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an actual conversation i had yesterday


Abracadabra

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a conversation i had the other night

 

 

 

Me: nah, i'm right (refusing a doobie)

Him: why?

Me: 'cos i'm reacquainting with an old friend. (indicates bottle of red wine, smiling dumbly)

Her: your old friend is already on your teeth. (deadpan delivery)

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guy1: why are you moving the tv?

guy2: i'm taking it into the other room

guy1: nah, i think we're leaving it out here tonight. you don't pay rent here

guy2: you smell like ass. and you're a piece of shit.

guy1 sulks out of the room, guy2 proceeds to jack the tv from one of the people who actually lives in the house

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last night i got an 8 pack of carlsburg, because aparently beer comes in 8 packs here.

ive never had it, but the can claims its 'probably the best lager in the world' so i figured i had to check it out.

there was no conversation involved, it just happened.

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bus I was on yesterday pulled over suddenly, and six gardai (the cops) got on. They proceded to pull the dirtbirds from the back seat of the bus.

 

"we know started an altercation with another woman on the last bus"

"Mister, mister, yer one says I was firin jellies at her but I wasn't mister. I wasn't. Ah *please* mister, what about the childer?"

 

so young mom of three is chucked out, brats in tow, in the middle of town at 10pm.

 

brilliant

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Convo I just had:

 

Me: Hello

Dude: Hey this is *blank* from Oil Company we have a bad check you wrote.

Me: What?

Dude: Yea it says insufficient funds do you need a couple days to come up with the $780?

Me: Uh yea about a week I'll have it. Sorry...

Dude: No problem I just need to be paid in cash this time...

Me: Ok...

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me: why are you wearing a tiara?

 

her: cuz iz my birthday.

 

me: so why are you sitting alone?

 

her: im not im with my girls.

 

her: iz dat all you got?

 

me: my bad, but the velour baby-phat jump doesn't really say "talk to me like i have an IQ higher than the 23's on my feet.

 

her: .........so you wanna dance or what?

 

me: yes.

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