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Poop Man Bob

Ridiculous things actually said in court. For realzoner.

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From an email I just received.

 

 

These are from the book "Disorder in the Court" and are things

people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying

calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

________________________________________

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

________________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15th.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

_______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

________________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that

you've forgotten?

______________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

______________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he

wokeup that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

________________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo

or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

_________________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

_________________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty year-old, how old is he?

__________________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

__________________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

__________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

_________________________________

Q: And, how was your marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

________________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

____________________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

___________________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

_________________________________________

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go

to?

A: Oral.

___________________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy.

__________________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

__________________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

started the autopsy?

A: No.

 

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law somewhere.

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Hahaha thats great. I have heard all types of lawyers talk that crazy shit when i have gone to court. I swear I actually got Lionell Hutz before. That was a disaster.

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

_______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

________________________________________

 

_________________________________________

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go

to?

A: Oral.

___________________________________________

 

 

 

hahaha.. some of my faves...

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go

A: ORAL!

 

that's too funny.

Those law-talkers aren't as smart as they think.

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these are hott.

it's interesting how bad legalese has gotten when a question series like this is seen:

 

Q: And, how was your marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

 

turrible.

 

fucking funny though

my fave:

 

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

PGW

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is the whole book filled with shit exactly like the above quoted, if so it sounds like something i could get into, good stuff

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what about one of the "snipers" defense quotes...

 

 

"There's three truths. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I always thought there was just one truth,"

 

 

Exsqueeze me? what the fuck are you trying to say!?!!

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Do you..........................voodoo? Ha ha, that one was the best by far

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

_______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

YES! hahah

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Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law somewhere.

 

 

__________________

 

 

hahahahahahahaahahahahahahah

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A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

i love it. that guy totally shat on that lawyer. hahah

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