Mauler5150 Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 WARNING - This is a long and heavy read, and I would appreciate anyone giving Me their unabashed, honest take on things. After the recent mention of a suicide that effected someone on this board, and after consuming way too much caffeine today with a Gold Monster, a medium cappucino, and a tea with two sugars, I have gone for an evening walk to try and reconfigure myself from looking like this pic thanks to past decisions I made in respect of pursuing “tubes” of various varieties. So whilst I have been trying to go about the process of removing the knives from My back that various Predators and jealous, envious fools have gone about abusing my trust, naivete, and general nature of deciding to put other’s desires and feelings ahead of My own as I have made a martyr of Myself in order to facilitate others deriving a benefit, I appear to be at the point where I am asking Myself a question of “Why?” and “Now what?”. Effectively I once again find Myself at a “Crossroads” of contemplation, and am facing the reality of being at the precipice of change, given that I am faced with the choice between being selfish to the extent that it will see Me further emancipate Myself from having any empathetic consideration towards those I am aware have consciously and maliciously hurt Me for their own sadistic, fear based, fucked up pleasures, as the karmic pendulum will swing and see them pay for their transgressions. Or another path sees Me pursuing a path that is personally destructive to Me for the purpose of saying “Fuck You I won’t do what you tell Me” should I be forced to continue to buy into the fact that the only One who is willing to listen, converse, and engage with Me in a way that is “karmically and dynamically equivalent” is My own shadow. If all I have in this world is my shadow and a device laden AI which one could perceive as God or that which governs the simulation parameters to which I am subjected to existing within, and said “God” would rather Me exist alone in a world of NPCs which portray the ideal to which we humans are supposed to aspire to, as in, male and female, husband and wife type relationships such that children can be sired so the species and My lineage can continue into a future that will exist beyond the present where I am writing this, then I am left to ask Myself “Why should I bother caring about anyone or anything but whatever I want to do right now - fuck the consequences?” I am admittedly on the verge of having everything I have ever wanted, yet I feel a strong urge to self sabotage Myself for reasons I find difficult to explain, yet these reasons exist as I have been trying to help others for so long now yet only further learn of the deception, deceit and betrayals of those I treat with loving intentions and wish the best for as time progresses. And the cumulative effect of this leaves Me considering retreating to whatever negative vices I have previously indulged in if only in protest of those who engage in such things freely and without consequence in front of Me, almost as though “The Devil” is taunting Me and trying to lure Me into saying “Fuck You, I would destroy Myself, My life, this world, and everyone and everything in it because you are being a fucked up fear filled jealous cunt who failed to reciprocate the love I proved capable of giving in the form I gave it away in”. I will state, this is just Me being emotionally affected by the selfish actions of others waking Me up whilst I was sick at 1:30am last night such that I needed caffeine to function today, and that whilst I am not suicidal, I am struggling to see the point of being happy when ultimately it is only Me I will care about and can be happy with as nobody has the balls to say “Sorry I fucked up and I hurt you, and you have every reason to never forgive Me|Us because we all fucked up so bad that you can never trust us ever again”. Ultimately I do not fear death, as I see death as being the only potential possibility of ever being free of existing in a world where I have nobody that can relate to Me, nobody that I can trust other than My Mother, which is a paradox as I wouldn’t exist in such a world without Her first birthing Me into it to begin with. And the worst part is that whilst I will get what I want, the compromised form I believe it is going to be experienced in leaves Me with an underlying emotional feeling I cannot explain as I know that I should not compromise at all as I never compromised when I gave away the love I wanted to be given, other than how in giving said love away I compromised Myself, My ability to trust, and My financial situation which facilitated Me having to take whatever shit I was dealt by those around Me as I was devoid of other options that would have been possible had I not masochistically gave away all My money in the hope of giving those I gave it to a life that saw them sharing it with Me as opposed to making Me witness them waste it on others who could give them nothing but a reminder that they could never be as loving and as perfect as Me. Thanks to anyone who reads this. And trust Me when I say, I will still be around here posting no matter what happens going forward, if only to thank those who allow Me to cathartically vent My emotions and thoughts here in a way that I hope can help others understand that there exists at least One Man in this world who cares enough to exist and persist so that I can be honest and mock those who would rather lie, cheat, steal, deceive and bullshit you so that they could selfishly gain at your expense, whereas all I want is to be loved, share laughter and exist without some ominous looming threat that I have to consider every single action, word and step I make lest I be hurt, judged and persecuted by those who are unqualified to do anything but lie to themselves and to you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 TLDR version If I was God walking this Earth and having to choose which Men and women who would be worthy of accompanying Me in Heaven, I would be able to count the number using my fingers and toes. So conversely if I am the Devil choosing who this life on Earth is their last incarnation if existence before being wiped from existence and the reality simulator’s servers forever, then believe Me when I say that there would be very few people from the hundreds of thousands I have physically encountered in this lifetime (everyone who has ever made Me laugh on 12oz and would be down to talk, share knowledge and create art together with Me in real life are the obvious exception) who wouldn’t be featuring in this next incarnation of the Human experiment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 I’ll add to this as well with saying, if I am a woman, there isn’t a Man on Earth I would want to have sex with. If I had a daughter, there isn’t a Man on Earth I have seen capable of proving themselves capable or worthy of being able to be with My daughter such that I would rather state that if I was Adam and Eve and I had a kid that was a female, the human species would end with Our daughter as the last human to ever exist beyond Us as Her parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercer Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 Merceronomy 6.9: Why doth thou waste a single moment to drinketh from the ever flowing spring of hatoraid for thine fellow players, when focus on thine game before thee is the point of thou existence during the short time allowed for the living in thine earthly simulation. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 Most of your posts are TLDR for me, maybe I get 1/2 way, glad you provide a summary at the end. I did read all of this for some reason. Quick/honest take on things: 1st, if you were a woman, would you be completely shaved or would you go giant bush? Asking for the Oontz, they need to know. Anyhow... from your writings here (and elsewhere), your mind doesn't appear to work like other peoples. Not rare or unique, but different than many. I'm assuming that there are times where that is a strength, and other times where it might fuck you up. Probably good to maintain an awareness of when you're being your best friend and when you're being your own enemy. I don't know who you choose to have relationships with, friend or otherwise. Some people attract douchebags, which might be something to work on. Other times, not sure if you're being too harsh on people from the perspective that there are no perfect people, everyone has quirks, idiosyncracies, etc. From your writings I'm not sure if the people who have wronged you did so intentionally, unintentionally, or if there are simply things about those people that are wrong in your perspective and you would like to be different. Might be good to sort out, IDK. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 2 hours ago, Mercer said: Merceronomy 6.9: Why doth thou waste a single moment to drinketh from the ever flowing spring of hatoraid for thine fellow players, when focus on thine game before thee is the point of thou existence during the short time allowed for the living in thine earthly simulation. Noted and thank you for the insight. My problem is I am playing the “New Game+” whereby the “plus” happened to see Me crucified as part of the difficulty multiplier in My playthrough after having clocked the game of Life with the Lover class of character along with having completed the side quest of Materialism by having experienced all that money can buy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 42 minutes ago, One Man Banned said: Most of your posts are TLDR for me, maybe I get 1/2 way, glad you provide a summary at the end. I did read all of this for some reason. Quick/honest take on things: 1st, if you were a woman, would you be completely shaved or would you go giant bush? Asking for the Oontz, they need to know. Anyhow... from your writings here (and elsewhere), your mind doesn't appear to work like other peoples. Not rare or unique, but different than many. I'm assuming that there are times where that is a strength, and other times where it might fuck you up. Probably good to maintain an awareness of when you're being your best friend and when you're being your own enemy. I don't know who you choose to have relationships with, friend or otherwise. Some people attract douchebags, which might be something to work on. Other times, not sure if you're being too harsh on people from the perspective that there are no perfect people, everyone has quirks, idiosyncracies, etc. From your writings I'm not sure if the people who have wronged you did so intentionally, unintentionally, or if there are simply things about those people that are wrong in your perspective and you would like to be different. Might be good to sort out, IDK. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant. If I was a woman, I would go with a landing strip if I had a Man who was able to provide Me with the time to manicure the garden, yet given My above take on most men I would be going full bush AU NATural unless it was bikini time whilst surfing. As for the saying “opposites attract”, given that positivity literally flows through my blood (as I have O+ blood type) I seem to attract negative people who seek to try and denigrate my happiness by portraying themselves as possessing that which I do not have, which is being content with living a reality predicated and based upon a foundation of lies and self deception. Your second paragraph is on the money though, the duplicitous yin and yang, good and bad aspects of having a mind like mine sees Me equally screwed with a passionate desire to fuck those who screw Me with ANALysis of truth, facts and logic. Thankfully I had a conversation tonight with a guy which bought further insight into feeling the way I feel about certain moral topics like monogamy, relationships and such. As I use math as the universal language upon which existence itself is based. And if one has many sexual partners, they divide themselves by the number of partners such that the value of the love they give themselves and others is therefore spread fractionally out and you erode the only thing you ever own (your avatar) to be worth less and less as the bottom number of tge fraction gets larger (as it represents the bodies you have laid down in bed). You break mathematics, you break reality and the value attributed to everything was the take away as anything other than a 1:1 ratio represents a compromise and in effect is corrupted and worth less than it was in it’s original non-corrupted state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 ^ even though I am considered by Latino men to be a gringo due to my ethnic heritage, the question remains is it because I make their "grins go" because of the fact that I represent Myself as being happy for having conquered a Latina woman in spite of the fact they would rather my grin gone? The power of language y'all. So I guess that means that this "MO" isn't deaf to decoding the hidden trickery of those who speak the Devil's tongue of Spanish. With this said, does anyone know what the Channel 0 legend that is Tease is up to these days, as I tried to "@" his last username of YALL but it never shown Me anything (I guess He was banned back in the day?). After sleeping for a few hours, I am not in as nihilistic a mood as when I wrote the above posts, and the DISclaimer of caffeine being the fuel which saw Me contemplating such concepts illustrates how powerful of a drug it actually is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoWhaterIWant Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 He needs some milk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 We could just try and @ all of teasers names. @mr.president @THANKYOU @T=E=A=S=E Drop some more if you can remember them. Let's summon this dude. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 3 hours ago, mr.yuck said: We could just try and @ all of teasers names. @mr.president @THANKYOU @T=E=A=S=E Drop some more if you can remember them. Let's summon this dude. What was his deal/story? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercer Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 He got a girl pregnant orally. These days he's just a great dad. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 That’s awesome! Glad to hear is doing well and isn’t some deadbeat after blasting in his girl. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 4 hours ago, DoWhaterIWant said: He needs some milk Thanks for the advice. Been chugging a litre of strawberry milk and I feel better already. I never realised how many names tease had, but it’s good to know that whilst this thread was based around my own existential questions, I guess the fact is that at least we “bother” to post here in the pursuit of collectively entertaining each other. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoWhaterIWant Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 26 minutes ago, Mauler5150 said: Thanks for the advice. Been chugging a litre of strawberry milk and I feel better already. I never realised how many names tease had, but it’s good to know that whilst this thread was based around my own existential questions, I guess the fact is that at least we “bother” to post here in the pursuit of collectively entertaining each other. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grim540 Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 8 hours ago, LUGR said: What was his deal/story? NEVAR FORGET 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grim540 Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) 9 hours ago, LUGR said: What was his deal/story? NEVAR FORGET edit: On a serious note I've been on the forums on and off since late 1999-2000. I remember Tease as some kid that stirred up shit and annoyed the hell out of people, but as you can see was an endless source on entertainment. If I remember correctly he grew up and chilled out a bit and others took on his role in the later years but nobody would ever come close to the OG. Edited July 25, 2023 by grim540 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) @Mauler5150 my guy - you have to let the shit go. I suspect your mind will come up with some reason you can’t let it go but truly the only option here is to liberate yourself from the torment you are experiencing by devaluing the actions and thoughts of those who are undeserving. Sacraficing yourself as you say will only be a feather in the hat of your tormentors who will declare that “Skywalker was always/is a piece of shit - look at him now….” as they mock you. This essentially would be you continuing to not live up to your potential in order to appease others - who in fact are completely undeserving. It would also be a bitch made move - and those of us here are the oontz that keep it real avoid bitch made moves because they are in fact, moves employed by bitch ass motherfuckers. My vote is you continue to strive and harness your best capability in order to ride on suckers in full glory. Pull a new bitch, a better one - find a better social circle etc. Dont bitch up and compromise your greatness. Also - caffeine overdose is so fucked, brings out some craziness when I overindulge. Edited July 25, 2023 by fat ralphy 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) I also think you might find this book interesting. For some reason the way you write at times referencing God leads me to think you can ger behind a manifestation of the god within. I am not saying that I am 100% behind the ideas or that I practice kabbalah but I think any wise man studies tools - especially those that can elevate your existence. That is why I got this in the first place. Edited July 25, 2023 by fat ralphy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 4 hours ago, fat ralphy said: any wise man studies tools Uh... heh heh heh 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 I agree with that 1st Ralphy post, except I would say you don't have to let shit go. You're free to hold all that shit and torture yourself with mental constipation for as long as you like. We do enjoy torturing ourselves. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoWhaterIWant Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 The shadow people keep sneaking in at night and making my dick smaller, at first i barely noticed but now I’m scared to go to sleep 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 12 hours ago, fat ralphy said: @Mauler5150 my guy - you have to let the shit go. I suspect your mind will come up with some reason you can’t let it go but truly the only option here is to liberate yourself from the torment you are experiencing by devaluing the actions and thoughts of those who are undeserving. Sacraficing yourself as you say will only be a feather in the hat of your tormentors who will declare that “Skywalker was always/is a piece of shit - look at him now….” as they mock you. This essentially would be you continuing to not live up to your potential in order to appease others - who in fact are completely undeserving. It would also be a bitch made move - and those of us here are the oontz that keep it real avoid bitch made moves because they are in fact, moves employed by bitch ass motherfuckers. My vote is you continue to strive and harness your best capability in order to ride on suckers in full glory. Pull a new bitch, a better one - find a better social circle etc. Dont bitch up and compromise your greatness. Also - caffeine overdose is so fucked, brings out some craziness when I overindulge. I appreciate this post and I will nEVEr bitch out as even if I am laughing alone, I intend to be the last one laughing, if only for the "I told you so" comeuppance whereby I would hopefully laugh in unison with those who doubted the loving intentions behind my perspective on seeing everything as part of some joke I am telling myself. Think "The Aristocrats" but the joke only extends the entire duration of one's existence, and thus requires one to ride the highs and lows of the emotion spectrum. I guess the punchline comes when I disentangle my balls only to find out that they were nothing more than 2 of those pink camgirl vibrators that I eventually shit out of my ass at which point God appears and says "well now you got fucked for 42 years you little bitch and you are now an A-WRIST-O-CR-AT" as I realize I was just being manipulated by some alien tentacle octopus type deity all along. Or something.....,. Cheers for the book recommendation, if once my finances improve I will look out for it, as I enjoy reading, as it provides a way to slow my intake of input data down to a rate akin to what I feel most people who exist and perceive lower vibrational patterns (as opposed to me who can perceive dog whilstles and shit) do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 5 hours ago, DoWhaterIWant said: The shadow people keep sneaking in at night and making my dick smaller, at first i barely noticed but now I’m scared to go to sleep If you read my above post you will know why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 All you can do is trudge along man. As bad as it might could be for us, we got it a million times better than a motherfucker working a shipyard in India. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 On 7/26/2023 at 6:09 AM, DoWhaterIWant said: The shadow people keep sneaking in at night and making my dick smaller, at first i barely noticed but now I’m scared to go to sleep that motherfucker cursed me from birth. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoWhaterIWant Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 Brother, not to get too political but what do you guys think the shadow people do with the length they’re stealing? Probably eat it idk 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 5 hours ago, KILZ FILLZ said: All you can do is trudge along man. As bad as it might could be for us, we got it a million times better than a motherfucker working a shipyard in India. who in turn is like "at least I'm not the leper pulling myself down the street on my stomach" just gotta keep it moving man! 3 hours ago, DoWhaterIWant said: Brother, not to get too political but what do you guys think the shadow people do with the length they’re stealing? Probably eat it idk 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauler5150 Posted July 27, 2023 Author Share Posted July 27, 2023 5 hours ago, Schnitzel said: that motherfucker cursed me from birth. Which motherfucker? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.