morton Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 A man gets a phone call that his wife has been in a horrible auto accident so he rushes to the hospital. Once he gets to intensive care the doctor walks him to the room where his wife is and stops short off the door to explain the situation saying she will never be able to walk, talk, work or live a normal life again and will need round the clock care etc... The guy is pretty broken up and sobbing when the doctor cracks a big smile and slaps on the back " I AM JUST FUCKING WITH YOU DUDE SHES DEAD!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 So... I heard the local police dept is changing up the K9 unit. They're switching all the German Shepards to Coon Hounds... apparently we don't really have a problem with Germans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 what do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair? rollaids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbostikuh Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? give him aids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paka Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jense 1 Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 how was copper wire invented? two jews fighting over a penny. peace yall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
support local lurker Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? give him aids. HAHAHAHAHAHHAH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNEK.PDA Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?? I take my shoes off when i jump on my trampoline. ________________ What the worlds greatest killer?? Aids cuz it kills queers and niggers /Noracist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterSenor Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 What's the difference between a pizza and a jew ?? One doesn't scream when you put it in the oven... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watson Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 you fail for the oldest jew joke ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayabusa Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 what do you give a guy with no arms and no legs? an MMA fight... for the lolz too soon?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vulcan5 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother...!! Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass. Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. Q: What do the Gynecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common? A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it. Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party? A: The cake jumps out of the girl. Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full. Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to the side before you start eating. Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?? A: Hanson. Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long. Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants? A: Michael Jackson's hand. Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike? A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house. Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home." Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? A: You just KNOW she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery. Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm? A: Because men fake foreplay. Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick! Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? A: Dating children. Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blow job. Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? A: Cough, gag, choke, etc. Q: What did One gay sperm say to another? A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit? Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it? Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb. Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass? A. Pleasing Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo! Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand... Q: When is a pixie not a pixie? A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'. Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself. Q: How does every ethnic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder. Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday? A: Erection day. Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper? A: The tongue's still in the envelope. Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job. Q: What is the definition of Confidence? A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !" Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board. Q: What's pink and hard? A: A pig with a flick knife. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do seagulls have wings? A: To beat the gypsies to the tip. Q: Why did god invent alcohol? A: So fat women can get laid too. Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word? A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!" Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker? A: Your last blow job. Q: Why did god create women? A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge. Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss? A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings. Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus? A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the sea. Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness" Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the shit out of the dog. Q: What have women and condoms got in common? A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet. Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE? A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem. Q: Why was the washing machine laughing? A: Because it was taking the piss out of the undies. Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires? A: Pat Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: What's got four legs, and goes "Woof"? A: Piper Alpha. Q: How do you make a dog drink? A: Put it in a liquidizer. Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair? A: The front row at a Boyzone concert. Q: What's got four legs and an arm? A: A Rottweiler. Q: What's got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog.. Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes? A: Buy her some flowers. Q: What is the definition of confusion? A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market. Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? A: Patient..!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand... :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 you fail for the oldest jew joke ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesmoodist Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 bored.. a priest is watching a fisherman at a lake near the church the fisherman notices and ask the priest to join him the priest says he never fished but since the pope's coming for dinner he'll try it in no time the priest is pulling in a fish the fisherman says, that's a big son of a bitch the priest looks insulted, the fisherman quickly explains that the fish is called 'son ofa bitch' so the priest thanks him and takes the fish to show the cardinal he says, i caught this son ofa bitch, and explains to the upset cardinal about the name the cardinal says great and proceeds to clean the fish and take it to the nuns he says, the priest caught this son ofa bitch for the popes dinner, will you cook it after explaining the name to the nuns they agree to cook it when the pope shows up for dinner he is seated at the head of the dining table the fish is brought in and the priest says, i caught this son ofa bitch the cardinal says, i cleaned this son ofa bitch and the nuns say, we cooked this son of a bitch the pope quickly takes off his pope hat and sets it on the table, leans back in his chair, throws his feet up on the table and says, i like you fuckers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 what do you give a guy with no arms and no legs? an MMA fight... for the lolz too soon?? Or....what do you call an MMA fighter w/ no arms and no legs? Matt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterSenor Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 you fail for the oldest jew joke ever Your bald headed mothers rogaine failed.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watson Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 good one. really.. that was great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*bubble guts* Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 what did black ppl do when they heard about the swine flu? they put hot sauce on it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beanshore Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 bored.. a priest is watching a fisherman at a lake near the church ...... the pope quickly takes off his pope hat and sets it on the table, leans back in his chair, throws his feet up on the table and says, i like you fuckers bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" Not Heath Ledger Keep in mind it was told to me by my cousin on the night of the Oscars. Perhaps you had to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CELT Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Why do Chimpanzees always seem to have frowns on their faces ? Because they know in a million years they're going to be niggers . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a young boy. The priest says "I sure would like to fuck that boy" smiling and rubbing his hands together the rabbi asks "out of what?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honorable_Bobby_Seale Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 soo, they said a black man would become president when pigs fly, 100 day into obama's presidency..... Swine flu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__ __ __ __ Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 yeah i got the text message too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I've just found a fat dead black guy in my cupboard dressed as a rapper. It's no biggy. What's the most spoken phrase in China? "Sorry, thought you were someone else." Three Muslims walk into a bar... ...I left just to be sure. Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. :p :) :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 what do Sex and spinach have in common? if you were forced to have it as a child then you wont like it as an adult Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theclownfromnaptown Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 what do you say when you see your TV floating in midair in the middle of the night? drop it nigger!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drumart Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 the pope stays in a hotel for the night, checks in with the clerk and asks "i hope the porns disabled in my room" the clerk replies "its just regular porn you sick fuck" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.