BullshitTantrum Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 pretend to be modest? as in polite like pretentious? when i first read that i pictured hot church sluts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplegrape Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 No no no... not like hot church sluts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 More from: http://dontevenreply.com/all.php My New Jogging Partner Posted at: 2011-01-03 21:06:38 Original ad: i want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. i always run better if i can keep the pace with someone else as i am sure other fellow runners know. i only work afternoons so i can run during the morning or night, doesnt matter much to me. shoot me an email if you want to be running partners From Me to *************@*******.org: Dear New Running Partner, Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any. Run with you soon, Wuemeka From Steve ***** to Me: wow man are you for real? theres no frickin way i can run a 4 minute mile!!!!!!! From Me to Steve *****:: Dear Steve, I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound? Warm regards, Wuemeka From Steve ***** to Me: HAH! dude i can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. thats it. im not training for the freaking olympics here... From Me to Steve *****:: Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah! Good day to you, Wuemeka From Steve ***** to Me: yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. come on man are you stupid? From Me to Steve *****:: I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya - KUMAMAKO! From Steve ***** to Me: leave me the fuck alone jumanji! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Cute sheriff on duty monday morning at the drunk tank - m4w - 25 Date: 2011-02-02, 1:05PM PST Reply To This Post I went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning and then was taken to the drunk tank on Sunday night/Monday morning. I was wearing the blue flannel jacket and beanie they gave me at the hospital and green pants soaked from pissing myself. You were the on duty officer who checked me in, had my pants and underwear washed, let me take a shower, gave me a roll of toilet paper to use as a pillow for the night and were very nice about everything. I felt like we shared a moment as you asked me about my job in town and gently rolled my hands across the finger print scanner that morning. I wished I'd been a little more drunk still and that I'd had the audacity to ask for your number... I was the only person booked for drunkenness that night so I'm sure you'll remember me. If you want to get together for coffee or maybe one drink instead of fifteen respond to the email above. I'd really like to see you and I don't want to have to drink that much and go to jail again to make it happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pissdrunkwhat?! Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 :lol: I BELIEVE THAT COULD BE REAL... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 injury if i see her im stealing her sketch book.. have you seen her? I'll be on the look out ... so i can tell her about Jesus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/van/zip/2201100588.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yinz n'at Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 drunk tank hahahahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 saw this one today in the Bay Area's section Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarly Sheen Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I DO ANYTHING (30307) Date: 2011-02-07, 3:58PM EST Reply to: travis.broyles@gmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?] My name is Travis Broyles and I will do whatever* you want me to do for less money than whoever you are paying to do it now. Below is a list of just some of the things I can do. I do want to stress that I DO ANYTHING so email me if your requested service is not listed here. Things I Will Do For $5: Stare at you for 5 minutes Give a hug to the person of your choosing Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes Draw your face on a balloon Sing Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" from memory to the best of my ability 6 minutes of copywriting Things I Will Do For $10: Write your new theme song Perform your new theme song on your voicemail Spin until I throw up or you lose interest Rename your Pokémon Host a conference call with you and a person that you've always thought was cool but never really got the chance to hang out with, you know? 12 minutes of copywriting Things I Will Do For $50: Break-up with your boyfriend or girlfriend Help you quit smoking (I'll call you every day for a month and yell "HEY DON'T SMOKE") Tell the person you like that you think they're cute and what if you had sex together? Try my best to fly in a public place for an hour Make you a really great profile picture 1 hour of copywriting Things I Will Do For $100: Tell your kids which one is actually your favorite, and what the others could do to improve their standings Fight someone much smaller or girl than me Email you a list of 250 things I like about you (need access to any and all social network accounts) Clean most of your house and apologize for the things I didn't Deliver 5 fully cooked DiGiorno pizzas right to your door (5 mile radius from my home) 2 hours of copywriting Things I Will Do For $1,000: Host an event (will not host anything racially insensitive, i.e. human being auction) Give a PowerPoint presentation on team building to your business and/or extended family Rename your children Build you a cardboard car and make vroom-vroom sounds while you drive it Star treatment for a month (I'll hide in bushes and take pictures of you) 20 hours of copywriting Things I Will Do For $100,000: Yell your name every time I wake up for the rest of my life Change my political and spiritual leanings Screen all your phone calls for five years Recreate the best day of your life (or worst, whatevs) 84 straight days of copywriting *BEST VALUE* If interested, email me at travis.broyles@gmail.com. *Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like "Oh, after you're done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?" but the lemonade means sex, mostly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro. Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 that whole thing had me rolling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 um ok prankster group Date: 2011-02-21, 12:33AM PST Starting a group for pranksters. Nothing serious. Things like trick or treating on days other then Halloween. Dressing up as opposing groups and arguing. All for laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomfoolery Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 travis made me lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
publicenemyno.3 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 yeah im serious one and Im a cock fagging homersexual who felches ass turkeys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i'moffthywallz Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Shrunken Pet Head Amulet Date: 2009-11-19, 11:41AM AKST [Errors when replying to ads?] Have the love of your life by your heart forever. I will shrink your pets head to the size of an amulet. You can then wear it on a chain or leather strip and have them by your heart forever. I can give you more details if you would like, just ask. Freeze the head for later or I can do it with a freshly removed head. Final results vary depending on size of pet as well as hair length. ALL this for a small fee of $100 or trades considered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 To my pot smoking neighbor Date: 2011-06-10, 9:47PM PDT Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?] Ever since you moved into the apartment complex here you've done nothing but alienate yourself from the others by your constant pot smoking. Just because you're doing it on a balcony doesn't mean we can't smell it, you fool. That stench follows you all over the place and the smoke comes into our condos. We always know when you walk down the hallway to the stairs because a wake of stench follows you. I've gotten the munchies just walking behind you - disgusting. Lastly, there are many children that live in this area and your blatant disregard for them tells a lot about you! Stop that filthy crap or move the hell out and leave us alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Sorry double post! LOOKING TO START A RAPPING GROUP Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?] I am a 56 year old white male who has worked as an accountant for the past 25 years, and I wish to show the kids these days that being old and white is no barrier to becoming a rapping song artist. I have lived in the roughest parts of Vancouver for most of my life, including Edgemont Village, Upper Lonsdale, and other places. On a daily basis, I never know if I'll go into a Starbucks and have to wait in a line, or sometimes, the 5 star restaurants that I go to don't have a particular wine in their cellar. I have had a hard, rough life, and I want to start rap singing to show people that old white men face hardships everyday. I go by the rapping handle of Green P-Ness. If you want to start rap singing with me, send me a mail letter electronically and perhaps we can get together and start planning our new career! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Here is a great one: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/cto/2442041345.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracksmoka Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 i have seen a girl on the el numerous times in the morning sketching... next time i see her please beleive she is getting asked to draw lady and the tramp. The BRO post is the best thing ive ever read on the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 LOL "clean ass bike nun wrong wit it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Here is a great one: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/cto/2442041345.html "Text me an offer" that's savvy :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I like a person who is honest about transmission problems... rolleyes.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/van/rnr/2482681732.html Medical Marijuana -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2011-07-07, 5:29PM PDT I suffer from cronic lower back pain and I'm wondering if anyone knows of a doctor that does Medical Marijuana Subscriptions. My Family Doc is very old and Fuddy. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blahh Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Travis from oly and the alano club (olympia) Date: 2011-07-17, 4:15PM PDT Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?] Check it out punk,you better have everything you stole from me.Im coming to get it back,Im not coming alone ,and Im not leaving empty handed.You stuck your face in my business,talked shit behind my back,and stole my shit.Your clean and sober and still steal,you truly are a fucking dirtbag.Well see how bad you are you punk fucking bitch.So go ahead ,call the cops,call your buddies,call the fucking president,Im coming to see you and there aint fucking thing you can do about it.My Motorhead shirt better be exactly how I left it boy.See ya soon thief,Im looking forward to it!!!! Location: olympia it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Rocked Posted at: 2011-05-21 08:50:30 Original ad: Clean fill Need clean fill rocks are fine. not much. cannot pick up must deliver. will take off you hands for free. From Me to brad ********: Hello, I have some rocks I need to get rid of. I have several different types of rocks ranging from 1/2" to 6" rocks. Just let me know what kind you want, how much you need, and when I can send my guy to deliver. Thanks, Mike From brad ******** to Me: well i need them to fill a small whole in my backyard so bigger rocks i guess? 6 inch would be good. i only need like 2 wheelbarow loads so not too many. when can you deliver? From Me to brad ********: 6" it is. I can have a truck there to deliver any time between 9-5 Monday through Friday. Where are you located? Mike From brad ******** to Me: do i have to be there for the delivery? i work every day so those times arent gonna work for me. if its cool could you drop them off tomorrow? just tell your guy to put them on the grass at the edge of my driveway next to the shed heres my address: 517 *********** ln coatesville, pa From Me to brad ********: No, you do not have to be there. I will forward this information to my driver and you can expect the rocks tomorrow. From brad ******** to Me: great The rest of this conversation is the following day. I looked up his address in Google street view to figure out what his driveway looked like. From Me to brad ********: Hey Brad, Just wanted to let you know, we actually need to get rid a few more rocks, so my guy is going to deliver them to your house in about 15 minutes. Mike From brad ******** to Me: wait what how many more? i dont want any more i have nowhere to put them From Me to brad ********: We sent a truckload with about 8 tons of 6" rocks. Don't worry, all the rocks are free of charge. From brad ******** to Me: 8 TONS? what the fuck you better tell your guy not to deliver them From brad ******** to Me: you got that? DONT DELIVER THE ROCKS From Me to brad ********: I just got off the phone with my guy, he said he just delivered the rocks. He told me you didn't leave him enough room for all 8 tons by the shed, so he just dumped them in front of your garage. Best, Mike From brad ******** to Me: WHAT THE FUCK!!!! i told you dont delever them you fucking dipshit! the fuck am i gonna do with all those rocks? you better get rid of them by the time i get home man..... how am i suposed to park my fucking car? From Me to brad ********: I am sorry that we had to block your garage, but you should have left more room next to the shed if you wanted them dumped there. Unfortunately we lack the necessary machinery to load the rocks back into the truck so removal is not an option. Also, my driver said he accidentally backed into your shed and broke one of the windows. We apologize for this. Consider the free extra rocks as compensation for the damage. Mike From brad ******** to Me: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDING ME MOTHER FUCKER YOUR PAYING FOR THE SHED I LEFT YOU PLENTY FUCKING ROOM FOR THE AMT OF ROCKS I ASKEDFOR. YOU DIDNT SAY YOU WERE DELIVERIG 8 FUCKING TONS OF ROCKS YOU PEICE OF SHIT!!!! USE YOUR HANDS I DONT GIVE A FUCK HOW YOU DO IT BUT IF I FIND 8 TONS OF ROCKS IN MY DRIVE WAY THERE IS GONNA FUCKING HELL TO PAY FUCKING ASSHOLE From Me to brad ********: Brad, If you insist on us removing the rocks then we are going to have to charge you a $500 rock removal fee. Mike From brad ******** to Me: THIS IS SOME FUCKING BULLSHIT From Me to brad ********: I am sorry you feel that way, but without the $500 removal fee, we cannot remove the rocks. I realize you must be upset about your shed, so if you like, we can deliver another 4 tons of rocks as our way of apologizing for the shed. Mike From brad ******** to Me: NO DICKHEAD WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT MORE ROCKS??? DUMBASS THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. I DIDNT ASK FOR 8 TONS OF ROCKS AND IM NOT PAYING SHIT. YOU OWE ME FOR THE SHED AND YOU GET THOSE ROCKS THE FUCK OUT OF THERE YOU FUCKING PRICK From Me to brad ********: If you aren't paying, then you have to keep the rocks. These are really nice rocks, though. I'm sure you will be able to find use for them. I have a pile of rocks in my backyard and it makes for a great conversation piece. If deer are a problem in your backyard, you can use these rocks to throw at them. They also make great paperweights. There are plenty of things to do with these rocks, so enjoy them. Mike From brad ******** to Me: im at my house now. where are the rocks? From brad ******** to Me: oh FUCK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Another from: http://dontevenreply.com/all.php Childhood Classics Posted at: 2011-07-12 06:54:03 Original ad: Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs! From Me to *********@**********.org: Hey there! I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested. Mike From Julia ****** to Me: Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them? From Me to Julia ******: Julia, Here is the full list: Alvin and the Chipmunks Alladin Backdoor Creampies 2 Beauty and the Beast Big Black Threesome Fantasia Finally 18 and Legal The Lion King Mattress Slaves 3 The Mighty Ducks Toy Story Wet Squirters 5 Please let me know which ones you want. Thanks, Mike From Julia ****** to Me: Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate. From Me to Julia ******: Julia, Which titles are inappropriate? Mike From Julia ****** to Me: I think you know which ones... From Me to Julia ******: Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King. I hope this clears things up. Mike From Julia ****** to Me: No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection. From Me to Julia ******: Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films. You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you. Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship. Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey. Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman. Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.) Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters. Once again, I hope this clears things up for you. Mike From Julia ****** to Me: You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try. From Me to Julia ******: Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not? By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering: Toy Story 2 James and the Giant Peach Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3 Mike From Julia ****** to Me: Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut. From Me to Julia ******: Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you. From Julia ****** to Me: Go to hell. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARD like WOE Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 http://newyork.craigslist.org/stn/evg/2493873759.html wanna work for wu-tang? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordyo Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 i wonder if its legit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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