tucksoe Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Date: 2009-08-18, 8:37PM Free white sofa in the forest of UCSC near the north remote parking lot. Origin: unknown. Considerable damage to one cushion, possible weather damage. Slight animal smell. No charge, but you have to pick it up yourself. Email if you're interested, I can give you directions. Serious inquiries only. View Couch. in a larger map * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count chocula Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 $4 /day: Female/cpl who actually want a *platonic* RELATIONSHIP w/ male I'm asexual (google it IF you don't *clearly understand*) and celibate, so absolutely *no* sex whatsoever (unlike other guys on CL). LBGT etc "friendly" (1 roomie here is lesbian; other female is extremely celibate&"prudish", fyi) You'll need to be VERY "open-minded" (no "boundaries" to what you see & hear/talk, 2 of the 5 senses) And 100% non-smoking (not even outdoors cuz you would stink). Otherwise, openly friendly (share everything: e.g. showers;-) , clothing optional), and very very very very cuddly (like http://CuddleParty.com ) VERY, got that? ;-) Homebody (did I say cuddling?) and into LoA/RSc/SoM (Ernest Holmes) and http://Advaitism.com Yes, a small pet is OK ($500 deposit! +35/mo, in addition to your $4/day no deposit) Couple OK This is *sharing* the livingroom sofabed with me (no privacy: being like a 1yo [companionship addict], I hate being excluded, LOL) (nothing "really" matters!) yeesh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImChristeezy Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 HOnda Civic race car mugen altezza (SacRamento) Date: 2009-08-20, 9:36PM PDT Reply to: sale-unbmu-1334186481@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] sup, I'm selling my super duper JDM honda civic. It's got a custom primer paint job, lots of shitty looking foglights and fake hood latch holders. It's all JDM yo! I put a VtEc motor in it too. The engine number is D18AZ so you know it's the shit. It has a 01 front JDM clip and a 91 rear end me and my 19 cousins welded together in my backyard here in south sac. We used JDM clothes hangers so it's super strong fool. I also went to Autozone and got some crazy mad spray paint and sprayed the inside interior custom style green racing colors. It's good for at least 2 horsepower. I took off the cat and straight piped it and put a 6 inch coffee can on the back. I put on a 3 inch whale tail to keep the back end on the ground cause it's soooo fast.Oh yeah needs like 4 tires cause it's lowered and they all worn out on the inside. YOu smog ok? Also the tags are like 3 years old and salvage title. I don't even have paperwork but it's okay you go DMV and they take care of you. Buy it now for $5ooo and I'll throw in some Autozone racing floor mats. Hell ya, you need this POS Civic fool, email me now Location: SacRamento it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1334186481 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clownshoes Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Mike Partlow ...shits freedom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Hagglers Posted at: 2009-08-16 19:00:05 The following post is a set of e-mails from me actually trying to sell my TV. I guess I was asking too much for it. Original ad: PLASMA HDTV - $850 I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's. From ************@yahoo.com to Me hey will you take $700 for it From Me to ************@yahoo.com You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS. From ************@yahoo.com to Me seriously? From Me to ************@yahoo.com Yes. 20 shots and its yours. From ************@yahoo.com to Me uhh no. hows $750 sound From Me to ************@yahoo.com Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either. From ************@yahoo.com to Me fuck off dude From Me to ************@yahoo.com Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff. From ************@yahoo.com to Me wtf your ad said $850 From Me to ************@yahoo.com I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head. From ************@yahoo.com to Me fuck off From **************@comcast.net to Me A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I'll give you $400 for it? From Me to **************@comcast.net For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons. From **************@comcast.net to Me I guess I'm going to Best Buy... From Me to **************@comcast.net WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer: I'll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won't do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes. From cory ***** to Me ill give you $600 cash for your tv From Me to cory ***** Sounds good! When can you come get it? From cory ***** to Me where do you live? From Me to cory ***** **** ******* From cory ***** to Me well ya i know that but like whats your address From Me to cory ***** I'm not telling you that. Sorry, but I just don't trust people from the internet. From cory ***** to Me well do you want to deliver it to my place? From Me to cory ***** And get kidnapped? I don't think so. Here's how it is going down: We'll meet Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town. Lets say High St, by the courthouse. I'll be walking towards Market St and you'll be walking away from it at precisely 1:00 (when the courthouse clock goes off.) Have a black suitcase ready with $600 in unmarked, non-sequential US twenty-dollar bills. I'll have a suitcase as well, and be wearing a black suit. Tell me what you plan on wearing. We will accidentally bump into each other, drop our suitcases, and pick up the other person's suitcase and continue walking. The suitcase you pick up will have a key inside it to a 1998 Ford Econoline that will be parked on Miner Street. Use the key to open the back of the van, which will have the TV inside of it. Take the TV, and leave the key in the van. You will be watched so don't try anything funny. If the suitcase does not have $600 in it, the van will be destroyed. Does this work for you? From cory ***** to Me no wtf From Me to cory ***** why not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DISTRACT Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Any2 are you Mike Partlow? If so megaprops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Any2 are you Mike Partlow? If so megaprops Nah..just think that shit is funny as hell... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Extra Luggage Posted at: 2009-08-24 12:40:22 Original ad: WILMINGTON TO CHICAGO I'm driving out to Chicago on 9/1 around noon. I'm looking for someone to split the cost of gas/tolls. If interested, send me an email. From Me to ***********@*********.org Hi! I am trying to go to Chicago, and the 1st sounds good to me. I took my ex-girlfriend's EZ-pass out of her car when she wasn't looking, so we can use that to pay for tolls. I have a few things I want to bring, do you have a lot of room? Mike From Brian ****** to Me: Hi Mike, Will the easy pass still work even though it isn't in your ex's car? I do have some room, what are you trying to bring? From Me to Brian ******: Brian, I just want to bring a few duffel bags of clothes. Also, yes, the EZ pass will still work. Mike From Brian ****** to Me: That shouldn't be a problem. By the way, how old are you? Can you tell me a bit about yourself? From Me to Brian ******: I am 25, and I am a landscaper. I actually am going to Chicago for a national landscaper convention. I just remembered, I also need to bring my weedwhacker. Will that fit in your car? Mike From Brian ****** to Me: It should...I have a Honda Civic but it has a trunk access panel and we might be able to lay it across the back seat/trunk. From Me to Brian ******: Great! I also have a mini-fridge that I want to bring (my hotel doesn't have one, and I need to keep my vodka chilled). Can we squeeze this in as well? Mike From Brian ****** to Me: How big is it. I need room for my things too. From Me to Brian ******: It is about half the size of a normal fridge. I have some duct tape and rope, we could strap it to the roof of your car. From Brian ****** to Me: I don't want to do that sorry. How about you bring it and we can see if it will fit. From Me to Brian ******: Sounds good! I'm sure it will fit. I also want to bring my TV...it is a 50" flat screen. Is that a problem? I really hate the small TVs they have at the hotel. From Brian ****** to Me: How much shit are you bringing dude? Are you trying to move to Chicago? I said I have a Civic... not a moving van. From Me to Brian ******: I'm not bringing that much stuff, just my clothes, weedwhacker, mini-fridge, and TV. You said you had room for my stuff...now you don't? I don't understand. Does this mean we can't take my recliner either? From Brian ****** to Me: Are you for real? From Me to Brian ******: Yes I am for real. I just had an idea...Does your Civic have a hitch? I want to bring my Ford F250 truck, could we hook it to your car? It would be nice for me to have my truck in Chicago so I don't have to ride in those dirty cabs everywhere. We could put some of the stuff I want to bring in the bed of my truck, since you "suddenly" don't have that much room. From Brian ****** to Me: Why don't you just drive your goddamn truck there. This is crazy From Me to Brian ******: Don't get me wrong, I love my truck, but it isn't so good on gas mileage. Can't we just tow it there? It works out better this way, because I wanted to bring my four wheeler but was afraid to ask you because you seem to be getting all pissy about me bringing my stuff. From Brian ****** to Me: Why the hell do you need all this shit for a trip to chicago. If anything it is your truck that should be towing my Civic. For christ's sake man, get real. From Me to Brian ******: Oh, do you think your Civic isn't capable of towing my truck? I understand. Tell you what, I'll talk to my friend Anthony. He's a mechanic, and could put a better motor in your car so it has more power to tow my truck. It shouldn't cost that much. What is your number? I'll tell him to give you a call. From Brian ****** to Me: I'm done talking to you. From Me to Brian ******: So am I still getting the ride? I talked to Anthony and he actually needs a ride to Chicago too. I told him he could come if he helps pay for gas. Do you have an extra seat for him? He might have some stuff he wants to bring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 a new one from here http://dontevenreply.com/index.php Kons For Kids Posted at: 2009-09-01 12:47:05 | 121 comments | Add Comment Original ad: childcare needed looking for a responsible and dedicated person to babysit my two children during the week. you will be needed monday through friday, from 7 AM to 4:30 PM. email me at ***********@comcast.net and we can talk about pay. DO NOT EMAIL ME UNLESS YOU HAVE REFERENCES From Me to **********@comcast.net: Hi there! Are you still looking for someone to fill your babysitter position? Mike From **********@comcast.net to Me: yes i am. please send your info and any past expereince you have. From Me to **********@comcast.net: Actually, I am not the one applying for the position. I run a rehabilitation program for good people who are trying to enter society again, and have a few candidates who I think would be able to watch your kids. They will work for a much cheaper rate than a professional babysitter, but will still deliver professional service. Mike From **********@comcast.net to Me: what kind of rehab program do you run? injured people or something like that? if you are talking about drug addicts than forget it. From Me to **********@comcast.net: Absolutely not! Don't worry, I would never even dare consider having drug addicts watch your children. They are children for pete's sake! My rehabilitation program is called Kons For Kids. We help get ex-convicts back on the right track again, by giving them second chances that they deserve. We help them experience the joy of working with children and helping the community. It is often difficult for these ex-cons to get jobs after being released from a correctional facility, but it is a requirement while being on parole. We have seen lots of success with the program. Most of our clients are extremely satisfied with their ex-con. Despite the negative image that people like to give to ex-cons, they really are loving, caring people. I have two potential clients in your area, if you are interested. Here is a little info about them: Derek Schillinger - Derek is a 43-year-old male from the Delaware County area. Just released after serving 17 of 25 years for two counts of third-degree murder. Derek loves to laugh, read, and enjoys long walks on the beach. Timothy Beecher - Tim is a 36-year-old male who was just released after serving 12 years of his 15 year sentence for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Tim was released on good behavior and is ready to get back into the real world. Tim enjoys working with kids, and has six kids of his own with various women in the tri-state area. Before his conviction, Tim was a mid-level cocaine dealer. He knows a lot about economics and business, and would be able to give your children a great education while watching them. I look forward to working with you. Please let me know which person you were interested in, and I will give their parole officer a call. Thanks! Mike From **********@comcast.net to Me: wow. kons for kids? that is the stupidest thing ive ever heard!!! who the fuck would let a murderer watch their kids! From Me to **********@comcast.net: KFK is a very respectable program. I'm guessing from your apparent issues with murderers, you aren't interested in Derek. Before you completely rule him out, I would like to point out that he was convicted of third degree murder, which is the most harmless kind of murder. Third degree murder isn't premeditated murder, and it usually just accidental murder. I talked to Derek, and he said he didn't mean to kill the guy, he just wanted to hurt him. Please give him another chance. If you don't want him watching your kids, I'll understand. Should I tell Tim you are interested instead? Mike From **********@comcast.net to Me: i dont want tim or derek or any of the other lunatics you try to pass off as babysitters! murder is murder it doesnt matter which way you put it now leave me the fuck alone! From Me to **********@comcast.net: I already told Tim that he got the job. Please don't make me have to give him the bad news. From Me to **********@comcast.net: Are you still there? It has been three days, and Tim wants to know when he can start working again. From Me to **********@comcast.net: Well, I hope you are happy. I had to tell Tim that you weren't willing to give him a second chance. Tim got so angry that he tried to stab me with a fountain pen. Needless to say, that was considered a violation of his parole and he has been sent back to his correctional facility to serve the remainder of his sentence. You essentially ruined Tim's life, after he was ready to get back on the right track. You are a horrible person. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Deer Hunter Posted at: 2009-09-08 09:05:23 Original ad: Looking for permission to deer hunt (bow, shotgun) on a property in Bucks County. I am a very responsible hunter. Willing to compensate you for your permission. From Me to ************@**********.org Hi there! I will let you hunt in my backyard. I live in an area that is infested with deer. You are more than welcome to kill as many of those white-tailed bastards from hell as you want. I only have one small favor to ask - let me know if you are interested. Mike From Dennis ********* to Me: Mike, Thank you. I only plan on bagging one or two deer. Is your property available this weekend? What is your favor? Dennis From Me to Dennis *********: Dennis, If you are concerned about not having enough room in your truck to bring the deer back, don't worry about it. You can just leave the pile of carcases in my backyard and I'll take care of them. I'll probably just drop them down my neighbor's well, or put them in my wood burner. Burning dead deer makes my house smell nice. The one favor I am asking of you shouldn't be that much of a problem. My neighbor has this goddamn cat that always wanders into my yard at night and meows. It wakes me up and I am unable to fall back asleep. Also, I can't tell you how many times I have stepped in cat shit on my patio. All I ask of you is that if you see my neighbor's cat wander into my yard, please blow that son-of-a-bitch straight to hell. Shotgun or crossbow, I don't care how you do it. Try to make it look like an accident though if my neighbor sees it happen. This weekend is fine for me. Mike From Dennis ********* to Me: How close is your neighbor's house? I was under the impression that you had a large plot of land. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of killing your neighbor's cat. Sorry. From Me to Dennis *********: My neighbor's house is about 50 yards from my house. Why won't you kill the cat? Just pretend it is a deer. From Dennis ********* to Me: The cat is someone's pet that they love. I won't kill it. I am willing to compensate you some other way. Have you had a talk with your neighbor about your problems with their cat? From Me to Dennis *********: I don't believe this. A hunter that loves animals. Now I've seen everything. I can't talk to my neighbor - she has a restraining order on me from when I went over there and punted her cat like a football. Seriously, if you kill the cat, my neighbor will have no idea. I was thinking - you said you had a bow and arrow, right? Would you be able to get those arrows with the explosive tip, like the ones Rambo uses? That would surely blow the cat into unrecognizable pieces and my neighbor would never even be able to find it. From Dennis ********* to Me: I'm fairly certain that those arrows are fictional. That is beyond the point because I am not shooting a cat. End of discussion. From Me to Dennis *********: Is this some kind of a joke? Are you from PETA? Just kill the goddamn cat and you can shoot all of the deer that you want. I'll even have the grill fired up so we can enjoy some freshly-killed venison. Also, even if those arrows aren't real, they don't seem that hard to make. What about that thing that Arnold used in Predator? Didn't he just take grenade launcher rounds and tie them to an arrow? Try that. Do you have an M203? That would work even better. From Dennis ********* to Me: I'll find somewhere else to hunt, thanks. From Me to Dennis *********: I hope that while you are hunting, you miss your shot and accidentally kill a cat anyway, you pussy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makineasykills Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 ^Pure gold. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanfullofretards Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Last line wins hahahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count chocula Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 thick asian lady at walmart - m4w you were with your bf i think and i was just staring at you and your thick curves...if you read this..email me..i was the black guy ---- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 most of these are good, but ya need to screen-cap them!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 meh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twonpoo Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 this thread kicks ass. fuckin crazies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Free Couch Posted at: 2009-09-25 14:37:58 Original ad: I WANT YOUR COUCH IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. THANKS From Me to **********@*********.org: Hi there! You can have my couch if you are still looking for one. Let me know! You can either e-mail me or call me. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: HI MIKE I STILL NEED YOUR COUCH. HOW BIG IS IT? DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES? WHY DO YOU NOT WANT IT ANY MORE? YOU DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I CANT CALL YOU. From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I don't have any pictures because my camera is broken (I didn't realize it was in the garbage disposal when I turned on the switch.) I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of it, and I would rather it not be in my apartment anymore. Just give me a call and we can set up a time for you to come get it. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: MIKE IS THE COUCH STILL IN GOOD CONDITION. YOU STILL DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER. From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch is still in very good condition. There are only a few minor blemishes, but you can't really notice them. There is a little bit of blood on the couch and a pool of blood on the middle cushion from when my grandfather shot himself. I tried cleaning it with club soda, but it had really soaked into the fabric by the time I found him. The blood dried though, and now it is kind of a brown-ish color that I think actually makes the couch look better. It is a brown couch anyway so you can't even notice it. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: NO THANKS From Me to Juan *********: Why not? I thought we had a deal. Is it because of the blood? You can just turn the cushion over and nobody will have any idea. From Juan ********* to Me: THE COUCH IS COVERED IN BLOOD WHO WOULD WANT THAT? GROSS! From Me to Juan *********: Don't put words in my mouth. I never said it was covered in blood - it just has a little blood here and there. I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) I cleaned most of that up, but once again the couch is brown so you won't even notice it. And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. On the plus side, it did burn away some of the old urine stains that the couch had on it. The couch no longer smells like urine. It kind of smells like a barbecue, which is great if you love barbecues. From Juan ********* to Me: THAT COUCH IS FUCKED THROW IT OUT! From Me to Juan *********: Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? I'm sick of having to deal with people like you. I'm just trying to get rid of a decent couch, for free, and still people are wasting my time. From Juan ********* to Me: IF YOU TOLD ME UP FRONT THAT SOME ONE DIED AND SHIT ALL OVER YUOR COUCH THAN I WOULNT HAVE WASTED ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME!! DONT YOU SPIN THIS ON ME BY TELING ME THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD WITH BLOOD OR SMELLS LIKE A BBQ. WHO THE FUCK WANTS A COUCCH THAT SMELLS LIKE BBQ IF I WANTED TO SMELL BBQ I WOULD BUY A FUCKING GRILL From Me to Juan *********: Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then? It is a CharCooker 500 and has three burners. Two of them don't work because my grandfather shot at the grill when he was drunk, but the middle burner still cooks food really well. I'm asking $400 for it, and for you, I'll throw in a couch for free. From Juan ********* to Me: I DONT WANT YOUR USELESS SHIT GUY!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 From Me to ********@gmail.com RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners: Hey there! Your horse looks beautiful! Is he still available? Michael Murphy Vice President Murphy Glue Factory, Inc. From ********@gmail.com to Me RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners: HELL NO!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i get it now^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 yeah took me a second haha.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
publicenemyno.3 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RELAPSER Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 hope you got that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 "call BEAST" sounds trustworthy & not like a rapists setup aimed towards local fuckups Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEFA Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 just bought a truck on craigslist...score...!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JohnLester#31 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Marketing Fail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Ya i find its always hard to relate to waiters too.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbara walters Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/w4m/1418984626.html the add aint funny, i just compared pics...whatever fuckit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JohnLester#31 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Fuck that, that girl looks good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Ya bad picture..for 41 she aaight.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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