tucksoe Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Be A Man Posted at: 2009-10-15 11:26:06 Original ad: Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net From Me to ************@verizon.net: Hello, I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices. Thanks, Mike From ************@verizon.net to Me: Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I'm in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks. From Me to ************@verizon.net: My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone. I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers. Let me know if you are interested. Mike From ************@verizon.net to Me: Well I'm definitely interested in kicking your fucking ass. One question, asshole: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton? From Me to ************@verizon.net: Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man. To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn't right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don't think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw. So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching. From ************@verizon.net to Me: You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw. From Me to ************@verizon.net: You're goddamn right I am. It's just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I'll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that'll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer's head off and eating the raw venison from its neck. Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I'll sell you some football equipment for your son. I'd hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day. From ************@verizon.net to Me: How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go fuck yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LexDiamonds Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JohnLester#31 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonCheadle Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 meh. Oh shit, it's Johnny Utah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister. Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Bump craigslist...you can find a free baby crib or a piece of pussy. What an invention Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 If you would just wear a rubber you could hit the pussy and skip having to get that crib. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tookthetime Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 http://albuquerque.craigslist.org/cas/1432883462.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fastZeetec302 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/tix/1433383379.html I've got $20 and a Cold Colt 45 in brown bag for 2 Flyers tix TONITE - $1 (Anywhere) if you have two extra tickets for tonight I have a 20 spot and an ice cold Colt 45 with your name on it. i am at the arena now. E-mail me if you have 2 extras 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HKwoodIsland! Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 http://boston.craigslist.org/sob/lbg/1435164579.html boston craigslist > south shore > gigs > labor gigs please flag with care: miscategorized prohibited spam/overpost best of craigslist Seeking highly skilled channel changing technicians (South Shore) Date: 2009-10-23, 9:52PM EDT Reply to: gigs-rrxbj-1435164579@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Lifting a remote control takes much effort and flexibility. I am no longer up to the challenge. I am seeking 4 qualified candidates to work for me. I am looking for people who would be readily available on call 24/7. If I call you and need a channel changed you MUST be on your way to help me. I WILL NOT LIFT MY REMOTE. I am seeking one person to control the channel. (channel changing tech) TWO for volume (my volume speciailist crew) And one person solely to turn the tv on and off. (the foreman of the pack) Compensation For the channel changing technicians: $.01 per channel change. this could rack up some MAJOR dollars. As for the two volume specialists: you will recieve $.01 per degree raised or lowered. The volume control position offers an excellent oppurtunity to learn the trade and eventually work your way up to channel changing technician. Lastly, for the foreman, your job requires the most responsibility. Without you, the other workers are left out in the cold.. THE POWER IS NOT ON. Since your service is so valuable you will be compensated handsomely. Pay is based on experience. It can range from $.05 all the way too $.10. The potential to grow just never ends. YOU must have good intuition to anticipate my upcomingchannel desires. YOU must sit still and not move as to not disturb my viewing pleasure. DRESS CODE Camoflouge. Your location will be behind my houseplant. It is located next to the couch. You are allowed one break per shift. This break must be ONLY during commercials and only during commercials that have been pre approved. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ski Mask Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spitfire15 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Man, it gets better and better after the 5th time it gets posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ski Mask Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 my bad if its been posted before...didnt see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milk Grenades Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 PIRATE SHERIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pirate/Sheriff 6/9 month costume (Sparks) Date: 2009-10-24, 5:44PM PDT Reply to: sale-usuj9-1436412405@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Please no phone numbers. List date & time for your p/u in your response. * Location: ca * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests --- SOME DUMB BABY IS GOING TO BE A PIRATE SHERIFF :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/zip/1437280044.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Hmm....Chewbacca guy is looking for someone w/ stumps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Caught Cheating Posted at: 2009-10-27 10:47:33 Original ad: No strings attached - dinner wine whatever? I am a nice woman just looking for a good time. Come over and drink and we can watch a movie and see where it goes from there ;) From Me to **********@********.org: Hey! I live in the area and am also looking for a good time with no strings attached. I am a 37 year old man who just likes having some fun. How about you come over and we watch a movie and have some wine? You down? Mike From Karen ******** to Me: Hi mike! Of course I am down for some fun ;) Do you have any pics of yourself? From Karen ******** to Me: Mike are you still there? I havent heard from you! From Me to Karen ********: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND. From Karen ******** to Me: umm...what? From Me to Karen ********: YOU HEARD ME, YOU WHORE. THIS IS MIKE'S WIFE. HE DIDN'T TELL YOU HE WAS MARRIED, DID HE, YOU FUCKING SLUT! From Karen ******** to Me: huh I swear he didn't say anything about that! I'm sorry! I won't write again! From Me to Karen ********: Karen, It is Mike. What the hell did you say to my wife? She found out about us! She is packing her stuff and talking about a divorce. What did you do?! Mike From Karen ******** to Me: I responded to YOUR email that's it! Maybe you shouldn't let your wife check your email! Lastly there is no "us"! I wouldn't screw around with a married man! Shame on you for cheating on your wife! From Me to Karen ********: Karen, Look, I'm sorry, I should have told you about my wife. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning. Now I managed to calm my wife down. She was willing to hear my side of the story. I told her you were an old girlfriend from high school that was still obsessed with me, and I was trying to get rid of you. She believes me, but she wants to kick your ass. Would you be able to come over here and let my wife kick your ass? Don't worry, she doesn't hit that hard. Just pretend it hurts. I'll give you $20 if you can do this for me. Please help me out here! Mike From Karen ******** to Me: why would you tell her that!!!!! just be honest and accept what you did!! no I wont go over there to get beat up are you out of your mind???? From Me to Karen ********: Please Karen! If she divorces me, I am screwed. I made the mistake of not signing a prenuptial agreement when we got married, and now she is talking about taking everything! She even wants to take my Plasma TV! That TV is my world. It is like a son to me. Please don't let her do this. Just come over and let her kick your ass. Do it for me, Karen. Mike From Karen ******** to Me: I'm sorry but this is not my fault at all. I can't help you. From Me to Karen ********: Fuck. Well are you still down for a good time with dinner and a movie? From Karen ******** to Me: absolutely not. From Me to Karen ********: So you ruin my life, and now you won't even go out on a date with me? Thanks a lot, Karen. Next time why don't you add "WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE" next to your personal ad? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Minesweeper Posted at: 2009-11-04 10:31:31 Original ad: Need your lawn mowed? I own a Ride-on mower and offer professional mowing for an affordable price. Price is generally $30 per hour based on services. I offer discounts for larger plots of land. E-mail or call me to discuss. ***************@gmail.com (302)-***-**** From Me to ***************@gmail.com: Hey, My yard is 5 acres and I would like to work out some kind of regular mowing schedule. How much will you charge for five acres? Do you come weekly? Please let me know. Thanks, Mike From Rob ***** to Me: Hey Mike. Where do you live? Yes, I come weekly. I charge by the hour, but a rough estimate would be around $45 depending on if you want me to do trimming as well. From Me to Rob *****: Sounds good Rob. I'm located off of Naaman's road, near the 202 intersection. I would like you to trim around my sidewalk and patio, so I guess you should factor that into the price. I just need you to sign a waiver before you mow my lawn for the first time. Let me know when you would be able to do this. Thanks, Mike From Rob ***** to Me: Why do you need me to sign a waiver? From Me to Rob *****: The last couple of dumbass landscapers I had working for me sued me for injuries that were their own fault. I am just covering my ass so I don't have to deal with these damn settlements anymore. As long as you use common sense, the waiver won't even have to come into play. From Rob ***** to Me: Forgive me for asking but how were they injured? I find it peculiar that you have been sued by landscapers. From Me to Rob *****: Well, let me just say that I inherited this property from my grandfather when he passed away. He was a war veteran and a little bit eccentric when it came to guns. Long story short, he buried a bunch of land mines in his backyard. I had no idea until the first idiot mowing my lawn ran over one and it exploded. He lost his right leg and then sued me like a little whining baby, claiming it was my fault. The waiver pretty much says you won't sue me if you hurt yourself by detonating a mine. From Rob ***** to Me: Why would anyone in their right mind agree to that? He had every right to sue you. There is no reason for land mines in Delaware. From Me to Rob *****: Like I said, just use common sense and don't run over the mines. They are Valmara 69 mines, so you can see a bunch of little prongs poking out of the ground. Just drive your lawn mower around any if you see them. There might not even be any left. Some could even be duds - these are very old mines. Just forget about the mines and sign the waiver. I don't work on Wednesday, we can meet then to sign the papers. From Rob ***** to Me: I will never agree to this. Not in a million years. I don't know who you should call but it is definitely not a landscaper. From Me to Rob *****: You said you had a ride-on mower, right? These are anti-personnel mines, not anti-tank mines. Meaning your mower can probably withstand the blast. The mines weren't made to disable enemy German lawnmowers. The jackass that blew his leg off was using a self-propelled mower. How about this: you can just sign the waiver for personal injury. I'll cover the cost of repairs if the mine ends up damaging your mower. From Rob ***** to Me: I value my life, so no thanks. If you ask me, I think you are the jackass for expecting anyone to mow your lawn given the circumstances. From Me to Rob *****: Apparently they just don't make landscapers like they used to anymore. I remember when landscaping was a real man's job, and there was no lawn that couldn't be mowed. Now everyone is such a little bitch about everything. "Waaaahhh! I dont want my wittle wawn mower to bwow up!" Would you sue me if a bee stung you while you were mowing my lawn, or if you got mauled by fire ants? Do I have to go to court if you forget to wear a jacket and catch a cold while mowing my lawn? C'mon man, suck it up and do your job. From Rob ***** to Me: Dear Mike, Fuck you. Rob 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcay Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 FUCKING WIN!^^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuanie tuan Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/ads/1456280594.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/ctd/1468487372.html dinosaurs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Bombafots Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 http://providence.craigslist.org/lss/1467489526.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count chocula Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 BABY BOY & SOME 4 MOM not in good shape GOOD 4 PLAYING form 6-12mos to 2t only 1 1/2 bagS but can be pick up on coolidge off 580 ALSO HAVE SOME WOMAN THINGS And will keep adding woman things...lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Racist Microwave Buyer Posted at: 2009-11-16 13:02:45 Original ad: WANTED - Microwave I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY From Me to *********@************.org: I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerly hope that this won't be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business. Thank you, Jamal From Amy ****** to Me: I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen. Amy From Me to Amy ******: Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can't read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I'm sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don't think I can sell my microwave to a bigot. Sincerely offended, Jamal From Amy ****** to Me: I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't read. I'm not racist. If you read my whole email you would see that the ad was looking for a white microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion. Amy From Me to Amy ******: So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole e-mails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does $20 for the cross sound fair? From Amy ****** to Me: I can't write anything without you being offended! I give up! From Me to Amy ******: So you don't want the microwave? From Amy ****** to Me: Will you still sell it to me? From Me to Amy ******: I would never sell anything to a racist. From Amy ****** to Me: Ugh I'm done with you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Donkey Kong lessons from a "pro" (Redmond) Date: 2009-11-17, 11:47PM PST Reply to: sale-bttpz-1471187143@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Hi my name is Woody. I'm a middle age hippy/nerd/gamer ... and I happen to be be one of the best Donkey Kong players in the world. I own a completely restored, original arcade model in my home. I'm currently accepting open enrollment for my Donkey Kong college academy. It's basically a 6 week course taking place Saturday afternoons from 11am until 3pm. Each session will consist of classroom education and actual game play. A soft beverage will be served with class. At the conclusion of the 6 week course, you will also receive a certificate of completion suitable for framing, a Donkey Kong Academy t-shirt, and other goodies as well. Class is limited to 8 students. Cost is $240.00 I will also consider bartering for things that I am in need of: vehicle, clothing, microwave oven, etc. God bless. * Location: Redmond * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1471187143 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 He picked it up after watching King of Kong.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piggy back Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 that landscaping story is the shit. Props All Day!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Painter - Graffiti, Airbrush or Mural (Renton Highlands) Date: 2009-11-23, 11:41AM PST Reply to: info@bluedogdance.com [Errors when replying to ads?] We need someone to paint a large train engine for our musical set. You would need to paint the train on a blank surface which size is approximately 16' wide by 8' tall. We have images to work from if needed. Our studio space is available this Wednesday and/or this Saturday. Please email us your rate and include materials. We have a budget of $300, but are flexible if you have the skills we need to create an awesome looking train. * Location: Renton Highlands * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests * Compensation: no pay PostingID: 1479148302 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tavaruawon Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 :five-o: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JohnLester#31 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 GRAFFITI ARTIST WANTED (FALL RIVER) Date: 2009-11-05, 9:31AM EST Reply to: job-q9mhm-1452393648@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] WERE LOOKING FOR A TALENTED GRAFFITI ARTIST LOOKING TO BARTER OR EXCHANGE GREAT ART FOR GREAT SPACE. WE HAVE 2 BILLBOARDS THAT WE OWN AND ARE NEED OF ART. WE WILL SUPPLY MATERIALS YOU SUPPLY YOUR TALENT. BILLBOARDS LOCATED ON THE BUSIEST ST. IN FALL RIVER MA. WE NEED TO HAVE THIS DONE ASAP. THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO GET YOUR NAME OUT AND ADVERTISE YOUR TALENT. PLEASE WE NEED THIS WORK STARTED TODAY OR TOMORROW THE LATEST. PLEASE CONTACT US TODAY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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