lokey Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Whats better than winning a medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dosa312 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 A guy and a little girl are walking through the woods. The little girl tugs on the guys sleeve and says, "Hey mister... it's dark, and scary, and I'm getting cold." The guy looks down at her and says, "Would you shut the hell up... I'm the one that has to walk back alone." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dosa312 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 A guy walks into a pharmacy and up to the pharmacist and says, "Excuse me sir. I need some condoms for my eleven year old daughter." The pharmacist, in total shock says, "Oh my god!! You're daughter is sexually active at eleven years old!?!" to which the guy replies, "Not really... she mostly just lays there, same as her mother." Thank you XM satellite radio channel 150 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asian Eater Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 What do you call a white man on fire? A fire cracker!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Q666 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 its the offensive joke thread, not the played out jokes from 6th grade thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 We all know a 10 is a hot looking chick. What's an 11? A 10 with a flat head so you can rest your beer there while you get a blow job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Two negroes are walking down the railroad tracks when one says to the other, "'Rasmus, I smell shit. Did you shit?", whereupon Erasums says, "No suh, I din't shit." Another mile down the tracks the first negro says again, a little more agitated, "Rasmus, I still smell shit. Are you sure you didn't shit?", whereupon Erasmus say, "No suh, I din't shit." After one more mile, the first negro has had enough of the smell, and rips off Erasumus' pants, revealing a congealed mass of matted, rotting shit, full of maggots, and he shouts, "Rasmus, I told you I smelled shit. Why you lyin' at me like dat?" Whereupon Erasmus says, "Oh, I thought you meant today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Did you hear about the gay football player? He used to be a tight end, but now he's a wide receiver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I guy goes into a hip new whorehouse near Las Vegas, and is asked if he'd like to try the "special room." He says OK, pays up, and soon is shown into a darkend room with only a giant thanksgiving turkey on a table and a jar of mayonaise sitting beside it. Feeling a little ripped off, he nonetheless decides to give it a go and after a generous dose of mayo, starts fucking the turkey. The next night he goes back to the whorehouse, and is asked if he'd like to see a special show. He thinks what the hell, so pays up and is shown into a small theater like room with about 10 other guys looking through a window at two of the hottest lesbians you've ever seen fucking up a storm. He turns to the guy next to him and says, "man this is great.", whereupon the guy says, "this is nothing, you should have been here last night. A guy was fucking a turkey!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porcelain Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 hahaha damn thats hillarious^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebopdeluxe Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 We all know a 10 is a hot looking chick. What's an 11? A 10 with a flat head so you can rest your beer there while you get a blow job. What's an 11? . .. ... .... ..... A 10 with no teeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubberbandBanks Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 ^^^^^ lame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebopdeluxe Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 God made man and was pleased. Then he made woman and noticed a terrible smell coming from between her legs. Dang, how can I get rid of this smell?, he said. Jesus stepped forward and said, I know how to get rid of it. Consier it done. So God rests on his throne while Jesus leads woman away down a trail. A minute later out of the corner of his eye, God sees Jesus about to wash woman in the stream, and runs after him yelling "stop!". Arriving too late, God moans, "Now I'll never get that smell out of those fish." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milford Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 How come you know Jesus didn't walk on water? he has holes in his feet. Why do women like jesus? He's hung like this (hang out your arms like your on the cross) *i'mgoing to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Q666 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 *i'mgoing to hell. nah i think you'll be safe dude, those jokes were pretty tame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TOGOROK Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 ahhhhh hahha im going to hell yes i am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KM4RT Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 ^ yes......all n00bs eventually go to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Want to see who is really man's best friend? Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour and see which one is glad to see you when you open it back up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the graff giraffe Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 whats the best thing about getting a handjob at a daycare? the 8 year old hands make your cock look bigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 ...It reallly makes me bloody angry and I find it quite unfair when they compare George Bush to Adolf Hitler.... ....I mean, Hitler was a great leader and a fucking brilliant speaker! Why don't Muslims drink alcohol? It might give the cunts a sense of humour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country? Sexy kids. What's the worst thing about being a paedophile? You just don't fit in. This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Alright little fella - if I give you a sweetie, will you come in me car?" To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's black. What's the difference between a miscarriage and a train carriage? You can't eat a train carriage. Whats blue and orange and lives at the bottom of the sea? a baby with shit armbands Whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? My cock whilst doing it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 what do you do if you see a muslim with half a face? stop laughing and reload Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resnanine Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 a preist a pedophile and a rapiest walk into a bar and thats just the frist guy why is a washing machine better than a women...after you dump a load in the washer it doesnt follow you around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOIzBettuh Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c-walk Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Some of these made me chuckle Jim Norton owns you all with this list o' lists: The 50 funniest moments in child pornography. Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver. The 5 snappiest remarks I've made while videotaping a miscarriage. My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to. The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my ass. Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool. My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl. The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions. Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diharreah of a cancer patient. The 6 most racist things I've yelled out a car window. Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity. Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands. Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve. The 7 largest objects I've ever hidden in my asshole. Women under 30 I'd like to slash with a razor. Freudian slips I've had around burn victims. The 10 most barbaric things I've done to the foreskin of an immigrant. Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law. The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick. Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk. Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman. Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex. Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts. Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings. Important political events I've spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants. People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives. Black churches I bombed in the south. 20 people I hope die of leukemia. The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman. The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl. Celebrity face I've painted on my scrotum. Inappropriate times I've screamed, "Cunt!" at my grandmother. American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average. My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw. The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident. Altzeimer patients I've bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative. The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole's right arm. Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness. 25 autistics I think are faking it. Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision. The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute. Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it. My 5 most impressive achievements as a N.A.M.B.L.A. member. Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep. 10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued. Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces. Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with. Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers. Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair. The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has shit in my mouth. The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first. Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again. What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims. A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he stabbed her & nicked her purse. Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Please give just a small donation of 2 pounds and we will send you the video it's fucking hilarious!!! How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common? Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger Things You Learn From Watching Porn Women wear high heels to bed. Men are never impotent. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job. Women always orgasm when men do. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. All women are noisy fucks. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. Those tits are real. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!) Double penetration makes women smile. Asian men don't exist. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. There's a plot. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass. Nurses suck patients cocks. Men always pull out. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you. Women never have headaches. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it' Assholes are clean. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there. Men don't have to beg. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. Pigtails = handlebars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!" What's the difference between the government and organized crime? One is organized. Why do Jews watch porn films backwards? They love the bit where the prostitute gives the money back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I bumped into my ex-girlfriend in a bar. "I had sex with another woman last night," I told her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time." "You miss me that much?" she asked. "No," I said. "But it kept me from coming too fast." What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family Heres a chat up line that will ensure success with the ladies: 'Don't let this rape turn into a murder' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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