Sleazeside Heights Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 So I started a new full time job monday. shit is hard as fuck, and kind of depressing. anyway, I can't really handle the stress which may lead to more boozin', but it also took away all the time I have to drink.... I'll take the job for now cause i'm broke. We'll see what happens. I would not be able to function at all hungover there, so that's a little motivation for me to not drink when i get home. i'm too tired to do anything more than like two tall cans anyway. I've also been working on the zine, definitely keeping me busy. should be out by the end of the month if i get enough cash to print some copies. the job cut into my skateboarding time though, which i think i need, total bummer. that's what's up for now. be easy fellas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 congrats on the job... be glad you have one at all homie... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter_Milkshake Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Ive been drinking pretty heavily for the past 3 years. Alot of my homies turn into fools when they are drunk and i dont really get like that, people always say im a pretty relaxed dude, like i even seem stoned all the time (when im sober), but the truth is im always pretty anxious or on edge unless im drunk. Anxiety seems to be worse the next day after drinking. I dont like talking to people or having people talk to me, unless i know them pretty well. For those of you who stopped drinking, do you get better in social situations being sober? My old man , (who is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 25 years said drinking that much makes your nerves shot, and im thinking thats what causes the anxiety to be worse. Can anybody shed some light/experiences with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Drinking is THE cause of my anxiety... i mean, i was always the type to get a little nervous/tense in social situations. but when i started drinking a lot, and doing it over many years, my anxiety took a deathgrip on me after a binge. I get both terribly hungover and terribly anxious/nervous... to the point where i won't be able to do ANYTHING for at least a day... sometimes a few. it also made me lose all self respect during that time period. i felt worthless and just like a piece of shit in general. when i'm sober, yeah, i can be awkward, a little nervous, but that's who i've been since i was little, and compared to what happens to me when i'm drinking, it's a walk in the park. that's my experience anyway... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 totally feel you POZ. when I was at the pinnacle of my alcohol abuse, three day bender type shit, my hangovers started to get extremely BRUTAL and last an entire day, id also be having massive panic attacks where I couldnt breathe/felt like my heart was skipping beats. I thought for sure I was gonna die, lips all dry and bleeding and waking up with shit broken, injuries, pissing myself, money gone, having neighborhood folks look at me like I did something real fucked up like. It was just hell, living in pure HELL. fortunately I started using heroin and was able to cut back drinking until I didnt anymore. What a trade huh? Either way you need to do something, get into inpatient. Most cities offer many options that dont require any payment. Another big, but really difficult thing is staying away from bad influences ie friends who are either too fucking stupid or careless to know you have a problem and not drink/use around you. Thats a tough one but I gave up alot of friends because my life is slightly more important than painting drunk and going to shows etc... I cant type on this phone. Good luck folks. Ive got suboxone but havent had the balls to wait til full withdrawal sets in to begin. I think ill start wednesday after I spend up my uneemployment check. Tuesday will be my last "goodbye" to heroin... For the third time this month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 nice choice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 over this weekend i had to deal with my girlfriend who clearly cannot handle her alcohol and turns into more of a bitch as well as my friend who get used to be fun but now just gets abusive when hes drunk and when the night is clearly over he insists on calling everyone at 4am to see what they are doing and its getting old. when me and my core friends were younger we drank heaps. we never ever really took care of one another if one got too drunk because we could all handle our drink and it was basically if you cant handle yourself then dont get drunk. now that i get out into the world and meet different people i find that 90% of people cannot handle themselves and that i hate being the 1% that takes care of them. with all that said 5 weeks with not one drop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 First day of AA today... ever. i will be going back. without a doubt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleazeside Heights Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Drinking is THE cause of my anxiety... i mean, i was always the type to get a little nervous/tense in social situations. but when i started drinking a lot, and doing it over many years, my anxiety took a deathgrip on me after a binge. I get both terribly hungover and terribly anxious/nervous... to the point where i won't be able to do ANYTHING for at least a day... sometimes a few. it also made me lose all self respect during that time period. i felt worthless and just like a piece of shit in general. when i'm sober, yeah, i can be awkward, a little nervous, but that's who i've been since i was little, and compared to what happens to me when i'm drinking, it's a walk in the park. that's my experience anyway... i know how that goes, exactly. simply the worst. good to hear the meeting worked out for ya, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 i just had to call my sponsee on his bullshit..... people who flake out are the worst. if someone every goes out of their way to help you folks, the least you can do is keep it 100 with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 REALISE WHAT YOU JUST SAID: WERE'E ADDICTS, WE HAVE MODIFIED OUR ONBOARD-CHIP TO DECEIVE AND TRICK PEOPLE SO WE CAN BE SELFISH AND GET-OVER. NOT UNTIL ONE WANTS HELP FOR THEMSELVES WILL THEY MAKE THEMSELVES TRUSTWORTHY. TRIED TO HELP FREINDS WHEN I SOBERED UP, AND REALISED: (Here comes the Cheesy Statement.) "YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE CHANGE" BUT YOU CAN GET PISSED OFF AT THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT ON YOUR TIME-SCHEDULE, WHICH TURNS INTO THEM WANTING TO DRINK YOU AND YOUR OPINIONS INVISIBLE. EXPECTING THEM/US TO "KEEP IT 100 WITH YOU" JUST REMEMBER- YOU HAVE TO START AT 0 TO EARN YOURSELF TO 100 CHEF- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 true, that is why whenever i say anything i follow through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 CAN'T JUDGE YOURSELF AGAINST YOUR SPONSOR OR SPONSEE HOMEBOY. COMPARING ONES LEVAL OF SOBRIETY ONLY PUTS A SCOREBOARD ABOVE BOTH YOUR HEADS, WHICH LEADS THE WEAKER ONE TO AGAIN, DRINK YOU AND YOUR OPINIONS INVISIBLE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 we talked about what it would take for me to take this dude through the steps... this included a conversation about commitment....he has been doing a pretty good job overall but has flaked out on commitments twice (this being the second). part of getting sober and working the steps is accountability and so i have to call him on that bullshit. cant be like, "oh well since you only have 30 days i understand why you are flaking on me.." that establishes a trend. makes sense that most folks qualify a sponsee with "if you want what we have, AND ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS" edit* i made sure that i called him on it in a way that made him understand that i care about him and how he is doing. i also told him that this will have to be the last time that he makes a commitment and then does not follow through with what he says. we are going to meet later in the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I AGREE WITH YOUR LAST SENTENCE FOR HIM/US. I'M BEING NOSEY NOW: WHAT KIND OF "COMMITMENTS" DOES THIS PERSON FLAKE OUT ON? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 meeting #2... i feel very good right now. it's nice to be surrounded by people who understand, instead of people who think i lack willpower... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I AGREE WITH YOUR LAST SENTENCE FOR HIM/US. I'M BEING NOSEY NOW: WHAT KIND OF "COMMITMENTS" DOES THIS PERSON FLAKE OUT ON? just a couple of times where we spoke on the phone, agree to go to a meeting later that night and then a few hours before i get a call..... i am trying to get him to start his 4th step work....yesterday I was going to meet with him before the meeting and go over the details, probably why I was heated. its just I have a wife and a newborn, for me to agree to go out of my way to help means that I in turn expect that you value my time. no big deal really, i just told him to commit to following up on the things he tells me he will do. I talked to my sponsor about it, no harm done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 good to hear things are coming together for yall. finally started my suboxone and have been dope free for two days. I know two days is nothing but as long as I can get through these initial withdrawls ill be fine. then I will start going to groups and really take this thing to the next level. as always good luck everyone and be safe/smart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 you're a smart dude, sword... self-destructive, but smart. i'm a little over a week sober and today was one of my best days in months... and i didn't even do anything noteworthy. give yourself a week and you'll start feeling the benefits... It was my day off, slept in wrapped in some new blankets. rode my bike down to the copy center, printed out some resumes. dropped one off at this spot i'd been scoping, a dog daycare (not a career, i know, but i love animals and this would be supplemental income). Talked to the lady for a minute or two (confidently, i might add) and she told me she'd keep me in mind when things picked up. shot back home, showered, ate a big lunch and hit the road... wandering around downtown listening to music all day. sobriety truly outweighs being a drunk/druggie by leaps and bounds. Considering another meeting tonight, although i might take a break. i don't want to overdose on it or anything... no pun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 good to hear things are coming together fellas. going to start my sponsee on his 4th step work tomorrow.....the 4th and 5th step helped me more than i ever imagined. came to find forgiveness, freed myself up from a lot of baggage. it will be weird to hear someone elses hang ups......no doubt i will relate to most of it. take it one day at a time dudes....that shit adds up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEFFREYDAHMER Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 it really must be true that things get better cause the first day I stopped using I walked to the beer store to get a seltzer water and mohammed behind the counter offered me a job. its a conveinence store in the hood but theres a gun behind the counter and ill be making cash money so I can keep getting unemployment checks. things WILL get better for all of us if we stick with it so lets stay positive, confident and DRUG/ALCOHOL FREE! hang tough my brothers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yonis Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 the only temp sponsor i had flaked out for a week on me, and then made plans to take me to a meeting and then flaked out again. the dude had a year + sober too or something. it's not always the new guy...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 TRUE, NOW LET's ALL STOP POINTING FINGERS AND SEE THE PATH IN FRONT OF OURSELVES, MAKING SURE WE DON'T "TRIP" FROM OUR OWN UN-TIED SHOE-LACES, THEN TRYING TO BLAME IT ON SOMEONE WALKING NEXT TO US. SOBER-WEEKEND Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 the only temp sponsor i had flaked out for a week on me, and then made plans to take me to a meeting and then flaked out again. the dude had a year + sober too or something. it's not always the new guy...... call that fool and fire him.....thats a bullshit ass sponsor it is a two way street...both the new guy and the sponsor need accountability your not blaming anyone if you call people on bullshit, my first sponsor ever would not call me back for 3-4 days sometimes.....guess what i got loaded eventually. i should have given that fool walking papers and hollered at someone else who showed more commitment/involvement in the program. dont hesitate to fire a sponsor if they are full of shit, or if they arent working the program as its supposed to be. they should have a sponsor themselves, they should have completed the steps before they take anyone through them. ive said it before and i will say it again....if you hear someone speak at a meeting and you can relate to their story/they are speaking about RECOVERY , ask them if they will sponsor you. the sooner you have a sponsor the better...... the only requirement is you want to stop drinking and are willing to put in the footwork that is required. keep it movin fellas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 BTW this was in KIR's fucking awesome thread...don't sleep but it is really applicable here: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VANDALICIOU$$$ Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 gonna pick up a case tonight after work and go drink with the homies can't wait.. I've probably already been an alcoholic for awhile and either haven't realised it yet or just don't give a fuck lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON CHEF Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 gonna pick up a case tonight after work and go drink with the homies can't wait.. I've probably already been an alcoholic for awhile and either haven't realised it yet or just don't give a fuck lol YOU HAD THE SELF-CONTROL TO WAIT TILL AFTER WORK TO GET THE ALCOHOL. (No need for me to "Romantisize" over the 2 Real Chill Jobs i lost Drinking on the Job) I WOULDN'T CALL YOUR CURRENT STATE, ALCOHOLISM WHATSOEVER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 i generally used to wait until after work to drink (not including blue collar or minimum wage jobs, or bartending) but my performance was still affected by alcohol, hung over, half ass, not thinking clearly, take off early etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PITOFZOMBIES Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 got a sponsor tonight. he's a bit rough around the edges, but so am i at times. fucking excited beyond belief. he lives close by, his girl is in the program too. he's seen a lot. i'm sure i have a lot to learn from him. tonight's meeting was good. i like when the OGs address the younger folks with advice. some of it is so on point it's ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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