut through it with the high pressure laser piss, same thing with urinal cakes.

[Bruce_1nR]

MAN TALK!

[Daniel Dumielle]

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