JEFFREYDAHMER

HYBRADDDDDDDDD

BIG SWERVVVVVV! LESS TALK MORE ROCCCKKKKK(s)

gwar used to do halloween every year at the eagles club in milwaukee. although never a diehard fan musically, their stage shows were brilliantl, fun and entertaining. went three years in a row with my ex girl and ate an eighth of boomers before each time. quite the experience. but that blood & slime DID NOT taste like kool aid. more like melted wax and rubber.

RIP to the god. a legend in the truest sense. watching throwback frasier fights was partially what got me into boxing at a young age. a huge loss for the boxing, fuck it... entire sports world...

actually according to several reports ive read 12pack, SP is often accompanied by auditory hallucinations. most times its a LOUD crunching or something... sometimes like the sound of crumbling celophane. but less often ill hear someone speaking in tongues, or yelling obscenities in arabic directly in my ear which is mega fuckin terrifying. anyway, im convinced that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my days.. but it presumably becomes more tolerable over time. still, fascinating stuff. I wish some members would post up some of their experiences in best possible detail. IMO, this would make for a great read/thread.

looks like hielo has everyone ELSE craft his letters for em... bring some STYLE to the table kid... KOBRA BNASTY HEAT 8TRAK YANK!!!!!!!!! 666

its the "LGBT" groups that you wanna stay away from, POZ.

usually if they exist, in the directory next to the group in parenthesis it will say "young adults welcome" or something along those lines. it doesnt mean the group will be devoid of all veterans/old timers whom we all know have mega knowledge to drop/experieces to share. I imagine its there as a comfort level for some, and not to discourage younger folks in need of help from attending. IME, these groups have just been a little more diverse age wise, thats all.

I wear a rubber to bed every night so this shouldnt be an issue

KUEDO - severant (planet mu)

bumped.. after months and months of letting this frighten me to near heart attack, I have learned over time to manipulate my experiences half of the time. at some point a few months ago, I stopped fighting it to see where it might take me, based on the knowledge that other more experienced sleep paralysis sufferers (for lack of a better word), have used it as a catalyst to O.B.E's, astral projection and deep meditation. at first this was x10 more mortifying than its predecessor (attempting to speak/shift/move until awakening), but things started getting interesting, although often times still frightening. some of my more recent episodes could only be described as intense O.B.E.'s, usually involving levitation and movement of body. I have been lifted up into the air, up to the ceiling. what happens next varies, but it involves rotation, often times at unearthly speeds, followed by intense geometrical shapes/visuals and concluded by a catapult from the ceiling directly into a wall. I suppose this is intended to mimic death because I usually jolt awake sweating. other times, simply "letting it go" transforms into more strange dreams, with much more chaotic auditory goings-on, and a complete departure from anything resembling a normal dream. seeing shapes, patterns which have yet to be formulated and/or discovered. kind of difficult to explain but lets compare it to zen, or total inner peace, or a profound DOI/DOM/DOB trip, full & total understanding of why I exist/my purpose on this planet in complex detail. unfortunately when I awake from these episodes, they only remain memorable for seconds and the POOF! gone like mothafuckin magic! the whole missing/phantom limb phenom has also been a recurring experience. am I seriously fucked up, or is anyone else with me here? even if not, any profound, memorable, amazing experiences for anybody lately?

Cosigned Ralphy, the only criticisms that should be taking place are positive ones. If you are not giving advice, or simply identifying with others, then why bother? (Most) people in this thread are going through an array of problems, some perceivably worse than others but I, along with any other member have no right to judge the way we cope/struggle with our addictions. I consider this kind of behavior to be immature, childish and just plain disrespectful and as such, I will no longer address it. Lets keep it POSI ladies & gentlemen. POZ, tomorrow (tonight) I will be attending the Milwaukee Group on Center & Weil, and quite possibly an ALANO meeting with my moms by her crib. The eastside has a handful of groups in relatively close proximity to one another, making it easy to find at least one and attend multiple times weekly. I do prefer the Center street group though because it is closer to the crib, caters more to young adults and I have been there several times before. Its kind of a rugged building and im general seems a little more comfortable to me given my anxiety around folks with whom i am unfamiliar. Ill report my experience immediately post-group. I remember leaving these groups feeling a great sense of accomplishment and general wellbeing. That is a (natural) feeling that I have been longing for since my last time kicking last october/november. I managed to stay clean until my fiancee got locked in june. I am confident I can do this because ive done it before, and confidence in this matter seems extremely important to me, especially in a time where I feel I have NONE. Natural happiness here I come! I wont expect it immediately, but certainly forsee it in my future and god (higher power, self, object)-willing every last one of you too! Good luck to everyone as always stay up and stay SOBER. P.S. - Kaashnikov, holler if you want to catch a group this weekend and go paint afterwards!

GUUUUUUUUUU

one: not trying to make it seem like my struggle is any more difficult than any other person in this thread, but heroin withdrawal, IMO, some of the most difficult shit one could ever go through. call it "excuses".. shit ive made alot of them.. I AM AN ADDICT. two: you would fucking check yourself out of that place too... I GUARANTEE IT. ever been to jail homie? and lets not forget I admitted myself. I am trying. I am currently free of all toxins. thats the biggest step ive taken in years. step the fuck off with that judgemental garbage. everyone else stay up... ill quote "thedoc".. this shit is a rollercoaster....

what excuses? im simply relaying my experiences/struggles. ive been drug/alcohol free since 2pm tuesday.. how about you?? I am having a difficult time with this, as are others in this thread. I may not know how to do this BUT I AM FUCKING TRYING. who are you to judge homeboy?

FUCKING LOSER TAGBANGING WIGGERS... GROW UP AWE KOBRA THERD FACE PAPER EIGHTYFOURTH XC BRIDGE OLD MDH WALL WORD THE FUCK UP.

checked out of genesis after about 36 hours. It is EXACTLY like mke county jail in there. you just sit for hours and hours on end. Most people there are from intake at county or are court ordered. Homeless crackheads and psychos, drooling catatonic mentally ill folks... I just couldnt take it psychologically. If I had been given methadone or buprenorphine, I probably coulda stuck it out. But lets be honest, you cant cure sickness without an opiate. I was given clonazepam, vistaril and immodium every five hours or so, but ive had better results with gabapentin (neurontin) and tylenol, maybe some trazadone for sleep/RLS at home. It was no place for a VOLUNTARY addict to get well. Maybe I just am not strong enough mentally for that setting,.but I fucking hate jail and thats precisely the way this establishment is operated, being funded by milwaukee county and primarily intended to detox prisoners before intake/transportation to prison. Fuck that jack, I can be sick at home and with no money and stay away from bad influences just as easy out here.. Plus I have a television and carnation hot cocoa packets at home. The food there was slop on a greasy tray, and smoking was no longer permitted, just another reminder that the funding for programs like these has been so significantly decreased that soon they will no longer exist. So for now, my plan is rest until I get well enough to attend a group. Stay up and stay SOBER folks. Please disregard grammatical errors, these android phones apparently were not intended for this level of intrawebz...

Detox for real tomorrow. Gonna bang four goodbye dimes and hope its the last time I get high. Ive got a really long road ahead of me but im ready. Its kinda scary, but exciting at the same time. I dont really know the first thing about sober life but I imagine the post inpatient detox groups ill be attending will help me learn. Fuck heroin fuck being broke, in prison, selling all your personal belongings, fuck all the people youre forced to mingle with whilst using, fuck needles & abcesses... Fuck being dopesick every day.. All of it. Im done!

What really fucked me up was not being able to go directly to inpatient detox when I was discharged from the hospital last month. I was still sick & couldnt be strong enough at home, alone. Called 211 last night and they confirmed that without an id card they cannot admit me. The guy on the phone said "well how much is heroin costing you". I told him "good point but you cant trade electronic appliances for state identification cards". A poor excuse but really I have paid cash of my own for dope in a minute. They have to understand that junkies usually just get a free bag to cop for someone else or run a pack for the dopeman. So the first goal, get id at dmv. After that ill qualify for detox. May be out for a few days, good luck to erryone, stay strong, focused and safe. Cheers (with a na beverage of course)!

Im gonna give the milwaukee group a try. Everyone says its one of the better groups in the city and its only a few blocks from the crib. Went to one meeting there last year with the wifey and everyone seemed very nice and supportive. I think ill try to get my moms to go with me since shes in recovery too, since itll help with the social anxiety I get from being alone in groups of people im unfamiliar with. Good luck in all your roads to recovery folks. I gotta get myself right and keep it that way this time, and I cant do it alone. Everytime ive successfully kicked I always end up with that "i can just dabble on paydays" mentality that we all know quickly develops into another habit. Fuck that jack, its all or nothing and id prefer the latter. Pray for me fellas, ill return the favor.

MOOGLE WHERE ARE MY STRIPPERS AND COCA LEAVES? NICE VID A-FUNK... THAT OLD ALL NAT FIFTY YEARS JOINT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES!

I fucked up again, big time, so disappointed in my myself. I have also successfully knocked myself back into a position where when I stop ill be hella sick. Out of subs, no identification card to check into inpatient detox, this weeks gonna be hell. So fucking upset and stressed out right now. Never give up homies, this shit is a constant struggle.

it really must be true that things get better cause the first day I stopped using I walked to the beer store to get a seltzer water and mohammed behind the counter offered me a job. its a conveinence store in the hood but theres a gun behind the counter and ill be making cash money so I can keep getting unemployment checks. things WILL get better for all of us if we stick with it so lets stay positive, confident and DRUG/ALCOHOL FREE! hang tough my brothers

good to hear things are coming together for yall. finally started my suboxone and have been dope free for two days. I know two days is nothing but as long as I can get through these initial withdrawls ill be fine. then I will start going to groups and really take this thing to the next level. as always good luck everyone and be safe/smart!

totally feel you POZ. when I was at the pinnacle of my alcohol abuse, three day bender type shit, my hangovers started to get extremely BRUTAL and last an entire day, id also be having massive panic attacks where I couldnt breathe/felt like my heart was skipping beats. I thought for sure I was gonna die, lips all dry and bleeding and waking up with shit broken, injuries, pissing myself, money gone, having neighborhood folks look at me like I did something real fucked up like. It was just hell, living in pure HELL. fortunately I started using heroin and was able to cut back drinking until I didnt anymore. What a trade huh? Either way you need to do something, get into inpatient. Most cities offer many options that dont require any payment. Another big, but really difficult thing is staying away from bad influences ie friends who are either too fucking stupid or careless to know you have a problem and not drink/use around you. Thats a tough one but I gave up alot of friends because my life is slightly more important than painting drunk and going to shows etc... I cant type on this phone. Good luck folks. Ive got suboxone but havent had the balls to wait til full withdrawal sets in to begin. I think ill start wednesday after I spend up my uneemployment check. Tuesday will be my last "goodbye" to heroin... For the third time this month.