Dark_Knight Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 3 hours ago, metronome said: This was years ago, I'm thinking ~15 or so? Anyway, I went and did some sketchy googling after work hours trying to track this machine down and came up empty. Really disappointed I couldn't provide the goods, @Dark_Knight I can’t forgive you right now, but I will forgive you one day 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metronome Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 That is completely understandable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 We need to talk about this! https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a27104322/blowjob-machine-viral-video/ 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 On 9/4/2024 at 8:09 AM, metronome said: In Montreal you can put your dick into a BJ vending machine Bunch of dudes I went with freshman year college got hookers and one ended up with a long distance relationship for a while. I remember the hoeing was legal and plentiful back then. Clearly things have only progressed lol? Fuckin bj machine? Is there a way to get us some flicks or video of one of these stands (not in use obviously). Is there like some random hooker in a box or wtf?? I need answers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 Ahhhhhh the ol’ long distance relationship with a Canadian hooker…….classic. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 11 hours ago, metronome said: This was years ago, I'm thinking ~15 or so? Anyway, I went and did some sketchy googling after work hours trying to track this machine down and came up empty. Really disappointed I couldn't provide the goods, @Dark_Knight Hahaha. My man stepped into an old phone booth with a hole cut in the back and got gummed by a crack head sitting behind the thing on an milk crate. 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 8 hours ago, NightmareOnElmStreet said: Bunch of dudes I went with freshman year college got hookers and one ended up with a long distance relationship for a while. I remember the hoeing was legal and plentiful back then. Clearly things have only progressed lol? Fuckin bj machine? Is there a way to get us some flicks or video of one of these stands (not in use obviously). Is there like some random hooker in a box or wtf?? I need answers. we need @STAN51 on the case. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 4 hours ago, mr.yuck said: Hahaha. My man stepped into an old phone booth with a hole cut in the back and got gummed by a crack head sitting behind the thing on an milk crate. f’real…..blowjob vending machines 15 years ago…???…..c’mon son. we all know that was just a basic ass trou de gloire! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 2 hours ago, Schnitzel said: we need @STAN51 on the case. yo Pony Tony….any truth to this…? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 @Mauler5150make sure you're airing your Van out. going crazy with the the BJ5000 machine in a van in a western australian summer the flies will be going crazy. 1 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 2 hours ago, Schnitzel said: @Mauler5150make sure you're airing your Van out. going crazy with the the BJ5000 machine in a van in a western australian summer the flies will be going crazy. If you never air it out the flies can never get in. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 I bet that smell is wild after 2 or 3 weeks of the jack off machine going full steam in the back of the van. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 My truck smells like farts all the time after a couple a day…..can’t imagine after 10,000 simulated blow jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 The sliding door will open and wadded up snowballs of toilet paper going to fall out and land in a little pile around his feet. he'll kick them under the van as he heads to the toilet block for his morning dump 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 2 hours ago, Schnitzel said: The sliding door will open and wadded up snowballs of toilet paper going to fall out and land in a little pile around his feet. he'll kick them under the van as he heads to the toilet block for his morning dump breh…the best part about these machines is they ALWAYS swallow…..no tissues needed 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 4 hours ago, LUGR said: breh…the best part about these machines is they ALWAYS swallow…..no tissues needed Absolute scust. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted September 6 Author Share Posted September 6 This is the one that I got. https://www.zolocup.com/collections/usb-rechargeable/products/zolo-automatic-blowjob Wayyy better than the one posted in the vid on the previous page if only due to the rotation feature alone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted September 6 Author Share Posted September 6 I have used it maybe 3 or 4 times in as many weeks and it needs recharging, but I do clean it as I aint a complete animal. I need another one of you on here to try one, trust Me when I say you will thank Me for the recommendation if you do and will understand why I fearlessly posted this thread which would have gotten Me eaten alive on here in the mid 2000s by the jealous uneducated fiends who will never know due to their fears and apprehensions of purchasing and owning such devices. Had the Government not introduced a business income threshold that saw Me lose out on $4k of tax return due to Rapes unable to utilise My business losses carried forward I was unable to buy a sybian that I would let any interested females have a ride on as I am a selfless giver of orgasmic self induced bliss, yet this doesnt allow whores and johns to trade finances hence why I was denied due to . tape. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 17 hours ago, NightmareOnElmStreet said: hooker in a box Stealing this idea, gonna be the hottest gift of Xmas 24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 7 hours ago, Mauler5150 said: This is the one that I got. https://www.zolocup.com/collections/usb-rechargeable/products/zolo-automatic-blowjob Wayyy better than the one posted in the vid on the previous page if only due to the rotation feature alone. It says on the box it has ABT…. Advanced Blowjob Technology is this true @Mauler5150? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tails0nE Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 That shit looks like a sous vide machine.. but 4 easy payments of $47.25 ain't too shabby 🤔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted September 6 Author Share Posted September 6 6 hours ago, LUGR said: It says on the box it has ABT…. Advanced Blowjob Technology is this true @Mauler5150? I can confirm this as truth. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted September 7 Share Posted September 7 On 9/6/2024 at 5:46 AM, One Man Banned said: Stealing this idea, gonna be the hottest gift of Xmas 24 I support the gusto son. Power to the peepole. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 23 days later his zolo be like... 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted September 29 Author Share Posted September 29 Nah have used it a total of 4 times or so given there has been a steady stream of fucken weird cunts in My vicinity when I have been parked up and My spot at the Blvd where it is quiet has too many streetlight people lining up with seeking to gangrape Me so waiting on the titles I requested to get delivered otherwise I should head south this next weekend to somewhere with less shitty energy and might bust it out again. It is probably better to wait and not use it all the time though as another reason I am reluctant to rent a place is due to having the roofs of 2 houses I wanked in cave in with one totally collapsing in the adjacent room in the past, true story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 Lolwut….? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted September 30 Author Share Posted September 30 (edited) Seriously I have had a ceiling come down as I was having a wank in the adjacent room and the same thing happened to the living room ceiling adjacent to the bedroom I was living in for 18 months prior to going to Europe last time. My Versace wallet purchased in Prague as well as My chests of drawers that match My bed as well as My uni degree and divorce certificate still should be in the latter room. Whilst it is difficult to believe, what reason would I have to lie about such thing and if there is any reason I should not be denied My wife then I shall happily manifest the wifes scariest movie as I drag (Me) everyone to Hell. If anything it is another crazy true story about My life and why I am the WAnKING here in WA as the King of Self induced pleasure and self love such that all love exists as directly compared to that which I give Myself and the world around Me. Never forget I was also a Banker prior to leaving to become King Wanker. And My Brother Devin here (born the day after Me) even wrote this song for Me Now you see why I told Devin I loved Him last time I saw Him in person /nohomo Edited September 30 by Mauler5150 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted October 9 Author Share Posted October 9 Rather than hijack @Schnitzels Darwin thread I will just post this bullshit analytics to show how fucked this world is as I am targeted with “stackshots“ and am turned into a corpse alongside the living dead in this world chedPriority":4},"662484":{"id":662484,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":7803,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_USER_INITIATED","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadIdleWorker"],"user_usec":47207,"basePriority":4,"userFrames":[[13,1388496048],[13,2316813448]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0.047207082999999997,"waitEvent":[2,15864568348910093715],"continuation":[1,4635304],"lastRunTime":10.528361291,"systemTime":0.0078036249999999998,"schedPriority":4}},"pageFaults":25334,"jetsamCoalition":320,"userTimeTask":2.4993464159999998,"pid":195,"processUptime":200000,"flags":["darwinBG","dirty","isDirtyTracked","allowIdleExit","sharedRegionSystem"],"residentMemoryBytes":9879984}, "200" : {"timesThrottled":0,"csFlags":570434305,"pageIns":127,"systemTimeTask":0.354298791,"rawFlags":"0x4C080041","waitInfo":["thread 2919: mach_msg receive on port set 0xdc2a44da2f2e5303"],"timesDidThrottle":0,"csTrustLevel":7,"procname":"deviceaccessd","copyOnWriteFaults":88,"threadById":{"2919":{"id":2919,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":10530,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_DEFAULT","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kHasDispatchSerial","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadTruncatedBT","kThreadFaultedBT","kThreadMain","kThreadTruncUserBT"],"user_usec":6847,"basePriority":4,"dispatch_queue_label":"com.apple.main-thread","userFrames":[[13,1388496680]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0.00684725,"continuation":[1,128536],"lastRunTime":8800.7662521660004,"systemTime":0.010530790999999999,"schedPriority":4},"665019":{"id":665019,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":76,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_USER_INITIATED","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadIOPassive","kThreadIdleWorker"],"user_usec":0,"basePriority":4,"userFrames":[[2,0]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0,"waitEvent":[2,15864568348910268067],"continuation":[1,4635304],"lastRunTime":0.49550483299999998,"systemTime":7.6582999999999995e-05,"schedPriority":4},"661968":{"id":661968,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":3939,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_USER_INITIATED","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadIdleWorker"],"user_usec":1046,"basePriority":4,"userFrames":[[13,1388496048],[13,2316813448]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0.001046125,"waitEvent":[2,15864568348885300603],"continuation":[1,4635304],"lastRunTime":0.49621433300000001,"systemTime":0.0039394579999999998,"schedPriority":4}},"pageFaults":7694,"jetsamCoalition":330,"userTimeTask":0.242929916,"pid":200,"processUptime":200000,"flags":["darwinBG","isDirtyTracked","allowIdleExit","sharedRegionSystem"],"residentMemoryBytes":3047856}, "201" : {"timesThrottled":0,"csFlags":570434305,"pageIns":829,"systemTimeTask":0.124923375,"rawFlags":"0x4C080041","waitInfo":["thread 2927: mach_msg receive on port set 0xdc2a44da2f2e6803"],"timesDidThrottle":0,"csTrustLevel":7,"procname":"assistant_cdmd","copyOnWriteFaults":102,"threadById":{"2927":{"id":2927,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":10043,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_DEFAULT","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kHasDispatchSerial","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadMain"],"user_usec":12824,"basePriority":4,"dispatch_queue_label":"com.apple.main-thread","userFrames":[[13,1388496680],[13,1388510544],[13,1388510108],[13,48142284],[13,48139896],[13,48137656],[13,27782912],[13,27782612],[95,35564],[95,33212],[13,677100852],[2,0]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0.012824583000000001,"continuation":[1,128536],"lastRunTime":15.174100916,"systemTime":0.010043333,"schedPriority":4},"664505":{"id":664505,"state":["TH_WAIT"],"system_usec":14,"qosRequested":"QOS_CLASS_DEFAULT","schedFlags":["TH_SFLAG_THROTTLED"],"snapshotFlags":["kUser64_p","kThreadDarwinBG","kThreadIOPassive","kThreadIdleWorker"],"user_usec":0,"basePriority":4,"userFrames":[[2,0]],"qosEffective":"QOS_CLASS_BACKGROUND","userTime":0,"waitEvent":[2,15864568348905919299],"continuation": Oh the QOS is absolutely fuxking shit as the service is completely fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted October 9 Author Share Posted October 9 (edited) In other words fuck the Darwin kernel Is all I see is I'm surrounded by unevolved Unloving hateful monkeys And for what it's worth I will continue to peruse my analytics from time to time and haven't seen any corpse notifications and show up I will be happily posting the fucking UUIDs and PIDs along with amy descriptors involved to identify these murdering tamperers Edited October 9 by Mauler5150 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted October 9 Author Share Posted October 9 On 9/5/2024 at 10:35 PM, Dark_Knight said: I can’t forgive you right now, but I will forgive you one day Well I am the same as My RAtM post above at this fuckedtarded video game called life is with its input reading cheating and hacks like Street Fighter 2 in the arcade, completely designed to extort money from you at any and every opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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