Jump to content

Craigslist


count chocula

Recommended Posts

This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.

hahahhahahahaha:

 

 

Bug-themed Party

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:08:22

Original ad:

We are hosting a 5th birthday party for our son and his friends. It`s a "bug themed" party and we`re looking to hire someone who can bring a few bugs/spiders (maybe under glass?) to the party and educate the kids for about 20 minutes (we`re talking 5-year old attention span). The party is at the end of June. Please contact me if you have experience with and access to bugs and can create a fun learning experience for the kids.

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org

 

Hey there,

 

I have access to about twenty black widow spiders, and about 50 brown recluse spiders. For $200, I can release them at your party, and everyone can enjoy them. They are great for kids! I know a lot about insects from my job. I worked in an office on the first floor that had cheap windows, so I always had to kill bugs. I can tell you how to kill anything from a stink bug to an African burrowing scorpion. I can give a small speech to your party about this.

 

Also, for an extra $50, I can release a bag of wasps in your house to really give it that insect theme that you are looking for.

 

I look forward to hearing from you,

 

Tim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Original ad:

I am trying to get 2 tickets to the Nationals vs. Red Sox on Thursday, June 25th. I'm willing to pay up to $40.

From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

 

Hello, I do not have tickets to the Nationals, but I do have a video tape of my 7-year-old's little league team game last week. He plays for the Arby's Allstars, and they beat the Smith Hardware Little Leaguers. I am sure it will be way more entertaining than watching the Nationals get their ass whooped for the 49th time this season.

 

From austin ******* to Me

 

Fuck yourself, asshole.

 

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

 

Austin, my 7-year-old son was on the computer and he read your very offensive e-mail. Now he is going around telling everyone to "fuck themselves." Me and my wife tried to raise him to be a kid who doesn't curse, but thanks to your profanity, he thinks it is okay. I demand an apology from you.

 

From austin ******* to Me

 

You want my apology? Go fuck yourself.

 

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

 

I did have the tickets; I was just messing around with you. They were good seats - 10 rows back from third base. I was going to sell them both for $30. I would rather burn them, however, if you don't apologize. If you do apologize, the tickets will be yours.

 

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

 

I'm waiting...

 

From austin ******* to Me

 

I'm sorry about your kid.

 

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

 

Hah, what a sucker. I made you look like little bitch in front of my 7-year-old son. I don't actually have any tickets. Thanks for helping me teach my son a lesson about how not to keep your dignity.

 

Mike

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Original ad:

2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.

From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org

 

Hey,

 

I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.

 

Please help me out!

 

Mike

 

From James ******* to Me

 

Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!

 

From Mike Partlow to James ********

 

James,

 

I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.

 

Please reconsider my offer.

 

Mike

 

From James ******** to Me

 

No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.

 

From Mike Partlow to James *********

 

Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.

 

Mike

 

From James ******** to Me

 

Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.

 

From Mike Partlow to James *********

 

Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hahahahahahah

 

 

Original ad:

WE PAY TO CUT YOUR HAIR!

We are a hair styling school that is looking for volunteers to get their hair styled/dyed by our students. We will pay you up to $50. Preferably women/girls

From Mike Anderson to *********@*********.org

 

Hey! I saw your ad saying you will pay cash to cut my hair! Well I just got my head shaved, but I haven't trimmed my pubes in about five months. They are pretty gnarly, and I jammed my beard trimmer trying to cut them earlier. How much would you pay me to trim my pubes?

 

Mike

 

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

 

Mike,

 

Sorry but we do not trim pubic hair. This is more of a hair dying and styling place.

 

Thanks!

 

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

 

That works for me too. My pubes are very curly, but I've always wanted to get them straightened. Would you be able to do that? Maybe you could put some highlights in, and just shape up my split ends. Also, do you have some kind of conditioner that would take care of my crabs problem? My prescription ointment doesn't really do the job.

 

Where are you located? I am free all day tomorrow.

 

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

 

Mike we work on HEADS ONLY. SORRY.

 

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

 

Here's what I am willing to do. You style my pubes, and I'll accept $40 cash instead of $50. You can even donate my pubes to those people with cancer who need hair, if you want.

 

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

 

NO. That is disgusting. Leave us alone!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay

 

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

 

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

 

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

 

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

 

If this was true it would sweet

 

$500 for doing shit all

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Original ad:

litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.

From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org

 

Hi,

 

I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?

 

Mike

 

From Shannon ******* to Me

 

Mike,

 

Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

 

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

 

Shannon,

 

To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.

 

Mike

 

 

 

From Shannon ******* to Me

 

That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

 

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

 

Shannon,

 

I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

 

From Shannon ******* to Me

 

NO.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reply to: pers-jrjqe-1208636296@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Date: 2009-06-06, 3:12PM EDT

 

 

I have several fantasies that I want fulfilled that are listed below. Tell me how you will fulfill them and I will get back with you on how we can make it happen! Please be very descriptive

I am a swm, 5'10", muscular build and drug and disease free. You be as well. Thanks

 

1st fantasy- I want someone to come to my house while I am sleeping at night come into my home(door will be unlocked for you) and crawl into bed with me and start making love to me, all the while I think that you are my girlfriend only to wake up and discover that you are my daughter home from college.

 

2nd - I want you be a babysitter at my house. I am a single parent who you are attracted to and I have been ignoring your hot young body so you decide to seduce me.

 

3rd - I would like for you and your girlfriend to be my bi-sexual co-workers and decide to show me how pleasant an uninhibited threesome can be. You both come over to my house under the ruse of getting some material for work, but then start executing your seduction of me.

 

4th - I would like you to be my maid and my wife has to go out of town and you are hornier than all get out so late at night while I’m in the shower you come in and want to have your way with me and start your seduction finding that I have wanted you all along.

 

 

 

* Location: West End

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

 

image 1208636296-0

 

PostingID: 1208636296

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
im selling my yamaha r6 for 7500 obo..... or im willing to trade for a car or truck.... the reason am selling it is because i have been getting two many tickets. the bike is in very good conditon and runs smoothly, it also has a couple of upgrades. if your interested give me a call at 408 824 48 51.

 

3k13m33l9ZZZZZZZZZ97s1fa8408d34e31118.jpg3kd3m13l4ZZZZZZZZZ97s11ce90b03c321b61.jpg

 

 

LOL!

pic of bike stored outside at night - pic of bike in rain - horrendous grammer/spelling - low low price of $7500.

 

what a dipshit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

looking for lady with a razor (los gatos)

Date: 2009-07-30, 7:43PM PDT

Reply to: gigs-bj85p-1298006693@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

 

Looking for lady skilled with a razor to shave private ryan on a regular basis.

 

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

* Compensation: Fee negotiable. Extra for good outcome.

 

 

 

PostingID: 1298006693

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like to cuddle n watch movies

Date: 2009-08-07, 12:21PM PDT

Reply To This Post

 

I am a witty, fair, and loving person. I like to listen to music and to draw. I can lick my own nipples, see to believe it. I really like my life, where I have been and where I'm heading. I dont know how to say much about what am I. Its hard to label everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nnew ones from here: http://dontevenreply.com/all.php

 

Original ad:

I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!

From Me to ************@comcast.net

 

Good afternoon.

 

My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

 

If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

 

Sincerely,

 

Mike Partlow

 

From Kate ******** to Me

 

Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

 

I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

 

Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

 

- Kate

 

From Me to Kate ********

 

Kate,

 

You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

 

A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

 

I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.

 

My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver.

 

Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice.

 

Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you.

 

Let me know,

 

Mike Partlow

 

From Kate ******** to Me

 

This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...

 

Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.

 

From Me to Kate ********

 

Kate,

 

Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.

 

My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.

 

Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.

 

From Kate ******** to Me

 

Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.

 

 

(later, from another e-mail account)

 

From Nick Walken to Kate **********

 

Dear Kate,

 

I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.

 

When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today.

 

You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations.

 

If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.

 

Nick

 

From Kate ******** to Me

 

what in the hell...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Original ad:

PARROT WANTED

I am looking for a parrot for my two children. I used to have a parrot and loved her and would love to see my kids have one. Really any kind of parrot will do. I have a vet that can check it out - please email me if you have a parrot you don't want!

 

Thanks!

From Me to **************@*********.org

 

Hi there!

 

I have an African Grey parrot that my wife and I do not want anymore. It would be great for your kids! Let me know if you want him.

 

Mike

 

From Sandra ********* to Me

 

Mike - tell me about your parrot! How old is he? Do you have any pictures of him? Why do you want to get rid of him?

 

From Me to Sandra ***********

 

Sandra,

 

My parrot is 2 years old. I don't have any pictures, but he looks like a typical parrot.

 

We are getting rid of him because my wife does not like him. My wife and I argue a lot, and the parrot seems to have picked up some of the things I have said and just shouts them at my wife when she walks by. I think the final straw was when the parrot called her a "stupid fat twat." She takes it personally, even though I tell her that she shouldn't be self-conscious just because a parrot thinks she is fat. Now I will admit that I trained it to say "nice cellulite, bitch" whenever my wife walks by, but the parrot pretty much just curses at everyone now. Whenever I walk in the door, it calls me a "cocksucking grundle licker." It kind of gets annoying when it is the first thing I hear after working all day.

 

Also, I let my friend watch the parrot for a week when I was on vacation, and ever since then, the parrot sings "The Final Countdown" by Europe every night at 4 in the morning. It often wakes me up and I am tired of it. I don't even like that song.

 

The parrot also has an issue with defecating in its cage. It will wait until I let it out, and then immediately fly over to the kitchen and shit on my food. If I don't let him out, he starts yelling "I have to shit!" until I let him out. It can go on for hours.

 

My wife pretty much told me either the parrot goes, or she will leave me. So I have no choice but to get rid of him. His name is Sam. I think he will be great for your kids, as long as they aren't fat and won't take the insults he yells at them personally.

 

I can set up a time for you to come check him out this week if you want. What day works for you?

 

Mike

 

From Sandra ********* to Me

 

Mike, I don't think that parrot would be appropriate for my kids - they are only five and seven years old.

 

From Me to Sandra ***********

 

Sandra,

 

I think he would be great for your kids. I didn't mean to scare you off with the bad description of the parrot. He really is a nice parrot. There is a way to prevent him from shouting obscenities. I found that if I soak his food in drain cleaner and then give it to him, it burns up his throat and he doesn't talk for a few days. I can include a bottle of Draino and a few bags of bird food with him, if you want.

 

Mike

 

From Sandra ********* to Me

 

Are you serious? That can kill him!! He sounds like he was a nice parrot but you have no idea how to take care of him! Give him to the SPCA!

 

From Me to Sandra ***********

 

Excuse me? I know how to take care of a parrot. It sounds like you don't know how to take care of your kids if you are always turning down free, lovable pets for them. THAT can kill their spirits. Why even put an ad up if you aren't willing to be reasonable? Sorry this parrot isn't perfect. You can't expect people to give you Toucan fucking Sam for free.

 

I can't take him to the SPCA. They told me never to come back after I tried to give them a bunch of rats that my rat trap caught but didn't kill.

 

If you don't take my parrot, I'm afraid my only option is to release him into my backyard, and then shoot him with my shotgun for sport.

 

From Sandra ********* to Me

 

You are a f*cking lunatic.

 

From Me to Sandra ***********

 

Sandra please take my parrot. I just checked and I don't have any more birdshot shells for my gun. Please don't make me have to drive all the way to Delaware to get more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Special" Wife

Posted at: 2009-07-24 00:36:34

Original ad:

I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested.

 

Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.

From Me to *************@*********.org

 

Hey,

 

I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.

 

I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?

 

-Dan

 

From Brittany ********* to Me

 

Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP.

Thanks!

Brit

 

From Bryan ********* to Me

Dan,

 

My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.

 

Regards,

 

Bryan

 

From Me to Bryan **********

 

Good afternoon Brian,

 

Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife.

 

- Dan

 

From Bryan ********* to Me

 

Heh heh, that might be just what she needs...

 

From Me to Bryan **********

CC: Brittany *********

 

Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.

 

The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.

 

From Bryan ********* to Me

 

Oh boy...please don't...

 

From Brittany ********* to Me

 

What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!

 

From Me to Brittany *********

 

Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.

 

-Dan

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

wasnt going to post more but this one is fuckin funny...

 

 

Horse Farm

Posted at: 2009-07-14 15:12:55

Original ad:

I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hey,

 

I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

 

Mike

 

From Stephanie ******* to Me

Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

 

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********

Stephanie,

 

It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

 

My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

 

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

 

You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

 

The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

 

I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

 

Mike

 

From Stephanie ******* to Me

omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!

 

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********

Stephanie,

 

I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.

 

Mike

 

From Stephanie ******* to Me

No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested

 

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********

Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.

P4090156.JPG.1f9cc3d3ce15ef1a5e19fd6007d7c50c.JPG

P4090165.JPG.84efa79ffedd5618636da41151a59ade.JPG

P4090163.JPG.9faf9a60808328320553451219cc8cc8.JPG

P4090169.JPG.185a00cb95f1b7f6e075769e410a0b4c.JPG

P4090164.JPG.5a011c45ac318abe8407731362db5b6a.JPG

P7020004.JPG.04cceff3ce568a27206009367bb214f9.JPG

P7020005.JPG.48514ac5c57a65322dbf70d34dd6d385.JPG

P7020019.JPG.38df2313026ed50d2fcbedcc6de7195a.JPG

P7030081.JPG.c96e0044097d55509fbf544943603eaa.JPG

P7030072.JPG.b723e880ee73f6fd9166fc13d9125418.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This job posting made me laugh.

 

 

I have a Restaurant Equipment company in Downtown Dallas and we specialize in used and rebuilt equipment

 

I am looking for a fresh staff after getting tired of lazy pieces of shit assuming that because they breath they are entitled to a paycheck. I just finished cleaning house last week.

 

I don't give a shit about a persons past as long as they are on the right track. If you are on parole or probation I don't care. If you still have a meth problem, a crack problem, a head problem or a theft problem then don't waste my time.

 

I am needing someone that can work and work hard at many tasks. Things change here from minute to minute. We may have to pull a full restaurant one day and may have overtime or work at 5 a.m. We may have to clean the equipment and then jump over and handle deliveries.

 

This is a fast paced environment.

 

Equipment has to be cleaned and serviced. We have a tech here but can always use come one that's is mechanically inclined to help out.

 

I know everyone says they work hard or that they are use to it. I assure you this is a bit different. I get people showing up here begging for work and then don't come back after lunch because they think unemployment is easier.

 

I start out at 8.00 per hour. If you have work ethic it will show no matter what hourly rate you have. Prove yourself and I will gladly pay you what you are worth. I put all new hires on a temp basis for 60 days. If your worth more you will get more once that has been proven. If you cant cut it or just trying to kill time and get a paycheck for it you wont last 2 days.

 

I don't do interviews and resumes. They are bullshit and everyone fakes the shit they write and talks shits during interviews. To me the proof is in the work.

 

If you have a Drivers License and Social Security card and want to work then contact me now!

 

I am not looking for next week or next month you need a job I need staff and need them now. First come First Serve.

 

If you cant seem to work without having your cell phone on your ear all day don't contact me

 

If your Baby's mama is going to be here every hour asking for money from you don't contact me.

 

If you consistently have the same family members in your family dying and having funerals weekly don't contact me.

 

If you can't count to 10 in English don't contact me.

 

If you really want a chance at doing something then please contact me. I assure you if you don't waste my time I won't waste yours.

 

Doug

331-741-0505

 

When I find the people I want I will cancel this post.

 

 

 

 

Doug

 

Location:

Compensation: 8.00 per hour

Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...