massgraff Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I've been farting up a vicious storm recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gasfacevictm Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 but ive been writing since the golden era! yeah you were wack then A job really isn't anything but work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 fuuuuuck i got the super shits right now. like hardcore slushie machine asshole going on 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyoner Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 DAMN DURTY DOPERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Don't Shave That Hair!!! My friend recently made a mistake in his life, and I offer his story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with him having trouble dumping. These are in his words. I tried to clean it up some. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My cheeks were smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic turd-molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky brown/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. It felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my crack off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own turds blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for this hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could tell that this cab was rare but I thought "Nah, forget it, go home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo Homes, smell you later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the king of Bel-Air. Friends: DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT HAIR! OH FACEBOOK YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE THROUGH MY WEIRDO FRIENDS FRIENDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdot Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I would smash. chubby goth-ish girls are freaks in the sack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BELTOLEUM Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 college "essentials" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 and how do you know that mdot please explain?? thanks for the heads up on the anal hair situation! Props Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyoner Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 fat goth chicks are faggots Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 ............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
massgraff Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 seder meder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 yfytfughuioo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 http://brasscockroach.com/h4ll0w33n2007/manga/Amigara-Full/Amigara-1.html http://text-to-speech.imtranslator.net/ Ooh ooh We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but You're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye [ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rick-astley-lyrics/never-gonna-give-you-up-lyrics.html ] Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've know each other for so long Your heart's been aching but You're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sin nombre Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 GET OUT OF HERE TANXXX!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falseface Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 BOOP BOOP BOOP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdot Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 So, there was a meth house between my apt complex and a church. lol. It just got torn down, all that's left is the chimney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdot Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 and how do you know that mdot please explain?? thanks for the heads up on the anal hair situation! Props Because I fucked a few. Fun in bed. Case closed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canamontana Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 fuck....i dont know how its possible to shit so much in one day. Free sloppy joes is a baad baad thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Where they giving out free sloppy joes at??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mewzer Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 YA MAMAZ HOUZE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Fucking crazy tall swedish elf girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdot Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 insert fagguydressedlikeunicorn.jpg here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercer Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bamoney5 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mewzer Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 lolwut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swordfish meatloaf Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 DUDE. i just found SIK's facebook, apparently we have some mutual friends. i cant believe i found the source of a great oontz joke. im like flustered right now its so funny to me. he has a fucking SIK K tho. im not sure if thats nonsense but i am really happy right now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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